Personal Woes and Advice 5

[Sermil]

Possibly? On the other hand, I unconsciously remove pants too, so not sure how much difficulty works.

Follow Haley's lead and get some sleeping-drug-laced meat for the dog?

[The Fury]

So I'll be seeing a doctor about my chest pains, my appointment is on the 22nd. Hopefully it goes well.

[WarKitty]

Follow Haley's lead and get some sleeping-drug-laced meat for the dog?

Honestly, I seem to be waking up after a few hours even without any significant noise. I've tried some sleeping meds; a low dose of melatonin helps some but tends to wear off, and other stuff or an increased dose tends to leave a significant hangover effect. The exception is my anxiety stuff, but that is really not a good idea to take regularly.

[PallElendro]

I'm a United States Marine now. Basic training and Marine Combat Training portions are finished. Now I'm in Courthouse Bay, North Carolina for my actual job training.

My MOS is 1142 Engineer Equipment Electrical Systems Technician, and we have one of the highest drop rates in the Marine Corps. As much as people say I'm smart, I am also quite lazy. I don't want to be, but I get sidetracked so easily. God forbid I get dropped too, or else I get set back on my life goals hard, and I probably end up as a combat cook or something else unrelated to what I want to do in life.

[Grytorm]

Hello again. I have made the same mistakes this term as I always make. If anything I have gotten worse. Having a nonfunctioning conputer didnt help, even though I couldnt play games at home I could still not do any school work and watch youtube videos, which has come to mostly tire me rather than entertain me.

Video games would still have caused problems if they were available, but at least they would be engaging. And since I live at home I possibly would have saved a lot of money which I spent on food (if I have money and am on campus I eat out for lunch, I can have reasons to not do so but it happens anyway).

And videogames could have been an outlet for stress in general I guess. Particularily isolation, or at least distracted me from aloneness. I cant say I have no friends. I have one. Plus aquantinces/teachers. And a few people who I used to consider friends but due to reasons decided it was futile.

I know I have wandered a little, but I just wanted to do something rather than shut off my phone, I do that a lot, stay up late with no real good feeling of why. But anyway. I think I am depressed, which isn't a huge leap. But it isnt the worst depression. While I cant motivate myself to do anything productive I still enjoy stuff most of the time. And ideation while present doesnt feel like something I might actually do.

[Jormengand]

I unconsciously remove pants too.

Out-of-context quotation can give some pretty brilliant results.

[WarKitty]

Out-of-context quotation can give some pretty brilliant results.

I had thought of that.

[Comrade]

I think I am depressed, which isn't a huge leap.

You yourself kicked this post off by acknowledging this isn't the first time you've caved to the impulses of your depression (you didn't specify what the 'mistakes' were, but if I recall correctly, you've had a problem with pushing people away and severing friendships, right?). Is there a reason you haven't sought professional help? Because it sounds like this issue-- depression and poor self-esteem causing you to isolate yourself-- has been a recurring one for quite a while, and it doesn't seem like it's changed since the last time you mentioned it here.

[The Fury]

You yourself kicked this post off by acknowledging this isn't the first time you've caved to the impulses of your depression (you didn't specify what the 'mistakes' were, but if I recall correctly, you've had a problem with pushing people away and severing friendships, right?). Is there a reason you haven't sought professional help? Because it sounds like this issue-- depression and poor self-esteem causing you to isolate yourself-- has been a recurring one for quite a while, and it doesn't seem like it's changed since the last time you mentioned it here.

...Oh man. That sounds way too familiar. I don't have any advice at all, but I'd like to know how it all works out.

[Sermil]

I'm a United States Marine now. Basic training and Marine Combat Training portions are finished. Now I'm in Courthouse Bay, North Carolina for my actual job training.

My MOS is 1142 Engineer Equipment Electrical Systems Technician, and we have one of the highest drop rates in the Marine Corps. As much as people say I'm smart, I am also quite lazy. I don't want to be, but I get sidetracked so easily. God forbid I get dropped too, or else I get set back on my life goals hard, and I probably end up as a combat cook or something else unrelated to what I want to do in life.

Congrats and good luck!

[Grytorm]

Yeah I do have problems with keeping people away, but it feels less so now than earlier. I haven't tried to reconnect with people, but I haven't burnt any new bridges. When I posted about mistakes two days ago it wasn't about that though. I have had serious problems getting anything started and it has seriously messed with my schoolwork. Truthfully I am failing at least one class and maybe the other one as well. I could still get some stuff done but I still can't make myself work.

[The Fury]

Yeah I do have problems with keeping people away, but it feels less so now than earlier. I haven't tried to reconnect with people, but I haven't burnt any new bridges. When I posted about mistakes two days ago it wasn't about that though. I have had serious problems getting anything started and it has seriously messed with my schoolwork. Truthfully I am failing at least one class and maybe the other one as well. I could still get some stuff done but I still can't make myself work.

I gather that you might not be ready to reconnect with people yet, but it's still an option down the line?

I know that getting work done isn't easy when you feel isolated. I'm hesitant to suggest this, but have you considered a volunteer job? like maybe something just once a week so you'd still have time for school stuff and whatever else. I only bring it up because I enjoyed my volunteer job when I had it and it provided me some structure and, well... I just liked having something in the week to look forward to. Maybe it could help you in the same way?

[WarKitty]

I gather that you might not be ready to reconnect with people yet, but it's still an option down the line?

I know that getting work done isn't easy when you feel isolated. I'm hesitant to suggest this, but have you considered a volunteer job? like maybe something just once a week so you'd still have time for school stuff and whatever else. I only bring it up because I enjoyed my volunteer job when I had it and it provided me some structure and, well... I just liked having something in the week to look forward to. Maybe it could help you in the same way?

If there are any options at all remotely related to the field you're in, it can also be a nice little thing to stick on your resume.

[AMFV]

I'm a United States Marine now. Basic training and Marine Combat Training portions are finished. Now I'm in Courthouse Bay, North Carolina for my actual job training.

My MOS is 1142 Engineer Equipment Electrical Systems Technician, and we have one of the highest drop rates in the Marine Corps. As much as people say I'm smart, I am also quite lazy. I don't want to be, but I get sidetracked so easily. God forbid I get dropped too, or else I get set back on my life goals hard, and I probably end up as a combat cook or something else unrelated to what I want to do in life.

First thing I can say is actually ****ing study, bud. Like for a lot of MOS schools that matters a lot more than people think. If you're working in a non-TS field you can take materials and study for maybe 30-60 minutes a day, that shouldn't cut into the awesome games you'll be playing with your squad leaders and stuff because some other guy got a DUI.

Second, don't really **** up, don't get a DUI, don't get on fatbody, don't fail a PFT. Definitely don't get caught doing coke.

As long as you do that you'll probably be okay, I mean it's not that hard. No MOS school is really all that challenging. Just remember if you fail out, you'll be in Supply, that's where failouts wind up going. So you don't want to fail out.

[halfeye]

Just remember if you fail out, you'll be in Supply, that's where failouts wind up going. So you don't want to fail out.

So the entire US Marine corps depends on failures? Man, that is going to bite you so hard one of these days.

[AMFV]

So the entire US Marine corps depends on failures? Man, that is going to bite you so hard one of these days.

Well you don't have to be a nuclear engineer to be Supply. That's why they take the dropouts in supply. Cuz it's not a super difficult job and nobody really wants to do it that much.

Edit It's also that supply is a really short school so they can squeeze as much time as possible out of you. Like if you blew like 2 years and then failed out of like super brainy School then they want to get you through a short school so that they can get as much time as possible out of you for the money they already spent.

[FinnLassie]

I'm having a really hard time accepting that my depression meds have thinned out my hair by half of what it used to be. On top of this I really miss being able to just... not be what I am? I suppose it's called dissociating? This is also thanks to my medication, I'd presume, since it's something I experienced more before meds and when I wasn't on max dosage. I just want to curl up and ignore issues by completely detaching myself from the actuality of things right now.


Well.. at least I've started to connect better with my new therapist. I expressed what I wanted to talk about with her after her going on a spiel about my studies. So far I've made a family map and next in line is diving deeper into sibling abuse. Kinda realised it wasn't just my violent brother... my eldest sister has and still is controlling and manipulative.

[The Fury]

I just want to curl up and ignore issues by completely detaching myself from the actuality of things right now.

That might not be such a bad idea. Have you thought of setting aside a few hours a week for just that?

As for the other stuff... that sounds really complicated. The best I can do is hope for the best and maybe this therapist you've connected with can help you through this.

[Grytorm]

I gather that you might not be ready to reconnect with people yet, but it's still an option down the line?

I have no idea of how I would go about reconnecting with people. Even when I am not doing things even I recognize as stupid when it comes to interpersonal relationships I dont do particularily well. Like, the one person I once thought of as a friend and have now left on the ignore list, in part I did that because I realized I just didnt know how to ever talk to them. I had kept sending messages and never gotten any response. And i realized I was probably being creepy somehow, or something. And it made me kind of upset with myself. So when I blocked them in part it was because I was mad at them but at the same time I wanted it to be a reminder that I was wrong to keep trying. They clearly didnt want to talk to me. So I needed to remember that.

Besides. I have twice tried changing how I interact with people. And both times it went badly. My instinct whenever I screw up is to shut myself off from other people. But what else am I supposed to do? Pretend I am happy while nothing changes? Find some other way to screw up and hurt people?

Ignoring the people who first spring to mind, there are other people from the past I could try reaching out to. They, I dont have a good reason for why I havent. And their are others who I see sometimes now who react positively when I encounter them. Dont really know how to approach them.

I know that getting work done isn't easy when you feel isolated. I'm hesitant to suggest this, but have you considered a volunteer job? like maybe something just once a week so you'd still have time for school stuff and whatever else. I only bring it up because I enjoyed my volunteer job when I had it and it provided me some structure and, well... I just liked having something in the week to look forward to. Maybe it could help you in the same way?

This is a highly reasonable suggestion. Dont know what else to add to that.

[FinnLassie]

That might not be such a bad idea. Have you thought of setting aside a few hours a week for just that?

I quite clearly said that it's impossible.

[Mith]

I quite clearly said that it's impossible.

While getting off meds would be a bad idea, would meditation work for you? I do not recall if you have ever mentioned trying with minimal success before.

[FinnLassie]

While getting off meds would be a bad idea, would meditation work for you? I do not recall if you have ever mentioned trying with minimal success before.

Meditation goes against my religious views.

I dunno. I've found a new podcast (The Adventure Zone) but I binged the 100+ episodes of it in two weeks and it really made me feel like I was able to... kinda escape. Now I gotta wait for new episodes again and I'm agitated.

[WarKitty]

Meditation goes against my religious views.

I might talk to whoever you'd consider a reliable local religious leader about calming or focus exercises suitable to your own personal faith then. There's often something available.

[Mith]

Meditation goes against my religious views.

I wasn't thinking of meditation in a religious context. Only in a stress relief context.

[FinnLassie]

I wasn't thinking of meditation in a religious context. Only in a stress relief context.

To me, meditation cannot be removed from religious context. But I don't think this discussion is necessary.

[The Fury]

I have no idea of how I would go about reconnecting with people. Even when I am not doing things even I recognize as stupid when it comes to interpersonal relationships I dont do particularily well. Like, the one person I once thought of as a friend and have now left on the ignore list, in part I did that because I realized I just didnt know how to ever talk to them. I had kept sending messages and never gotten any response. And i realized I was probably being creepy somehow, or something. And it made me kind of upset with myself. So when I blocked them in part it was because I was mad at them but at the same time I wanted it to be a reminder that I was wrong to keep trying. They clearly didnt want to talk to me. So I needed to remember that.

Besides. I have twice tried changing how I interact with people. And both times it went badly. My instinct whenever I screw up is to shut myself off from other people. But what else am I supposed to do? Pretend I am happy while nothing changes? Find some other way to screw up and hurt people?

Ignoring the people who first spring to mind, there are other people from the past I could try reaching out to. They, I dont have a good reason for why I havent. And their are others who I see sometimes now who react positively when I encounter them. Dont really know how to approach them.

That said, you wouldn't be necessarily opposed to reconnecting with folks if you thought they might want to, right?

This is a highly reasonable suggestion. Dont know what else to add to that.

That's great then! Let us know if you do decide to go through with that and if it's helping.

I quite clearly said that it's impossible.

I'm sorry, I guess I didn't quite get that for some reason. I'm pretty dense most times, but I meant no offense. I'll try to improve my reading comprehension.

As for my issues, I had my doctor's visit and the news is that the pain in my ribcage was likely caused by muscle tension and it's mostly gone now. But, over the course of waiting to see a doctor I hurt my hand. The doctor advised going to the ER, and it turns out that two of my metacarpals are fractured. I've been told to make an appointment with an orthopedist, but they're not making it easy. Also, I had to type this with just my left hand so please excuse any spelling mistakes I might have made.

[AMFV]

To me, meditation cannot be removed from religious context. But I don't think this discussion is necessary.

You may want to talk to a religious official. Not in an effort to remove what might be called like a "religious meditation" from it's religious context but to look into your particular religion's equivalent to it. Most religions have some form of meditative or mindfulness practice, which can vary considerably in execution but you may be able to find something that would be helpful to you doing that.

I know that my own church has several dozen forms of that, and it's considered a western Civ christian type church, so yours may as well, they just may not be particularly well known to laypeople. I can't get too much more into it without getting into actual religious details which I would like to avoid.

If you're Catholic though, you can PM me and I can tell you the little bit I've learned about it. If it's not Catholic, I can't give too much insight. But at least in the Catholic faith there are several such practices, I wouldn't be surprised if the same is true of most Christian faiths, I know that there are various mystical and reflective practices in Islam, but I'm unfamiliar with the specifics since I've not done research in a while.

So I would discuss this with your priest/pastor/imam/whatever who will probably have more insight on the matter.

[Comrade]

Like, the one person I once thought of as a friend and have now left on the ignore list, in part I did that because I realized I just didnt know how to ever talk to them. I had kept sending messages and never gotten any response. And i realized I was probably being creepy somehow, or something. And it made me kind of upset with myself. So when I blocked them in part it was because I was mad at them but at the same time I wanted it to be a reminder that I was wrong to keep trying. They clearly didnt want to talk to me. So I needed to remember that.

Maybe you could be more specific so we can offer some kind of advice, or point out where (if anywhere) you went wrong. My gut instinct-- recalling that this was brought up before in this thread-- is that maybe you just perceived a closer relationship with them than you actually had. That kind of miscommunication happens to the best of us at least once or twice, so if that's what it was, you can learn from it and get better at gauging just where you stand with other people.

Besides. I have twice tried changing how I interact with people. And both times it went badly. My instinct whenever I screw up is to shut myself off from other people. But what else am I supposed to do?

Keep trying. Put yourself out there. Take risks. Socialisation is like any skill, you improve it by doing it. You're lucky in that you're a college student and you're probably surrounded by people of a similar age who are happy to meet new people and make new friends, but it doesn't even have to be about making friends, just about making conversation and learning to make sense of the social nuances and cues that, from the sounds of it, you're missing. You won't ever do that if you castigate and isolate yourself for every little mistake and slip-up-- which, by the way, literally everybody makes from time to time. I guarantee you the person who seems to be the life of every party and appears to be friends with just about everybody has blurted out something they immediately regretted, or gotten embarrassed because they misinterpreted their relationship with somebody else. We all do it from time to time. You learn from it and keep on going.

[Sholos]

One of my roommates is becoming closer to a person I have a mild crush on and it's bothering me because I wish I knew how to make friends and get close to people and I don't want to be reminded even more that I'm romantically and socially worthless.

[The Fury]

One of my roommates is becoming closer to a person I have a mild crush on and it's bothering me because I wish I knew how to make friends and get close to people and I don't want to be reminded even more that I'm romantically and socially worthless.

Been down that road before. More times than I care to admit in fact. The only advice I really have is just try to be the best friend you can be. Though if you're developing a crush, I can see how that might make things a little more complicated.

Though I'd like to ask-- and I swear, I'm not trying to be condescending or anything-- Why do you say you're romantically and socially worthless? I'm sure that anyone who thinks so has their reasons, I just was curious as to what yours were.