Relationship Woes And Advice, Part Two (Read First Post)

[Syka]

RE: Creatine

That was me, Syka. I didn't read anything that said it could do that, but all the evidence suggests to me that creatine was the problem. I also want to make sure that I'm clear that I also know several people who use it with no problems whatsoever so I wouldn't declare it a bad product, just a bad product for me, and possibly for your friend also.

I know it's probably fine for most people. Just a little warning flag went off in my head because of what I'd heard from you, and I'd never seen anything before the last couple of weeks to make me think he'd act like this. So I'm wondering if he hasn't started taking more. *shrug*

Thank, though. :)

Hellpuppi, destructosaurus. Only if you can destroy the ENTIRE wedding and the building that it is in, would I recommend that. ;) If only cause then no one'll mess with you.

Cheers,
Syka

[mudbunny]

It's win-win. You get drunk AND smash some dumb bitch AND don't get in trouble, AND probably hook up.

I say go for it. You've got nothing to lose, but a lot to gain. If you're lucky, you'll never have to attend a wedding again (except maybe your own), and thus avoid these sticky social situations all together.

There is very much a lose. It is her friend's wedding.

Now I don't know about you, but if a friend of mine had come to my wedding and went out of his/her way to ruin it (and getting into a big fight is, most definitely, ruining the wedding), that person wouldn't be a friend for much longer.

[Syka]

In highly unlikely turn of events, I shall be telling him this evening once he returns from his concert (or tomorrow, which is just as likely), that right now...I need to just have some space. I still want to be friends, but eventually.

My reasoning...There's just stuff I want to ask him, that I know I shouldn't and don't really want to, so I need time to let stuff settle down. It'll also help me just figure out my own stuff.

Once I think I'm there, I'll IM or call him again and see if he's willing to try to be friends again. But if it has to happen right now...I don't think I can do it. Which sucks for me, cause I still don't want to lose him as a friend. Ah well, must do what is mentally best, I guess.

Cheers,
Syka

[FdL]

HellPuppi, if you do decide to wreck the wedding, the more reasons to take pics of it and post them ^^ I can just picture flowers and chunks of wedding cake flying around :) (j/k of course, let there be peace and happiness, etc)

Syka, it's good that you know what to do. It's hard, but if you've made the decision in your mind I guess the best would be to take advantage of the momentum you might have, to take it out of your system. 'Cause thinking too much is generally for worse.

[Logic]

'Cause thinking too much is generally for worse.

When it comes to relationships, people usually don't think enough. That is why you will see two people together long after they should have called it off because they are miserable.

Now, I agree that thinking too much can be a problem as well, this usually tends to be my problem. But you can't let your emotions get the better of you when it comes to break-ups. Most of the time you are hurt and/or angry, and many a person does not do that which is best for themselves at this point.

All in all, I think Syka is doing the right thing. Cool your jets, and then try to salvage what you can.

[FdL]

When it comes to relationships, people usually don't think enough. That is why you will see two people together long after they should have called it off because they are miserable.

Now, I agree that thinking too much can be a problem as well, this usually tends to be my problem. But you can't let your emotions get the better of you when it comes to break-ups. Most of the time you are hurt and/or angry, and many a person does not do that which is best for themselves at this point.

All in all, I think Syka is doing the right thing. Cool your jets, and then try to salvage what you can.

I'm talking about the point in which thinking instead of acting is a bad thing, because it paralyzes you, enlargens your fears and doubts and maybe give you false hopes, or make you get too carried on about something. That is, being basically self torture. :s

I understand what you say. But I think it's usually better to be able to talk to the other person, to get your thoughts out of your head instead of letting them tangle inside and rot. And doing is even better than talking. But then again some behaviours are often misinterpreted and must be explained.

This is all from my personal experience, and in my humble opinion, and maybe applies only to me.

[Syka]

I know what both of you are saying, and my problem is generally overthinking. For some reason, when it comes to romantic situations I'm a really odd mix of practical (I know I'll be fine, move on, etc) and just...stupid I guess, in that I wish to salvage what I can. It's why I'm proud of myself for calling it off, because in my last relationship I should have, but I didn't because I thought it could be saved.

I know that what I want to say to him would NOT be good if I want to get a friendship out of this (plus I don't really want to say it, the hurt part of me does), and I know if I can't control it then I need to seperate myself from the situation for a little bit. That being said, I think I'm going to give it a day or two more. See how I handle it now that the stress of a test is over and I have the weekend to relax.

I still think it will happen, though. One can only hope he'll understand.

Cheers,
Syka

[Vampiric]

hmmm, not sure if this is a woe or just random burbling, but I just saw 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' - bloody brilliant film, and a total head****. I loved it. However, if you take the basic parts of Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey, that was me and my recent ex (about a month ago, or a bit less.) And its just made me think about us again, though I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Just thinking about the whole 'second chance' thing, and it's given me a whole new perspective on the relationship and myself. And the way it finishes, with Clementine saying about how the relationship is doomed, and Joel says, 'Okay', and they both laugh at the absurdity of it.

That's the problem for me. I realised I want the second chance. If she asked to get back together, I'd say yes before she could finish the question... Yet at the same time, I need to move on, or I know I'll be stuck, emotionally, for a long time.

Sorry, I guess this is more a rant and a release of my thoughts, than asking for advice.

[SDF]

I know what both of you are saying, and my problem is generally over thinking. For some reason, when it comes to romantic situations I'm a really odd mix of practical (I know I'll be fine, move on, etc) and just...stupid I guess, in that I wish to salvage what I can. It's why I'm proud of myself for calling it off, because in my last relationship I should have, but I didn't because I thought it could be saved.

I know that what I want to say to him would NOT be good if I want to get a friendship out of this (plus I don't really want to say it, the hurt part of me does), and I know if I can't control it then I need to separate myself from the situation for a little bit. That being said, I think I'm going to give it a day or two more. See how I handle it now that the stress of a test is over and I have the weekend to relax.

I still think it will happen, though. One can only hope he'll understand.

Cheers,
Syka

I wouldn't say you're being stupid, I would classify it as more logical, and emotional. Giving it time helps, and sometimes there are issues that need to be settled before you can go back to being friends. If it is important to you I'm thinking trying to keep the friendship without settling it would be both hard and stressful.

[FdL]

@Syka:
Well, I don't mean to say that you rush the situation. On the contrary, what I mean is that you should act in a moment where you feel you are sure about yourself and what you really want. If it's not now, as I had wrongly interpreted, of course, take your time until the moment comes.

But my advice is that don't let time and "mental chewing" of the situation make you choose something you don't want...Again, it may work differently for you than for me, but it's a difficult fight between brain and heart, and the heart sometimes plays dirty. :p

[Logic]

I'm talking about the point in which thinking instead of acting is a bad thing, because it paralyzes you, enlargens your fears and doubts and maybe give you false hopes, or make you get too carried on about something. That is, being basically self torture. :s

I understand what you say. But I think it's usually better to be able to talk to the other person, to get your thoughts out of your head instead of letting them tangle inside and rot. And doing is even better than talking. But then again some behaviours are often misinterpreted and must be explained.

This is all from my personal experience, and in my humble opinion, and maybe applies only to me.

Inaction seems to be my problem as well. My normal routine in doing most things is to think them through very carefully prior to making a commitment to one particular action or another. This is not the best route when it comes to starting relationships, as oppurtunites often pass you by faster than you can think them through.

[Tor the Fallen]

went out of his/her way to ruin it

Since when is getting drunk and beating up wedding guests going out of one's way?

[Hell Puppi]

I wouldn't ACTUALLY do it (start a fight, ruin the wedding, ect....)... but the mental image this conjures up needs some theme music and cool director. It's hilarious

[FdL]

I wouldn't ACTUALLY do it (start a fight, ruin the wedding, ect....)... but the mental image this conjures up needs some theme music and cool director. It's hilarious

I suggest John Woo and lots of slow motion shots :D

[Fallon]

about the wedding thingy

I had a friend who I've known for a few years who I invited to my wedding, and she ended up not coming because she thought that a friend of friend might be coming when I didn't even invite that person and she was having a mini fight with them or something. I love her to death though, and did invite her and hoped that she would come even though she can be major drama queen, but I respect her choice to stay home for what seems like such a petty reason, and didn't let her not being there get in the way of my celebrating and fun on my special day :)

[Hell Puppi]

@^ indeed. I know this person is coming, and it's NOT my day, so I'm going to do my best to be on my best behavior (whatever that is). I'm no drama queen, it's simply the tension between me and her has grown proportionally. I'm also not an angry person, but this woman has messed with my friends, and like any good puppi, I am protective of my people.
But thank you again for everyone's input. Anyone else have any trouble that they're dealing with, or is my possible-wedding-crashing the biggest thing out there? C'mon people!

[Syka]

cont from the Crush'd thread.

I think the reason you hear that so often, is because the bad breakups are the ones people complain about. Also, the people likely to use excuses are trying to hide something. But I know there are people who honestly do need space, or it is something with them, and has nothing to do with another person.

I also think a lot of it is that people will choose the same personality type over, and over, and over again. Unfortunately, there are also cases like mine where you get completely different personalities who end up being essentially the same in the end, with no way to determine it before hand.

My 2cp. Tomorrow I will try compiling a list of everyone interested in being a PM-getter. I seem to be getting all the automatic PM's and, while I don't mind, I'm only one person and can only give so much perspective on a given situation. It'll be beneficial for people to pick at least 2 or 3 people to get opinions from.

Cheers,
Syka

[FdL]

cont from the Crush'd thread.

I think the reason you hear that so often, is because the bad breakups are the ones people complain about. Also, the people likely to use excuses are trying to hide something. But I know there are people who honestly do need space, or it is something with them, and has nothing to do with another person.

Yes, it could be. I just find that a lot of people are...i don't know, so dishonest with what they really want and how they feel themselves, and everything...They are like children, immature, and go around without respecting themselves or others...

I also think a lot of it is that people will choose the same personality type over, and over, and over again.
Unfortunately, there are also cases like mine where you get completely different personalities who end up being essentially the same in the end, with no way to determine it before hand.

I know. Which is saying the same thing, really :s But this can lead to think that it's one's attitudes that cause pattern repetition. I'm not saying you Syka are, just in general. It's sad but most of the time you just can't help being yourself. :(
Just a thought, I don't really know...In fact I find that I really don't know anything at all about relationships... :(
Now I'm getting depressed and I don't know why...I'll have to change threads again to the Depression one.

My 2cp. Tomorrow I will try compiling a list of everyone interested in being a PM-getter. I seem to be getting all the automatic PM's and, while I don't mind, I'm only one person and can only give so much perspective on a given situation. It'll be beneficial for people to pick at least 2 or 3 people to get opinions from.

Sure :p Sometimes I think it must be a burden for you little Syka to get all of the advice requests. For that I'm willing to help. Then again I realize that I might not have the experience or the maturity needed to give advice to anyone :(

[Rex Idiotarum]

I love her to bits, but it isn't meant to be. Ah, so many years ago, even in my short life, I came in contact with a girl I really liked. We hung out, but we were young, Middle Schoolers. She was ripped from me, forced to move far, far away, in the land of Oklahoma.

Contact was lost for a few years, until she had boyfriend problems, and needed someone she could trust that wasn't close by, she called me, and since then I've looked for her AIM name on the Available side of my buddy list.

Well, a few months ago, she said she was coming back up for a few weeks. I was ecstatic, and, knowing she was away from here for so long, I thought of all the places in my youth that I loved, and started planning Nostalgia induced dates.

Well, now she is up here, and I've broughten here to a few places, Chowdah at Rock Bottom, Movies in Buzzard's Bay (($7.50, Movie, Popcorn and Drink included.)) Even the campground that I hang out at every week, and she went as a little kid. We spend time on the beach, and it's just fun lying there together.

So far, it's been a great week, now if I could only get her to stop talking about her boyfriend...

[Syka]

Hey, those of you who were willing to open your PM boxes and PM'ed me about it...could you PM me again? I was trying to make space because my box is pretty full at the moment, and I just realized I think I deleted those. >< I'm sorry.

Thanks, guys.

Cheers,
Syka

[SDF]

Well, a few months ago, she said she was coming back up for a few weeks. I was ecstatic, and, knowing she was away from here for so long, I thought of all the places in my youth that I loved, and started planning Nostalgia induced dates.

Well, now she is up here, and I've broughten here to a few places, Chowdah at Rock Bottom, Movies in Buzzard's Bay (($7.50, Movie, Popcorn and Drink included.)) Even the campground that I hang out at every week, and she went as a little kid. We spend time on the beach, and it's just fun lying there together.

Aww, that's real sweet. I'm envious.

[Logic]

MY PM box is open. Feel free to send me any woes, I like to help people out with their problems.

[Tor the Fallen]

I love her to bits, but it isn't meant to be. Ah, so many years ago, even in my short life, I came in contact with a girl I really liked. We hung out, but we were young, Middle Schoolers. She was ripped from me, forced to move far, far away, in the land of Oklahoma.

Contact was lost for a few years, until she had boyfriend problems, and needed someone she could trust that wasn't close by, she called me, and since then I've looked for her AIM name on the Available side of my buddy list.

Well, a few months ago, she said she was coming back up for a few weeks. I was ecstatic, and, knowing she was away from here for so long, I thought of all the places in my youth that I loved, and started planning Nostalgia induced dates.

Well, now she is up here, and I've broughten here to a few places, Chowdah at Rock Bottom, Movies in Buzzard's Bay (($7.50, Movie, Popcorn and Drink included.)) Even the campground that I hang out at every week, and she went as a little kid. We spend time on the beach, and it's just fun lying there together.

So far, it's been a great week, now if I could only get her to stop talking about her boyfriend...

Ask her:
"Are you happy? Is so-and-so making you happy?" Then go in for the kill.

[ForzaFiori]

So far, it's been a great week, now if I could only get her to stop talking about her boyfriend...

there's always a dark side, isn't there?

On a note like this, a couple days ago, a friend of mine who i really like (and she knows that) calls me, to complain about a crush of her's always talking about his gf in front of her. Now, normally, i would do what i could to get her mind off of it, etc, but this time i was just stunned. She's mad at a dude she likes for talking about his gf, and yet she calls me,, who she knows likes her, to complain about the dude she wants to date. Makes me wonder what goes through ppl's heads sometimes.


oh, and like Syka and Logic, my PM box is open to anyone who wants advice or a shoulder.

[Pyrian]

She's mad at a dude she likes for talking about his gf, and yet she calls me,, who she knows likes her, to complain about the dude she wants to date.

That's kind of awesome, really. I do hope it helped you get over her...

My PM box is open, too. I'm probably more experienced than most of these people, but I also tend to, well, call things like I see them.

[Logic]

This is probably the most profound thing I will ever say, so I suggest you pay attention.

Love is alot like learning to walk. Few (if any) ever get it on the first try, and usually there are a few bumps and scrapes along the way in learning.

So to all you young'uns that don't have anyone, don't fret about it too much. You just have to get to your feet and try again.

[Pyrian]

I'm 33. Can I start fretting yet!?

[Dragonrider]

Okay, well, I posted this last night on the "crush'd" thread but it probably belongs here:

Spoiler

Show

Yeah. Well, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out right now because I just found out...oh God, long story. I have this cousin who's basically a boy magnet. Six years ago she introduced me to this friend of hers, and I've been in love with him for the last two years. Well I've known for a long time that he was interested in her, and she just told me ten minutes ago that she supposedly has a huge crush on him and always has and was "only not telling him" for my sake. When a month ago she was supposedly madly in love with this other guy. So I'm heartbroken because I know he loves her and is probably on cloud nine right now, and I don't trust her with his heart at all because she's incredibly fickle...but at the same time, this summer he was finally noticing me and now she's wrecked that.

So pretty much the worst night I've had in a long time.

I've calmed down a bit now and I'm going to try to talk to my mom about it, if I can get her away from all my brothers and the people we have staying in our house right now.

I guess I just feel like a bit of an idiot, because I should have KNOWN this was going to happen, and yet I still manage to keep finding new ways to think well maybe things'll change...and I'm not really old enough for it to matter, anyway. I just keep forgetting that all the rational thoughts in the world, all the logic, isn't going to help when I get my heart broken all over again.

So any words of comfort and/or advice about what to say to him would be helpful. I don't know whether to just keep on as I have and acting like we're friends (he treats me, a lot of the time, like he might be interested...and my cousin's misled me too many times for me to trust her), or to come clean and admit to him that I've felt this way about him. I'm sure on some level he's aware, but I've never actually said anything.

My cousin's last victim (with whom I am also friends) thinks I should just forget about him and find someone else...but he's pretty embittered right now so I don't know.

Thanks.

[averagejoe]

I guess I just feel like a bit of an idiot, because I should have KNOWN this was going to happen, and yet I still manage to keep finding new ways to think well maybe things'll change...and I'm not really old enough for it to matter, anyway. I just keep forgetting that all the rational thoughts in the world, all the logic, isn't going to help when I get my heart broken all over again.

Don't feel like an idiot. Smarter (or, at least, more experienced) people than you have made much worse mistakes when it comes to love. I'm afraid I don't have much else to give besides sympathy and rational thoughts, but I have both in abundance. The only way this will stop hurting is if you give it time, but you probably already knew that. I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry. Such betrayals always cut deep.

[Vampiric]

^ as above, Dragonrider. However, I do think that, if you feel able to, you should tell him how you feel. If he can't deal with you liking him, he isn't going to be a good friend, especially if you don't tell him and you just bottle it up - it will end up exploding, potentially hurting someone. If you tell him, don't try and put yourself between him and your cousin. If she is as fickle as you say, they won't last long as it is, but you don't want to be embittering either of them. Don't let him break up with your cousin for you - if he'll do it to her, who's to say he won't do it to you...?

Either way, good luck, and we'll all be here after, for you to gloat at , or to commiserate with you.