LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[Shadowscale]

That anon is COMPLETELY WRONG! It’s pansexuals who grow up from the floor, and bisexuals who grow down from the ceiling. Everybody knows that!

Oh my, it all makes so much sense now.

[AuthorGirl]

That anon is COMPLETELY WRONG! It’s pansexuals who grow up from the floor, and bisexuals who grow down from the ceiling. Everybody knows that!

I'm okay with either prefix; what direction did I grow from?

[Jormengand]

One of my lovers just left me because they couldn't handle a polyamourous relationship.

Which sucks.

I don't even know how to handle my emotional response to it or what that response should even be.

I'm a mess right now.

[Xihirli]

You're a fantastic person and I'm sure you'll make it through this.

[Thufir]

I'm okay with either prefix; what direction did I grow from?

Clearly this means you are bidirectional. Or, wait, should that be pandirectional? Hmm...

[AuthorGirl]

Clearly this means you are bidirectional. Or, wait, should that be pandirectional? Hmm...

Bahaha that was perfect

@Jormengand: That sounds awful. *sends you Internet hugs*

[Heliomance]

Exciting news! My electrolysis technician told me yesterday I'm nearly finished with it, so surgery arrangements can start to move forward again at last! It's been so long!

Of course at this point in thinking I might put it off until October anyway, because of when I can afford to have an extended recovery period

[Astrella]

@Jor: Aww, that sucks. :(

@Helio: Oh, that's great news!

=====

Recovery is going well; don't really have much trouble yet and discomfort is actually becoming less than before the repair surgery which is good. :)

[Domino Quartz]

I don't know what my sexuality is. I always thought I was heterosexual (for me, since I'm a man, only attracted to women), but since the age of 23 I've noticed myself being somewhat attracted to men. Unfortunately, because of how I was raised (in a conservative religious family), that caused a bit of self-hatred up until the second quarter of the next year (when I gave up my beliefs). I've since come to terms a bit more with my same-sex attraction, but the idea of sex with men does not appeal to me. Can someone help me?

[ve4grm]

I don't know what my sexuality is. I always thought I was heterosexual (for me, since I'm a man, only attracted to women), but since the age of 23 I've noticed myself being somewhat attracted to men. Unfortunately, because of how I was raised (in a conservative religious family), that caused a bit of self-hatred up until the second quarter of the next year (when I gave up my beliefs). I've since come to terms a bit more with my same-sex attraction, but the idea of sex with men does not appeal to me. Can someone help me?

Sexuality and attraction are not quite 100% lined up for everyone. It sounds to me like you're heterosexual, but (at least a bit) biromantic. You can see the appeal of a romantic relationship with at least some men, but aren't interested sexually.

This is fine.

There are people that are bisexual/heteroromantic, homosexual/aromantic (they don't want romantic relationships, but enjoy sex), asexual/biromantic (no interest in sex at all, but want a romantic relationship).

For many (most?) the two line up. But clearly not for all. It could be that you fit into this category.

(It could also be that since this is a process you're going through, you will develop the sexual interest later as you get more comfortable with yourself, but that's not a given.)

[Domino Quartz]

Sexuality and attraction are not quite 100% lined up for everyone. It sounds to me like you're heterosexual, but (at least a bit) biromantic. You can see the appeal of a romantic relationship with at least some men, but aren't interested sexually.

This is fine.

There are people that are bisexual/heteroromantic, homosexual/aromantic (they don't want romantic relationships, but enjoy sex), asexual/biromantic (no interest in sex at all, but want a romantic relationship).

For many (most?) the two line up. But clearly not for all. It could be that you fit into this category.

(It could also be that since this is a process you're going through, you will develop the sexual interest later as you get more comfortable with yourself, but that's not a given.)

This helps. Thanks.

EDIT: Upon reflection, it's not that the idea of engaging in sexual activity with a man repels me, it's that whenever my mind wanders to a guy-on-guy sexual fantasy, another part of my mind says "No! Such fantasies are bad and you should feel bad for having them!" I don't know how long it's going to take for that to stop happening.

[Sobol]

Just read it on Twitter:

The time traveller appeared at important parts of his life with help and advice. She was so cool and beautiful, and he wished he could be more like her. One day she unlocked his phone, via the fingerprint scanner. He realised who she was, and suddenly the future looked so bright.

[Serpentine]

This helps. Thanks.

EDIT: Upon reflection, it's not that the idea of engaging in sexual activity with a man repels me, it's that whenever my mind wanders to a guy-on-guy sexual fantasy, another part of my mind says "No! Such fantasies are bad and you should feel bad for having them!" I don't know how long it's going to take for that to stop happening.

As mentioned, there are distinct categories of romantic, sexual and even aesthetic attraction, which could be worth exploring.
For your edit, maybe it could be worth going out of your way a bit to read/watch some "queer literature" and media that happens to include non-straight characters and relationships. Ease your way into seeing it as something normal (which it is), not Other.

[super dark33]

Upon reflection, it's not that the idea of engaging in sexual activity with a man repels me, it's that whenever my mind wanders to a guy-on-guy sexual fantasy, another part of my mind says "No! Such fantasies are bad and you should feel bad for having them!" I don't know how long it's going to take for that to stop happening.

I guess the way i dealt with the very same thing was forcing myself to think about the stuff, consuming gradually lewd media until i became comfortable with how the sex i want to have looks like.

Though in my case ot was less "this thing is wrong" and more "this thing is feminine and you are msacu bro dude man" an act im grateful i managed to break out of albiet slowly.

[Dr. Cliché]

{Scrubbed}

[JNAProductions]

-Snipped for rudeness-

Please, please, PLEASE tell me that's just a joke. Because if it is... It's in poor taste. And if it's not, kindly go very far away from a support thread designed to help people with their lives.

[Domino Quartz]

Thanks for your replies, everybody. For now, I'm dealing with it by allowing those same-sex fantasies to come and go in my mind instead of trying to stop them.
EDIT: I think I've had a small breakthrough. I'm already more comfortable with myself than I was before.

[EternalMelon]

Thanks for your replies, everybody. For now, I'm dealing with it by allowing those same-sex fantasies to come and go in my mind instead of trying to stop them.
EDIT: I think I've had a small breakthrough. I'm already more comfortable with myself than I was before.

I'm glad to hear it. One more thing to keep in mind is that of course you don't need to label yourself, and if you do want a label (or description, whatever makes you most comfortable) it doesn't have to be right away, or even 100% accurate. You can call yourself bisexual if your only interested in men romantically for instance. Labels and identities are meant to help people, not cause strife with themselves.

but it sounds like you are already becoming comfortable with yourself, so don't worry about it.

[JNAProductions]

Thanks for your replies, everybody. For now, I'm dealing with it by allowing those same-sex fantasies to come and go in my mind instead of trying to stop them.
EDIT: I think I've had a small breakthrough. I'm already more comfortable with myself than I was before.

Huzzah! We're here to help should you need it, but glad you're making progress.

I'll echo what Melon said-don't worry about what exact words describe you. Just be yourself, and be happy.

[sneakykitten]

My name is Sabrina. And I am a transgender girl. My life has been filled with sadness from homelessness to abusive partners. And I am forced to pick myself up off the ground and survive every time. I'm getting tired of merely surviving though. I wanna have love and healthy relationships. Mostly only older men wanna date me and it's getting tiresome. I want a relationship with a twenty-something woman like me.

When I was homeless I had to play the dating game to survive. One of my partners even sued me twice when I had a home. There's so much loneliness and hatred around me every day. I've been assaulted and permanently scarred by family members and then they told me to get the f bomb out.

Cops are variously nice and violent to me. One of them even said, 'When I look at you I see a female but the wrong pronouns keep slipping out.'

Therapists have me committed and lecture me about God's loving forgiveness and grace when... there is no grace for me, no forgiveness, just coldness and distance. I dearly wish my mother loved me.

So I drown myself in inspirational songs that ultimately don't inspire me. I fake being bubbly and happy to please others. Please make the pain stop someone anyone... yet I won't do away with myself. It's too scary being a street girl.

[Anymage]

First, how aware are you of the resources available? There are services to help with both homelessness and LGBT+ness, but they can be hard to find when you're in the thick of things. It'd help to know what you already know about so people can help direct you.

Second;

Therapists have me committed and lecture me about God's loving forgiveness and grace when... there is no grace for me, no forgiveness, just coldness and distance. I dearly wish my mother loved me.

I don't know your personal stance on faith, so ignore the following if you're not a believer. But since you sound like you are one deep down, I've known plenty of people in your shoes who have found their place with both God and a good faith-based community. Giving chapter and verse would fall afoul of board rules. But you aren't irredeemably broken just because of who you are.

So I drown myself in inspirational songs that ultimately don't inspire me. I fake being bubbly and happy to please others. Please make the pain stop someone anyone... yet I won't do away with myself. It's too scary being a street girl.

I'm going to level with you here. What you've been through is rough, and it's going to take a lot of time to work through. And in the immediate term, while you're trying to just establish a healthy community and a stable living situation, romance is going to be an extra complication that you may not have the proper mental bandwidth for. But the first step is getting yourself into a safe, supportive place. Let us know what you're aware of, I'm sure people here can help point you at more services if you need them.

[sneakykitten]

There are support group meetings yet no one will take me. There's therapy and my therapist is already talking to me about being in a group... which could have inappropriate people that wanna bother me and more. I have a case manager, a caregiver, yet the caregiver doesn't know her ways around here. I can't focus on all the crises in my life without some assistance from someone. And I think romance could help I mean someone else in my life as a companion and friend who might help me sort things out... but I dunno. Anyways I live at an assisted living home right now but they've already threatened me with the cops before and when they backed down I didn't feel any better I might as well be living on borrowed time.

[Zhentarim]

There are support group meetings yet no one will take me. There's therapy and my therapist is already talking to me about being in a group... which could have inappropriate people that wanna bother me and more. I have a case manager, a caregiver, yet the caregiver doesn't know her ways around here. I can't focus on all the crises in my life without some assistance from someone. And I think romance could help I mean someone else in my life as a companion and friend who might help me sort things out... but I dunno. Anyways I live at an assisted living home right now but they've already threatened me with the cops before and when they backed down I didn't feel any better I might as well be living on borrowed time.

assisted living...are you older?

[Florian]

assisted living...are you older?

Sabrina mentioned looking for a twenty-something ... "like her", so I guess: no.

I know "assisted living" as some kind of support program for more or less stable mental healthcare patients, or recovering drug addicts, so late teens/young adults sharing a flat/house, while having regular oversight.

@sneakykitten:

Sorry to sound a bit pessimistic in what is basically a support thread, but it´s simply foolish to try and externalize your hope for support and/or salvation. Neither a genuine lover nor a sugar daddy will help you deal with the larger situation at hand, at least not in the long run.

Been at your point and pain and despair is everything there is, still you don't give in or give up. I'm not saying that life is agony is a valid choice, that's something you temporarily accept and try to get out of it, but it also can grant strength.

[sneakykitten]

I'm 28.

And okay. I guess I just got to shut all this away then because people are telling me to deal with it. I got help from a therapist and caregivers so I must not need anymore. Sorry for bothering everyone.

[137beth]

Wait, are you saying the people who work for this so-called "assisted" living program threatened to call the police on you? That sounds horrible. Are you looking for a way out of this "assisted-" living program?

[Florian]

@sneakykitten:

I'm just being honest with you. Your wants and needs are basic human, your situation is pretty dire and you want to get out of it, all of that is absolutely understandable and everyone without a heart of stone will share your pain.

But you've gotta be a bit more concrete with your situation. What is your educational status, why have you been sued and how comes that you have to deal with the police so often?

[sneakykitten]

Someone sent me a private message and it looks all messed up I can't even read it. Not because of them because of my computer screen I guess.

And yeah the home threatened me with the cops because a guy yelled at me and then I yelled back at him. Everyone thinks I'm emotional and yelling even when I'm not.

My education status is no high school diploma. And mostly I deal with the police when I am homeless or in trouble for making threats I didn't mean or touching the wrong person. And by "touching" I don't mean sexually just like trying to form a human connection by touching someone's face when they're about to beat me up. I didn't really wanna say all this because as soon as I say, "I technically committed a crime," people tune out and tell me I deserve to be where I'm at.

[AuthorGirl]

And yeah the home threatened me with the cops because a guy yelled at me and then I yelled back at him. Everyone thinks I'm emotional and yelling even when I'm not.

Why did he yell at you?

As for the rest, it's hard to judge your tone of voice in this setting, obviously . Not to say that you're in the wrong, but maybe you could try an experiment: keep your voice just a tiny bit quieter for a few days and observe people's reactions.

My education status is no high school diploma.

I'm really sorry. Is there any way for you to get a high school diploma now? Would your caregiver know of any resources for you?

I didn't really wanna say all this because as soon as I say, "I technically committed a crime," people tune out and tell me I deserve to be where I'm at.

Oh no that sounds awful. You absolutely do not deserve these troubles in your life, and you do deserve to be listened to. I apologize in advance for if I (or anyone else here) seem dismissive of you - I don't want to be cruel to you in any way, and I don't think our fellow Playgrounders do either.

[AMFV]

I'm really sorry. Is there any way for you to get a high school diploma now? Would your caregiver know of any resources for you?

The best answer for that is probably to get a GED, and usually there a low to no cost resources available for that. What I personally would recommend to somebody in that situation is get a GED then take community college classes so that you can have education that looks better than just the GED alone.