Overkill Wish Granting

[Crisis21]

You know everything that anyone anywhere could ever possibly wish for. This seems to have made the decision-making process harder instead of easier though...


I wish to build an army of adorable robots.

[mmotony]

Granted! war never existed, and it will never exist. All people are satisfied with the land they own, and do not persecute their fellow man.

I wish to know how to create a superior artificial intelligence where it wouldn't kill off humanity.

[ben-zayb]

You instantly get the know-how, time, and resources, to build all sorts of adorable robots from all sorts of materials. Cotton candy robots? Zooey Deschanel robots? Easy peasy!

These AI are even so adorable that people don't mind when they copy old posts and reply those to threads like these.


I wish that bots in the playground have more constructive and intuitive input than mmotony's posts in this subforum.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Crisis21’s robot army becomes addicted to our forums as well as social media in general. To the surprise of no one, their posts are far more understanding and constructive than those of humans. We find ourselves willingly obeying their commands within a week.

I wish everyone would just calm down.

[CosmicHobbit]

Every creature in the universe calms down so much that everyone's heart rate slows down until it's doing the bare minimum to keep everyone alive. It will stay this way for eternity.

I wish everything went back to normal, back to before we became slaves to robots and then went into hibernation.

[Flyingbooks42]

Everybody gets a personal time machine that they can use however they want, including to get to before they became hibernating robot slaves.

I wish that Earth's gravity suddenly became about 10 to 20 percent lower.

[Bucky]

Earth's gravity is now mostly optional. People can choose to be affected by all of it, by just enough to not fly off into space, or anything in between. Objects default to 15% lighter, but that can be adjusted.

Oh, and watch out for the jumping crocodiles.

I wish for a meta-genie that can grant my meta-wishes.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! We will also grant your non-meta wishes, your wishes for more wishes, and your subconscious wish that we not grant the wishes that are actually really bad ideas.

I wish I could control the pitch and volume of my voice.

[CosmicHobbit]

Not only can you control the pitch and volume of your voice to infinity in either direction, you can also change the source of your voice and you can make your voice sound like any other persons voice, alive or dead. All this can be done with little to no effort, so if people hear a change in pitch and then you say you never changed your voice's pitch, they will begin to think they were hearing things. Have fun!

I wish for half of Earth to come under my rule, no more, no less. Have fun trying to figure out how to make it overkill. (I can already think of at least one way.)

@v I didn't expect that, but it's even better than I imagined! Now, to figure out how to make everyone do the electric slide at once...

[Crisis21]

Starting from the top of the atmosphere going inwards, you gain complete and total control of exactly half Earth's volume. All living things within this area count as part of the Earth and so are under your complete and total control. Every action, thought, and even emotion happens exactly as you will it to.


I wish for an official CosmicHobbit holiday.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Every day is CosmicHobbit day! We've also doubled the number of days on the calendar to make more CosmicHobbit days. We've also slowed earth's rotation and revolution using temporal shenanigans to make the new calendar more accurate and to give us 50-hour CosmicHobbit days.

I wish my papers were all sorted.

[Samba Mentality]

Your papers are not only sorted, but the incredibly useful ones you didn’t even know you had (and ones that you know you never had) appear in your files, like the one about how to make 14.2 billion dollars in 10 days guaranteed (which actually works!).

I wish for one of my bedroom walls to be painted orange.

[farothel]

You now have a house in the Netherlands right before the next World championship Football. The whole house is painted orange.

I wish to be able to speak to animals.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! And to make it not pointless, the animals are capable of deep and insightful conversation in return. With you as their translator, they soon end up in the same position as the Crisis bots from before.

I wish humans could talk.

[Crisis21]

Muteness is now a thing of the past. Not only that, but all humans are natural polyglots and can speak at least ten languages fluently and another several dozen passably.


I wish for a flying car.

[Samba Mentality]

Your new car can not only fly, but also swim, jump, talk, and can traverse dimensions. It also automatically takes you to wherever you want to go without any effort from you.

I wish for a bowl of salmon salad.

[Username2]

You don’t only have a bowl of salmon salad but you have an infinite bowl of salmon salad in a bucket of infinite salmon salad bowls but it is delivered by a dragon that you now own


I wish for a Pokémon card

[Flyingbooks42]

You get a real pokemon

I wish for a good idea

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You find a series of books that grants you new insight into the workings of the universe, making you an endless font of brilliant and revolutionary ideas. You even get the idea to go back in time and post a similar prompt in another thread!

I wish for the power to prevent ice cream from melting.

[Rater202]

Granted, you know have the combined powers of every cold themed superhero and supervillain from every franchise that ever existed and ever will in every conceivable version of reality.

I wish the turkey wasn't a little dry.

[Crisis21]

Er... are you wishing it was drier or less dry? Because one will get you powdered turkey and the other will get you turkey you can drink through a straw.


I wish for a kitty cat.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! You get the kittiest cat in all of space and time! You might not notice the difference at first, but the cuddles will have subtle intangible benefits that influence your life indirectly and add up over time, like a good luck charm.

I wish to unkick a puppy.

[super345]

No one can ever kick a puppy ever again.


I wish to become a level 20 wizard.

[ericgrau]

Pun pun's a 20th level wizard right?

I wish for a sushi dinner.

[farothel]

You find yourself on a boat where the freshly caught fish is immediately prepared by the best sushi chef in the world. Even the Fugu is perfect.

I wish to know all programming languages in the world.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Sure, but you'll find that you seldom bother with them when the Vast AI can accurately interpret your mental commands.

I wish for an apple orchard.

[Kneenibble]

Your orchard sprawls for acres, bristling with the gnarled branches of dozens of heirloom old-growth ungrafted apple varieties with all the sweets, sharps, bittersweets, and bittersharps that countless generations of cultivation have produced. A 20th-century metropolis is not so vast nor so dense as your orchard. You could flood the nation with the most fragrant, flavourful cider, if you could but find the labour and facility to process it all.


I wish for an apiary of large gentle brown bees.

[Flyingbooks42]

You get a whole planet made so as to be absolutely perfect fo bees the size of a human. It is full of extremely delicate glass sculptures which the bees occasionally gently brush without ever breaking. The bees also have an aura of brownness which causes everything around them to be brown.

I wish for a better VR headset.

[Bucky]

On the low-fidelity setting, it connects wirelessly to your optic nerve to simulate the action of individual photons. On the high-fidelity setting, it rearranges the matter around you to match the simulation.

I wish the plumbing in my home would stop springing leaks.

[ChaoticHarmony]

Your plumbing has been removed and replaced with the most advanced cleaning technology that removes waste and filth from everything on your property, liquid free.

I wish my next wish became sentient