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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Astofel's Avatar

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    Dec 2016
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    Default Pungeons and Dragons

    I'm a guy who loves D&D, and I'm also a guy who loves really great (or terrible) jokes. So I thought I'd make a thread where both of these things come together in unholy union. Don't let the title fool you, any kind of joke is allowed here as long as it's tasteful. And remember, the harder it makes people cringe the better you did. I'll get us started:

    Spoiler: What happens when you cast Invisibility on a female Spectator?
    Show
    You can't behold 'er.


    And now one for those who've played Princes of the Apocalypse:

    Spoiler: Why did the elemental prophet summon the wrong prince?
    Show
    There was Imix up.


    Let loose that horrid humour, I know you've got a few good ones you've been waiting for a chance to share.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    digiman619's Avatar

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    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Why did the ghost take a level of psion?
    Spoiler
    Show
    So it could manifest.
    Quote Originally Posted by digiman619 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cosi View Post
    In general, this is favorable to the casters.
    3.5 in a nutshell, ladies and gents.
    Winner of MSE's Card of the Week #106 and #131
    Avatar by Coronalwave
    You can now bind me as a vestige!

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Inevitability's Avatar

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    Feb 2014
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    Planes of Law

    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    A: Why is the cleric of Kelemvor not allowed in the liquor store any more?
    Q: He attacked all the spirits last time he was there.
    Have you had enough of unreasonably high LA's and unplayable monsters in 3.5? Then check out the LA-assignment thread! Don't hesitate to give feedback!

    Extended signature!

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

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    Nov 2013

    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Oh great, another thread that will just drag on.
    Quote Originally Posted by OgresAreCute View Post
    "Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, where the DCs are made up and the rules don't matter."

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Gideon Falcon's Avatar

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    Jan 2011

    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Quote Originally Posted by Pex View Post
    Oh great, another thread that will just drag on.
    And also dunge... on... *ahem*
    That sounded better in my head.
    It's a falcon. Wearing a Fedora. Your argument is irrelevant.
    Official Member of the No Cussing Club

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    RedMage125's Avatar

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    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Talk amongst yourselves...I'll give you a topic.

    Bugbears are neither bugs, nor bears...



    ...Discuss.
    Red Mage avatar by Aedilred.

    Where do you fit in? (link fixed)

    RedMage Prestige Class!

    Best advice I've ever heard one DM give another:
    "Remember that it is both a game and a story. If the two conflict, err on the side of cool, your players will thank you for it."

    Second Eternal Foe of the Draconic Lord, battling him across the multiverse in whatever shapes and forms he may take.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    digiman619's Avatar

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    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Quote Originally Posted by RedMage125 View Post
    Talk amongst yourselves...I'll give you a topic.

    Bugbears are neither bugs, nor bears...



    ...Discuss.

    Tell that to MLP..
    Quote Originally Posted by digiman619 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cosi View Post
    In general, this is favorable to the casters.
    3.5 in a nutshell, ladies and gents.
    Winner of MSE's Card of the Week #106 and #131
    Avatar by Coronalwave
    You can now bind me as a vestige!

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Titan in the Playground
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    Oct 2010
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    Dallas, TX
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    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Carpe DM!
    Seize the Dungeon Master!

    RP diem!
    Role-play the day!

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Doorhandle's Avatar

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    Australia
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    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Why did the illithids start a soup kitchen?

    They were offering food for thought.
    Can't write. Can't plan. Can draw a little.
    Quote Originally Posted by Craft (Cheese) View Post
    "In his free time, he gates in Balors just so he can kill and eat them later!"

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Titan in the Playground
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    Oct 2010
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    Dallas, TX
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    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    "Life's a die, and then you b*tch."

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Doorhandle's Avatar

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    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Life's a litch, and then you never die.
    Can't write. Can't plan. Can draw a little.
    Quote Originally Posted by Craft (Cheese) View Post
    "In his free time, he gates in Balors just so he can kill and eat them later!"

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheTeaMustFlow's Avatar

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    Feb 2013
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    Perfidious Albion

    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    Quote Originally Posted by Doorhandle View Post
    Life's a litch, and then you never die.
    Yeah, you got 99 problems but [being] a lich ain't one.

    I also feel I should leave this here
    Last edited by TheTeaMustFlow; 2017-03-13 at 09:13 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Toby Frost
    `This is just the beginning, Citizens! Today we have boiled a pot who's steam shall be seen across the entire galaxy. The Tea Must Flow, and it shall! The banner of the British Space Empire will be unfurled across a thousand worlds, carried forth by the citizens of Urn, and before them the Tea shall flow like a steaming brown river of shi-*cough*- shimmering moral fibre!`

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Aug 2014

    Default Re: Pungeons and Dragons

    An attorney who's banned from playing musician characters has been disbard.

    A monk with low Constitution who has little empathy and doesn't value the lives of others, and who has an inordinate fondness for garlic, onions, strong cheeses, and coffee, is a super-callous fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

    A silly, gossipy Aarakocra charlatan with light-colored plumage is a fair-feathered flying flim-flam flibbertigibbet.

    An awakened bear with class levels in valor bard and bear-totem barbarian who wears spiked armor and works as security at a pub: a barbed-barded battle bard bear barbarian beer-bar bouncer bear.

    Tried to attack a sorcerer who just cast Gaseous Form, but I mist.

    I think something is troubling Mordenkainen. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he just seems Tenser lately.

    Which wizard polymorphed himself into a Giant Hornet? Bigby.

    Leomund and Nystul were researching new spells. Nystul made an interesting discovery, and said "Leomund, you Otiluke at this."

    The Circle of Eight found a Spelljammer ship, but couldn't agree on who should take the helm. In the end they just put it on Otto-pilot.
    Last edited by JAL_1138; 2017-03-13 at 09:45 AM.
    Spoiler: Playground Quotes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Safety Sword View Post
    JAL_1138: Founding Member of the Paranoid Adventurer's Guild.
    Quote Originally Posted by TeChameleon View Post
    - If it's something mortals were not meant to know, I've already found six different ways to blow myself and/or someone else up with it.
    Gnomish proverb


    I use blue text for silliness and/or sarcasm. Do not take anything I say in blue text seriously, except for this sentence and the one preceding it.

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