LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[Delta]

Is it common for friends to try to set you up with people once you come out?

The very second a gay kid in high school came out to some friends, a couple of girls made it their personal mission to set him up with a boyfriend, so yeah, it definitely does happen. I mean, at least it was a sign they were accepting, that's a lot better than what you could expect from many people at that age I guess...

[Domino Quartz]

I made this image:


It's the sparkly rainbow from my avatar. It's called "RGBT rainbow sparkle." This is a sort of pun on two things. First, RGB - this is what I call an RGB rainbow, because it goes through the RGB spectrum (that is: red, yellow, green, cyan, blue, magenta and the colours in between) rather than the colours of a real rainbow. Second, LGBT - I was just going to call it "RGB rainbow sparkle," but I noticed the pun potential and couldn't resist. I'm posting this in case anyone else wants to use it as part of their avatar or something.

[Sahe]

I made this image:


It's the sparkly rainbow from my avatar. It's called "RGBT rainbow sparkle." This is a sort of pun on two things. First, RGB - this is what I call an RGB rainbow, because it goes through the RGB spectrum (that is: red, yellow, green, cyan, blue, magenta and the colours in between) rather than the colours of a real rainbow. Second, LGBT - I was just going to call it "RGB rainbow sparkle," but I noticed the pun potential and couldn't resist. I'm posting this in case anyone else wants to use it as part of their avatar or something.

Omg, I love this :D

[Xihirli]

I will send this to everyone I know.

[AuthorGirl]

The very second a gay kid in high school came out to some friends, a couple of girls made it their personal mission to set him up with a boyfriend, so yeah, it definitely does happen. I mean, at least it was a sign they were accepting, that's a lot better than what you could expect from many people at that age I guess...

Heh, that must've been quite awkward for the kid . . .

[ZamielVanWeber]

Heh, that must've been quite awkward for the kid . . .

It inevitably is. It is annoying because people seem to think gay guy + gay guy = couple. Personalities people. Personalities.

[AuthorGirl]

It inevitably is. It is annoying because people seem to think gay guy + gay guy = couple. Personalities people. Personalities.

I mean, people do that with straight (or straight-seeming) people too. Turns out humans just ship everything way too much

[Delta]

It inevitably is. It is annoying because people seem to think gay guy + gay guy = couple. Personalities people. Personalities.

Sad fact of life: A gay teenager in the late 90s didn't exactly have a huge dating pool available (I guess it's not that much better today, but I'll leave others here to answer that), so it kind of came down to "Let's try to hook him up with the only other gay guy our age we know!" but yeah, it was awkward and I don't think anything really worked out.

[ZamielVanWeber]

Sad fact of life: A gay teenager in the late 90s didn't exactly have a huge dating pool available (I guess it's not that much better today, but I'll leave others here to answer that), so it kind of came down to "Let's try to hook him up with the only other gay guy our age we know!" but yeah, it was awkward and I don't think anything really worked out.

Still happens a lot although I blame lopsided media exposure for that.

[Xihirli]

Let's talk about labels.

I know some persons that do not identify under the trans label, while at the same time disagreeing with their assigned gender.

The reasoning behind it is simple: "I am a woman. The end. I don't need to add "trans" onto it because that's irrelevant. My womanhood is just as valid as that of any other lady's."

And I full-heartedly agree and respect any who do not identify under the trans label while pursuing their identity.

Personally, I do accept the trans label because I do not feel that I am held back by it and I do not accept the perception that it somehow makes me less of a woman to add a prefix.

Beyond that I do not deny the fact that I have been raised as though I were male, with the perceptions, biases, and of course privileges that implies.

Being raised male is an important part of how I became the way I was and while these last few years have been dedicated to eradicating everything I've just described, they still happened. Wishing I hadn't been raised as though I were male doesn't really make it go away.

I am trans and MtF and I don't disparage the label. I feel that it accurately applies to me.

[Derjuin]

Let's talk about labels.

I know some persons that do not identify under the trans label, while at the same time disagreeing with their assigned gender.

The reasoning behind it is simple: "I am a woman. The end. I don't need to add "trans" onto it because that's irrelevant. My womanhood is just as valid as that of any other lady's."

And I full-heartedly agree and respect any who do not identify under the trans label while pursuing their identity.

Personally, I do accept the trans label because I do not feel that I am held back by it and I do not accept the perception that it somehow makes me less of a woman to add a prefix.

Beyond that I do not deny the fact that I have been raised as though I were male, with the perceptions, biases, and of course privileges that implies.

Being raised male is an important part of how I became the way I was and while these last few years have been dedicated to eradicating everything I've just described, they still happened. Wishing I hadn't been raised as though I were male doesn't really make it go away.

I am trans and MtF and I don't disparage the label. I feel that it accurately applies to me.

I'm glad someone is able to find pride in the trans- prefix; I'm actually one of those people that don't like appending it to myself or using the trans symbol (though I am glad it exists) but I don't necessarily find that it disparages myself or others. It's more because my trans status caused me about 24 years of mental and social torture and depression than the veracity of my womanhood, to be honest. I am happy you can find pride in it!

[AmberVael]

Let's talk about labels.

I know some persons that do not identify under the trans label, while at the same time disagreeing with their assigned gender.

The reasoning behind it is simple: "I am a woman. The end. I don't need to add "trans" onto it because that's irrelevant. My womanhood is just as valid as that of any other lady's."

And I full-heartedly agree and respect any who do not identify under the trans label while pursuing their identity.

Personally, I do accept the trans label because I do not feel that I am held back by it and I do not accept the perception that it somehow makes me less of a woman to add a prefix.

Beyond that I do not deny the fact that I have been raised as though I were male, with the perceptions, biases, and of course privileges that implies.

Being raised male is an important part of how I became the way I was and while these last few years have been dedicated to eradicating everything I've just described, they still happened. Wishing I hadn't been raised as though I were male doesn't really make it go away.

I am trans and MtF and I don't disparage the label. I feel that it accurately applies to me.

This is an issue that has always worried me, and hearing a real life example that validates those worries is... not fun.

My worry is that our language, definitions, and a lot of people, confuse what 'trans' is. That it is a gender, or part of your gender. And when people see it that way then... yeah. Why would I want to identify as trans when it invalidates the very identity I'm pursuing? Because I am a woman, and if trans is a gender, then I am not trans.

Which is why I try hard to make a careful distinction: I am a woman. I am trans. I identify as both, and the two are related topics, but trans is not my gender. Which is why I'm really not fond of the alternate gender icons on this website, by the way. Being a trans woman is not a separate option from being a woman. I'll openly identify as trans but I am not going to conflate that with my gender (hence the trans flag in my sig).

[137beth]

So, I went to visit my family for a few days. I told them that I'm not sure what my gender is, and that I'm still trying to figure it out.

My mom was supportive, even more so than I expected. My sibling was even more supportive, but that's not surprise. I got some unexpected resistance from my dad, but not as bad as things could be compared to what some other people have gotten from their families.

[Lentrax]

Happy Pride Month, Everyone!

[Domino Quartz]

Yaaay!! Rainbow sparkles for everyone!!

[Mokèlé-mbèmbé]

The other day someone said to me "For the longest time I thought you were transgender"

How do you respond to a statement like that?

[AuthorGirl]

Happy Pride Month, Everyone!

To you as well!

Yaaay!! Rainbow sparkles for everyone!!

*basks in the sparkly glory*

[137beth]

The other day someone said to me "For the longest time I thought you were transgender"

How do you respond to a statement like that?

I'm...not sure. I feel like there's some context I'm missing. Do you have any idea why they might have thought (or still think) you're trans?
If someone said that to me without context I might say something like "stereotypes don't aren't always true," but I really don't think I'd know what I "should" say.


Of course, if you are trans, then it would depend on whether you want to tell this particular person. If you already wanted to tell them you were trans, and they already suspect you are, then telling them may be a little bit easier. Otherwise, I don't know what the best means of avoidance would be.

[Mokèlé-mbèmbé]

I'm...not sure. I feel like there's some context I'm missing. Do you have any idea why they might have thought (or still think) you're trans?

Now, the woman who said this to me was intoxicated at the time. But her inebriation merely explains her lapse in tact and not the underlying sentiment. I honestly can't say for sure what motivated this but I can speculate.

I have been studying LGBT theory and LGBT history recently, but in an informal sense. I've been doing some reading on the subject with no ulterior motive other than to better myself as a person and to be more aware and more knowledgable and perhaps a bit more empathetic. Obviously, that includes transgender politics and history. It's right there in the acronym after all. She's seen me reading this literature.

If someone said that to me without context I might say something like "stereotypes don't aren't always true," but I really don't think I'd know what I "should" say.

I am a heterosexual, cisgendered "man" who is of the opinion that archetypes like "feminine" and "masculine" are societal constructs and what we perceive to be one or the other should not be strictly applied to any one gender identity completely. Obviously, if you identify as a man and you naturally express yourself in a "masculine" way or enjoy "masculine" pursuits then that's fine.

But even if that were a majority of people you cannot say that it's true for everyone. For example, there likely exists someone (many people) who identifies as male but who exclusively enjoys pursuits typically singled out as "feminine". I identify as a man and I enjoy many things that society has deemed "feminine" and it could very well be that this friend of mine conflated that with me expressing something about my gender identity. She's very much a traditionalist in this regard.

Of course, if you are trans, then it would depend on whether you want to tell this particular person.

I am not

[Delta]

To be honest, I have no idea what you "should" say in a situation like this, but for my money, this

I identify as a man and I enjoy many things that society has deemed "feminine" and it could very well be that this friend of mine conflated that with me expressing something about my gender identity.

already gives you a pretty good answer doesn't it? If you're up to have that discussion, explaining that just because you like some things that she might consider feminine doesn't mean you're trans or anything can be an eye-opener for many people who have no experience at all with that topic beyond the common stereotypes and cliches.

[Mokèlé-mbèmbé]

To be honest, I have no idea what you "should" say in a situation like this, but for my money, this already gives you a pretty good answer doesn't it? If you're up to have that discussion, explaining that just because you like some things that she might consider feminine doesn't mean you're trans or anything can be an eye-opener for many people who have no experience at all with that topic beyond the common stereotypes and cliches.

That's just one of those answers that's so obvious you need someone on the outside to point it out to you. When you know a person you get so tangled up in expectations about people's personalities that the best solutions can become obscured to you. Thank you. I will do this.

[Nemirthel]

So I finally had an appointment with a physician about hormones and my anxiety. I have a referral to an endocrinologist now, which means it'll take longer than I'd hoped to start but at least I'm closer. I just hope that it doesn't take another two months before I can actually get in to see the endocrinologist.

On the other hand, I did get a prescription for an anxiolytic, so hopefully that will improve soon. But it's still disappointing that I need to wait for another appointment before I can possibly start hormones.

Not really related but weird: I also found out that I have scoliosis. It's too slight to actually be a problem, but it does mean that my left shoulder is slightly higher than my right. This explains why my dad used to always think my glasses were crooked.

[Lentrax]

It was Pride in town today.

I was stuck at work.

[AuthorGirl]

It was Pride in town today.

I was stuck at work.

That sucks! I completely failed to notice that the local Pride was really early in the month; as a consequence, I missed it. Gotta be more vigilant next year

[Dire Moose]

We do our Pride in early April, so it's old news here.

Why, you ask? Well, try standing around in the hot Arizona sun in June and you tell me. :P

[Sophi789]

I just wanted to subscribe, so here I am!

[Shadowscale]

How's everyone been lately? I've been up to the usual.

[sneakykitten]

Talking about sexuality TWs everywhere.

Spoiler

Show

Hi hi everyone I'm returning. Anyway, I like dislike the name my father gave me so, so much and there's nothing I can do right now. People compare me to their male roommates. Some dude was all, "Well He didn't pick out a girls' name so HE is a He." Goodness gracious. What am I going to like do with dude-bros? And then ppls to me are all being like, "Goodness little girl but you're too moody and crying you need to chill the f bomb out right now!" I... am not hypnotized ladies and gentle peoples I can't relax just like that and follow your orders perfectly?

That's another thing. In my relationships (I'm bi and poly) I am expected to follow their orders to the letter. Sometimes I do and sometimes I... don't? And get angry voices all day and night long, maybe an argument about if I really loved them I would've just done what they asked. Does anyone ever get tired of being expected to do something no human girl no matter how hypnotized out of their minds could do?

[Delta]

Hope it's okay to take that part out of the spoiler?

In my relationships I am expected to follow their orders to the letter.

That's really not how any relationships are supposed to work, straight, bi, poly or otherwise. (well I guess except for 24/7 D/S relationships but... yeah, that's another topic for another time)

[sneakykitten]

Yes, I suppose it's messed up. I feel like it's pretty normal 'cause of the ppls I hang out with. They tend to be pushy with words and physical actions so it's 'easier' to comply. Unfortunately sometimes ppls wanna have you guess what they wanna out of you and... owwie brain hurts. Thank you for the advice.