Corrupt a Wish II

[Korith]

Granted. You now have the reference for all the names of species of nudibranch branded onto your heart. It might take awhile to get over the pain, if you ever do.

I wish for the magic item known as a "Staff of Power" to appear grasped in my right hand, fully charged and unbroken.

[CyberiadQueen]

I wish for the magic item known as a "Staff of Power" to appear grasped in my right hand, fully charged and unbroken.

Granted. But the only way you'll ever be able to let go of the Staff of Power is to cut off your right hand, as the Staff is now permanently attached to your palm.

I wish for eight billion dollars, tax-free.

[DuderToots]

I wish for eight billion dollars, tax-free.

You get eight billion tax free dollars but the Apocalypse has come and you have no way of spending money.

I wish for an internet buddy.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish for an internet buddy.

Your internet buddy becomes your internet stalker becomes your real world stalker. Have fun with that.

I wish I had a million pounds of chocolate.

[CyberiadQueen]

I wish I had a million pounds of chocolate.

(I would have let somebody else do it, but...I love chocolate!)

Okay. Here you go: One million pounds of chocolate, as per your wish.

However, you didn't specify what quality of chocolate you wanted. So some of it might be of lower quality than whatever you were expecting. Furthermore, it's extremely difficult to store that much chocolate. You must contend with ants, blooming (when the chocolate gets those little flower-shaped blotches), and a bunch of chocoholics trying to break down your door to get at your stash.

I wish I could lose a hundred pounds safely without dieting or exercising.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish I could lose a hundred pounds safely without dieting or exercising.

You are teleported to an alien planet where the gravity is different so you register as 100 pounds lighter.

I wish I could teleport CyberiadQueen back to earth.

[Crisis21]

You can teleport her to where you are, but only by teleporting yourself to where she is at the same time. You are unable to teleport any other person in the universe with this power, only CyberiadQueen.


I wish to eat a delicious pizza.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Hang on... okay, cool, you're not the person I made able to eat only nachos from before. Granted! It's a fluffy lil' pizza from a place in Italy. I am under no obligation to tell you which place. Also, someone in the restaurant forgot to cover their mouth when they sneezed, so unless you already live in Italy you're probably going to catch whichever cold or flu is going around over there.

I wish for a warp-capable spaceship capable of parking in a regular car's space.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish for a warp-capable spaceship capable of parking in a regular car's space.

Okay. But the security system is so advanced and complex you can't enter it. And since you can't enter the vehicle you can't move it, and accumulate thousands of dollars in parking tickets.

I wish I could run faster than the Flash, Quicksilver, and Sonic the Hedgehog combined.

[Ironsmith]

Okay. But the security system is so advanced and complex you can't enter it. And since you can't enter the vehicle you can't move it, and accumulate thousands of dollars in parking tickets.

I wish I could run faster than the Flash, Quicksilver, and Sonic the Hedgehog combined.

Consider yourself lucky I made them into a genetic slop that can barely move first (I mean, you did say you wanted to be faster than them combined. How am I to know how fast that is without combining them first?) Unfortunately, you're only slightly faster than them while running at top speed. Have fun with stairs!

I wish for ownership of a major company, which has a good reputation and follows stable business practises.

[Korith]

Congratulations! You are now the owner and sole proprietor of A Major Company™, which you literally just started right now. You have a good reputation since at least you aren't known for causing any gigantic oil spills or anything like that, and you follow stable business practices because you went into this eyes-open.

Your assets are whatever you happen to have on hand and/or in the bank.

Also, you seem to have a bit of a kerfuffle with creditors thinking you owe them millions of dollars or something like that.

What now?

I wish Ironsmith knew what to do next with A Major Company™.

[Ironsmith]

Oh, don't worry, he does. It's an arms dealing business, and you've just been shanghaied hired to assist with demonstrations of the products. On the plus side, your life insurance policy is excellent!

I wish I could do something about those creditors.

[Crisis21]

Granted! With your arms dealing business, it's easy to set up shootings and bombings to deal with all your creditors... permanently. Unfortunately, you weren't able to do so discreetly so now the FBI is bearing down upon you.


I wish the FBI is able to successfully arrest Ironsmith.

[Ironsmith]

Granted! But they're convinced you're an accomplice...

Dare I wish us out of the top-secret compound we've been imprisoned in?

Nah, I've learned my lesson. Gimme a candy bar.

[CyberiadQueen]

Gimme a candy bar.

Granted--but, as it was passing through security, it pinged on the metal detector. A file was revealed, proving that somebody on the outside was vastly uncreative about their plan to bust you out. Now you've got another charge added to your rap sheet.

I wish Hyrule existed. It'd be worth Ganondorf...probably...

[Crisis21]

It was not worth Ganondorf. Or Vaati. Or Majora. Or Maladus. Or Dethl. Or Bellum. Or Demise. Or...


I wish for a harem of beautiful women.

[CyberiadQueen]

It was not worth Ganondorf. Or Vaati. Or Majora. Or Maladus. Or Dethl. Or Bellum. Or Demise. Or...

Good point. Probably not my best wish...

I wish for a harem of beautiful women.

You got it--but wait! They're somebody else's harem, and you've been caught trespassing.

I wish for Crisis21 to not be beheaded for intruding on someone else's harem.

[Ironsmith]

You got it--but wait! They're somebody else's harem, and you've been caught trespassing.

I wish for Crisis21 to not be beheaded for intruding on someone else's harem.

Oh, don't worry, he won't be. He'll be ca-

Ooh.

OOOoooh.

Oh man.

Poor guy.

That's gotta be the first time I've seen "capitation" used as a punishment. Usually they're taking heads off.



I wish to get out of this harem. I'm not sure how I got here, and I wanna have a word or two with the boss about the wardrobe, too... and the guy's taste in general, really.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You're in luck! A position has just opened up at the brothel next door, and the madam there has a lot of honeyed words about protecting you from the outside world. She might fold if the last guy shows up demanding to capitate you for defecting, though... but then you'll get to talk to him about his horrible taste! Everybody wins!

I wish for whoever next makes a wish to get a steak dinner in addition to having their wish granted.

[CyberiadQueen]

I wish for whoever next makes a wish to get a steak dinner in addition to having their wish granted.

You give me an expensive steak dinner...but it goes wrong, in the fact that I don't eat beef. Whoops. At least you meant well, so that's what counts.

I wish to replace this steak with a roast turkey.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to replace this steak with a roast turkey.

The turkey has been zombified and starts going on a bloody rampage. It is quite a delicious bird though.

I wish to survive the zombie turkey apocalypse.

[Ironsmith]

You survive in the form of a zombie turkey.

I wish to get out of the brothel.

[Crisis21]

Granted. You are sold into slavery and taken to the mines.


I wish I could be... a superhero!

[CyberiadQueen]

Granted!

Unfortunately, a battle with your archnemesis results in a collapse of the mines where Ironsmith is currently enslaved.

I wish to liberate Ironsmith and his fellow slaves before the mines collapse!

[Ironsmith]

You enter the mines with a squad of highly-trained marines. "Taste freedom, bitches!"

And that's how everyone (yes, everyone) died.

I wish for the dragon balls so I can undo this mess. I think.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Hmm... well, you're supposed to be dead, and I've never watched Dragon Ballz, but I think that Orange Jumpsuit Spiky Hair Boy did die, go to heaven, learn something important from another dead guy and then come back somehow, so I can only assume you have the same right. Very well, here are your seven dragon balls. With them, you may make make one wish. In this thread. Which one of us will corrupt.

I wish I could tell when one of my ideas was going to turn out to be a colossal waste of time.

[CyberiadQueen]

Granted--but, unfortunately, the very realization that a certain idea is a complete waste of time makes it tempting. Therefore, you wind up wasting inordinate amounts of time that could have been spent in more productive pursuits.

I wish to put some socks on, because my feet are cold.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to put some socks on, because my feet are cold.

An enormous sock covers your entire being (including your feet) that you can never escape from.

I wish for a machete so I can free CyberiadQueen from sock limbo.

[Ironsmith]

Instead, you end up answering a very important question: "Will it blend?"

Yes. Yes, it will.



I wish to resurrect CyberiadQueen.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Don't bury her in the pet cemetery don't bury her in the pet cemetery don't bury her in the pet cemetery gog DANGIT you buried her in the pet cemetery. Why would you even do that?! She's a knife-wielding zombie now! The one thing I know for sure I can't beat in a fight!

I wish for a weapon that can defeat knife-wielding zombies! ...with minimal collateral damage!