Relationship Woes And Advice, Part Two (Read First Post)

[FdL]

No offense, but... Duh.

Oh, heck yeah. I mean, I wouldn't go there, but I can definitely see the appeal.

Sorry, I didn't get this.

Remind me to tell all my women friends that you don't believe in them. I think they'll find that amusing. Or did you just phrase that badly, and were only talking about your own relationships?

I'm talking about ME and women.

Because, yeah, I know some guys who are never friends with women except in that they want in their pants, which is basically what it sounds like you're talking about, here.

Not exactly. The way you put it makes me feel insulted.
Far from the truth, I don't hit on every woman I meet and I'm not a cold blooded SOB who approaches women compulsively just to "get into their pants". I'm just honestly explaining how I find that attraction plays a very important role in my relations with women. And besides I really get along better with women. Not flirting all the time, mind you

That's no standard at all. That would include all my friends, male, female, pets, abtract art, gravity, whatever. I have female friends to whom I have no sexual attraction. And, for that matter, I have female friends to whom I'm very sexually attracted. And you know what? They're good, true, valued, cherished friends, and that has little or nothing to do with sex.

Dude, what I mean here about "liking" someone is not restricted to sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is just a part of "liking". With your pet or abstract art it's obvious that we're not talking about sexual attraction, but it's still within "liking".

[Flakey]

Sooo...ignoring? Avoiding alcohol in order to circumvent a mess? (the wedding's in reno, too...we want to stop by vegas and maybe go to the star trek bar..-_-;;) Anyone else have a better idea?

I would say this is your friends big day, so try to be polite, but restrict contact to just a hello if you do bump into the person you do not get on with. Drink, but if you one of the people that can not hold thier mouths while drunk, just drink a little.

[Syka]

I would just try my best to avoid them, while not being unpolite. Say hi if you must but then wander away purposefully, even if it is just to the restroom to check your eye make up, you know, just in case. ;) If you can't hold your alcohol, I would suggest not drinking. If you can, I still suggest not drinking. I've found tense situations only get tenser when drinking is involved.

Cheers,
Syka

[Hell Puppi]

Good plan. I can hold quite a bit of alcohol, which is my problem. I shall avoid it.

*sigh* in all honesty I'm more worried about what my friend Meagan will do than I. She's like me, except about 80 times more evil. That and she has this tendancy to be mean and up-front for me because I have a tendancy to avoid conflict like the plauge.

Ah well no matter what happens I'll do my best to be nice. Thanks guys

PS- I know it's not happening for a while, but I'll post pics and such whenever the wedding's done =P. No matter what I think it's going to be a heck of a time.

[FdL]

I would just try my best to avoid them, while not being unpolite. Say hi if you must but then wander away purposefully, even if it is just to the restroom to check your eye make up, you know, just in case. ;) If you can't hold your alcohol, I would suggest not drinking. If you can, I still suggest not drinking. I've found tense situations only get tenser when drinking is involved.

Sure...Alcohol seems to be a mood intensifier...not much more IMHO.

For Puppi, I'd say obviously go, but be careful and try to avoid uncomfortable situations. Without hiding or generally having to devote too much energy or thought to someone you don't like. Just enjoy the day, I'm sure you can handle it all.


Pup-Edit:

Good plan. I can hold quite a bit of alcohol, which is my problem. I shall avoid it.

If you think it could make the situation get out of your hands yes.

*sigh* in all honesty I'm more worried about what my friend Meagan will do than I. She's like me, except about 80 times more evil. That and she has this tendancy to be mean and up-front for me because I have a tendancy to avoid conflict like the plauge.

It's good to avoid conflict, but it can get unhealthy. Like I say, some things do not deserve wasting too much energy in them. If you're going to be super-aware of the guy and that doesn't let you have a good time, it'd a pity.

PS- I know it's not happening for a while, but I'll post pics and such whenever the wedding's done =P. No matter what I think it's going to be a heck of a time.

Wiiiiii ^^

[Tor the Fallen]

I used to have a lot of female friends, but now that I have a serious girlfriend, I realize that they weren't so much friends but semi-regular hookups or girls I strung along during more exclusive relationships.

[Hell Puppi]

Wiiiiii ^^

Knowing my friends, there will probably be a Wii somewhere...

Oh. You meant have a good time. Sorry I can't pick up/invite random people. I'm just excited to go and see everyone, and this came as a bit of a surprise.

As usual, you guys all have excellent advice.

[SDF]

I went to a wedding last August and say friends I hadn't seen in 5 years... it was nice, thought life there seemed almost dystopian from what I remember. A lot of my friends are getting married, and most of them can't even drink yet...

Anyway enjoy it.

[zeratul]

Advice time, well things are going great with the girl I like, we've been watching movies, baking, playing guitar hero, and talking alot. However, it's all been done at my house. I wasn't sure weather or not to ask if she wants to hang out at barnes and noble or something. I also still can't tell if there is any trace of attraction for me.

Oh, and remember I'm 14ish.

[Dementrius]

Hmm, relationship woes, eh? Does not-getting-into-one count? In any case...



I'm having a bit of trouble with this part, as 'being myself' does not appear to involve getting into situations in which I would meet women socially. Largely, my time is consumed by my work, the internet, and my gaming. My RL friends, though numerous, are either male, married, or both (and my preference extends to none of them).

So, I ask, how does a guy get out there and find a girl? Before you say, "Go clubbing", I give you the complications:

-I don't drink; teetotaler.
-I'm honestly not that big a fan of very loud noises, either, which eliminates most clubs and many bars.
-I'm _really_ shy.
-I'm a huge gamer (and, really, all-around nerd) and would like to meet a similarly inclined female.

I wish you luck.

Some of this guy's blog topics are frickin' hilarious, but this one is probably some of the best advice you can get.

http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/al...ry_best_p.html

[FdL]

Oh. You meant have a good time. Sorry I can't pick up/invite random people.

Oh, so you would invite me if I was less random? Nice ^^
(hmmm...I'm starting to sound like D'anna Biers)

As usual, you guys all have excellent advice.

I can't take any credit, I'm just me. But people around here sure are nice. And well, you don't deserve any less than excellent advice :) Don't settle for bland advice! They look very similar! Look for the barcode. :P

I wasn't sure weather or not to ask if she wants to hang out at barnes and noble or something.

What do people do at a Barnes & Noble??? Get some coffee, shop around?
Well that's ok, but my advice is don't do anything that you don't usually do...
Unless it's a date. Or a "date". There it's important to make a difference I guess. Because it's a different situation.

[zeratul]

I tend to hang out at barnes and noble, they let you read stuff in the cafe at the one I go to.

Also, I'm not really sure weather they are dates or not. They've been called dates by others. But I and her have never dicussed the nature of these get togethers.

[FdL]

I tend to hang out at barnes and noble, they let you read stuff in the cafe at the one I go to.

Cool then, do that. Invite her to hang out with you there.

(Excuse me for my ignorance, we don't have those kind of places around here. :p)


Edit: They are "dates" then ;)
I knew this was the case. Been there.
Well, I guess it's ok to begin with. Eventually you'll see if it evolves into a situation where you feel comfortable enough to tell her that you like her. But don't stress yourself, have fun.

[zeratul]

Cool then, do that. Invite her to hang out with you there.

(Excuse me for my ignorance, we don't have those kind of places around here. :p)


Edit: They are "dates" then ;)
I knew this was the case. Been there.
Well, I guess it's ok to begin with. Eventually you'll see if it evolves into a situation where you feel comfortable enough to tell her that you like her. But don't stress yourself, have fun.

Actually she already know I like her. All of the hanging out happened after I told her this.

However I haven't gotten up the pluck to ask her if she likes me at all. But we've only been going this for a month.

[Pyrian]

I would simply pretend to be kind for the sake of my friends, but more than I are bound to have problems with this person...

I think you've got the right idea, here. It's a very special day for someone who is neither of you. Don't start anything, and don't encourage anything starting, and if something does start take the high road no matter what. A wedding is not a long period of time.

I'm talking about ME and women.

Yeah, I figured that might be the case, but what you wrote was "men and women".

The way you put it makes me feel insulted.

I am not good at mincing words. The logic, however, still stands, as I will explain:

Far from the truth, I don't hit on every woman I meet and I'm not a cold blooded SOB who approaches women compulsively just to "get into their pants". I'm just honestly explaining how I find that attraction plays a very important role in my relations with women. And besides I really get along better with women. Not flirting all the time, mind you

This doesn't add up very well with your statement that you don't believe in friendship between yourself and women. If you get along better with them and aren't trying to get into their pants, then how can you say you don't believe in friendship? One of those has to give. Either you can be friends with them, or you're always trying to get into their pants, or there's some other reason being sexually attracted to them means you can't be friends that you simply haven't gotten across yet.

So, when you said you can't be friends with women due to attraction, my natural conclusion was a variant on the usual case as illustrated by Tor the Fallen:

I used to have a lot of female friends, but now that I have a serious girlfriend, I realize that they weren't so much friends but semi-regular hookups or girls I strung along during more exclusive relationships.

Dude, what I mean here about "liking" someone is not restricted to sexual attraction.

...And therefore is not exclusive to women. You can't use "liking" in the general sense to explain why you believe in being friends with other men but not women, because you can "like" in the general sense either. The distinction must, by plain definition, be sexual.

[Zeb The Troll]

Actually she already know I like her. All of the hanging out happened after I told her this.

However I haven't gotten up the pluck to ask her if she likes me at all. But we've only been going this for a month.

I may be way off base here, but in my experience her agreeing to spend time with you after you confess an attraction (and she doesn't clarify otherwise immediately) generally means that it's returned on some level. At the worst, she doesn't see you the same way but seems to like hanging out with you and that can't be a bad thing, right?

[Vampiric]

Dammit, Zeb, you got there first. Yeah, zeratul - what he^ said. At the very least, you've got a friend who appreciates you telling her the truth.

Fdl - pretty much what everyone else said (why do I always get here after almost everyone else on this thread has posted?!) Have a good time, and avoid the object of displeasure, except maybe a polite 'hello' if a meeting is inevitable.

[mudbunny]

Mudbunny, at least until Friday I've got him as seeing me as offline on AIM and Yahoo, so unless he contacts me through Myspace or tries calling me I should be good. I'm still holding out for a few days before deleting his profile from Myspace, although it may come to that. It depends on how I handle it. With my ex, it was too tempting having access to his facebook. I might be able to handle this.

I don't know if until Friday would be long enough. Personally, I would give it a couple of weeks. If he really is thinking that you are hiding things from him, a couple of days with no contact might be interpreted by him as you hiding something from him. It might need to be longer for him to clue in to the fact that you just don't want contact with him.

Oh well, time to reevaluate, figure out the warning signs that come with this breed of Jerk, and avoid the subspecies in the future.

Sometimes, the only warning is hindsight.

[mudbunny]

Spoiler

Show

Yeah. I've got something that SHOULD be an easy fix, but I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
I've posted before on the other incarnation of this thread about someone who's wronged me personally, taken advantage of my kindness, and basically someone who I can't stand to have within my sight.
Here's the problem: my friend's, Zach and Bea, are having their wedding in September, and this person is invited and unless something drastic is to happen, will defiantly be there. This wedding will be full of friends that I haven't seen in months (and a few I haven't seen in almost a year), so bowing out isn't an option ( and basically I've been told that I'm being dragged along no matter what- I've thought about missing it for the sake of a peaceful wedding).
I'm thinking of just ignoring this person and avoiding their, and their presence. I would simply pretend to be kind for the sake of my friends, but more than I are bound to have problems with this person (half the wedding party is disgusted with her as well), and I every time I have offered my hand in an attempt at reconciliation, I've come back missing a few fingers.
Sooo...ignoring? Avoiding alcohol in order to circumvent a mess? (the wedding's in reno, too...we want to stop by vegas and maybe go to the star trek bar..-_-;;) Anyone else have a better idea?

Go to the wedding anyways. If you don't go, you are letting this person control your life. However, once at the wedding, ignore her. She does not exist. Don't drink, as that path can only lead to trouble in this situation.

Remember, you are there to support your friends on their journey into a new stage in their relationship, not to re-hash old problems with this woman.

[mudbunny]

Advice time, well things are going great with the girl I like, we've been watching movies, baking, playing guitar hero, and talking alot. However, it's all been done at my house. I wasn't sure weather or not to ask if she wants to hang out at barnes and noble or something. I also still can't tell if there is any trace of attraction for me.

Oh, and remember I'm 14ish.

Go for it. As others have said, if she didn't like you (as a friend), she wouldn't be hanging out with you so much. Take the next step and move on to B&N.

[jazz1m]

... I want to sit in on that class.

And that's more or less how it goes. Clytemnestra had actually been plotting the death of Agamemnon since he left for Troy, after the whole "killing his daughter to make the wind blow" fiasco. Didn't help that he came home flaunting slave women, but she already had another lover, who pinned him in a bathrobe while she took a double bladed axe to to him. In comes Orestes, who kills his mother for killing his father, and then is chased to Athens by the Erinyes. Apollo does some fancy lawyerin' at the first ever court in Athens, and Athena lets the poor boy go, changing the Erinyes into the Eumenides so they can act as the ever looming threat to those who break the law in the shining land of perfectness that is Athens.

Not sure if this was corrected, but in fact ATHENA does the lawyering, and the furies let Orestes go on account of killing his mother is in fact not a blood crime (and Athena also threatened them).

Apollo in fact only cleanses Orestes.

[Syka]

Eh, I decided to say "whatever" and just let myself be visible. He didn't end up IMing me until late last night (I'd say around 10ish), and I was studying so I told him that. Afterwards we talked for a little bit. It went ok. I'm still on guard, though, because last time there was a day inbetween our two fights. If he tries it again tonight, I'm telling him we can argue to his hearts content on Friday, but I have a test to study for. If he has decided to drop it, then that's ok. --' I hoping he has just dropped it. I'm still going to be wary in our conversations and such for a while, though.

My mom and I talked about it and agreed if he can drop it, then allow the friendship to continue, but if it even starts to happen to let him know friendship isn't going to work. Now let us hope that tempers can be kept in check.


Zeratul, if she knew before you guys started hanging out, she probably likes you, too. But why not ask? Worst that happens is she doesn't like you romantically but does as a friend. And in that case, you've gained a friend. :)

Cheers,
Syka

[Vuzzmop]

There will be attraction, however dim. I'm attracted to all my girls, but I also know that given the option, I wouldn't date them.
I'm desperate and lonely yes, but they're friends first.
You can't help attraction, it's a natural thing and will happen no matter what you try, but it doesn't mean you can't be friends.
It doesn't hurt to see women as women at all. Hell, I think I'm only so close to my girls because they're women. But don't think that just because they're women you're meant to jump all over them at every option. Women are people too. And certainly better people than men are.

That's horrible. I just want you to know how horribly sexist that is, and remind you that you are talking about just over 50% of the worlds population. Most people are not that horrible, so what do you have against my gender? We aren't all the same, and women have a reputation for being b***** as well. I ask that you refrain from that sort of sexist comment in future.

yours sincerely
An insulted Vuzzmop

[Syka]

Oooooo kay. Let's all please get off this topic. It's been beat to death, everything that can be said has been said thrice, and I'm kinda scared this could possibly lead to thread lockage.

Moving on, nothing to see. *moves everyone away from the police tape*

Cheers,
Syka

[zeratul]

Seriously, there are people who actually find the thread usefull. It's not here for flaming, trolling, or anything like that. So stop doing all of the above, we don't want it locked!

[Syka]

I'm trying to remember who it was, but someone on these threads a while back (I think), mentioned that they used to use creatine (a dietary supplement to build muscle) and they found themselves more irritable while using it. I was wondering who it was. Because he apologized again tonight, and jokingly made a reference that his brother and he had discussed it and attributed it to roid rage in the form of creatine since he'd had more than the recommend dosage (he did clarify it with, he wasn't blaming it on that, just joking). Until I said I'd heard that it can cause mood issues. He was surprised.

Except it took me googling, "emotional side effects of creatine" to get even anecdotal evidence, and it was only on one page. *shakes head* This is why I don't put stuff in my body that I don't know what it will do. I'm probably going to bring it up again at some point in the future, if only to ask that he not take more than the recommended dose.

Cheers,
Syka

[Zeb The Troll]

RE: Creatine

That was me, Syka. I didn't read anything that said it could do that, but all the evidence suggests to me that creatine was the problem. I also want to make sure that I'm clear that I also know several people who use it with no problems whatsoever so I wouldn't declare it a bad product, just a bad product for me, and possibly for your friend also.

[Tor the Fallen]

Go to the wedding anyways. If you don't go, you are letting this person control your life. However, once at the wedding, ignore her. She does not exist. Don't drink, as that path can only lead to trouble in this situation.

Remember, you are there to support your friends on their journey into a new stage in their relationship, not to re-hash old problems with this woman.

Nah.
Tor recommends you crush your enemy publically, and the wedding is precisely the place where you can get away with this.

Now, it may be counter-intutive; it's supposed to be a perfect day and all. For the bride. After your morph into a boozehounding-expletive spewing-bitchslapping-hair pulling-chair throwing destructosaurus and consequent rampage, you have some very convienent excuses.
1. You're a woman, sometimes your emotions get the better than you.
2. It was a wedding, your womanly emotions were running high.
3. School and the break up has your womanly emotions all stressed out.

It's win-win. You get drunk AND smash some dumb bitch AND don't get in trouble, AND probably hook up.

I say go for it. You've got nothing to lose, but a lot to gain. If you're lucky, you'll never have to attend a wedding again (except maybe your own), and thus avoid these sticky social situations all together.

[FdL]

Oh. Just realized, HellPuppi. You nemesis is a "she", not a guy. Sorry, I work the forums late.

[Hell Puppi]

S'arright FdL, You took the time to read my bitching and I'm never precisely clear when it comes to my wording.

And Tor, destroying a wedding...that ALMOST sounds fun enough to be worth it...'destructosaurus' hehehe....
Zach would kill me though, he's big. O_o