The Royal (5E Class) (WIP)

[RATHSQUATCH]

Here is my attempt at making a "noble" type of class which uses retainers to increase their personal ability or power. This is a raw WIP, so please give any feedback you can. Thanks for helping out, the link is below.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B9...1QybW91eEVTa0E

[Ninja_Prawn]

That's an interesting concept. I'll come back with some comments when I've had time to read the whole thing.

[khadgar567]

Can we please quit the incoruptable disney princess clishe please for f sake?

[Ninja_Prawn]

Ah, sorry, I didn't realise I was annoying people. I've scrubbed my previous post now.

[khadgar567]

Ah, sorry, I didn't realise I was annoying people. I've scrubbed my previous post now.

Its not annoying me its the f ing clishce i hate in form of ever singing disney princesses with no ounce of emotional grow otherthen diesesed power of love thing

[AuraTwilight]

Its not annoying me its the f ing clishce i hate in form of ever singing disney princesses with no ounce of emotional grow otherthen diesesed power of love thing

Don't like it, go to another thread. It's not your job to police the content other people make; there's so much homebrew in the world you won't notice whether it exists or not anyway unless you choose to make it your business. Don't be rude.

[Ninja_Prawn]

Okay, genuine feedback time!

• At 1st level, this class is completely and objectively weaker than a bard. I'd look to either expand Noble Bearing, or shift that to second level and stick something more substantial into level 1. Moving it might be better; then you won't have two features that are called 'Noble X' at the same level.
• There are some weird turns of phrase and a few typos in here. Particularly shocking was "you an choose one of the retainers you have and replace them with another that you could learn at your level." That is IT, Jeeves! Next time I level up, I am FORGETTING you so I can learn how to be driven around by a chauffeur!
• For the retainers... they're kind of disappointing. I mean, flat advantage on a skill check totally makes sense (it's basically someone permanently taking the Help action), but it isn't very active. Some of them just give tool proficiencies... since two retainers is all you're giving away at 2nd level, that strikes me as really weak. And you have to pay the leeches! Even if you buffed each retainer (higher CR minions, civilians have a 1/day active ability you could deploy, or their stats scale with your proficiency bonus, etc.), I'd still want another class feature at second level. Like Noble Bearing. Cough.
• Hero's Welcome and House Idiot are not great, I'm afraid. The former reads more like a background ability: it gives some story-shaping power but no real adventuring utility (the discount isn't going to matter very much in the grand scheme of things). The latter is too woolly to really get a handle on. What if you're fighting oozes that can't tell you from Adam? What if a recurring villain knows you're a real threat? It seems like something DMs would object to in practice.
• "At 15th level, your bodyguard advances even father" No, your grace. I am your father. That doesn't even make sense, Jennifer.
• I'm torn on at-will Command. It's powerful in its own way, but it doesn't work as a capstone, for me (Geas kind of does, but it would need some kind of combat-relevant back-up if you took the Command part away). I'd rather see it as something you get at a low level, that the class is built around. The problem with that is that you can't really give it away *at-will* at low levels...

[RATHSQUATCH]

Okay, genuine feedback time!

• At 1st level, this class is completely and objectively weaker than a bard. I'd look to either expand Noble Bearing, or shift that to second level and stick something more substantial into level 1. Moving it might be better; then you won't have two features that are called 'Noble X' at the same level.
• There are some weird turns of phrase and a few typos in here. Particularly shocking was "you an choose one of the retainers you have and replace them with another that you could learn at your level." That is IT, Jeeves! Next time I level up, I am FORGETTING you so I can learn how to be driven around by a chauffeur!
• For the retainers... they're kind of disappointing. I mean, flat advantage on a skill check totally makes sense (it's basically someone permanently taking the Help action), but it isn't very active. Some of them just give tool proficiencies... since two retainers is all you're giving away at 2nd level, that strikes me as really weak. And you have to pay the leeches! Even if you buffed each retainer (higher CR minions, civilians have a 1/day active ability you could deploy, or their stats scale with your proficiency bonus, etc.), I'd still want another class feature at second level. Like Noble Bearing. Cough.
• Hero's Welcome and House Idiot are not great, I'm afraid. The former reads more like a background ability: it gives some story-shaping power but no real adventuring utility (the discount isn't going to matter very much in the grand scheme of things). The latter is too woolly to really get a handle on. What if you're fighting oozes that can't tell you from Adam? What if a recurring villain knows you're a real threat? It seems like something DMs would object to in practice.
• "At 15th level, your bodyguard advances even father" No, your grace. I am your father. That doesn't even make sense, Jennifer.
• I'm torn on at-will Command. It's powerful in its own way, but it doesn't work as a capstone, for me (Geas kind of does, but it would need some kind of combat-relevant back-up if you took the Command part away). I'd rather see it as something you get at a low level, that the class is built around. The problem with that is that you can't really give it away *at-will* at low levels...

Thanks for the feedback. I knew they're be a lot of issues with wording and typos as this is a very rough draft of what I was working on. My biggest concern is what you mentioned, in combat, this guy really doesn't have much oomph unless you take the Warlord. I'll be taking a look at some of your suggestions and moving this into a word document for proofread.

[RATHSQUATCH]

Okay, genuine feedback time!
I'd still want another class feature at second level. Like Noble Bearing. Cough.

I could move Noble Bearing to 2nd level, what about this at 1st level:

FEAR OF REPRISAL
Also at 1st level, you can use your Noble Influence to make others hesitate when attacking you because of your position and fear or possible reprisal. Whenever a humanoid creature attacks you, you can use your reaction to expend a Noble Influence die. If you do, roll the Noble Influence die and subtract the result from the target’s attack roll.

[RATHSQUATCH]

I made some changes and fixed some of the formatting to hopefully make it easier to read.

[Ninja_Prawn]

I could move Noble Bearing to 2nd level, what about this at 1st level:

FEAR OF REPRISAL
Also at 1st level, you can use your Noble Influence to make others hesitate when attacking you because of your position and fear or possible reprisal. Whenever a humanoid creature attacks you, you can use your reaction to expend a Noble Influence die. If you do, roll the Noble Influence die and subtract the result from the target’s attack roll.

Just off the cuff, that's good but it feels more like a subclass ability. Probably for the Warlord, but potentially some other one you haven't written yet. Despot?

Honestly, I think the second 1st level feature needs to be something aggressive. Either a one-off damage boost like Action Surge/Divine Smite or a decent at-will debuff. Maybe an option to trade your attack for a non-damaging stun or something. Since you don't have retainers until level 2, you need something you can do for yourself before that.