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2017-04-07, 11:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2017
- Location
- Canada
How to deal with absentee players?
So, as the title of the thread suggests, I've got problems with one of my players consistently missing game sessions.
There's only 5 of us so the players really feel it in combat when he's missing. I wouldn't consider it a problem, but we play every week same day same time, and he's only made it to two or three sessions (including session 0).
The other problem is that I ask a day or so ahead of time to make sure everyone can make it to the weeks session, but he never manages to reply until the day of. Sometimes he waits until 30mins before we start to say he can't make it.
It's frustrating for me, and I know the other players are frustrated too. I'm also sure the player knows he is frustrating us as last time he showed up, we all joked about his absences.
I don't mind when other players can't make it for whatever reason, but it really frustrates me that he doesn't have the respect for us to let us know ahead of time.
As far as advice goes, I am very close to wanting him to leave as he also is a bit disruptive when he does show up and doesn't take things as seriously as the other players which is again, frustrating. However the problem is that we are friends and I don't want to hurt his feelings.
So, do you think I should ask him to leave the group? Or am I overreacting? And if I'm not overreacting, how do you suggest I ask him to leave without making him (too) upset?
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2017-04-07, 11:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
Only you know how frustrated this makes you. I know it'd certainly make me frustrated to the point of wanting him gone.
A calm conversation seems like the thing to do. Explain how not being able to rely on his presence is too disruptive to the game. Ask if there's any way that the game could be better for him that might get him to show up more often. And failing at that, offer to hang out with him in some other way in some other time instead.
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2017-04-08, 12:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2017
- Location
- Canada
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
A calm conversation seems like the thing to do. Explain how not being able to rely on his presence is too disruptive to the game. Ask if there's any way that the game could be better for him that might get him to show up more often. And failing at that, offer to hang out with him in some other way in some other time instead.
We're starting a new campaign soonish so maybe I can ask if there's anything in particular he'd like to see implemented in the campaign or even the game world its self....
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2017-04-08, 01:20 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
Mature adult way: Explain to him that if he or she can't swing the schedule or reliably show up, even if you really want them to be part of the group, you can't have them part of it, at least not in any consistent way. You could try making up a method of having them as a "guest star" sometimes, but you will not be planning your sessions as having them there.
Cathartic way: Inform them if they don't show the smeg up you are going to run them as a DMPC when they aren't there, and they will be volunteering to disarm traps. The same way a stick disarms a bear trap. Also they volunteer to pay for everything.
"Why the hell am I down to 1 hit point, have 3 negative levels, and 8 points of intelligence drain, and why does HE have a +3 weapon from the gold I had instead of me??"
"SHOW. UP."
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2017-04-08, 04:20 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Sweden
- Gender
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
As the group if he should be downgraded into a guest player. His PC is an irrelevant NPC when he's not around.
Obviously, tell him that since he can't even make it a majority of the times he can't be counted on and therefore won't be. If he's reasonable he'll see it your way.Black text is for sarcasm, also sincerity. You'll just have to read between the lines and infer from context like an animal
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2017-04-08, 05:07 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
At this point I'd drop the player and make a point of explaining that the logistics just aren't working. They probably already know this, and even if they haven't noticed it they'll still almost certainly understand.
I would really like to see a game made by Obryn, Kurald Galain, and Knaight from these forums.
I'm not joking one bit. I would buy the hell out of that. -- ChubbyRain
Current Design Project: Legacy, a game of masters and apprentices for two players and a GM.
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2017-04-08, 05:13 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
My D&D 5th ed. Druid Handbook
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2017-04-09, 06:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Gender
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
As others have said, the thing to do is talk to him and see if there's anything that can be done.
First of all, why is he not showing up? Does he have an unpredictable work schedule? Family member that needs taking care of, sometimes on short notice? Or does he just decide he'd rather watch a movie/go out drinking/play Mass Effect that day instead?
Step one should be to find out whether he's got a reason for ditching the game, or if he just doesn't feel like coming or doesn't appreciate the problem he's causing for the group. Even if you think you know why, it's a good idea to talk about this and see if there's something going on you aren't aware of. I've had all of these be reasons why players became unreliable over the years. Sometimes it's a temporary problem and the player is able to start showing up more dependably eventually. Sometimes not.
If the player has a legit reason for not coming to games, explain that you could really use some notice to plan around when they will or will not be there, if they're going to remain in the game. Ask them to let you know a couple days ahead of time if possible. If there's some factor that makes these problems unpredictable (maybe their job can suddenly call them in with little or no warning, or they or a family member have a health issue that can unexpectedly flare up), then you have to decide whether this is something you can deal with or not.
If it's a scheduling problem that you can work around, consider whether you could scale back the game to every other week, or something like that. Maybe you could have another game for when that player is unavailable, and just alternate them. This might even give a different GM the chance to step up and give you a break.
If it turns out he's just blowing off the game when he doesn't want to show up, then see if you can find out why. Maybe he's bored or uninvested, in which case maybe there's some compromise you can make that will get him to commit more.
On the other hand, if his absences are simply because he doesn't care or isn't putting in the effort, you might just be better off without him. In that case, tell him in a non-accusatory way that this isn't really working out, but that you'd like to find other ways to hang out with him instead. Maybe you can plan one-shot games once in awhile, so that he can show up to those instead. Maybe do a board game night or video games instead sometimes - something that doesn't require as much prep work on your part.
What you should most definitely NOT do is punish the behavior with in-game consequences, such as docking XP, having his character's gear destroyed or taken away while he's not there, etc. That's just petty and being a jerk. Just boot him if you start thinking of doing this.
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2017-04-09, 10:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2017
- Location
- It's kind of dark.
- Gender
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
This part is important.
Velaryon's long post has lots of good advice, and others in this thread have also made good points, but don't overlook the impact this has on the other players in the group. I'm speaking as someone who once was one of "the other players" in a group that had a flake who kept forgetting to show up.
If you do decide to let your unreliable player stay on, and you decide to invite him to your next campaign, do yourself and the rest of the group the favor of talking to them about it. Acknowledge that you see and respect their frustration, and explain your reasoning for why the source of that frustration is still in the group. The ones who show up for every session want to know that if you had to choose, you're on their side, and you'll do your part to make sure this remains a fun game to play.
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2017-04-10, 10:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Location
- Dallas, TX
- Gender
Re: How to deal with absentee players?
My standard rule is that a player can make a choice.
1. He tells us in advance who is playing his character, and makes sure that player has a copy of his character sheet. The character is a full part of the adventure, sharing in all team risks and all rewards. But any bonus experience points for brilliant role-playing go to the actual character of the player.
2. There is no plan in place. The character is slightly sick, and unable to participate. He will endure no risks, and earn no rewards - including experience points.
Now it's as much the player's problem as the DM's and the party's, and he is motivated to plan for it.
But if his character gets the same experience points for not showing up, you are paying him to not show up.