Personal Woes and Advice 5

[Florian]

I just feel like I'm worn to pieces all the time trying to manage an apartment and hold down a full time job, and I know I need to change something but I feel like every change requires an investment of time and energy that I just don't have and don't have any way to get.

The apartment part is not so hard. Don't aim for perfection, get stuff that is functional and easy to maintain and manage. I.e. don't think about how you can make it "cute" or "cozy" or "WarKitty-like", but go for the stuff that is cheap and effective, IKEA´s Billy as a prime example (check some minimalist websites, not for the philosophy, but for the tips), learn how to cook (I think Stonesoup has a free ebook with recipes that only need five ingredients) and how to stock up your pantry (handling limited funds is easier when you have enough foodstuff at home that is by itself long-lasting and will feed you 10 days, like pasta, canned tomatoes and onions, that takes the sting off of the usual end of month troubles) and most important, start working on and settle into a routine. Things get easier when they're moved into "muscle memory" and you just do them, instead of having to force yourself into the act (get up > make bed, eat up > wash dishes).

If you can´t do anything about your health issue, accept that and learn from it. Any good company will not want sick people to come to work, to avoid them infecting co-workers, which will lead to a greater loss in productivity. Every company that tries to bully sick employees into coming to work should be avoided, never tried to please.

You don´t necessarily have to go to school again. Even if you're not eligible to study, there's still a number of online universities that offer free courses with certification, which is by itself interesting. Some of them will also give you a matriculation number. Some larger companies offer free or greatly discounted certification programs for their products, you only need that number... Having the right mix of certifications can drastically lower the entry barrier into better jobs, even if you don't have a "proper" college education. (Education is also a good and cheap way to fight boredom. I'm commuting by train, so there's WLAN, enrolling in some philosophy or political sciences courses is a good way to pass the time)

[WarKitty]

The apartment part is not so hard. Don't aim for perfection, get stuff that is functional and easy to maintain and manage. I.e. don't think about how you can make it "cute" or "cozy" or "WarKitty-like", but go for the stuff that is cheap and effective, IKEA´s Billy as a prime example (check some minimalist websites, not for the philosophy, but for the tips), learn how to cook (I think Stonesoup has a free ebook with recipes that only need five ingredients) and how to stock up your pantry (handling limited funds is easier when you have enough foodstuff at home that is by itself long-lasting and will feed you 10 days, like pasta, canned tomatoes and onions, that takes the sting off of the usual end of month troubles) and most important, start working on and settle into a routine. Things get easier when they're moved into "muscle memory" and you just do them, instead of having to force yourself into the act (get up > make bed, eat up > wash dishes).

See that's what I've been trying to do. And what actually happens is - forget making the bed, I haven't even found the energy to put the bedding on the bed properly instead of just in a pile. I can cook just fine, except washing even one dish seems like too much energy, so I end up eating out because otherwise I find I won't eat at all, or eating stuff that can be made in the microwave on disposable dishes. Heck, sometimes I end up not eating because eating itself seems like too much work, and when I'm tired or worn out most foodstuffs look absolutely disgusting and I'm literally unable to force myself to eat them. The floor ends up filthy because vacuuming and mopping are just too much work to deal with, and laundry barely gets done because packing everything into the car, actually getting cash from an ATM so I can do it, and going to the laundromat is too difficult.

I know how to manage an apartment with the minimal stuff available. It's just that I'm finding the minimal stuff is still more time and energy than I actually have for myself once I've worked a basic job. And I've been to doctors, over and over and over again, and all I find is it takes more time and money to give me more meds and treatments that make me even sicker.

[The Fury]

Frankly, all my sights are on is "able to not live with parents," and it looks like THAT is too high.

That makes me very sad. If I may be candid, I was actually happy when I looked back at some posts a few pages back and it looked like things were going better for you. I might be an awful place to offer support or encouragement, and I definitely have nothing in the way of practical advice, but keep trying. Please don't give up on yourself.

On a somewhat lighter note, all this discussion about work and the insanity it causes has me wondering-- Has anyone else taken up smoking so your supervisor would be more understanding of your need for a quick five-minute break?

[WarKitty]

That makes me very sad. If I may be candid, I was actually happy when I looked back at some posts a few pages back and it looked like things were going better for you. I might be an awful place to offer support or encouragement, and I definitely have nothing in the way of practical advice, but keep trying. Please don't give up on yourself.

On a somewhat lighter note, all this discussion about work and the insanity it causes has me wondering-- Has anyone else taken up smoking so your supervisor would be more understanding of your need for a quick five-minute break?

Realistically...I'm wondering if what I have is a bad case of shift work disorder. That would honestly explain a lot of the symptom pattern. The trouble is I feel like I'm too tired out all the time to actually put in the effort of finding another job, applying, figuring out how I'm going to manage interviews while working night shift, all that. I feel like I'm shutting down physically and mentally and there is literally nowhere I can go for help and nothing I could do that would make it better, because I need to be functioning better to fix things and I can't force myself to do that, I'm basically spending all my spare time off work energy right now just forcing myself to actually eat food (because as usual, if I'm tired or not feeling well, all food looks like it wants to make me vomit).

[Florian]

Realistically...I'm wondering if what I have is a bad case of shift work disorder.

To me as a layman, it sounds more like you're describing a classic burnout pattern.

Say, have you ever been to a practitioner that can perform a decent PK reading (Psycho-Kinesiology)?
That's a way to find out if and to what extend earlier mental trauma or stress has left a "weak" spot on your overall body and health makeup and how triggering that trauma/stress will either drastically decrease your natural resistance in that areas or will lead to psychosomatic-based symptoms.

To give you an example: I´ve had a very emotionally cold childhood and experienced a lot of loss. That got mixed up with my back musculature neural controls and I tended to develop severe back issues, up to displacing my spinal discs as my muscles cramped up as a reaction to certain outside stimuli. The doctors were at a loss because they never could find the source, so they only ever helped alleviate the symptoms, took me some time to notice and accept how damaged I was in certain areas and how that damage spilled over to my body. When I sought treatment, I was pretty up front with naming my assumptions, wanting those to be checked and then directly addressed as key problems.

[WarKitty]

To me as a layman, it sounds more like you're describing a classic burnout pattern.

It's a possibility, but shift work issues are going to probably look similar or even lead to burnout more easily. The basic problem is your body doesn't fully get used to the whole thing where you work at night and sleep during the day. So even if you sleep 8h a night, you're not really getting good sleep that leaves you well rested, because your body is getting all mixed up on when is sleep time and when is wake time. And of course, stress, fatigue, and burnout are all easy results of chronically not getting enough good quality sleep.

[2D8HP]

This is a minor thing, but...my neighbor's dog barks all day. Literally hours of barking[...]

[...] I feel like every change requires an investment of time and energy that I just don't have and don't have any way to get.

It's a possibility, but shift work issues[....]

I wish I had effective advice, but your self-diagnosis of exhaustion looks spot on, and matches my memory of when I worked nights.

With the neighbors dog, and your work hours, you aren't getting enough sleep.

Maybe you can rent a room from a co-worker who has a place that's quiet during the day?

Best wishes WarKitty, I really hope things get better for you soon.

[WarKitty]

I at least have put together a collection of jobs to apply for that look like they pay enough, and it looks like there are a good number. Key on a lot of them is 1+ years of call center experience - I'm coming up on 2, and I got promoted to a specialty group in less than 6 months after getting hired (so over a year of time as a specialist handling our more demanding clients and various other responsibilities).

I do have to laugh at some of the posts though. "We don't want anyone who is looking for just a job, only people who are interested in a career." You're offering $17/hr to answer the phone. Don't push it.

[Florian]

I at least have put together a collection of jobs to apply for that look like they pay enough, and it looks like there are a good number. Key on a lot of them is 1+ years of call center experience - I'm coming up on 2, and I got promoted to a specialty group in less than 6 months after getting hired (so over a year of time as a specialist handling our more demanding clients and various other responsibilities).

I do have to laugh at some of the posts though. "We don't want anyone who is looking for just a job, only people who are interested in a career." You're offering $17/hr to answer the phone. Don't push it.

*Shrugs*

Can't really comment on that until we compared an crunched some numbers.

[Florian]

I live in the Southwest of the US, so tex-mex cuisine is everywhere here. I appreciate the tip (and any others, if anybody else has any advice!).

Well. Students have that free money problem and Tex-Mex basically works worldwide because it can cater to any level, from some cheap cheese-baked nachos to a elaborate jalapeño-hell chili con carne.

Keep in mind that sharing is caring. Want to break the ice with a couple of strangers? Put a glass on the table, have everyone throw a fiver in and start ordering pitchers. Rinse and repeat. The shared experience is great.

[Comrade]

No woes here, just seeking a bit of advice. The academic quarter is winding down at my college, and I've been thinking of getting some of the folks I've gotten to know in my various classes together to hang out and celebrate finals and the quarter being over. I've never really done this kind of thing before (it's only in the past few months to a year that I've really started 'coming out of my shell' and becoming social), but I thought it would be a great way to bring some people together, people who might not otherwise have met, consolidate friendships, and just generally have a good time now that finals are over with. My initial thought was maybe going out to a restaurant-- going to the beach town or something seemed fun, but it might be more of a drive than people are willing to make, and anyway, not everybody likes the beach. On the other hand, I don't know if people want to spend money at a restaurant, or if it's tenable for more than a few people.

On the third hand, I don't know if college students are even interested in hanging out and meeting people after finals are over when they can instead spend the week before the next quarter starts enjoying being lazy and sleeping in instead.

Any advice, pointers, thoughts on how to make this idea as fun and appealing as possible for people?

Any other thoughts on this? Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

[Chen]

With a bunch of people who don't know each other and only know you (correct me if that's wrong, but it's the impression I got from your post) I'd consider something even less formal than a sit down dinner. Go to a pub or something. Can order some drinks and chat and people can stick around and order food if they're enjoying it.

[Jormengand]

So I might finally get mental health help in another month.

I'm seriously wondering what the point is when the systems that are supposedly in place to help me are, sometimes by accident and often by design, failing one by one.

Like, what do I actually do in this circumstance? I don't even know.

[Comrade]

With a bunch of people who don't know each other and only know you (correct me if that's wrong, but it's the impression I got from your post) I'd consider something even less formal than a sit down dinner. Go to a pub or something. Can order some drinks and chat and people can stick around and order food if they're enjoying it.

Some of them do know each other. The 'nucleus', so to speak, of the folks I was planning to invite are people I've gone to lunch with a few times anyway, and the others are people I've worked with in groups, so ideally everybody would know at least one or two other people. Of course, my hope is that people will meet and connect with others that they haven't met rather than just stick to talking to those they have.

That being said, a couple of the people in question are under 21 (and I myself don't drink in the first place), so a pub or a bar may not be the best location.

[Recherché]

My undergrad group used to end of the year beach potlucks. Nothing formal we just chose a place and a time, and had everyone bring something. We'll there was also a firepit on the beach and a ceremonial burning of old homework. Dunno if you have a beach nearby but someplace else outdoorsy might work

[WarKitty]

So I might finally get mental health help in another month.

I'm seriously wondering what the point is when the systems that are supposedly in place to help me are, sometimes by accident and often by design, failing one by one.

Like, what do I actually do in this circumstance? I don't even know.

Honestly, my personal strategy usually involves a lot of swearing. It's probably not the most useful but it'll make you feel a bit better?

[OACSNY97]

WarKitty-

I've been following your posts regarding the latest round of issues regarding health, sleep and employment and I'm sorry that it sounds like working nights is taking a toll.

Regarding your thoughts on future employment, have you considered working for a college or university? At a minimum many have pretty good health insurance and usually let staff take classes for very cheap/free.

Good luck and I hope things improve soon.

I at least have put together a collection of jobs to apply for that look like they pay enough, and it looks like there are a good number. Key on a lot of them is 1+ years of call center experience - I'm coming up on 2, and I got promoted to a specialty group in less than 6 months after getting hired (so over a year of time as a specialist handling our more demanding clients and various other responsibilities).

I do have to laugh at some of the posts though. "We don't want anyone who is looking for just a job, only people who are interested in a career." You're offering $17/hr to answer the phone. Don't push it.

[Comrade]

My undergrad group used to end of the year beach potlucks. Nothing formal we just chose a place and a time, and had everyone bring something. We'll there was also a firepit on the beach and a ceremonial burning of old homework. Dunno if you have a beach nearby but someplace else outdoorsy might work

I love the beach, so that was definitely one of my first thoughts, but the nearest one is a 45 minute drive from me (and it'll be a longer drive for the folks who live further north). There are some nice parks in the area, though.

[The Fury]

So, odd question-- Since last Thursday I've had pain in the lower left front of my ribcage. Which would make sense if I were doing something strenuous, but I wasn't. It is actually bad enough that I can't breathe deeply without hurting myself, and it hurts if I press on it. I'd joke that it's from my broken heart, but the area's too low for that. Maybe my heart fell, and then broke? Eh? Eh?... Oh.

In seriousness, can stress get so bad that it can actually physically hurt you like this? That's about the only reason I can think of that seems plausible.

[Tvtyrant]

So, odd question-- Since last Thursday I've had pain in the lower left front of my ribcage. Which would make sense if I were doing something strenuous, but I wasn't. It is actually bad enough that I can't breathe deeply without hurting myself, and it hurts if I press on it. I'd joke that it's from my broken heart, but the area's too low for that. Maybe my heart fell, and then broke? Eh? Eh?... Oh.

In seriousness, can stress get so bad that it can actually physically hurt you like this? That's about the only reason I can think of that seems plausible.

Go to a doctor.

[AuthorGirl]

So, odd question-- Since last Thursday I've had pain in the lower left front of my ribcage. Which would make sense if I were doing something strenuous, but I wasn't. It is actually bad enough that I can't breathe deeply without hurting myself, and it hurts if I press on it. I'd joke that it's from my broken heart, but the area's too low for that. Maybe my heart fell, and then broke? Eh? Eh?... Oh.

In seriousness, can stress get so bad that it can actually physically hurt you like this? That's about the only reason I can think of that seems plausible.

I get that occasionally, but it never lasts more than a half hour. If it did, I would see a doctor. Please see a doctor.

[factotum]

Thirded. Ask a doctor, not random people on the Internet, especially for something so painful.

[HalfTangible]

In seriousness, can stress get so bad that it can actually physically hurt you like this? That's about the only reason I can think of that seems plausible.

Yes, stress can get that bad

BUT

One of your organs could also be failing.

Either way see a doctor!!

[WarKitty]

One other slight problem with sleeping: I don't seem to be able to keep earplugs in. From where I'm finding them, I don't think they're falling out - what seems to happen is that I take them out, but without waking up. (I'll remove clothing at night too, if I'm unused to sleeping in it or it's uncomfortable.)

[factotum]

I realise this might sound a bit silly, but have you tried adding your own noise to cover up the dog? Would having something constantly running in your bedroom like a fan make enough noise to filter out the barking? (And the noise of a fan running constantly can be quite lulling, I find).

[WarKitty]

I realise this might sound a bit silly, but have you tried adding your own noise to cover up the dog? Would having something constantly running in your bedroom like a fan make enough noise to filter out the barking? (And the noise of a fan running constantly can be quite lulling, I find).

Part of the problem is I have a fan running and a phone playing white noise next to me, and I'm still being woken up by that dog. It just has this high pitched thing that's like a bark, a growl, and a whine all in one.

[The Fury]

Thirded. Ask a doctor, not random people on the Internet, especially for something so painful.

But random people on the Internet are all I have to talk to. I am looking into making a doctor's appointment though.

[Algeh]

But random people on the Internet are all I have to talk to. I am looking into making a doctor's appointment though.

Depending on what insurance you have (or where you live and what government services you have there), you may also have access to a nurse advice line you can call. The one with my old insurance was free and available 24 hours a day, so it was a good intermediate step when you aren't sure if you should go to the doctor or not.

To be fair, mine almost always told me to go to the doctor and/or hospital, but the time I had a nasty stomach bug they had a lot of good advice about how to try to treat the thing at home instead (which was useful because driving all the way to my doctor's office would have been...a pretty gross adventure with that particular bug).

[ve4grm]

One other slight problem with sleeping: I don't seem to be able to keep earplugs in. From where I'm finding them, I don't think they're falling out - what seems to happen is that I take them out, but without waking up. (I'll remove clothing at night too, if I'm unused to sleeping in it or it's uncomfortable.)

One thing you might try, which has helped my wife on occasion, is a headband, aligned so that it covers across the earplugs so they're harder to unconsciously remove?

It could also be that you're not inserting them properly/fully? I'm sure there are youtube tutorials on how to seat earplugs properly, if you think this might be the case.

[WarKitty]

One thing you might try, which has helped my wife on occasion, is a headband, aligned so that it covers across the earplugs so they're harder to unconsciously remove?

It could also be that you're not inserting them properly/fully? I'm sure there are youtube tutorials on how to seat earplugs properly, if you think this might be the case.

Possibly? On the other hand, I unconsciously remove pants too, so not sure how much difficulty works.