Relationship Woes And Advice, Part Two (Read First Post)

[mudbunny]

Hmmm... @mudbunny: I don't know if the assumption that women are more perceptive than men is actually true. I know that I, personally, have a wierd tendency to be able to 'read' people, as do some of my male friends... Maybe it's just us.

It's overall. There are males that are in touch with their emotions, just as there are women that are emotionally clueless. On average, my statement holds true however.

[MountainKing]

As for dancing, why do you hate dancing??

So am I.

I hate it because it terrifies me... I grew up doing a lot of reading. Kids my age were reading Goosebumps, I was reading Poe and King... those things don't frighten me anymore, but dancing? Jesus, you want to watch an ogre turn into a baby, tell me that you're about to pull me onto a dance floor.

You're also terrified of dancing, or you're also an ogre?

[mudbunny]

I hate it because it terrifies me... I grew up doing a lot of reading. Kids my age were reading Goosebumps, I was reading Poe and King... those things don't frighten me anymore, but dancing? Jesus, you want to watch an ogre turn into a baby, tell me that you're about to pull me onto a dance floor.

You're also terrified of dancing, or you're also an ogre?

Check my edit, I had to rephrase it.

While I am not terrified of dancing, I am very much an introvert with a self-confidence problem when it comes to things like that. (Am I making a fool of myself?? Will they laugh at me when I am not looking? Will they feel pity for me?)

Sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and do it.

[zeratul]

As for dancing, why do you hate dancing?? Learning to dance, especially the latin dances and some of the classical dances, is a very good aerobic workout. (More than once I would come home from an hour-long class sweating)
.

Heh, only type of dancing I wouldn't look like an idiot doing is the goth shuffly type dancing. Also did you take your name from the band Mudhoney by any chance?

[MountainKing]

I can try anything else you've suggested, but dancing... that's a big 10-4 on the "No, uh uh". Superman can't handle kryptonite tipped JHP rounds, I can't handle dancing. Especially in large ballroom-like settings.

[mudbunny]

Heh, only type of dancing I wouldn't look like an idiot doing is the goth shuffly type dancing. Also did you take your name from the band Mudhoney by any chance?

Nope. From some mudsliding I did after a dragon-boat race a couple of years ago.

I can try anything else you've suggested, but dancing... that's a big 10-4 on the "No, uh uh". Superman can't handle kryptonite tipped JHP rounds, I can't handle dancing. Especially in large ballroom-like settings.

Than do something else. But it needs to be something public where you interact with people.

[MountainKing]

Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, mate... you've earned my respect, at least. I'll try doing the things you suggested, and maybe, if I can get some support from my friends, I'll go try dancing too.

[mudbunny]

Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, mate... you've earned my respect, at least. I'll try doing the things you suggested, and maybe, if I can get some support from my friends, I'll go try dancing too.

Your first foray into dancing doesn't need to be a big ballroom. If you go to lessons (and most places will give you a free lesson to try it out) they will be in a dance classroom, 40 feet squarish. If you take beginners lessons, you won't feel out of place. there will be people better than you (I am much better than my wife, despite the fact that i have *no* sense of natural rhythm when it comes to dancing).

I can almost guarantee that there will be some female friends of yours who have been wanting to try dance lessons, but who have never had someone to go with.

[Syka]

Yes, ask around with your female friends. I'd been wanting to take dance lessons forever but a lack of funds and people to do it with kind of put a damper on it, until I got up to school, where I currently do bellydancing. Planning on trying Salsa out soon.

Trust me, this is coming from the girl with two left feet. If you take a class with beginners it can be really enjoyable, because pretty much EVERYONE is making mistakes. I'd say doing dance classes is probably a really good way to meet women.

Since you are my age, are you going to school? If so, I can suggest many different things to try out.

As for perceptive, I don't think it's that women are more preceptive necessarily. One thing I tell people about what has attracted me to the guys I'm attracted to is their bearing- how they carry themselves and interact with others. There are subtle changes when you are not happy all the time that, no matter how hard you try and hide, people will subconciously pick up on. I've been watching my male friends lately, and I've seen how that sort of thing varies between the ones I know are content and confident versus the ones that are still self-concious and insecure.

I mean, I didn't know until a couple weeks ago that stuff I was doing made the guy I was dating upset...Because he wouldn't tell me and would "get over it quick" (which I still have no clue what I evidently did, 'cause he can't remember). I'm not always perceptive, like in those cases, but sometimes there are just things you can pick up on.

Cheers,
Syka

[MountainKing]

Yes, I'm going to school right now (or will be once I figure out what in the Nine Hells I'm going to do now that they've screwed over my program ), and I also pay a bajillion different bills, and to top it all off, I live half an hour away from anywhere interesting.

That last thing is really what makes things the hardest.

[Syka]

Well, college and universities are the best ways to get involved. Check out the clubs and organizations. If you have Facebook, look for stuff on there- it's how I found the gaming club for my school. Basically, just go and do stuff. :)

Oh, check out if you have any "Group Fitness" things at your schools gym. The few I went to were pretty much girls, with like 2 guys. That is a ratio of around 10:1. You're odds are good, and you'd probably also find a fitness minded lady that way.

Cheers,
Syka

[MountainKing]

Well, I'm already part of my college's game... horde. We're way too big to be a "group". Hell, the M:TG players alone number in with at least a dozen people (myself included).

As for the fitness groups, I intend to start working out this semester with a mate of mine from my menagerie of freaklike friends (God I love college; the people are so chaotic), but as for meeting a fitness minded woman, I doubt it. I smoke to scare away the soccer momlettes.

[jazz1m]

so wait you smoke but also works out, doesn't that kind of cancel the whole working out part?

I would have to say that college is really the easiest time to meet anyone and make friends. There are people who share your interests and once you are in college people don't really care so much about cliques. Plus you don't need a girlfriend/boyfriend to have a good time, college itself is fun, at least from my experience. So live it up. Go out to bars, start some conversations with random people, start your own college group. When I was in college I started a hide&seek/manhunt game in the school library. Good times.

[MountainKing]

Considering that in high school I was ahhh... well, "fluffy", and now I'm moreso "bearlike", I'd have to say that, no, they don't cancel each other out.

It probably helps that I eat maybe a quarter of what I did back then, now that I'm out of my parent's house. In the last eight months I've lost easily 40 lbs, putting me at the second best shape in my life (the first best and likely never again matchable by comparison being the four years I spent playing football when I was younger).

It feels weird to cradle my guitar in my mankiller hands; my palms are easily the length of my middle finger on each hand.

EDIT: Scratch that; they are apparently just shy of half an inch longer.

[Syka]

...smoking, blech. I don't mind if I can't smell or the guy doesn't do it a lot. But I (literally) can't live with someone who smokes. I've got asthma. And I resent the soccer momlette comment. I've no intention of being a soccer mom, or any other kind of mom.

And now I HAVE to start up a hide and seek game in the library....

Well, either way, good luck MK.

Cheers,
Syka

[MountainKing]

Hey now, I'm good about my smoking. As long as I'm occupied, I'll smoke maybe once every two to four hours; longer if I'm really, really into whatever I'm doing. I only smoke outdoors, and I always try to deposit butts in a designated recepticle.

However, after talking to mudbunny this afternoon, I feel a lot better about things; a large part of my problem is that I seldom talk about how I feel or think with anyone close to me; I keep it locked up inside because I'm always afraid that I'll cause someone to worry , and I hate doing that more than I fear dancing.

Also: not every fitness minded female is a soccer momlette; my sister, for example, is the complete opposite, yet she does crazy things like runs five miles a day and pilattes. Sorry to offend; I wasn't directing what I said at anyone in particular.

[Syka]

Yay, a polite smoker! Hehe. One time I remember the guy I was dating asked if I could smell anything on him, and I'm like "No..." Evidently he'd smoked a cigarette type thing on the drive up, and was making sure he still smelled good. ;) I've only seen/known him to smoke twice. When he was around me, he made sure to ask. Thank you for being considerate.

And it's good to get things out. Sometimes I worry my friends will think I complain too much, but they always reassure me that I don't by a loooong shot. So, I wouldn't worry about confiding in people. True friends want to help you out.

Cheers,
Syka

[MountainKing]

You know what I don't understand? I've spoken with/listened to easily dozens of girls and women complaining that their boyfriend/fiance/whatever is worthless, or is "retarded", or does a lot of really irresponsible/inconsiderate BS to them, and I ask them "Then why do you keep putting yourself through that?", and they have no response. Can anyone maybe shed some light on that?

[Dragonrider]

Not knowing the people, I can't say.

a) They're attracked to losers.

b) They like to complain.

c) They want to make you jealous

d) Everyone complains about their significant other, and they're just conforming to the norm.

e) They're too involved and can't let go.

Either way, it's pretty stupid.
If he's a jerk, dump him.

[FdL]

MK, "soccer momlette" actually sounds good to me, maybe I'm not getting your point because I don't know what the expression describes :p

And well, I read all your posts. I can relate a lot to the feeling you describe. Too much, actually. But what they're telling you it's true.

You can't hope someone will pay attention to you and feel good with you if you don't feel good with yourself. You have to like yourself.

I was like that for some time, I was in university and after finishing with a girl I dated there I was feeling down. Then I somehow used the opportunity to make myself more positive. I really didn't care about not having a girl, I just was myself. And it was a positive time in my life, which is something people notice. It was at that time that I met the girl who would become my girlfriend. It's no coincidence really.

It's all about thinking positively. You don't have to focus on the fact that you're alone. You don't have to want it that bad. You have to try to feel good with yourself and do your stuf, what makes you happy. Then I guarantee someone will notice you. It happened to me, and I'm usually even more negative than what you've told here. Really.

And well, it's difficult to reach that state where you don't give a crap and still you feel well. But you can do it, or it comes by itself. Just don't look at the half empty glass.

Hey, I'm feeling positive myself saying all this ^^ Yay!

Bottom line is, women (and people in general) can tell when you're confident and at peace with yourself. It's something they like, obviously, and it translates to everything you do, even if you don't know it.

[zeratul]

There are some who hide things like that well. I've gotten surprisingly good at it. Not that that's a good thing...............

[FdL]

Nah, I don't think that's your case. I guess you just need to make up your mind and muster a little courage (or momentum maybe) and tell her ;) I could be wrong of course, but I think she's into you.

[Vampiric]

There are some who hide things like that well. I've gotten surprisingly good at it. Not that that's a good thing...............

Definitely not. And, like mudbunny and I said above, no matter how well you think you are doing it, someone, somewhere, knows. And not because you told them. :). Try being more open with your friends. I can guarantee good results. It also takes a lot of emotional pressure off your chest. And, with regards to the person who knows that you're down, if they're like I was, then they'll wait for you to talk to them about it, rather than attempt to coerce it from you...

[MountainKing]

So, tonight I think I'm going to gear up my courage and ask a ladyfriend of mine that I like if she's down for going to see dinner and a movie next Friday or Saturday, depending on when I can get my paycheck out of my dad's iron fist. Wish me luck!

[Aramil Liadon]

Yay! May the Luck be with you!

Here, I will give you a secret toem to embibe yourself with confidence. Score it onto your skin with a peice of charcoal.


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[Eldpollard]

So, tonight I think I'm going to gear up my courage and ask a ladyfriend of mine that I like if she's down for going to see dinner and a movie next Friday or Saturday, depending on when I can get my paycheck out of my dad's iron fist. Wish me luck!

Good luck, I hope it goes well. Tell us all how it goes.

[Syka]

Good luck!

Well...I'm supposed to see the guy I'd been dating tonight. At this point, if he ends up calling, I'm just going to ask to go to the beach for a bit, talk it out with him, and go home. Mainly cause he's driving me nuts and I need a break from crazy. I can't tell whether this is PMS talking or my sane mind, but he's seriously giving me mixed signals and I need it to stop. If that means we can't be friends, at this point I can deal with that.

Seriously, though. I'm sure I'm not overthinking this. One night, he's asking me all sorts of things (do I remember when we first met, etc) and saying other stuff (which I won't go into) and seems all excited and happy for me coming home (telling me we'll be getting together, etc), wishing me luck on my test, that sort of thing. Then, another day he isn't online at all and when we do talk, he's "ignoring me because he got a phone call" (his words, when he apologized) and otherwise not really conversing all that much. I let him know I'd be home around four and to call me after that today, he said ok. It's 7.30 and still nothing. I know his parent's can't have abducted him, because they are in the town where I go to school having dinner with his brother and his brothers girlfriend, and he opted to stay home this weekend.

Someone tell me my PMS is getting the best of me and there is probably some good explanation why I'm still sitting at home on a Saturday night, when I was told I wouldn't be.

Cheers,
Syka

EDIT: Fricking Murphy's law. He literally just called right after I posted that. --' Evidently he promised another friend he'd hang out with him for a couple hours. I told him to call me afterwards. I haven't decided whether or not I will. I think I'll stick with my original plan of saying beach to talk, then home.

[FdL]

Yeah, good luck MK! Go and have a good time.

On a related note I'm going out tonight to a party of a friend from university ^^ Hope MR is there, that would be fun. But anyway there's going to be lots of cute girls around. YAY for me! ^^

Well...I'm supposed to see the guy I'd been dating tonight. At this point, if he ends up calling, I'm just going to ask to go to the beach for a bit, talk it out with him, and go home. Mainly cause he's driving me nuts and I need a break from crazy. I can't tell whether this is PMS talking or my sane mind, but he's seriously giving me mixed signals and I need it to stop. If that means we can't be friends, at this point I can deal with that.

Well, I'm glad that you're taking that well. I mean, you're right, if that's the way it is you know what you want to do about it.

Seriously, though. I'm sure I'm not overthinking this. One night, he's asking me all sorts of things (do I remember when we first met, etc) and saying other stuff (which I won't go into) and seems all excited and happy for me coming home (telling me we'll be getting together, etc), wishing me luck on my test, that sort of thing. Then, another day he isn't online at all and when we do talk, he's "ignoring me because he got a phone call" (his words, when he apologized) and otherwise not really conversing all that much. I let him know I'd be home around four and to call me after that today, he said ok. It's 7.30 and still nothing. I know his parent's can't have abducted him, because they are in the town where I go to school having dinner with his brother and his brothers girlfriend, and he opted to stay home this weekend.

Hmmm... :S Sounds like your on the receiving end of the classic post-breakup mind-screw :(

Someone tell me my PMS is getting the best of me and there is probably some good explanation why I'm still sitting at home on a Saturday night, when I was told I wouldn't be.

Yeah, one more reason to tell off the guy I guess :s Really a waste, I can't understand why someone would treat a beautiful girl like that.

[stolenchariot]

Okay, I'm almost eleven months into a long distance relationship with a girl I love very much. The problem here; she's about as negative as you can get, and I feel hurt whenever I have to argue with ehr whenever I compliment her. I want to at least ask for abreak, but I'mstill concerned for her feelings.

[I'm da Rogue!]

That's good news, right?