LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[Eldest]

I'm new to the thread, but I've been really struggling with my gender-identity and sexuality recently. I've always questioned my gender, but people always told me it was a phase and I'd grow out of it (if I ever mentioned it at all, because I often felt ashamed of my fantasies involving not being my assigned gender). I'm also afraid that I have the wrong motives for questioning my gender identity, that I'm trying to distance myself because I feel like I don't fit in, not because I'm actually gender queer. I'm primarily interested in learning more about the different ways someone who identifies as LGBTAI+ understand themselves, because I've always felt that societal expectation of who I am in these areas doesn't really fit me, but I don't have a clear idea of what sexuality/gender-identity I have.

I apologize if this comes across as stilted or rambling. I'm really just anxious because I feel like it's important for me to finally start trying to find answers to my questions about who I am, but I don't really know how to start.

Wanting to not be your assigned gender is the biggest sign for not, in fact, being your assigned gender. Try looking at yourself as different from cis and straight, and see what labels fit you.

[JusticeZero]

One of my friends is gushing at me about being ..infatuated? with a woman's scent and presence and things, and I feel like a complete alien freak because I have no idea how to even interpret what she is saying to me.

Oh, and what Eldest said, but you might also need to start trying stuff out so you can triangulate and figure things out.
What is your relationship with your reflection in a mirror like?

[3WhiteFox3]

Oh, and what Eldest said, but you might also need to start trying stuff out so you can triangulate and figure things out.
What is your relationship with your reflection in a mirror like?

Complicated, I have body-image issues, which are partially due to being overweight and not being great at self-care, but also because I've never felt 'right' as the gender I was supposed to be. I look at myself and I don't see that's a man, which is my assigned gender, I just see a person. I thought I would feel more like my assigned gender as I got older, but it hasn't happened yet. I've always felt like a floating head in a body than a gendered being and most of my thoughts of masculinity were whether I was measuring up to the expectations of others. For a long time, I avoided mirrors all together because I had a hard time looking at them, I recognized that the person in the reflection is what I look like, but it doesn't look like me (if that makes any sense). There's also just a lot of issues with how my parents (and culture I used to be associated with) perceived what an 'ideal' man was supposed to be, and I've never been able to live up to that.

I want to start exploring different alternatives, and right now I'm thinking about choosing to self-identify as agender or genderqueer. Simply because I have been trying out different associations of gender in my head (Saying things like: "I am a man", "I am a woman" and "I don't fit into any one gender" to see what fits me best) and the idea that I keep coming back to is that I feel most comfortable when I think of myself as not being confined to just one gender. I don't feel like my biology fits who I really am.

That said, I don't know what steps can be made to make myself feel more comfortable if I am agender or genderqueer.

[JusticeZero]

I've always felt like a floating head in a body than a gendered being and most of my thoughts of masculinity were whether I was measuring up to the expectations of others. For a long time, I avoided mirrors all together because I had a hard time looking at them, I recognized that the person in the reflection is what I look like, but it doesn't look like me (if that makes any sense).

OK, that sounds pretty verbatim what one of the most distinctive experiences of not being cisgender is.

Now the reason I say to triangulate is this: I didn't have much of a pull to the other gender, so all I knew was that I wasn't *male* and that made me dysphoric. But I was confusing the 'new car smell' with other dysphoria. Once I decided to stop mucking about and try switching sides and tried things out, I was able to figure out that I didn't actually have any dysphoria there, and I was better able to carve out an identity. As you noted, there is a LOT more support for binary identities. Alternately, you might race to the other side of the pool and hit a wall on that side too, in which case, aha! You have data to work with to figure out where you belong!

[Reaperess]

Is it too late for me to join in here? Should I make a proper introduction for myself?

I don't post a lot, I mostly lurk, but I do want to become more active in this community (GITP, in general, and especially in any LGBT+ areas).

I guess to start off with, Hi I'm Reaperess. Trans woman, Lesbian, possibly poly(?), and I've been out and transitioning for nearly a year and a half.

[AMFV]

*offers hugs*

If you start out slowly and on a low dose and slowly build up and mind any adverse reactions you should be okay; (estrogen)-based HRT (I'm not super familiar with potential testosterone side-effects, but it's a lot harder to get access too considering it can be used for doping purposes in sports) is pretty low on the risk-scale looking at meds overall.

Actually because of it's alternative uses it is incredibly easy to get access to test, although you may have to go through some super shady channels and do a lot of research to do so. But there's a lot of research available, much more than Estrogenic compounds actually, because people who are using it to lift bigger weights and get swole have been putting crap on the internet. Although, you do have to wade through a bunch of crap to get to that.

I have some limited experience with it, if anybody has questions, although since I was a testosterone dominant person to begin with, and because I was probably using dosages that would be obscene for anybody just trying for an HRT type effect, so I don't know how useful my experiences would be.

I will say the following, make sure you do your research on what other stuff you should be taking for the side effects cause aromatasing will really screw you over. I'm not going to go into it in too much detail since I only have my own personal experience and am not going to be giving folks medical advice, but suffice it to say you should never be on only test, although maybe in really small doses that's okay.

Also, the "Super *******" thing is true, if you were a jerk before, if you take test you will be an enormous tool at least some of the time, if you aren't watching to make sure that doesn't happen. So that's like the main thing I would watch for, any kind of mood swings or what-not.

[EternalMelon]

Is it too late for me to join in here? Should I make a proper introduction for myself?

I don't post a lot, I mostly lurk, but I do want to become more active in this community (GITP, in general, and especially in any LGBT+ areas).

I guess to start off with, Hi I'm Reaperess. Trans woman, Lesbian, possibly poly(?), and I've been out and transitioning for nearly a year and a half.

Hey, welcome to the thread! Never feel hesitant to post about anything at all!

[Florian]

Complicated, I have body-image issues, which are partially due to being overweight and not being great at self-care, but also because I've never felt 'right' as the gender I was supposed to be. I look at myself and I don't see that's a man, which is my assigned gender, I just see a person. I thought I would feel more like my assigned gender as I got older, but it hasn't happened yet. I've always felt like a floating head in a body than a gendered being and most of my thoughts of masculinity were whether I was measuring up to the expectations of others. For a long time, I avoided mirrors all together because I had a hard time looking at them, I recognized that the person in the reflection is what I look like, but it doesn't look like me (if that makes any sense). There's also just a lot of issues with how my parents (and culture I used to be associated with) perceived what an 'ideal' man was supposed to be, and I've never been able to live up to that.

I want to start exploring different alternatives, and right now I'm thinking about choosing to self-identify as agender or genderqueer. Simply because I have been trying out different associations of gender in my head (Saying things like: "I am a man", "I am a woman" and "I don't fit into any one gender" to see what fits me best) and the idea that I keep coming back to is that I feel most comfortable when I think of myself as not being confined to just one gender. I don't feel like my biology fits who I really am.

That said, I don't know what steps can be made to make myself feel more comfortable if I am agender or genderqueer.

*Shrugs*

You've already named the core problem you've got to get a grip on. The propagated image of what "masculine" and "feminine" (in the media) doesn't have much to do with the baseline CIS we´re born with at times. Don't let yourself be fooled, a "Brad Pitt" doesn't define what CIS masculinity is, neither do other "icons".

That said, some food for thought: Like with the "free speech" amendment, you might be allowed to say whatever you want, but nobody is forced to listen. Same with your overweight issue and lack of self care. You apparently try to positioned yourself on the "side lines" and hope to be flexible enough so someone, somehow, is gonna "love" you for what you are, which is not gonna happen.

[3WhiteFox3]

*Shrugs*

You've already named the core problem you've got to get a grip on. The propagated image of what "masculine" and "feminine" (in the media) doesn't have much to do with the baseline CIS we´re born with at times. Don't let yourself be fooled, a "Brad Pitt" doesn't define what CIS masculinity is, neither do other "icons".

I've considered that, but for reasons I won't go into here, that answer hasn't satisfied me. I've heard everything you've said from countless well-meaning people, it hasn't helped. I'm questioning because I've tried everything else. I don't even know how you define cis masculinity, so I don't know how you could start defining mine either (or whether or not I'm cis nor not). But that doesn't even matter, I just don't find what you've posted relevant or persuasive.

That said, some food for thought: Like with the "free speech" amendment, you might be allowed to say whatever you want, but nobody is forced to listen. Same with your overweight issue and lack of self care. You apparently try to positioned yourself on the "side lines" and hope to be flexible enough so someone, somehow, is gonna "love" you for what you are, which is not gonna happen.

I've heard this all before. I've even seriously considered it. I'm not trying to force anyone to listen to me or love me. What even gives you that idea? (nor am I just waiting for someone to love me without doing things on my own). Sometimes people need more help than that. You've also made a bunch of baseless assumptions that have nothing to do with my reality. So don't patronize me. I'm well aware that my weight and self care are issues, and I'm working on them.

EDIT: I'm coming across as more dismissive here than I intended. I hear what you're saying, I do. I just don't agree, even though I used to. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but that's why I'm questioning and trying new things. If that also doesn't work, great, then I'll have empirical evidence that guides future decisions. If it does work and I do start to feel more like myself (because that's what this is really about) then that's what I'm going with.

[Sobol]

Is it too late for me to join in here? Should I make a proper introduction for myself?

I don't post a lot, I mostly lurk, but I do want to become more active in this community (GITP, in general, and especially in any LGBT+ areas).

I guess to start off with, Hi I'm Reaperess. Trans woman, Lesbian, possibly poly(?), and I've been out and transitioning for nearly a year and a half.

Greetings from a fellow lurker!

[Heliomance]

Nice - my work's just announced that they're partnering with Stonewall as a corporate sponsor, and starting up an LGBT member network.

[Sobol]

And the biggest movie theater in my city started routinely screening LGBT films (I guess the owners are sympathizers).

You have to be 18+ to watch In a Heartbeat on a big screen, but it still feels like progress here.

[JusticeZero]

I am seeing signs advertising for the bathroom bill now.

There was a radio debate, every call in was against the bathroom bill (except for one email whining that nobody on the other side had asked a question, but the moderator annoyedly had to then comment "But you didn't ask a question, so..."

All I could think of was the male security guard who barged into the bathroom yelling my name and demanding I use the men's room. What would he do if my husband, who is read as male, were to walk into the men's room with an actual law banning him from the men's bathroom in place? And all the times I have heard people say "If I see a man walk into the women's bathroom, I'll shoot him!"

Mental health is tattered, even if the actual news has been hopeful. I'm trying to get mental health time, but I feel like I need some tips on how to soak this stuff.

[Heliomance]

Bleeeeh, I'm having anxieties about never being able to find a partner again. Brains suck.

[Sahe]

Hey, first time posting in this thread.

I'm a trans woman and lesbian.

Some random notes:
- beards are the worst, but I can start getting rid of mine in 1.5 months, which is kind of sad considering I can grow a pretty nice beard.
- I realized I'm trans at 25...sorta I guess because that's when I started to have a frame of reference for what I was feeling.
- shopping clothes sucks! Because (almost) everything is too small.
- I often see trans people talking about their negative experiences and reactions they got. Granted I'm early in transitioning, but every person I've come out to so far has been accepting if not outright supportive. Sure my mother took it some time, but so far I wasn't forced to cut out a single friend or family member (or was cut out by them), if anything it strengthened my relationship, because I could finally be more myself and more open.
- starting HRT fixed my sleeping problems, made me enjoy hot showers more and settled any uncertainties about my sexuality
- Picking out a new name for yourself rules.

As a note: I'm from Germany, where insurances cover a lot of stuff, which is nice.

[Serpentine]

Some random notes:
- beards are the worst, but I can start getting rid of mine in 1.5 months, which is kind of sad considering I can grow a pretty nice beard.

Random side-note:

Spoiler

Show

Maaaan I wish beards on women were socially acceptable, because I honestly dig it aesthetically. It's sorta slowly getting there, bit by bit, though.

[noparlpf]

Also as a totally random side-note, I present orangutans as supporting evidence that dwarven women could totally have beards.

[Comrade]

- I often see trans people talking about their negative experiences and reactions they got. Granted I'm early in transitioning, but every person I've come out to so far has been accepting if not outright supportive. Sure my mother took it some time, but so far I wasn't forced to cut out a single friend or family member (or was cut out by them), if anything it strengthened my relationship, because I could finally be more myself and more open.

That's great! Considering how many LGBT people, sadly, have stories of less than ideal receptions to coming out, it's always really nice to hear that that isn't always the case.

[CWater]

Hey, first time posting in this thread.

I'm a trans woman and lesbian.

Some random notes:
- beards are the worst, but I can start getting rid of mine in 1.5 months, which is kind of sad considering I can grow a pretty nice beard.
- I realized I'm trans at 25...sorta I guess because that's when I started to have a frame of reference for what I was feeling.
- shopping clothes sucks! Because (almost) everything is too small.
- I often see trans people talking about their negative experiences and reactions they got. Granted I'm early in transitioning, but every person I've come out to so far has been accepting if not outright supportive. Sure my mother took it some time, but so far I wasn't forced to cut out a single friend or family member (or was cut out by them), if anything it strengthened my relationship, because I could finally be more myself and more open.
- starting HRT fixed my sleeping problems, made me enjoy hot showers more and settled any uncertainties about my sexuality
- Picking out a new name for yourself rules.

As a note: I'm from Germany, where insurances cover a lot of stuff, which is nice.

Welcome! And good to hear things have gone well with family and friends, it's nice to hear about positive experiences too.

Also, I share your feelings about clothes shopping. Ugh. -_-
(I'm a AFAB agender person, with a cup size that is impossible to hide.)

[Sahe]

Maaaan I wish beards on women were socially acceptable, because I honestly dig it aesthetically. It's sorta slowly getting there, bit by bit, though.

Ok, so I'm like on the fence on this one, because if it were a) socially acceptable and b) common I wouldn't be bothered by it, on the other hand I hate looking in the mirror mostly because of that beard-shadow that is even super noticeable when I've just shaven.

Also as a totally random side-note, I present orangutans as supporting evidence that dwarven women could totally have beards.

I present the Character Creator of Dragon Age: Inquisition where you can give a female dwarf a beard...well a stubble.

That's great! Considering how many LGBT people, sadly, have stories of less than ideal receptions to coming out, it's always really nice to hear that that isn't always the case.

Welcome! And good to hear things have gone well with family and friends, it's nice to hear about positive experiences too.

I guess I'm skewing the odds a bit in my favor by not haven come out to people I'm pretty sure would have a problem with it, but I'm still amazed that I have such cool friends and mum. I am still kinda waiting for some blowback to come from somewhere, probably from parts of the family I'm not out to and don't deal with on a day to day basis. And to be fair from my family only my mum and my stepdad know...so there are quite a few still out of the loop.

[Derjuin]

Hey, it's been a long time since I posted anything in here... I should probably reintroduce myself.

Hi, I'm Derjuin, I'm trans but I really don't like identifying as trans (I'd rather just identify as female). Kinda knew something was up since I was about 5. Hormones have always been out of whack, HRT is finally making them right (I'm now on Estro, Spiro and Progesterone, whee, but I wish the progesterone was a higher dose) and making me feel like I'm right in my body, mostly.

I have a love-hate relationship with clothes shopping, as it's hard to find A. clothes in styles I like that fit me, B. shoes that fit my wide feet without looking like flippers, and C. a bra that fits right, all for what I can afford, especially since I'm not exactly petite.

I came here today because, while trawling the 'nets last night for pricing options on sex reassignment surgery etc., I came across various sources that say Maryland's Medicaid program actually covers SRS costs with certain requirements (HRT, therapist + doctor letters, diagnosis). I am probably way behind in this news as SRS has always been a faraway dream for me, but this seems absolutely amazing... I wanted to share it, and also maybe see if anyone else can confirm that info, since the latest sources I could find were around 2016.

[JNAProductions]

Derjuin, I have no real advice to offer, but I will say best of luck to you, and I LOVE that avatar!

[Derjuin]

Derjuin, I have no real advice to offer, but I will say best of luck to you, and I LOVE that avatar!

Thank you so much! I've found a pretty great team of surgeons within a 2hr drive of my house that can do the surgery AND they accept my insurance! Things are looking pretty awesome; I hope I can have both the consultation and the surgery done this year, but I know it's a bit of a longshot to expect to get into some of these places within a year. The main reason for this year is because I doubt I will qualify for my insurance next year; I'm being fast-tracked to a management position at Wawa, so I don't think I will be within the limits for medicaid. Of course, by next year I SHOULD qualify for Wawa's employee insurance, so maybe that will save me.

Regarding the avatar: it comes from concept art for the game Freedom Planet (and, technically, Freedom Planet 2). I'm kind of obsessed over it atm, it's pretty good. I recommend.

[Sahe]

I came here today because, while trawling the 'nets last night for pricing options on sex reassignment surgery etc., I came across various sources that say Maryland's Medicaid program actually covers SRS costs

In Germany SRS is also covered, problem is, I recently did some research an apparently all German doctors are rather inexperienced and kind of ****ty. There is a good clinic in Amsterdam, which can also be covered, but I might have to fight a little legal battle for that. Maybe it'll get better/easier once the politicians get around to reworking that Transgender law.

[Florian]

In Germany SRS is also covered, problem is, I recently did some research an apparently all German doctors are rather inexperienced and kind of ****ty. There is a good clinic in Amsterdam, which can also be covered, but I might have to fight a little legal battle for that. Maybe it'll get better/easier once the politicians get around to reworking that Transgender law.

That..... depends. University clinics like the Charité or Rechts der Isar are actually quite good at it and have a proven SRS record for quite a while. Problem is that they're educational institutions and the real "aces" will more or less always end up in the private healthcare industry. So regular research doesn't help here, you've got to contact the clinics, ask for the current staff, check the track record of that and chose where to go.

[Lycunadari]

My health insurance changed my name. After my university, that's the second place that accepted my semi-offical trans ID (I haven't legally changed my name yet). Hopefully, I can now also tell all my doctors to change my name, which should reduce the number of times I have to see/hear my old name significantly.

[JNAProductions]

My health insurance changed my name. After my university, that's the second place that accepted my semi-offical trans ID (I haven't legally changed my name yet). Hopefully, I can now also tell all my doctors to change my name, which should reduce the number of times I have to see/hear my old name significantly.

Awesome! *Offers high-fives, hugs, and celebratory cookies*

Here's hoping that changing your name for everything else goes swimmingly.

[Dire Moose]

We just took some measurements and found out that my breasts have now grown to a B-cup.

[137beth]

Congrats, Moose.

[Orcus The Vile]

Is call me by your name any good?

I want to like this movie so much, but I find so alien and difficult to relate to attractive, rich and young guys having fun in understanding families with no gayangst going on.