Corrupt a Wish II

[bc56]

Granted!
The word "life" now means "I wish for a tuna sandwich."

Life!

[AuthorGirl]

Boy, you guys really hate my girlfriend

Anyhow, granted! It's a few days old and it smells a bit suspicious (one might even say fishy), but you eat it anyway. Enjoy that food poisoning.

I wish to have (you're not catching me with that one again) more variegated yarn.

[Crisis21]

Sure thing! So, to prevent the whole 'you stole it' thing, I only teleported to you yarn that was heavily discounted surplus. Apparently the colors didn't sell well or something. There's about 100 tons of the stuff just wasting away in warehouses no one cares about. You're fine with colors like vomit, feces, plaque, moldy bread, and toenail fungus, right?


I wish to serve everyone here taco nachos.

[ChaoticHarmony]

Granted! You a now employed by Bueno Nacho, Home of the famous Naco!

I wish someone other than myself would start singing a rap about naked mole rats, and receive at least a B- for it

[Extrail]

A kid signs a rap about naked mole rats. For a project. The teacher gives him a b- no one ever remembers the song. Not even the kid.

I wish tacos had seasoning.

[Kneenibble]

Very good, sir. Every taco you buy has been laid out in a rustic tacopile, exposed to sun and wind and microflora -- and develop seasoning after the fashion of staves for a wine barrel. Bone apple tea.


I wish for a flock of white peacocks.

[flappeercraft]

Granted. There is a flock of dead white peacocks in front of you. Now you have to clean the whole flock of dead birds or you will get fined for litering and you will still get fined for killing the birds for no reason.


I wish I knew what I should be doing other than posting on forums.

[PopeLinus1]

Granted. after thinking long and hard about your new life you come back to the Forums

I wish for a hamburger.

[ChaoticHarmony]

Granted! Upon your first bite however, you discover that it is made of alternative meats. You become horrified at the countless possibilities of what the meat actually is and end up needing a nap in a padded room.

I wish the next wish granted is a pun

[Korith]

Granted. There is no Windows 9.

Why?

Because 7 8 9.

I wish for some sort of apocalyptic event within the next 22 years.

[flappeercraft]

Granted, just not for earth, for a random alien race somewhere in the universe far far away so you never get to see it or even hear of it.

I wish colors, hues and shades did not exist.

[Crisis21]

And for you they shall not, for you are blind.


I wish for the biggest smilie ever!

[Extrail]

Granted! There is a smilie that is the size of the universe. It is one of the dimensions in the multiverse. Too bad you'll never know for sure if it's real or not and will forget about it soon enough.

I wish for fogiveness.

@Tpbm apparently you were ninja'd

[Bucky]

'Tis the grin of a shark spotting an easy meal, delivered straight to your leg.

I wish that

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You wish for a perfectly serviceable dinner to be implanted into your leg? Because that works for me! As an unlicensed surgeon with guns for hands, I can make that happen for you.

I wish for Extrail to be forgiven. For... something?

[CosmicHobbit]

Oh, crap. Let me look through his book of misdeeds...mhmm...EXTRAIL IS HEREBY FORGIVEN FOR...uh what was it? Oh yeah. FOR DRINKING MILK FROM THE CARTON/GALLON.

I wish all hotels gave you complementary cats to pet.

[Some Android]

I wish all hotels gave you complementary cats to pet.

Okay. Hungry lions, tigers, and panthers still count as cats.

I wish I had a Logia Devil Fruit power.

[Extrail]

You got a water water logia devil fruit. As you try to bite into it the world floods causing you to drown.


I wish for an atomic doomsday clock.

[Crisis21]

Granted. It shows that the world has less than two minutes to live.


I wish there was a feasible way to avert doomsday.

[ChaoticHarmony]

Granted! There is now a feasible way to avert doomsday, all you need to do now is figure out what it is

I wish I lived on a planet that would allow me to live the rest of my natural life in peace and comfort, without any danger of that life being shortened

[Bucky]

Granted. You have the whole garden world all to yourself. It's a monoculture, with a single species of breadweed that has all the nutrients you need - you shan't worry about accidentally poisoning yourself or about splinters or thorns. Nor are their any minerals that can form sharp edges, that you might cut yourself on - it's uniform, soft soil down to at least 400 feet across the whole planet. Nor does the climate vary much - perpetually overcast across the entire planet with the occasional drizzle.

I'll even throw in a complementary anti-aging treatment, so you can enjoy your lonely monotony for two or three centuries before it wears off.


I wish I got the same anti-aging treatment.

[Extrail]

Granted! and a heap of death cream as well apply it and you die instantly. I lost the labels so good luck on identifying which one out of the 1000 is the antiaging cream.

I wish for some nice old death cream.

[Crisis21]

Okay, sure. Here, let me put these gloves on first and I'll apply it for you. Just sign this waiver first.


I wish to use the Force.

[Kneenibble]

For about one year, you may taste that power and the interconnectedness of all things will flow through your being. It comes to you overnight and sends you on a spiraling-outwards journey of discovery, ambition, and exploration. Near the end of the year you approach a quantum leap of insight and proficiency: poised on the cusp of great revelation. It is then that your enemies reveal themselves; still relatively green, you are unprepared to defend yourself. They sever you from the Force as flight feathers are severed from the wings of a captive bird (they do not share power) and disappear again. In its absence, the world is a washed out and cacophonous jumble. Nor can anyone sympathize with your experience except perhaps the mad.


I wish to be put to sleep in a deep tomb to wake thousands of years in the future to an unrecognizable world.

[Some Android]

I wish to be put to sleep in a deep tomb to wake thousands of years in the future to an unrecognizable world.

Plot twist: you actually have been asleep for thousands of years and you wake up tomorrow. Your whole life is a dream.

I wish there were no more homophones so I wouldn't occasionally use the wrong word when writing (we can still keep homonyms).

[ChaoticHarmony]

Granted! There will no longer be anything gay involving telephones. 'shakes his head in disgust' I can't believed you wished for that. How is that supposed to help you use the correct words?

I wish genies would grant the intention of the wisher(with corrupted, unintended consequences), instead of using wordplay to change the wish(like wishing for a million bucks, then getting a bunch of male deer)

[flappeercraft]

Granted. But I'm no genie so this doesn't apply to me or any poster after me so this wish is null and void for the purposes of this thread.

I wish I could think and move fifty times faster than I do now.

[Crisis21]

Granted, but unfortunately you are no more durable than before so the first time you trip you end up splattered across a hundred or so feet of ground/floor and nearby walls/objects.


I wish I could change my eyes at will.

[Extrail]

Granted you can change your eyes to any species of mole's eyes, or creature which has innate blindness you can never change them back to normal human eyes.

I wish for a firehouse dog.

[Some Android]

I wish for a firehouse dog.

Okay. You have a dog that is the size of a house that is constantly on fire. Have fun feeding it and putting out the fires.


I wish life was exciting as any given shonen anime.