behold the power of mac!

[reorith]

http://northdenvernews.com/content/view/922/2

Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling."

"From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," explains Martel. "Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless."

"This is really, on the edge sort of stuff," explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure. "We're turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency."

The procedure involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails. While Martel's new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift "pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery - though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise."

tl:dr
a guy got his thumbs reduced to use his iphone better

what do you guys think?
i think this dude is whacked.
edit: i also think this is a turning point for humanity. resistance is futile.

[Cyrano]

Something about the term "whittling" in regards to human flesh makes me uneasy.

[valadil]

I doubt it was just for the iPhone. It sounded like he was trying to plan ahead for smaller and smaller devices. Is it really that much different from engineers who get tiny magnets implanted in their fingertips so they can feel currents?

[Jensik]

I'm finding this hard to believe.

[LCR]

Reducing his fingers? That's idiotic.
Should have tried a diet before altering his thumbs ...

[Cyrano]

Reducing his fingers? That's idiotic.
Should have tried a diet before altering his thumbs ...

How much body fat goes to your thumbs? Hips, yes. Thighs, yes. Thumbs, not so much. He probably just had a massive bone structure.
Then again, there are no pictures anywhere, which also renders it slightly suspicous, really.

[reorith]

Reducing his fingers? That's idiotic.
Should have tried a diet before altering his thumbs ...

according to the article, they shaved down the actually bone. i don't think diet would have worked :(

[Thes Hunter]

It is possible I guess to modify your thumbs like this......


But the way the article is phrased sends my "internet hoax" flags up. It's too recent to have a snopes article out on it yet.

But all the news outlets reporting on it are pointing back to the North Denver News. Which appears to be a small but legitimate paper.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a bit of a flap over this article in the near future, and the article's author being sacked because of forging the news.

[Ranis]

The one-word response I have to this is:

EEEEEEEEEEwwwwww......

[LCR]

That is so sick.

And thanks for shocking me with your Belkar/Shojo slash.

[bosssmiley]

It is possible I guess to modify your thumbs like this......

But the way the article is phrased sends my "internet hoax" flags up. It's too recent to have a snopes article out on it yet.

You should know better than to trust snopes anyway Thes.

But all the news outlets reporting on it are pointing back to the North Denver News. Which appears to be a small but legitimate paper.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a bit of a flap over this article in the near future, and the article's author being sacked because of forging the news.

I'll echo this in the classic intarweb manner: "pix or it never happened"

Don't forget it's the journalistic silly season right now. The government and courts are in recess, as are the schools. People are on their holidays and journalists simply can't be bothered. Here in the UK we've already had:

"Great White Shark off Cornwall!"

Spoiler

Show

It wasn't, the fin was entirely the wrong shape

and "Lord Lucan found in NZ!"

Spoiler

Show

He wasn't. The supposed Lucan was 6" too short and 10 years too young.

...and that's barely a fortnight into August. What will they try our patience and insult our intelligence with next I wonder?

[SurlySeraph]

If this is real, it may mark the start of an encouraging trend: people getting plastic surgery that is actually useful.

I view the concept of thumb-whittling much like I view tattoos: I'm probably not going to get one, but I encourage other people to.

[FdL]

If this is true, then it's one of the symptoms that this world is terminally ill and needs to be put down. Even if it's not truth it doesn't change that fact :p

Also, I'm not getting friendlier with Apple and their products... :s Everytime I read their name it's associated to something stupid or negative.

[Nomrom]

If this is true, then it's one of the symptoms that this world is terminally ill and needs to be put down. Even if it's not truth it doesn't change that fact :p

Also, I'm not getting friendlier with Apple and their products... :s Everytime I read their name it's associated to something stupid or negative.

Hey, Apple didn't tell this guy to go get his thumbs whittled down. They had nothing to do with that, except for making a phone he couldn't use, but decided to buy one anyways.

[zeratul]

Yes but the PCs are represented by John Hodgeman, that's good enough for me.

[FdL]

Hey, Apple didn't tell this guy to go get his thumbs whittled down. They had nothing to do with that, except for making a phone he couldn't use, but decided to buy one anyways.

Meh. My Apple comment is just an observation.
I keep thinking about it and the fact that a human being might undergo surgery to adapt his body to be able to use a fashionable, snob-aimed tech gadget still sounds wrong.

Hey, might as well get their back of the head perforated to save the aliens from the Matrix some time.

[Mr. Moon]

Something about the term "whittling" in regards to human flesh makes me uneasy.

You too?

Serriously, that gives me the creeps. It also sounds like it'd be extreamly painful afterwords...

[Cyrano]

They're whittling bone, not your tongue. It would hurt after WHITTLING, now after WORDS.

[Mr. Moon]

...

Oro?

[Nibleswick]

The very thought of that makes my thumbs hurt

[Dryken]

Guess he got tired of hearing that automatic voice saying "The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now". Although why he didn't spring for that dialing wand is beyond me.

[Extra_Crispy]

This is very very stupid. Why he would go through expensive and painful surgery when a cheap thimbul with a toothpick glued to it would have worked just as well. Or something like that.

I am really starting to think this is a hoax. I have a friend that is 6'11" and over 400 lbs, his hands are huge. he has no problem with using phones and other such devices (at least none I have seen)

[Belteshazzar]

Couldn't he have used a stylus? Of course if he has the cash to spare and the lack of squeamishness he should have gone for some kind of nerve implant, or got small needle blade claws installed under his fingernails like Shadowrun.

[Thiel]

Or he could let his nails grow long and the trim them into a point.

[tannish2]

it does seem very internet-hoaxesque (ya, new word bitch, english is a dead language and ill speak it however i want to) but if it is real
1. WTF IRRESPONSIBLE DOCTOR ALERT! shouldnt they be... curing aids? or cancer? or doing some surgery to save lives? i hear theres a shortage of general practicioners... or preforming open heart surgery? or at least making old people look less disgusting?
2. he couldntve just ordered a custom Iphone or started a thing of people complaing about these ****ty UI's that you need a microscope to see? and some complex surgical equipment to use? i know i wouldve helped, i hate tiny hard to use user interfaces, sure, they look cool, if you have a magnifying glass and think that form is better than function, thats like someone who buys a computer because the case looks really cool, even if it doesnt have a graphics or networking card and only runs DOS.
3. this marks the beginning of a BAD trend, people are stupid, and this will appeal to them.... and electronics industry will make their UI's for those people. and eventually they will get so small that us natural humans (including but not limited to: elves, dwarves, gnomes, orcs, humanoid undead, intelligent robots, humanoid aliens, and aliens who exist only as energy and can only interect with matter as gaint lumps of tentacles with pandas on the ends) cant get near being able to use any of that crap. which is fine with me, i like my big scree, big keyboard, and normal sized mouse... it WORKS, its FUNCTIONAL and until they get something that effectively has a direct interface into your nervous system it will keep getting tinier, because they dont realize that HUMANS are the intended users of these products (or at least i hope they are)

[Eldpollard]

Or he could let his nails grow long and the trim them into a point.

Or surely buy a larger phone.

[reorith]

Or surely buy a larger phone.

but then it wouldn't be a trendy new iphone complete with cyberpunkesque body modification.

[Reinboom]

He must of had huge fingers - or just very undexterous.
I'm all for modifications for functional use. Now if only I could get more nervous controls and a modification for an extra set of arms. This story has really given me hope.

[valadil]

This article says it was a hoax after all.

[PirateMonk]

A joke, not a hoax.