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Thread: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
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2017-11-26, 08:30 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2016
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- Corvallis, OR
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Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
I’m a fan of bad jokes. The worse the better. This is the thread for such thing related to RPGs and the people that play them.
I’ll start:
Q. What’s the favorite food of GitP regulars?
A. Sashimi. They prefer their meals RAW.
If 5e D&D spellcasters were in charge of catering...
Wizards could cook anything, given the right recipe.
Clerics have one real good place on speed-dial but insist on telling everyone about it.
Sorcerers only cook a few things, but they’re great at small modifications to make it seem like more.
Druids are great with vegetarian recipes, but they can only order one big thing at a time.
Bards serve simple meals but make you think they were really fancy.
Ok, hit me with your best shots. The worse the better. Don’t feel bound to stick to D&D—I’m sure some of you exalted folks can fudge together some fateful jokes. Just don’t make them FATAL.Dawn of Hope: a 5e setting. http://wiki.admiralbenbo.org
Rogue Equivalent Damage calculator, now prettier and more configurable!
5e Monster Data Sheet--vital statistics for all 693 MM, Volo's, and now MToF monsters: Updated!
NIH system 5e fork, very much WIP. Base github repo.
NIH System PDF Up to date main-branch build version.
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2017-11-26, 08:46 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
There was a similar thread back in Friendly Banter a while back, maybe someone can find it. I couldn't but I found this thread which is not about RPG Jokes.
GM: "The grim reaper appears and attacks you for {rolls} 11 damage."
P2: "How far are you from death?"
P1: "5ft."
Cleric: "Hey, how much HP do you have left?"
GM: "Can we please keep the combat talk in character?"
Fighter (In Character): "On a scale from one to 48, I'm feeling a solid 29 right now."
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2017-11-26, 10:52 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
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- Dallas, TX
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
My 2E thief/mage came up with the following in play. We were a party of 14-year-olds, and (with a small army) had attacked an evil priest in his lair. He appeared on his balcony to work his evil magic, and my character Ornrandir jumped down from the roof to engage him.
Priest: You? You are the great heroes who think you can stop me?
Ornrandir: And you'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for us meddling kids.
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2017-11-26, 10:56 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2008
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- Sweden
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
Why do rogues wear leather armor?
Because it's made of hide.
....I'll see myself outBlack text is for sarcasm, also sincerity. You'll just have to read between the lines and infer from context like an animal
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2017-11-26, 11:29 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2010
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
How many DnD players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to DM, and other five to burn everything in the room except the lightbulb.
How many Vampire players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to GM, one to angst over being a vampire, one to become a political mastermind, one to have thinly veiled metaphors for sex through biting people, one to be the Fishmalk, and the fifth to optimize Celerity then take out the Prince in one blow.
How many Mage the Ascension players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to GM, one to declare that their way of interpreting the game is the correct one, one to disagree, two more to make the argument worse and the last to say "can't we all just agree to disagree?"
How many Exalted 3e Players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six, but they're still waiting eternally for more lightbulbs to change other than Solars.
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2017-11-26, 01:13 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2010
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- Dallas, TX
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
How many old-school gamers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Well, go ahead, but it will never be as good as the old bulb was."
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2017-11-26, 01:31 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2008
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- I'm on a boat!
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
From a 3.5e game, been running awhile, players were fairly high level. Player of the party fighter used to go through the Monster Manual, comparing STR scores of various monsters to his own ("I'm stronger than that, stronger than that, almost as strong as that", etc).
So, crossing an underground lake, party gets attacked by a kraken.
Fighter: A Kraken!, Aww, I am ALMOST as strong as that!
DM (me): A kraken is Gargantuan, with eight limbs of pure muscle. It could snap you in half.
Wizard: Snap! Kraken! Pop!
DM (me):...
...
...
...give yourself 15 xp.Red Mage avatar by Aedilred.
Where do you fit in? (link fixed)
RedMage Prestige Class!
Best advice I've ever heard one DM give another:
"Remember that it is both a game and a story. If the two conflict, err on the side of cool, your players will thank you for it."
Second Eternal Foe of the Draconic Lord, battling him across the multiverse in whatever shapes and forms he may take.
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2017-11-26, 02:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2016
Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
I posted these elsewhere but eh...
How do you find out if a cleric or wizard is a necromancer? Check their ghoulfriend for hickies (neck romancer...)
Why do mages store their works in their graves? So that it becomes in-crypt-ed.
Shouldn't sleep counter the awaken spell?
"I cast slay living."
"Ok, you now have a talking sleigh."
"I cast teleport."
"Ok. What do you tell the port?"
Gm: All you find that is magical in the entire dungeon is a single musical instument.
Player 1: That's it? We spent weeks clearing this place out. This loot is terrible.
GM: Actually it's rather nice. It has gem encrusted tuners.
Player 2: Doesn't matter how nice the instrument is, we should be getting better loot at our level.
GM: But it's the best lute you've ever seen.
Player 1: Psh, we've had much better. That sword we sold for 20k was so much better.
Player 2: Yeah.
GM: Yeah, but that wasn't a lute.
Player 1: Yeah it was we got it from that dragon hoard.
Player 2: (Catching on) I hate you right now. Did you set this up just to make that pun?
GM: (laughing) Yes, yes I did. Do you like how I... a-lute-d to it?
Player 2: throws die at gm
I cast summon monster! (Place monster energy drink on map)
Fights with winged lizards tend to take a while... they really tend to drag on.
A man shows up in a dress. He is obviously... drag on.
I could place a hundred more but eh I'll leave some for others.
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2017-11-26, 05:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
- Location
- In the Playground, duh.
Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
What do you call a halfling diviner/necromancer on the run?
A small medium at large!
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2017-11-26, 05:48 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Dec 2012
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- toulouse
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
i once stepped on a d4. i died.
i spilled ink on my character sheet. he dyed.
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2017-11-26, 08:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
Rary of Ket got his name because the third-level title for Magic-Users was "Medium," and Brian Blume, his player, wanted to be able to introduce him as "Medium Rary."
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2017-11-26, 08:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2016
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- Corvallis, OR
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
I've heard that "Melf" (as in melf's acid arrow) didn't even have a name and was just "Male Elf."
Groan.
That's amazing. Sadly all my good puns at the table are too contextual.
I did just create (although it will go unused for now) a monster:
Violent, Oversized, Long or Terminal Range, Optimized, Negating Defender. It's a giant (gigantic, in fact) multi-part robot monster (each part takes its own turn) made of a core, legs (ok, a wheeled base), separate arms, and a head.
If anyone else has a better name that has the same acronym (plus or minus the D), please, let me know.Dawn of Hope: a 5e setting. http://wiki.admiralbenbo.org
Rogue Equivalent Damage calculator, now prettier and more configurable!
5e Monster Data Sheet--vital statistics for all 693 MM, Volo's, and now MToF monsters: Updated!
NIH system 5e fork, very much WIP. Base github repo.
NIH System PDF Up to date main-branch build version.
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2017-11-26, 08:42 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2016
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- SCP-1912-J
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Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
Why did the ghost take a level of Prion?
He wanted to manifest.Avatar by Coronalwave
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2017-11-26, 08:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
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2017-11-26, 08:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2016
- Location
- Corvallis, OR
- Gender
Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
Makes me wonder if we take things way too seriously these days...
<clapping> Wonderful. Just wonderful.
No, please, continue! that was great! I have a rogue in a game I run where that could be his motto (or maybe "I'm an elf, so I'm better than you are")Dawn of Hope: a 5e setting. http://wiki.admiralbenbo.org
Rogue Equivalent Damage calculator, now prettier and more configurable!
5e Monster Data Sheet--vital statistics for all 693 MM, Volo's, and now MToF monsters: Updated!
NIH system 5e fork, very much WIP. Base github repo.
NIH System PDF Up to date main-branch build version.
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2017-11-27, 12:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
Re: Bad OOC TTRPG jokes
How do I know the Bangles had at least one 3rd-level cleric in their band?
They have access to an eternal flaaaaame.