Overkill Wish Granting

[Crisis21]

All hail the first Galactic Overlord!


I wish for a foxy girlfriend.

[Extrail]

Granted you have a fox for a girlfriend she's beautiful, and has your ideal foxy personality. And she truly loves you.

I wish there was one more sesame seed on all sesame buns.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! They're magic seeds that take root in the buns and instantly grow into full-size sesame bushes. Panic ensues as grocery stores are overtaken by sesame orchards, but as society recovers, they find that the seeds of the magic bushes can be ground into flour and are nutritious and sustainable enough to quickly solve world hunger.

I wish for a teleporter?

[farothel]

One Sovereign Class Starship Enterprise-E coming up.

I wish that my stocks and bonds do well on the stock market.

[Bucky]

You now own 107% of the stock market. Apparently, you caught some short-sellers uncovered and they owe you whatever you want.

I wish people around here understood basic economics.

[Crisis21]

Everyone understands basic economics now. It's considered a subject suitable for pre-schoolers to learn.


I wish fewer schools would cut art programs.

[Some Android]

I wish fewer schools would cut art programs.

Ever school everywhere is now an art school and you have to learn to paint, draw, play an instrument, dance, and sing.

I wish I could eat candy and not get cavities.

[Extrail]

Granted! you can eat however candy you want, and you actually will become healthier for eating it.if you develop cancer just eat candy and it will be cured.

I wish that the next poster pretends i never wished for anything.

[Some Android]

Granted! you can eat however candy you want, and you actually will become healthier for eating it.if you develop cancer just eat candy and it will be cured.

So I can never get cancer and become Deadpool?

Also I wish Extrail remembered to make a wish in his last post.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Welcome, everyone, to The Universe Ver. 1.06! Among other patches, the latest edition of the universe now includes specialized handling for logical, temporal, and magical paradoxes that would previously have caused a crash. Generally, they only last a moment and are quietly resolved on the quantum level, but in this patch we have also introduced the ability for clients to choose between timelines in those situations where they diverge significantly. An AI trained on your thoughts and behavior will determine your actions in each timeline you are not currently experiencing and will switch places with you should you jump timelines.

I wish to make friends with an AI!

[Warchon]

A rogue AI declares you to be its creator, and fabricates mountains of evidence to that effect, no matter how you protest.
You wind up receiving lifelong royalties on ALL artificial intelligences henceforth, and will doubtless have your family spared when the ineveitable robot uprising occurs.

I wish to roll back Global Warming

[farothel]

You are now the inventor of a cold fusion device the size of a standard car battery. Cheap energy is now available everything car-sized and up. No more greenhouse gasses are released into the atmosphere and global warming stops.

I wish I had a working light saber

[Extrail]

Granted! you are now the head of a school of force users all with their own lightsaber, and you possess this army and can choose to guide them however you wish.

I wish for a peanut butter jelly time.

[redjinx]

Granted! Peanut butter jelly is time now. Existence loses all meaning as you float in the chaos of eternal and delicious sandwich filling. You consume, feeling ever more pleasure from your infinite hunger.

I wish money did grow on trees.

[Crisis21]

It does. All trees. As well as bushes, shrubbery, ivy, flowers, and even grass. Pretty much anything that (formerly) had leaves. Watch out for stuff like poison ivy though. It's counterfeit.


I wish that humanity was not alone in the universe.

[Luftwaffle]

It does. All trees. As well as bushes, shrubbery, ivy, flowers, and even grass. Pretty much anything that (formerly) had leaves. Watch out for stuff like poison ivy though. It's counterfeit.


I wish that humanity was not alone in the universe.

Hundreds of thousands of alien refugee species begin arriving in Earth's orbit, desperate for a goldilocks planet to live on and fleeing a hostile empire far larger than all of their combined.
Each species has brought hundreds of millions of their kind.

I wish for a new house!

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You find another goldilocks planet, its intact housing fully equipped with a suite of alien technological conveniences, abandoned in the wake of an encroaching evil empire. Don't worry, the emperor's not coming back to this one; he saw it was empty and was too creeped out to move in himself.

I wish to be invisible for one day.

[ben-zayb]

You become so invisible for one day that you become absolutely undetectable by any known means. You are so invisible that your name temporarily becomes John Cena, you become the WWE champion, and you succeed the more odds are stacked against you.


I wish to be a democratically-elected president of the entirety of all existence, across all time and dimensions.

[Crisis21]

You are elected God.



I wish to find love.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Your fox girlfriend finally proposes, and the night after you say yes, ben-zayb coincidentally appoints her as the successor to Aphrodite.

I wish my wireless network connection worked.

[Pex]

All you have to do is say "Computer" then request what you want. You get anything you need - food, objects, holograms, information. By the way, congratulations on becoming Captain of the Enterprise!

I wish Pex was not killed in Paradise Towers.

[Some Android]

I wish Pex was not killed in Paradise Towers.

Pex is now immortal and will never die.

I wish zombies were real, and I could monetize the zombies..

[The-lost-Byte]

I wish zombies were real, and I could monetize the zombies..

Everyone except Pex dies. And gets revived as a undead, most of the m zombies, but there are the odd skeleton or ghoul inbetween. While most retained their personality, you happen to be the only person who knows and is able to teach 'Control Undead'.

I wish for a personal Stardestroyer. Wait, no, I wish for a personal Fleet of Stardestroyers.

[Bucky]

Your request was a bit ambiguous, so every spaceship in your personal galactic armada has both a main battery of guns for tearing apart stars and secondary guns that fire neutron stars.

I wish I had another hour in my day.

[Crisis21]

I wish I had another hour in my day.

There are now twenty-five hours in a day. As well as 396 days in a year.


For the crime of not granting or making a wish in this thread, I wish for DeclanRead to spontaneously explode.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

He blows a huge crater in the side of the planet, briefly revealing Earth's hot liquidy layers to astronauts before they too die in the shockwave.

I wish I could draw.

[Bucky]

Your guns are now permanently attached to your hands, so you're constantly drawing them. For good measure, they also have little mechanized pencil bayonets for photo-realistic sketching.

I wish my favorite webcomic could keep up with its normal update schedule.

[LeMooseImperium]

The webcomic releases its entire story for the next eighteen and a half years.

I wish for a bunch of Glod.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You get the ultimate alchemical artifact weapon, the mdidas Totch.

I wish for a regular work schedule.

[LeMooseImperium]

All work schedules everywhere are now exactly the same.

I wish t oknow what to wish for.