In Need of Bad Goblin Poetry

[nickia]

Hi all,

I am going to be running a comically depressed goblin poet as an NPC in my campaign and I need help coming up with some cringe worthy poems for him to recite. Please help me by submitting your most amateur, melodramatic, and pretentious goblin poetry.

Thank you.

[Inevitability]

Roses are red,
Violins are blue,
Goblins are green,
Green is best color.

[BWR]

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me,
As plurdled gabbleblotchits,
On a lurgid bee,
That mordiously hath blurted out,
Its earted jurtles,
Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer. [drowned out by moaning and screaming]
Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,
Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,
And living glupules frart and slipulate,
Like jowling meated liverslime,
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me,
With crinkly bindlewurdles,mashurbitries.
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!

[Mordar]

Hi all,

I am going to be running a comically depressed goblin poet as an NPC in my campaign and I need help coming up with some cringe worthy poems for him to recite. Please help me by submitting your most amateur, melodramatic, and pretentious goblin poetry.

Thank you.

I would...but I suppose you people just wouldn't understand it anyway, and certainly not appreciate it. If only I weren't so cosmically unappreciated in my own time...[sigh]...

[warty goblin]

Snotrag's Lament:

My oozing fungus,
Trampled.
My slimy cave,
fireballed.
My shiny trinkets,
Stolen.
My lumpy head,
Severed.
My flapping ears,
Bounty.
My corpse,
Reanimated.
My fate,
Just another bodycount to save the world.

Kill the Clerics!
The cleric said to me,
You live in squalor and dirt.
We will set you free,
Clean your cave!
Wash your clothes!
Use our words!
No skulking in the Dark!
Worship the burning Light!
Obey us, we are right!
In the light our eyes cannot see,
but it is the cleric who is blind.
In the dark we were free.

The warchief said to me,
We live in misery and brightness.
The dark sets us free.
Fetch the axes!
Sharpen the spears!
Get the cleric!
Stake him to the floor!
Feed him to slugs!
Nail the skull to the door!
In the dark our eyes can see,
The cleric's dead and gone for good.
In the dark we are free.


The Burning Village Happy-Dance
Wall breaks!
Warrior shakes!
Towers fall!
Loot haul!

Flames flick!
Swords snick!
Blood flows!
Fire grows!

You're tall and strong and brave,
But goblins put you in your grave,
You style yourself a hero and all,
But goblins will drink from your skull.

Sheep Bleet
Delicious Meat!
Axe thwack!
Head stack!


Children cry!
Children die!
Village destroyed!
Goblins overjoyed!


You're tall and strong and brave,
But goblins put you in your grave,
You style yourself a hero and all,
But goblins will drink from your skull.

'Cause you were strong and brave
But goblins put you in your grave
You were a hero and all,
Now we drink from your skull!

[Stryyke]

There once was a goblin from mandiloo
Who's grog tasted like goo
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
I think I'll cook my shoes too

[Mr Adventurer]

my name is Grot
and wen its nite,
or wen the moon
is shiyning brite,
and all the Men
haf gon to bed -
i creep up late.

stik nife in hed.

[Chromat]

Little byte
to descent commits

Will anybody hear
From the acid terrible cry

Anus happily bubbles....

[Joe the Rat]

Stealing one from my desk calendar:
Roses are red
Roses are red
Roses are red
Roses are red
Genitals.

...So maybe dogs aren't the best inspiration.