Legends are made, not born

[Taffimai]

Not far from Woodock lies Skulltop Hill, a peculiar rock formation that tourists like to climb on top of and have their likeness etched by an obliging acolyte for a modest fee. Some skeptics claim that it was formed naturally, but most inhabitants (especially those in the tourist industry) hold that it was created hundreds of years ago by a dark wizard who had sold his soul to Bobugbubilz, the Demon Lord of Amphibians.

Skulltop Hill also happens to be the home of an ogre. This has never been a problem, as he was quite willing to accept kegs of beer and the occasional sheep in exchange for not eating anyone. In fact, the potential danger of coming face to face with an ogre added greatly to the excitement of visiting the place.

Last week, however, he demanded a hundred gold pieces, an exorbitant sum. The town, however, decided to pay, hoping that everything would then go back to normal. It didn't, of course, and this week, when his demands were refused, he ended up carrying off two people as hostages.

Without any ogre-hunters in the area to recruit (or the means to pay them anymore), several angry townfolk have banded together to march up to Skulltop Hill, chase off the ogre (or kill him, depending on who you ask), and rescue his prisoners before they get eaten.

Spoiler: The System

Show

This game is a response to 2D8HP's request in the Seeking DM thread. The system I plan to use is not freely available on the web, and in all honesty it's mechanically flawed. There are too many ways to end up with something unplayable, or with spells that are completely gamebreaking. I absolutely love the feeling of old-school D&D that it has, though. Thus, I'd either have to introduce a lot of houseruling, or I can just let the players roll d20's, apply modifiers behind the screen and give them the result.

Spoiler: Character Creation

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Every player rolls five times 1d100 and five times 1d30. This will randomly create five characters who will have a race, a profession and some gear. For example, rolling a 1 means you get a human alchemist who has a staff and one flask of oil. If somebody absolutely wants to play only one particular race (Dwarf, Elf or Halfling), they roll d10's instead of d100's. Please note that picking a non-human like this means your class is set.

From these five characters, the player chooses two or three characters that tickle their fancy and gives them a personality. Why are they in Woodock? Why are they volunteering to fight the ogre? Are they helpful or selfish? Brave or nervous? Honest, inconsistent or downright devious? Lucky or all thumbs? Can they lift a keg of beer with a single hand? Can they empty said keg and walk home straight? Can they shoot a single tail feather off a peacock from a hundred paces? Do they know the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? You get the picture.

There are three reasons why you're starting with three characters: first of all to get a feel for the system before choosing what to play. Secondly, to allow you to get used to the very high lethality in this adventure. Low-level characters WILL die, no matter how much you love them. And lastly, because you're supposed to be assaulting this ogre with a mob of commoners, but I don't want to start playing with ten or more players, only to tell half of them they won't be able to continue.

After the first stage of the adventure (which, with decent posting, shouldn't take too long), when you've defeated the ogre and liberated his victims, you will choose which character you want to continue adventuring with and gain your first real class level. Humans can choose to be a fighter, wizard, cleric, or thief. Non-humans are classes in their own right. Elves are sort-of-wizards, dwarves are sort-of-fighters, and halflings are sort-of-thieves.

Spoiler: Gameplay

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For skills, if what you do could fail, you roll either 1d20 (if this is something your character should be good at given their profession, class and background) or 1d10 (if it isn't). I then tell you how well you succeed. One of the things I really love about this system is that instead of a strict success/failure DC, results are gradual. You can succeed at what you were trying to do, or do it so impressively that everybody watching is struck silent for a moment. You can almost succeed and quickly cover up your failure with a second roll, or we can use the fumble chart

During combat, you get to move and perform an action. If you attack, you roll 1d20 to see whether you hit. Fighters and dwarves get to roll a second die, which gives them a bonus to hit and damage, and which they can use to perform what the system calls "a mighty deed". This can be anything from disarming an opponent to jumping onto the back of a flying giant bat while raining down arrows with deadly accuracy. Very high rolls can crit, and then you get to roll again to see what misfortune befalls your enemy. There are various interesting debilitating effects a crit can have, depending on your level and class. Thieves who attack unseen (stealth check!) crit automatically.

Casting spells also requires rolling 1d20, and depending on the result, just like with skill checks, your spell can fail, succeed, succeed amazingly or have some nasty side effect. Magic, you see, does not come free in this world: it is granted by powerful beings, who wish to use the caster for their own purposes. Clerics often get sent on small errands by their deity, or may be required to fast for a few days, or wear only white, or some such, depending on the deity. If they don't, they risk getting worse spell results, or losing access to them completely, until they atone.

Wizards and elves, however, gain their magic from powerful ancient beings that seek to corrupt them; there is no such thing as a weak-willed wizard, those simply end up a lackey (or worse) of whichever patron they made a pact with. Yes, that word is not there by accident, magic is, flavour wise, very close to D&D's pact magic (binders), except that you only get one patron, and negotiate for spells every level instead of daily. Elves have the option of choosing The King of Elfland as their patron, who is believed to be the First Ever Elf Who Created All Others, and whose negative effects are distinctly less horrible than those of, say, Sezrekan the Elder, Wickedest of Wizards.

Additionally, magic is not the same for everyone. When Melissa casts Invisibility, the air is filled with the sweet smell of vanilla. Whenever Brian casts it, somewhere in the world, a squirrel dies. Natanka has a particular knack for the spell, and gets to roll a d30 for her spell check. It really is an incredibly fun magic system, provided that you're open to the unpredictable.

My experiences with PbP are... mediocre. Most games I've either ran or played fizzled out after a year or so, either because players stopped posting or the game ended up moving so slowly that I lost interest. Also, sometimes Life just happens, for me and everyone. Even if the campaign ends up unfinished though, there are always a few nice memories that get made. Players who surprise you by how they tackle a situation, people who are really chatty OOC, coming home from "one of those days" and feeling better thanks to a funny post. More than anything else, what I'm looking for is a group of active, responsive people that are fun to play with. Please do metagame in the OOC with the other players instead of just posting for yourself.

[2D8HP]

Character creation rolls:

(d100)[60]

(d100)[59]

(d100)[86]

(d100)[44]

(d100)[24]

(d30)[29]

(d30)[4]

(d30)[8]

(d30)[16]

(d30)[12]

[Taffimai]

You have:

• A Dwarven miner with a pick and a lantern
• A Human rice farmer carrying a pitchfork and a hen
• A Halfling fortune teller with a sling and a hex doll
• A Halfling haberdasher with a pair of scissors and three sets of fine clothing
• A Human smuggler with a club and a waterproof sack

[Iceseer]

Highly interested. Character creation rolls.
(1d100)[20](1d30)[25]
(1d100)[9](1d30)[28]
(1d100)[63](1d30)[16]
(1d100)[17](1d30)[6]
(1d100)[72](1d30)[21]

[Taffimai]

Welcome to the thread! Your results are:

• A Human butcher with a cleaver and a side of beef
• A Human ditch digger with a shovel and a pound of dirt
• A Dwarven blacksmith with a hammer and an ounce of mithril
• A Halfling trader with a shortsword and 20 silver
• A Human jeweler with a dagger and a gem worth 20 gold (untold riches!)

[Iceseer]

I am choosing the last three The backstories are short but pretty much what i want them to be.
A Dwarven blacksmith with a hammer and an ounce of mithril

Spoiler: Grolgrod Mithralbranch

Show

A materialistic cruel but fearless Dwarf he is the local Blacksmith of the town he is generally hated by those who know him due to his overpricing of what he sells and no remorse for what he does. Inherently nonreligious he works all day and sleeps all night. He really only cares about money and doesn't care about how he gets it. Due to his long work hours at a forge and his natural dwarf anatomy he can drink and carry more than the average person. He has no real allies but that doesn't concern him. He focuses on what he does and cares bout little else except for things that might turn an even bigger profit. . He is out to kill the ogre to claim the treasure and become very very wealthy. He doesn't care about the lost people but rather the 100gp that the ogre has. He is in Woodock since it is the place where he was born and nothing will stop him from staying. He is inherently selfish and is proud about it. He lives in good luck despite his awful nature and will never back down.

A Halfling trader with a shortsword and 20 silver

Spoiler: Teyas Ricric

Show

A charming independent and Fearless halfling he came to this town recently and hopes to save the people that were lost. He is a travelling trader and was born on the road. He was always talking to those around him but ultimately preferring to do things along. He has wooed many the woman but cares about them too much to not make it clear that he is not going to marry or stay with her due to being content in his job and feeling forlorn when he is stuck somewhere even if he is unlucky.

A Human jeweler with a dagger and a gem worth 20 gold (untold riches!)

Spoiler: Aeron Puig

Show

A mysterious, knowledgeable independent and industrious Jeweler he came here recently and got set up as quickly he is out to defeat the ogre for his own reasons partly out of thrill and partly due to his past. He was born in a metropolis and was raised as a Jeweler. He studied a lot of the various magic systems and adventurers of the past but didn't try to practice it and didn't care for his body he was dexterous with his hands due to him working as a jeweler and the delicate nature of it. He is pretty brave however he has an irrational fear for spiders and birds. He was not a good person but despite that he made a friend. The friend was born in Woodock and tried to make him a better person.He died recently and was the inspiration for him to move to the city of woodock to meet his friend's parents and start a shop instead of just running his parent's shop. He was content in being kind and doing his job until the ogre attacked. Sure he could happily retire for the rest of his life but people will still need jewelry.

[JNAProductions]

(5d100)[20][77][17][32][56](202)

(5d30)[20][21][19][28][30](118)

Rolling dem bones! What do I get, bossperson?

[Taffimai]

You get:

• Another Human ditch digger with a shovel, but this time with a jar bucket
• A Dwarven rat-catcher with a club and a net
• An Elven falconer with a dagger and a falcon (our first Elf!)
• A Halfling dyer with a staff and 3 yards of fabric
• A Human miller with a club and a pound of flower

[2D8HP]

Awesome!

I'll choose:

• A Dwarven miner with a pick and a lantern
  
  
• A Human rice farmer carrying a pitchfork and a hen
  
  
• A Human smuggler with a club and a waterproof sack

Thanks!

[JNAProductions]

I'll take the Dwarven rat-catcher, the Elven falconer (that is SO COOL), and the Halfling dyer.

Imma be exotic!

[Taffimai]

I am choosing the last three I will have spoilers right below the character descriptions to explain who they are. When I have the time.
A Dwarven blacksmith with a hammer and an ounce of mithril

Spoiler: Grolgrod Mithralbranch

Show

A materialistic cruel but fearless Dwarf he was the local Blacksmith of the town. He is out to kill the ogre to claim the treasure and become very very wealthy. He doesn't care about the lost people but rather the 100gp that the ogre has.

A Halfling trader with a shortsword and 20 silver

Spoiler: Teyas Ricric

Show

A charming independent and Fearless hacking he came to this town recently and hopes to save the people that were lost.

A Human jeweler with a dagger and a gem worth 20 gold (untold riches!)

Spoiler: Aeron Puig

Show

A mysterious independent and industrious Jeweler he came here recently and got set up as quickly he is out to defeat the ogre for his own reasons partly out of thrill and partly due to his past.

Cool! I like this format of editing in the backgrounds, that'll keep the thread from bloating too fast. Also nice to see personalities that don't immediately have "hero" written all over them.

Awesome!

I'll choose:

• A Dwarven miner with a pick and a lantern
  
  
• A Human rice farmer carrying a pitchfork and a hen
  
  
• A Human smuggler with a club and a waterproof sack

Thanks!

Those are the ones I'd have picked Could you edit in your backgrounds like Iceseer has done?

I'll take the Dwarven rat-catcher, the Elven falconer (that is SO COOL), and the Halfling dyer.

Imma be exotic!

It IS cool, with Elves always being casters, it means you've got a built-in familiar!

[JNAProductions]

Spoiler: Dwarven Rat Catcher-Orin Stoneheart

Show

Equipped with a club and net.

Orin catches rats. See, he's small enough to fit in the tight spaces, but tough enough that rats know better than to mess with him. After years spent delving in dank and dark places, he's ready for a change of pace. While he's certainly not excited about taking on an ogre, he believes that it's his chance to get out of the crawlspace and into a position of respect.

Spoiler: Elvan Falconer-Lilith Hesperax

Show

Equipped with a dagger and Jain Zar, her falcon.

Lilith is a bit of an odd duck. She's very spacey, and works better with animals than with people. But she has a way with them-and even people find her oddly adorable, in a silly sort of way. She's hoping to have the situation resolved peacefully, and insists on going with to try diplomacy. (She's pretty naive.)

Spoiler: Halfling Dyer-Sarah Oaken

Show

Equipped with a staff and three yards of fabric.

Sarah lived a simple life. She had a few suitors, and tugged on their heartstrings occasionally, but never really committed to any of them. And then one of them up and got himself kidnapped, just after she gave him a finely-crafted cloak as a present! There's no way in HELL she's standing for that! She will march up to that ogre and give him a stern talking to, and then grab her maybe-lover back!

[plenty]

Sounds like fun. Rolling for character creation.
(1d100)[23] (1d30)[26]
(1d100)[75] (1d30)[12]
(1d100)[51] (1d30)[2]
(1d100)[32] (1d30)[11]
(1d100)[37] (1d30)[14]

[Taffimai]

Plenty has:

• A Dwarven miner with a pick and a bag of coal
• An Elven chandler with a pair of scissors and 20 candles
• An Elven sage, with a dagger, parchment and a writing quill (but no ink, apparently...)
• A Human gravedigger with a spade and a trowel
• A Human mercenary with a longsword and hide armour

[plenty]

I think I'll go with:

Spoiler: Haluid Grayminer - Dwarven miner with a pick and a bag of coal

Show

Haluid is a very greedy dwarf. He has a history of get rich quick schemes, which inevitably fail and end with him back in the coal mine. He is only in on this for the opportunity to claim some of the ogre's possession - especially that hundred gold from last week. He even brought a sack of coal to hide it in.

Spoiler: Bodil Marbosh - Human mercenary with a longsword and hide armour

Show

Bodil had returned home while between contracts (he mostly does bodyguard and caravan guard jobs - he gets paid to stand around looking intimidating, which given his size and attitude is how he spends most days), when the ogre kidnapped his mother's friend's daughter's boyfriend's uncle's stepdaughter or something like that, he was only half listening because he's not nearly as interested in town gossip as his mother thinks he is, but he automatically agreed with what his mother said, and now he's committed to the rescue - the ogre doesn't sound nearly as scary as his mother.

Spoiler: Engan Bruggar - Human gravedigger with a spade and a trowel

Show

Engan is a little dim, and believes that everyone is fundamentally good, the fact his primary form of interaction with other people is standing in the background while they say nice things about the deceased only reinforces this. He genuinely believes the heroic townsfolk will slay the villainous ogre and free its helpless victims, then return to town for a party, because that's the way it goes in the stories.

[2D8HP]

Happy men don't volunteer. They wait their turn, and thank god if their age or work delays it.

-‎Yevgraf Zhivago

Spoiler: Ulrich Ulrichson, A Dwarven miner with a pick and a lantern

Show

Ulrich was so bored.

This tiny town, this mine barely worth the label.

How he missed the Ale filled halls of InTheMountain!

"An Ogre?"

"Well there's something to do!"

Spoiler: Drake, A Human rice farmer carrying a pitchfork and a hen

Show

Uncle Ragnar, said "Your heads so far in the clouds, I can't use you in the paddy, go sell this chicken at the marketfair. If you can get a silver for it then you'll be worth something."

"A silver for one chicken?", Drake thought, "No one will pay that, but I can try and at least I can visit Elaine in town."

"An Ogre?!"

"I bet the Ogre has treasure!"

"If I defeat the Ogre, I'll be a hero like in the stories, and then me and Elaine will get permission to marry and it will be swell!"

Spoiler: A very long and tragic useless Back story I wrote, now for Owen, a Human smuggler with a waterproof sack

Show

The girl screamed while the soldiers laughed.
He's forgotten so much, but he could remember that.
He didn't understand.
When the Kings soldiers took Paw away, Ma said Paw "was going to the Kings to be a hero", but they were hurting her! Heroes didn't do that!
Ma said that he was as strong as Paw now, maybe stronger, even though he didn't have a beard yet.
Ma said he needed to do what Paw used to, cut the tree's, dig the wells, and when the time came slaughter the pigs. With axe, hammer and shovel he would swing his arms and do what Ma said.
Ma said "Owen, you listen now to your cousin Gwen, she's got a good head".
Maw was the only one who called him "Owen", everyone else called him "Oh".
Gwen was screaming!
Maw said "you need to do what your Paw would do".
Paw was a hero.
So he swung his arms.
The soldiers stopped laughing, but Gwen still screamed.
"You've got to run Owen, they'll kill you"! "Run far, go to the rebels".
So he ran.
He ran far and met the rebels.
They gave him a sword.
And he did what they told him.

He swung his arms.

While life on the farm was hard, life in the forest was worse. For years they snipped at the Kings men and hid and waited, till enough of the people knew that the time had come. Buried under homes, and hidden in wells and the walls of cottages were long stored weapons.
Out they came, by the thousands, and they marched on the capitol.

To defeat the tyrant.

And by the thousands they were slaughtered.

The brave and the good died.

Owen tore off the crimson flower of the rebels, ran and survived.

The gallow men had much work to do.

The walls of the capitol were decorated with the heads of rebels, as were the crossroads of the country, and every village square, to remind the foolish.

For years the heads rotted.

Owen turned to crime to survive.

Glad to sneak "tax free merchandise" past royalist eyes, when a call come to "deal" with an Ogre in this village that reminds him of home, Owen accepted

[Taffimai]

I'm having a lot of fun reading all of your character backgrounds

Here's some more information:

Spoiler: Money

Show

Although bartering is perfectly acceptable, there is a monetary system that is universally used. Coins minted in the various kingdoms are all worth more or less the same, although some traders might charge more if you're paying with coins they don't recognise, and it could be very unwise to use currency from a nation at war with the one you're in.

The most common coins are copper. One copper will get you an apple, or a candle, or something similar. A coil of proper rope would cost 25c, supper and one night's stay at an average inn would be between 20c and 50c.

One silver is worth 100c. Most items that require a long time or particular skill to make would be bought with silver. A lantern is worth 1s, a decent longsword about 10s. Hide armour would set you back 30s. Bows range from 25s to 40s.

Luxury items are paid for in gold, and one gold is worth 100s. A good horse, for example, would cost between 1 and 2 gold. The King's knights wear full plate made by Dwarven blacksmiths for 12g each. The notion that an average town would be able to come up with 100g every week is absolutely ludicrous to anyone with half a brain.

Tomorrow I'll expand a little on Elves, Dwarves and Halflings.

[King539]

IN! What's the system called?

(1d100)[53] (1d30)[18]
(1d100)[52] (1d30)[19]
(1d100)[14] (1d30)[26]
(1d100)[51] (1d30)[25]
(1d100)[67] (1d30)[18]

[Taffimai]

You get:

• A Human cooper with a crowbar and a barrel
• A Human gong farmer (yeah I had to look up what that was) with a shovel, a trowel and a sack
• A Human gambler with a dagger and a pair of dice
• A Human guild beggar with a sling and a set of crutches
• A Human herder with a crook and his dog

Well, that's a very racially diverse setup you have there. If you were hoping for some other races, roll a d10 and tell me which.

I'm going to edit in the extra information here so I don't double post, but that might take a while.

Spoiler: Elves

Show

Elves have much better vision than Humans do: a single candle is sufficient to light up an entire room, and a starry night is as clear for them as a cloudy day for Humans. This gives them substantial bonuses when trying to see things, especially when searching for secret doors. They live upwards of a thousand years and don't sleep but meditate instead. As a result, they are immune to magical sleep and paralysis.

Elves are fey creatures, and thus highly sensitive to iron. They are uneasy when close to iron objects, touching it irritates their skin and prolonged contact causes painful blisters. Elven weapons and armour are typically made of mithril (which makes them much more expensive). As a class, Elves play like fighter-mages.

Apart from having access to the King of Elfland as their patron, Elves differ from wizards in that they get to learn fewer spells per level, but they get better attack bonuses and are proficient with longbows, longswords and two-handed swords (as well as the regular boring wizard weapons).

Spoiler: Halflings

Show

Just like Elves, Halflings enjoy the ability to read and discern colour in circumstances in which Humans are, well, not really blind, but definitely handicapped. Contrary to Elves, however, they aren't particularly good at noticing things, but rather at staying out of sight themselves. A good Halfling does not give away their presence unless they want to, and that's a good thing. You see, Halflings are hunted by evil wizards, who want to turn their body parts into lucky charms and spell components. It is said that even if a Halfling is not particularly lucky themselves, luck seems to favour those who hang out with them.

Although they are easily as good at hiding as the most skillful thieves, Halflings don't crit automatically when striking from the shadows. However, they do enjoy the largest crit range in the game when using thrown weapons or when dual-wielding light weapons, which also gives them a second attack using a d16.

Spoiler: Dwarves

Show

Dwarves live underground in vast mountain empires. They have a sixth sense that allows them to "smell" the location of gold and gems if they're close enough, and get all kinds of bonuses when doing things underground. They can see in the dark, but without light, they cannot see through glass, discern colours or see things based on colour, such as patterns or ink writing. Note that they have no problems doing any of these things while in the light.

Dwarves go through intensive military training, and form strong, affectionate bonds with "their" weapon - usually a hammer or an axe, though they also tend to be crossbow enthousiasts. All Dwarves use shields, usually depicting their clan symbol, and have perfected the art of bashing: when attacking melee, they get a bonus attack with a d14.

[King539]

Elves, simply because the idea of an elf gong farmer is hilarious. (1d10)[10]

[Bluydee]

I'm interested. Rarely do I pass up any randomized chargen.

(1d100)[14]
(1d100)[99]
(1d100)[99]
(1d100)[62]
(1d100)[71]
(1d30)[5]
(1d30)[29]
(1d30)[11]
(1d30)[26]
(1d30)[11]

Lilith Hesperax

I wonder where I've heard that name before?

[Taffimai]

King539, you've rolled an Elven barrister with a quill and a book, though I'm 100% behind the Elven gong farmer idea. Sounds like a highly lucrative business: have the Humans pay you to remove the gong, then sell it on to Dwarven mushroom farmers.

Bluydee, you get:

• A Human costermonger (I swear they used a thesaurus for this list) with a knife and a cart of peaches
• A Halfling moneylender with a shortsword and 5g 10s 200c
• A Human jester with ten darts and a silk suit
• A Human woodcutter with a handaxe and a bundle of wood
• A Human wizard's apprentice with a dagger and a black grimoire (i.e. spellbook, which you can't read - yet)

[King539]

King539, you've rolled an Elven barrister with a quill and a book, though I'm 100% behind the Elven gong farmer idea. Sounds like a highly lucrative business: have the Humans pay you to remove the gong, then sell it on to Dwarven mushroom farmers.

The elven gong farmer was a joke. I'll go for the Elven barrister, the human gambler, and the human herder

[Aardvark 001]

I'd quite like to try it as well. I got

d100: 65, 00, 17, 32, 66
d30: 30, 12, 27, 25, 49

[Iceseer]

I'd quite like to try it as well. I got

d100: 65, 00, 17, 32, 66
d30: 30, 12, 27, 25, 49

um you didn't roll. it is like this: [roll]1d100[/roll] and [roll]1d30[/roll]. this might not affect what you get but it is generally best to roll on the forum. You should also check your d30's as a 49 isn't possible on a d30.

---

* post roll count doesn't match database

[Aardvark 001]

Whoops. Didn't know that. Sorry. Still new to the site. I just rolled using my actual dice instead. Okay then, I got

(1d100)[44]
(1d100)[87]
(1d100)[83]
(1d100)[61]
(1d100)[55]
(1d30)[3]
(1d30)[14]
(1d30)[2]
(1d30)[5]
(1d30)[4]

[Iceseer]

It's no problem i realized that when i saw you were a pixie. welcome to the playground by the way. wait do you have a d30 or how did you work that? and what was the 49 supposed to be or was it a problem with how you calculated the d30?

[2D8HP]

...I'll go for the Elven barrister, the human gambler, and the human herder

A herder of humans?!

[Aardvark 001]

It's no problem i realized that when i saw you were a pixie. welcome to the playground by the way. wait do you have a d30 or how did you work that? and what was the 49 supposed to be or was it a problem with how you calculated the d30?

Haha! Thanks. Yeah, that was meant to be a 29. I rolled a d6 and halved it to get the first digit and a d10 for the second.

[Taffimai]

Aardvark, you rolled:

• A Human corn farmer with a cow
• A Halfling chicken butcher with a handaxe and 5 pounds of raw chicken meat
• A Halfling mariner with a cutlas and two yards of sailcloth
• A Human rope maker with a knife and 100ft of rope
• A Human shaman with a mace and 1lb of herbs

This game has the potential to end up with quite a zoo. A strong negotiating position with the hungry ogre, possibly.

A herder of humans?!

Yes, this entire thing is one big misunderstanding, the ogre is merely looking to start a new career...