Corrupt a Wish II

[Ironsmith]

Here you go! One perfectly healthy Slaad. You two have fun while I look into this auticorrect thing.

I wish for a holodeck.

[Gravitron5000]

You get decked by a hologram.

I wish for a pair of Michael Jackson and Prince holograms to duel each other.

[Book Wombat]

You witness an epic battle fought by the holograms of the words "Michael Jackson" and "Prince", unfortunately you don't know what happened as you are not a word.

I wish to become the essence of a word, gaining full control over it.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! Your word is... h... uuuuuu... d... g... e.

Spoiler: Da Hudge!

Show

I wish for advance notice of my programs' security vulnerabilities before they're exploited.

[Gravitron5000]

You get one millisecond of advance notice, and the notice comes by foghorn. That's a long time in compute cycles, but not really perceptible to you. Also, the constant blaring of the foghorn is quite distracting and detrimental to your long term ability to hear.

I wish for a pair of earplugs.

[Velaryon]

Your ears sprout 3-pin electrical plugs, which are attached to extension cords that plug into the wall. You should be fine as long as you don't touch the ground, right?

I wish for all the prep work for my D&D campaign to do itself, exactly the way I want it done, so that I can DM without having to spend all that time outside of the game getting ready.

[Book Wombat]

A bunch of pens and papers spontaneously become animated and start doing all the preparations when they realize they don't need you to run a campaign. You are found suffocated by paper the next morning.

I wish for the power of animating objects according to my will.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! There's a free version of the Unity engine with all the modeling and rigging tools you need. ...hm? Your computer can so run it. Just be patient and let it load.

I wish for a faster computer.

[Dire Moose]

A computer comes flying out of nowhere at the speed of sound and crashes into you.

I wish my cat would stop destroying my Lego models.

[Caerulea]

Lego bricks you attach to each other permanently bond and are no longer to be separated. On the plus side, your cat can't knock them over.

I wish my game would let me log in.

[bug_sniper]

The server is undergoing maintenance for the rest of the year. In the meanwhile, the only thing that works is the dig dug minigame. If you don't delete the game from your computer, you'll get several thousand gems as compensation in 2022.

I wish for a mithril shovel and pickaxe.

[Ironsmith]

Dude. You're playing Dark Souls. Those are mediocre weapons at best.

I wish to make my own popular fantasy game.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Popular indeed, and critically too! Then come the frivolous lawsuits. Then the weirdly defensive and homophobic fan mail. Then the death threats.

I wish to cure the internet of its hateful, murderous impulses.

[Gravitron5000]

It now has a hateful, murderous step function, which is way worse.

I wish that I could resist making math jokes.

[Caerulea]

(Side note: that was hilarious)
You forget everything about math that you know. Now you don't need to worry.

I wish I could give presentations that didn't confuse everyone.

[Book Wombat]

Your presentations can't confuse those who don't listen! Everybody forgets you have a presentation and never comes.

I wish I could remember everything that has happened to me as if my brain was a recorder.

[Gravitron5000]

Like one of these??? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Record...al_instrument)

Sure, I guess. No memories, only noise.

I wish to give Book Wombat some music lessons for his brain.

[georger0171]

You teach Book Wombat how to play Bach's Tocatta Fugue in D Minor on his brain.
Unfortunately, he can't play it, because his brain is still firmly encased in his skull.

I wish for a hoverboard.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Here you go! This one was confiscated back when hoverboards were first outlawed for safety reasons. It technically hasn't exploded yet!

I wish for a soda fountain.

[lacco36]

You now have a soda fountain in the back of your knee.

I wish to remember all my gaming preparations.

[Gravitron5000]

You remember them all. You forget everything else. Where are my keys? What are my keys? Who are you? Where am I? Who am I? What am I? What's going on?

I wish for a storage device containing all the memories that Lacco just lost.

[farothel]

No problem. There is now a mountain of stone slabs in your garden with all the requested memories carved in them. In ancient Sumerian of course.

I wish to keep my job, but not having to do so much overtime.

[lacco36]

Your wish is granted! You now work 24 hours a day, every day. No time for overtime! Also, you keep the job for the rest of your life!

I wish to live through a random 90's action flick as its main hero!

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! You died in the middle and half the movie was heartfelt denouement. Its critical reception was, you know, average.

I wish for a label printer.

[Ironsmith]

You get a printer label.

I wish for chocolate coins.

[lacco36]

I *munch* huv *munchmunch* dem here in my mauf...*munch*.

I wish to wish for more wishes that include wishing for wishes!

[paddyfool]

You gain an uncontrollable compulsion to wish for wishes for the rest of your life. However, nobody said anything about them being granted, so all this means is that you are eternally dissatisfied and always wishing for more than you have.

I wish for the power to magically grant my own wishes.

[Gravitron5000]

Granted, the power. Removed, the inclination.

I wish for some sharks with frikken lasers on their heads. What could go wrong?

[lacco36]

Well, it was the best coolest underwater dance party that ever happened! The only regret was it ended prematurely. Everybody enjoyed themselves - including shark hunters. Especially shark hunters.

I wish for a hybrid of platypus, sloth and a walrus. Just for fun.

[paddyfool]

Your baby platyslowal lives just long enough for your heart to break when it inevitably dies of profound biological incompatability. Being a totally impossible hybrid, it turns out that PSW was totally irreplacable, and your application to try and start a breeding programme for more is nixed on the basis of unfeasability, insanity and animal cruelty.

I wish people would be less cruel to animals.