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  1. - Top - End - #391
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Or eastern South Dakota. Or Nebraska. Or... we'll, a lot of places, really.
    LGBTitp

  2. - Top - End - #392
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Lycunadari's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowscale View Post
    going to just cross post this from the questions thread:
    Anyone else here agendered? Since I still present trans feminine and am on HRT I don't consider myself Non binary, does that make sense?
    I'm only occasionally agender, but as Dire Moose already said, nonbinary is an umbrella term that covers everyone who is not 100% male or female, regardless if they transition or not. There are plenty of nonbinary people who present mostly or fully binary and/or transition. So if you want to call yourself nonbinary, you absolutely can (though you don't have to, of course).
    You can call me Juniper. Please use gender-neutral pronouns (ze/hir (preferred) or they/them) when referring to me.

    "We all are vessels of our brokenness, we carry it inside us like water, careful not to spill. And what is wholeness if not brokenness encompassed in acceptance, the warmth of its power a shield against those who would hurt us?" - R. Lemberg, Geometries of Belonging

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  3. - Top - End - #393
    Banned
     
    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowscale View Post
    Anyone else here agendered?
    Um... sometimes?

    (But then I guess I'm sometimes bigender and sometimes trans and sometimes cis and... look, genderfluidity is weird. )

  4. - Top - End - #394
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Everyone here seems only sometimes gendered and not always agendered, interesting.

  5. - Top - End - #395
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Muse View Post
    That's Indiana that you're thinking of.
    I thought Iowa was the land of flat corn fields?

  6. - Top - End - #396
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowscale View Post
    Everyone here seems only sometimes gendered and not always agendered, interesting.
    I'm agendered, all the time. Don't really get your other question, you're you. How you're presenting doesn't affect that.

    Though who you are usually affects how you present, obviously.
    Last edited by CWater; 2018-01-28 at 12:11 AM.
    Alamryn Kven, a druid who tries very hard not to be useless.
    Celesta Halla, a fearless barbarian.
    Jheren Falconer, a drifter ranger.
    Rhenner Calami, a snarky medic with an untrustworthy memory.

    DMing Ljonarian Enigma: Imperial Affairs and The Pirate Dream: Sliced Heart

  7. - Top - End - #397
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I've gone back and forth on whether I consider myself agendered. I'm not genderfluid though, I think my gender identity just changes over a long period of time.

  8. - Top - End - #398
    Troll in the Playground
     
    The Extinguisher's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    im super frustrated with how health care treats trans people its awful

    im looking to move back to my home city pretty soon, and ive been going down the informed consent route for hrt over here which is awesome. but that doesnt exist where im moving to, and you gotta get "diagnosed" and referred around constantly and wait times are atrocious. im super worried that im going to have an extended period of time where im not on hormones and its going to destroy what little progress ive made so far and just kick my dysphoria into overdrive.

    im gonna talk to my doctor when i see her next about if theres any way to like skip all that cause im already on the medication but if theres not im really considering just self medicating cause i cant deal with all that gatekeeping crap

    and its seriously making me reconsider moving which i dont want to do cause i aside from a good doctor i actually just hate it here
    Thanks Uncle Festy for the wonderful Ashling Avatar
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  9. - Top - End - #399
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Some pictures of my wife and me (I'm the blonde one) seeing the fossils at the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show. I'm a little over 2 months on estrogen at this point.

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    LGBTitp

  10. - Top - End - #400
    Orc in the Playground
     
    PirateGuy

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Extinguisher- I hope your doctor can help you skip the waiting game. Hopefully, with a medical history file, you can either skip most or all of the diagnosing step. I hope that's the case, and your move goes well.

    Dire- It looks like you had fun!

  11. - Top - End - #401
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Astrella's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Bluh, a news reporter came out as trans and the media has been playing it up a lot and so there's been tons of bigotted reactions out there and it's been driving me down a bit. :?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Extinguisher View Post
    im super frustrated with how health care treats trans people its awful

    im looking to move back to my home city pretty soon, and ive been going down the informed consent route for hrt over here which is awesome. but that doesnt exist where im moving to, and you gotta get "diagnosed" and referred around constantly and wait times are atrocious. im super worried that im going to have an extended period of time where im not on hormones and its going to destroy what little progress ive made so far and just kick my dysphoria into overdrive.

    im gonna talk to my doctor when i see her next about if theres any way to like skip all that cause im already on the medication but if theres not im really considering just self medicating cause i cant deal with all that gatekeeping crap

    and its seriously making me reconsider moving which i dont want to do cause i aside from a good doctor i actually just hate it here
    No way for your doctor to phone in prescriptions to your new pharmacy or such? I hope you find a solution. (It always baffles me that people seem to find like, trans people being without meds not a problem even in the medical sector. :/ )
    I make avatars. Sometimes.
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  12. - Top - End - #402
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    *offers hugs to Lena, Extinguisher and anyone else who might want to need them*

    ---

    Is anyone here interested in some queer book recommendations? I've started to read both more books where being queer is important to the story/plot, and where some of the characters just happen to be queer while having adventures/living their life/etc (there are actually quite a lot out there if you know where to look) so I could write a bit about what I've read so far? (I might also be able to give specific recommendations if someone wants to read something with a specific "flavour" of queer.)
    You can call me Juniper. Please use gender-neutral pronouns (ze/hir (preferred) or they/them) when referring to me.

    "We all are vessels of our brokenness, we carry it inside us like water, careful not to spill. And what is wholeness if not brokenness encompassed in acceptance, the warmth of its power a shield against those who would hurt us?" - R. Lemberg, Geometries of Belonging

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  13. - Top - End - #403
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I'm always up for recommendations on sci-fi/fantasy featuring LGBT characters.
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  14. - Top - End - #404
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    I'm always up for recommendations on sci-fi/fantasy featuring LGBT characters.
    Then you are in luck because I also read primarily fantasy and SF. I'm working on a list, but it's taking a bit longer than planned because I want to include a bit of a summary and reasons why I like a book/who else might like it so it's not just a bunch of titles.
    You can call me Juniper. Please use gender-neutral pronouns (ze/hir (preferred) or they/them) when referring to me.

    "We all are vessels of our brokenness, we carry it inside us like water, careful not to spill. And what is wholeness if not brokenness encompassed in acceptance, the warmth of its power a shield against those who would hurt us?" - R. Lemberg, Geometries of Belonging

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  15. - Top - End - #405
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    AuthorGirl's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycunadari View Post
    Then you are in luck because I also read primarily fantasy and SF. I'm working on a list, but it's taking a bit longer than planned because I want to include a bit of a summary and reasons why I like a book/who else might like it so it's not just a bunch of titles.
    Excited now
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  16. - Top - End - #406
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Your coming along nicely. I remember some of the pics Jamie shared with me from before you started transition and you have come a nice ways since then.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowscale View Post
    I'm glad to hear that, I identify asc agendered myself. Trans feminine though. Finally starting to look different methinks.
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  17. - Top - End - #407
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Lycunadari's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Here it is! I kept the summaries relatively short because that's easy enough to look up (I've added links to goodreads for all books so you can easily look up the official descriptions). I've included what kind of queer characters a book has, other minority representation and if or how much homophobia/transphobia/etc there is (because sometimes people just don't want to read about the same struggles they face all day and just want queer characters to be allowed to be queer.) I've also added some common trigger warnings, but if you want to know something more specific, feel free to ask!

    Spoiler: Juniper's queer book recs list!
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    The Second Mango by Shira Glassman (Fantasy/Romance)
    Young lesbian queen Shulamit is looking for a girlfriend with the help of her bodyguard Rivka (who is a woman pretending to be a man) and the bodyguard’s shapeshifting dragon/horse, when they learn about a sorcerer who is turning women into stone and decide to rescue them.
    This book is the first of the Mangoverse books (there are three others and one short story collection) and I really liked all of them. While the characters’ queerness is obviously important to the plot (especially in book one and two), the plot isn’t just about that and the characters also have adventures that have nothing to with their orientation (in book three they get to solve a crime). These books are very fluffy, not overly serious in tone (but also not too silly), with happy endings for all the queer characters. Ideal when you just want to read something lighthearted. Most of the characters are Jewish and later books also have bi and trans characters. There is some homophobia in the setting, esp. in book two, but for the most part the queer characters don’t have to suffer for being queer.
    Shira has also written a bunch of other books which I’ve heard are very good, but I haven’t read them.

    To Stand In The Light by Kayla Bashe (Fantasy/Romance)
    Shadow, a nonbinary transfem superhero with a tragic past saves the life of Bean, another young superhero and they quickly become friends. While Bean goes to superhero school, Shadow is away on adventures, and when they come back after a few years, they both have developed feelings for each other, but are too insecure and too scared they are not good enough for each other to admit it. And then a supervillain shows up…
    This book deals with some quite heavy themes like different kinds of trauma, mental illness and disability, but it’s never grim and I actually count it as another “feel-good” book, because it also has the different characters be wonderfully supportive of each other. The character interactions are definitely the focus of this book, the superhero part is mostly just a background for them. Besides queer main characters, this book also has a lot of other minority representation- Shadow has PTSD and chronic pain, Bean has ADHD and is a Korean transracial adoptee, and there are also otherwise disabled characters, characters if colour, one Jewish character and one DID system (there were probably more, but those are the ones I remember). IIRC, there is no homophobia in the setting and only one minor case of transphobia. Tbh, this book isn’t actually all that great from a purely literary point but for me the characters and themes more than made up for it.

    Pantomime by Laura Lam (Fantasy)
    Gene is intersex and runs away from home when his parents want to force him to have surgery to make him “a normal girl”. He joins a circus disguised as a boy and calls himself Micah. While he’s getting used to his new life, he finds out that the circus has some bad secrets and also starts to have strange visions.
    This book is the first in a fantastic trilogy and my summary there doesn’t do it justice at all. Pantomime starts out with relatively few magical elements, but book two and three have more of those. This trilogy is more plot driven than my first two recommendations, and it’s probably also the closest to your typical fantasy novels.
    Micah is intersex and bigender, one of the other main characters is a gay man and there was also a minor trans women character. Micah’s has to deal with intersexism, mostly in book one, but otherwise the characters don’t suffer for being queer. TW for domestic violence.
    This is easily one of the best books I’ve read lately, so go read it!

    Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets of The Universe by Benjamin Sáenz (YA)
    Ari and Dante are two very different teens who build an unlikely friendship that very slowly develops into romance. (I realise that this probably counts as a spoiler, but this book wouldn’t be on this list without that, so you would be able to guess it anyway.)
    This is a beautifully written book, almost poetic. It doesn’t really have an overarching plot, it just tells us about the lives of these two boys and everything that includes. It’s not a romance book, and while romance does happen, it’s actually just a very small part of the book. I would have liked a bit more focus on the romantic relationship - the way it is the ending felt a bit incomplete to me, but there’s a sequel coming out, so hopefully that will help.
    Both Ari and Dante are Mexican-American. TW for violent homophobia and one very bad accident.

    The Long Way To A Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers (Sci-fi)
    A bunch of humans and aliens have adventures in space.
    This is another fantastic book, that is both very well written and the kind of book that makes you feel good while reading it (when it doesn’t make you cry). It’s not as fluffy as some of the other books on this list, but while bad things happen it is, ultimately, still optimistic and never grim. The cast is a very diverse mix of humans and aliens, including aliens with a nonbinary gender, unusual family structures disabled characters. There is a f/f romance happening, but it’s only a subplot, so if you’re reading it only for the queerness you might be disappointed but this book is good enough it might even be worth reading if everyone was straight. ;)

    Capricious: Gender Diverse Pronouns Edition - A.C.Buchanan (Editor, lots of different authors) (Sci-Fi/Fantasy)
    This is a short story anthology in which all stories feature a major character who uses gender neutral pronouns, including singular they but also several different others like ze/hir, per/pers, e/eir etc. Some of the stories have pronouns/gender as a topic (like “Sandals full of Rainwater” by AE Prevost where a person from a culture that doesn’t have gender moves to a culture that has three genders and pronouns that change depending on both the speaker’s and the other person’s gender, or “Ad Astra Per Aspera" by Nino Cipri, in which the protagonist is pretty sure their gender “left me for someone else”.) while others are typical SFF short stories which just happen to have a nonbinary protagonist.
    A few of the stories are really fantastic, but all of them are worth reading.

    Two Boys Kissing - David Levithan (YA)
    Craig and Harry want to break the world record for the longest kiss, Tariq was beaten up by homophobes, Neil and Peter are a happy couple, Avery (who’s trans) and Ryan are just starting a new relationship and Cooper suffers from crushing loneliness, stuck in the closet. This book tells these vaguely related stories about different gay teens, narrated by the ghosts of the gay men who died from AIDS.
    This book is definitely an interesting read that contrasts the lives of gay people during the AIDS crisis with that of gay teens now, showing both how much things have improved but also how hard it can still be, not shying away from the darkest parts of queer lives.
    TW for violent homophobia, depression and suicide.

    Documenting Light by E.E. Ottoman (Contemp./Romance)
    Wyatt and Greyson try to find out who the two men in an old photograph are, while dealing with various difficulties in their lives. Romance happens.
    This is a very short book (novella?) that describes the slowly developing romance between Wyatt, a closeted nonbinary person, and Greyson, a trans man who was cut off by most of his family after coming out. It’s not as lighthearted as the other romance books on this list, but it’s still optimistic and I really liked it. TW for transphobia.

    Freya Snow series by L.C. Mawson (YA/Urban Fantasy)
    After Freya finds out about her magical heritage, and learns to use her magic, she gets into various adventures, starting when some demons show up to kill her.
    This is a series with currently ten books, with a total of 13 planned, and there are two spin of series with other main characters. These books have several queer characters (Freya is bi), which does come up often, but the focus is more on the action. There are several autistic characters (Freya is one of them), one deaf character and one character in a wheelchair, also several POC. I don’t remember how much homophobia there was in the setting, so if there was any, it wasn’t much. TW for suicide.
    These books aren’t literary masterpieces, so don’t expect too much, but they are still enjoyable to read. The first one is free, so you can give it a try to see if you like it.
    All that also goes for the spinoff books.

    Love/Hate by L.C.Mawson (YA/Sci-Fi/Romance)
    Emotion-fueled superheros protect the last few existing cities from monsters. Claire just got chosen as the new aspect of Love, but she’s in love with the aspect of Hate - which is a very bad combination.
    There are currently three books in this series, I don’t know how many more are planned. Like the Freya Snow books, they have a lot of diversity but especially in later books the focus is on the action. There are again several autistic characters, including Claire, and several queer characters including a trans women and an agender character. Most of the cast are POC. There is no homophobia or transphobia in the setting.
    Like the Freya snow books, these aren’t great but still a fun read (though I don’t like how the third book ended and where the plot is heading, but that is just my preference.)

    Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire (Fantasy/Mystery)
    What happens with the children that were pulled in other worlds when they come back? Nancy is one of them, and she gets sent to the Home for Wayward Children where she finally meets others like her, who understand her wish to return to her other world. But then a gruesome murder happens and it’s up to Nancy and her new friends to find out who did it.
    I absolutely loved the premise of this book, the characters and the first half of the story - it is really beautifully written-, but I really didn’t like the mystery stuff- it changed the tone of the story completely in a way that just didn’t work for me. (You’ve probably noticed by now that I prefer fluffy stories and this one turned from fluffy to grim very quickly.) So if you don’t mind that, you might like this book, I know a lot of people do, that’s why I’m including it on this list. Nancy is asexual, and one of the other major characters is a trans boy. There was probably more diversity that I’m forgetting because I didn’t reread the book and it wasn’t the focus of the book. There were mentions of transphobia, but no cases during the story. TW for murder, gore etc. (It probably wasn’t as bad as I make it sound, I was just really upset when I finished the book so I’m remembering more of the negatives.)

    Iwunen Interstellar Investigations by Bogi Takács (Sci-Fi/Fantasy)
    Ranai and Mirun, two autistic nonbinary people solve magical crimes in space. There are a lot of cupcakes. The prequel season shows how Ranai and Mirun met and includes some political intrigue. The first (current) season deals with health issues Mirun is having and mysterious accidents.
    This is a web serial (updates once per week) which I totally fell in love with when I found it last week. That description makes it sound more silly than it is- it’s another story where a lot of bad things happen but that still feels good to read. It has some very interesting worldbuilding. The majority of characters are nonbinary, autistic and POC. Mirun and Ranai are also both demisexual and Mirun is physically disabled. The book also has some nonsexual kinky elements. There are mentions of discrimination against trans and neurodiverse people, but nothing of that actually happens in the story. TW for lots of medical stuff and major injuries.
    Bogi Takács has also written several short stories that also feature queer main characters and which are also worth reading.



    You can call me Juniper. Please use gender-neutral pronouns (ze/hir (preferred) or they/them) when referring to me.

    "We all are vessels of our brokenness, we carry it inside us like water, careful not to spill. And what is wholeness if not brokenness encompassed in acceptance, the warmth of its power a shield against those who would hurt us?" - R. Lemberg, Geometries of Belonging

    Stories Art

  18. - Top - End - #408
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I thought I should introduce myself quickly. I am DireMoose's wife Mariah. It took me two transitions to get it right and finally succeed and transitioning. I was born intersex and in many ways despite having had SRS my body still shows that too. Just here to make friends and help others. Jamie thought it would be a good idea I joined and so here I am.
    Last edited by Mariah; 2018-02-04 at 11:29 PM.

  19. - Top - End - #409
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Extinguisher View Post
    im super frustrated with how health care treats trans people its awful

    im looking to move back to my home city pretty soon, and ive been going down the informed consent route for hrt over here which is awesome. but that doesnt exist where im moving to, and you gotta get "diagnosed" and referred around constantly and wait times are atrocious. im super worried that im going to have an extended period of time where im not on hormones and its going to destroy what little progress ive made so far and just kick my dysphoria into overdrive.

    im gonna talk to my doctor when i see her next about if theres any way to like skip all that cause im already on the medication but if theres not im really considering just self medicating cause i cant deal with all that gatekeeping crap

    and its seriously making me reconsider moving which i dont want to do cause i aside from a good doctor i actually just hate it here
    *hugs*
    Ouch, that’s not fun.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mariah View Post
    I thought I should introduce myself quickly. I am DireMoose's wife Mariah. It took me two transitions to get it right and finally succeed and transitioning. I was born intersex and in many ways despite having had SRS my body still shows that too. Just here to make friends and help others. Jamie thought it would be a good idea I joined and so here I am.
    Good to meet ya!

  20. - Top - End - #410
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Can anyone give me some advice for DMing for people who are accidentally trans-shaming, but refusing to change their behavior?

    So I currently GM (D&D 5e) for a group via my school's traditional gaming club. Multiple people began using inappropriate slurs for trans people during a discussion on (the Greek deity)
    Hermaphroditus, and while most of them stopped after I sternly warned them one member in particular refused to do so. They in fact loudly and deliberately continued to do so after others in the group asked them. Currently, no one in the group is trans, but we do have several LGB members, including myself (I'm pan-, in both senses), and we obviously want to keep the group open, as we've had members in the past who've had great difficulty finding acceptance. That, and the obvious issue with intolerance that the circumstances present.

    Now, the issue is that the guy using the slurs has made it a speech argument, and we are in a public school. Furthermore, we've had various (unrelated) incidents come up in the past, and the administration isn't particularly likely to cut us any slack as a result. I am President of the club, so I'll have to bear the responsibility of dealing with the fallout...

    Furthermore, from what I know of this kid's life, I don't really want to just kick him out. He's had a lot of his own difficulties, which aren't my place to discuss in detail, and I feel that he's lashing out at any group who he feels get attention at his expense (at least subconsciously). So, in addition to his being a friend of mine, I feel that kicking him out would simply irritate him further and thus not actually achieve any progress towards making the club as a whole more inclusive (I can kick him out of my game, but not the club).

    So, does anyone have any advice for talking to him about the scenario? I might be able to talk some sense into him but I'd rather not make any bad blood...

  21. - Top - End - #411
    Colossus in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    What a pain, especially if you don't want to kick him out. Dude sounds like an ass, though.

    What it made me think of, and that you might find helpful, is "we don't do that here". Obviously you can't, don't and shouldn't control what he says elsewhere, but he is in your space, and your space follows your rules. He wants to say that elsewhere? Okay. But we don't say those things here.

  22. - Top - End - #412
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    "Free speech" just means he can't be arrested for what he said. A public school may be a government organisation but they can still have rules against certain kinds of language. I doubt you're allowed to swear in front of a teacher, so why would he be allowed to use slurs or hate speech? "Free speech" is 99% of the time a stupid bs argument. And regardless of school rules there can (and should!) be social repercussions for that kind of talk.
    Jude P.

  23. - Top - End - #413
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

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    The title text might however be more fitting for this situation: I can't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you're saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it's not literally illegal to express.


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    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    What a pain, especially if you don't want to kick him out. Dude sounds like an ass, though.

    What it made me think of, and that you might find helpful, is "we don't do that here". Obviously you can't, don't and shouldn't control what he says elsewhere, but he is in your space, and your space follows your rules. He wants to say that elsewhere? Okay. But we don't say those things here.
    Pretty much exactly my thought process, and how I should have initially responded. Unfortunately, the way things happened, I think there'll be some bad blood if we just completely ignore the issue.

    As for the speech issue, I'm perfectly familiar with what the laws protect (I'm not a lawyer or even close, just nerd enough to have spent several nights reading through relevant supreme court decisions). My real concern is that if he does make it an issue, we'd have to get the administration involved, and if I didn't cover my tracks perfectly, well, there's precedent for them shutting the club down over less.

    Essentially, at this point, I need advice on how to come to an amicable resolution now, preferably without too much administrator involvement. What Serpentine said makes sense, and is certainly something I'll remember in the future, but isn't of much help to me now, I feel.

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    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    @KarlMarx:

    The basic maxim for an open society is: "No tolerance for intolerance". Yes, that includes a certain paradox by automatically excluding some people, but is necessary to protect the openness we should all strive for.

    For your club, you're an authority person right now, so sit down and review and possible alter the charta for the club to be as inclusive as possible, meaning you should also include rules against discrimination, hate speech and slurs. Make sure there're lines that shouldn't be crossed and proclaim loudly "We don't want that here".

    You can also come up with a variant of "three strikes - out", like "three offenses - temporary ban for a week, three temporary bans - out".

    The rest, sadly, is more up to the player than to you. Have a talk with him, tell him his comments are hurtful and unwanted and when he keeps repeating them, there'll be consequences. The rest is up to him. You're not your brothers keeper when there're other people around that also needs keeping.

    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    "Free speech" just means he can't be arrested for what he said. A public school may be a government organisation but they can still have rules against certain kinds of language. I doubt you're allowed to swear in front of a teacher, so why would he be allowed to use slurs or hate speech? "Free speech" is 99% of the time a stupid bs argument. And regardless of school rules there can (and should!) be social repercussions for that kind of talk.
    Times like these, I'm actually pretty happy that my country doesn't have "Free Speech" in that sense. Break the law and suffer the consequences and stuff like "Hate Speech" is considered a crime against your fellow citizens.

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    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by KarlMarx View Post
    So, does anyone have any advice for talking to him about the scenario? I might be able to talk some sense into him but I'd rather not make any bad blood...
    Right, so... I grew up around this type of guy. I probably was one at some point, to try to fit in better.

    In my experience, the guys doing this sort of thing only latch onto it as long as they're getting a rise out of someone.

    I'm going to assume it's a... weekly game? Something like that? If that's the case, I'd advise ignoring it until the next game. If he doesn't keep doing it, then he's gotten over it for now, and you can move on with your life.

    And if he does it again (next game or any later time), you can default to "we don't do that here."

    .

    "But my free speech rights at a public school!"

    "Yeah, a public school. Where you get in trouble if you cuss at the teachers, wear a shirt with a slur on it, or say sexually explicit things. We don't get to use slurs at school. We can get in trouble for it, so we don't do that here."


    .

    Seriously, what public school allows all free speech? None I've ever seen.

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    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I am fully aware that the guy's invocation of speech is not an argument he'd win. The issue is, as I've mentioned above, that I don't want to have to involve the school's administration, and I don't think I could handle it in the club as that approach has gotten us in trouble in the path. I'm looking for advice on how I can create a constructive resolution without bringing it to the level where administration would need to get involved, which a speech issue--however phoney--would.

    We also don't actually have a charter (yet), though I've been meaning to write one...

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    OrcBarbarianGirl

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mariah View Post
    I thought I should introduce myself quickly. I am DireMoose's wife Mariah.
    Hiya! :D My introduction is in the dark misty depths of time and also inaccurate anyways at this point.. I'm just a married forty-something NA ace T-girl in a cold place. Nice to meet you!
    Quote Originally Posted by KarlMarx View Post
    We also don't actually have a charter (yet), though I've been meaning to write one...
    Well there you go! :D
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mariah View Post
    I thought I should introduce myself quickly. I am DireMoose's wife Mariah. It took me two transitions to get it right and finally succeed and transitioning. I was born intersex and in many ways despite having had SRS my body still shows that too. Just here to make friends and help others. Jamie thought it would be a good idea I joined and so here I am.
    Oh hi! Nice to meet you

    Not much to say except I'm bi, a girl, and I post on this forum sometimes.

    Welcome!
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I’m trying out binding with KT tape (not TransTape though because shipping from the US is so fricking expensive) and so far I’m not completely happy with it. It makes me a bit flatter, but not as flat as I would like, and also not as flat as a binder. But I think with a bit more practise it will work better, so I’m still hopeful. Also, it doesn’t hurt at all (and even feels kinda nice), so that makes it much better than a binder - I can’t often wear my binder because anything tight around my chest hurts my ribs and back (even a fairly soft sports bra, or a normal bra). So if I can get it to work a bit better still, I think it will be a good option for me for days when I just can’t stand not binding.
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