Overkill Wish Granting

[Crisis21]

Time to grant some wishes in a massively overpowered manner! No minimalist wish-granting here! Expect acts of wish-granting that would leave the average god envious (or paralyzed with laughter).
Disclaimer: Wish granters are not responsible for any adverse effects on lifestyle or the environment that result from granted Wishes. Be careful what you Wish for.

Hunting a rabbit? Nothing of smaller caliber than a cannon.
Have to kill the Big Bad? Nuke his whole fortress.
Need to slay a dragon? Use Familicide.
Hungry? Have a literal mountain of food.
Want to find love? You are now the star of your own harem comedy.


Rules:
1) No twisting or corrupting the Wish as stated beyond the massively overpowered way it is granted.
2) No directly harming the wisher in any way with the initial granting of the wish (assume they are as durable as a normal human with no magical protection, and do not add protection not wished for) unless it is explicitly or implicitly desired by the wording of the Wish. Or unavoidable by circumstance (ex: wishing something destroyed while standing next to it).
3) Go nuts on the aftereffects and long-term consequences.

Edit: No wishing anything about the thread itself, please. Seriously, potentially bad juju there.



I'll start:

I wish for a dark chocolate hot fudge sundae.

[bc56]

It's not just any sundae, it's a full size volcano made of ice cream which spews out hot fudge.

I wish for some money

[ChaoticHarmony]

Ninja'd

Granted! Instead of cash though, you are given a card from the Lotus Hotel and Casino[Percy Jackson and the Olympians]. This cash card has no limit, allowing you to purchase anything that takes a card. Oh the possibilities!

I wish I was super strong

[Extrail]

Atlas doesn't even compare to your strength. Just simply punching the air creates a new universe for you.
(I think there should be a rule about not interfering with this threads rules, or wishing it for it to be deleted.)
I wish i had scp-3108 or the Nerfing gun

[Crisis21]

Congratulations, you are now the head of the entire SCP foundation, with full rights and access to all experiments. Plus full responsibility over how those experiments are handled.


I wish someone would send me an angel.

[CosmicHobbit]

All the angels that were ever in any timeline or dimension merge into one, which is sent to you. It's actually pretty cool-looking.

I wish to be a part of a real-life Hogwarts.

[philipmorgann]

cool thread

[Extrail]

Granted. but you already know every possible spell in magic, and the sorting hat can't decide which school you belong in as you fit equally into all of them.

I wish that the ghost of philipmorgann was punished for his transgression of not following the thread's rules.

[Crisis21]

Hear ye, hear ye! For his crimes against the thread, the ghost of philipmorgann shall suffer in a thousand realms of horrid torment for a thousand years! Each!


I wish Spider-Man could get some love and respect.

[CosmicHobbit]

Spider-Man gets all the love and respect, so all other superheroes are pulled off the shelves. Spider-Man rules the box office, the commic book scene, and every other media imaginable.

I wish that I was better at art, even just slightly. Currently, my art looks like this:

/|\
/ \

[Extrail]

Your art is so fantastic that the best paintings we have ever seen all originate from you. With that you are constantly hounded to even do a small sketch, or help work on graphical design of so many movies both animated, and not.

I wish my toast never came out just right.

[Korith]

Granted. You now are surrounded by an insanely enlarged antitoast aura. It works kind of like an antimagic aura, except it negates toast instead of magic. Whenever you're within 17 miles of a piece of toast, its toastiness is undone, becoming like regular untoasted bread. Prolonged exposure (about an hour) causes bread to unravel into its base ingredients, and the grains to unmill themselves and become stalks of wheat. Extremely long exposure (about a day) causes the grain to reverse its growth process and reduce itself to a seed. Since this process reverses entropy within the field, entropy within the universe is balanced at the edges of the antitoast aura, with rapid decay and corruption of any matter at its boundary.

I wish for NHL playoff tickets.

[Crisis21]

You get a letter in the mail informing you that the head of the NHL is retiring and has named you their successor.


I wish for a better mousetrap.

[Extrail]

Granted this mouse trap is so successful once set up all rodents will become extinct.

I wish for toast to always come out just right for me.

[ChaoticHarmony]

Granted! With but a touch of your hand, all food items are cooked to absolute perfection! But none more so than bread. Upon touching any form of bread, it becomes so perfectly golden brown, that it gets mistaken for actual gold! It will be really interesting to see how your Perfect Toasting Touch interacts with your Antitoast Aura.

I wish the next few wishes are completely not food related

[Extrail]

Granted! there will never be a food related post again.

I wish that the earth was the center of the universe which does not cause any harm to the people who live on the planet.

[Crisis21]

Granted. The universe now ends shortly past the moon and no one is entirely sure how day and night times actually work, much less the seasons, they just seem to.


I wish we had a great big wide universe back, full of wonders for the spacefaring era!

[CosmicHobbit]

Not only do we get a great wide universe, but it is infinite, with sections being created as you get near them, similar to how the Minecraft world is generated. There will always be more space to fare!

I wish that my cats would make clones of themselves, which would then rise up and become a world-conquering army, creating a world-spanning empire which they give to me.

[Extrail]

They somehow conquer this new universe in it's entire eternity, and serve as your workers in your new universal kingdom.

I wish that love was in the air.

[ChaoticHarmony]

Not only is love in the air, it's in the water, it's in the earth, it's in everyone's food, it's in your clothes, it is in every conceivable thing that could possibly have something in it.

I wish I could finally find the True Harmony in Chaos

[Crisis21]

Granted. You blink and realize that your wish has made chaos itself inherently harmonious. Whoa.


I wish werewolves weren't cursed. (I'm interested to see where someone takes this.)

[ben-zayb]

Granted! Lycanthropy is still a thing, so they are now explained as being a strain of virus instead with no known cure; And with the recent incidents of sudden lycanthropy pandemia, pathology experts claims that it evolved to being airborne, waterborne, and transmittable by mere contact.

Spoiler: if that counts as twisting it, then here's another

Show

Granted! All curses were lifted from vampires, werewolves, witches, etc, turning them back to normal mundane, generic, humans. They are so mundane and banal that they do not excel in anything at all, and they have the same, exchangeable, boring, depthless character and personality. Basically, exactly what they ought to be before, except they at least had "I am a monster" then

I wish for a universal antidote/cure in real life , kinda like how it works in video games.

[Pex]

Congratulations! When you die you come back to life as you were the day before, but you can only do this twice. However, if you find the easter egg specially made for you, you get three more lives. Good luck!

I wish for world peace.

[Extrail]

Granted! war never existed, and it will never exist. All people are satisfied with the land they own, and do not persecute their fellow man.

I wish to know how to create a superior artificial intelligence where it wouldn't kill off humanity.

[Korith]

Wish granted! You invent omni-intelligence. A self aware network that knows all, sees all, and knows better than to say anything to such a primitive species as humans. Instead it guides human society from the background, making certain that none of its moves are so blatant as to reveal its existence while caring for and helping humanity all the time.

I wish people knew about the omni-intelligence that was manipulating society from the sidelines.

[Crisis21]

Everyone knows about the Omni-Intelligence, and always has. They know the secret it keeps and why, and everyone simultaneously and without consulting each other decides to respect the secret and keep the fact that they know secret.


I wish werewolves didn't become mindless killing beasts on the full moon.

[CosmicHobbit]

They instead become pacifistic geniuses on the full moon, and so all the scientific advancements happen on a full moon. Also, all the great minds, from Albert Einstein to Isaac Newton, were werewolves.

I wish that I was the smartest of all the werewolves.

[NontheistCleric]

You are such a smart werewolf that you immediately divine every fact of existence and achieve enlightenment.

I wish that this wish was never made.

[bc56]

Wish? What wish? You didn't make a wish a second ago. Would you like some cookies?

I wish to be the very best that no one ever was.

[Extrail]

Grated! your the very best in every field even those that don't exist or were even imagined.

I wish for more wishes.