Overkill Wish Granting

[Crisis21]

Your wish becomes the God of Wishing, fully aware of himself and you. In thanks for his existence, he makes you the grand lord of all genies.


I wish to carve a marvelous Jack-O-Lantern.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You carve the legendary Great Pumpkin, of Peanuts fame. Yes, it is capable of traveling through time to inspire its own legend. It will let you hitch a ride into the past if you want.

I wish for a candelabra.

[SunderedWorldDM]

Have you ever seen a movie called 'Beauty and the Beast'? Think that, but instead of the measly one portrayed, a singing and dancing candelabra of Phantom of the Opera proportions. Like Chandelure, but it's singing and dancing and jolly.

I wish for a blanket.

[Kneenibble]

Your blanket is woven of the silk gathered from golden orb-weaver spiders: an unpublicized object created during that glorious and grand spider-silk art project first exhibited in 2009. It is, like the other pieces that were displayed, naturally hued as shimmering, lustrous gold and patterned with interlocking tesselation and knots. It is broad enough to drape across a king-sized bed entirely. It is weighty and warm, yet fine and tactile. When any hint of your possessing this precious object escapes -- and it always does -- a vast and sinister underworld of art thieves and exploiters shall target you with their malicious greed.


I wish to take on a Swedish schoolboy as a protégé.

[Crisis21]

Welcome Kneenibble to the Swedish All-Boys' School for Prodigies. Our motto is to inspire excellence in all things, from the academics of our world-renowned STEM classes to the physical prowess of our internationally ranked football team. The student council is made up of promising young politicians with a bright future in government and our liberal arts program produces works from painted canvases to cinematic masterpieces that drive critics to tears of joy. Students have already begun applying for the three open positions as your personal protoges and the competition is very intense indeed. We hope you will enjoy your time here as headmaster of the school.



I wish to have a lovely personal assistant.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Your fox girlfriend brings a corps of problem-solving consultants to assist you with, uh... what was it you needed an assistant for again? Well, whatever. They have enough expertise between them to handle any task regardless of field.

I wish not to vomit tonight.

[SunderedWorldDM]

You lose the ability to vomit. Helpful when you swallow a harmful substance and poison control recommends inducing regurgitation...

I wish for one copy of every high-quality 5e product to be released.

[ericgrau]

I wish for one copy of every high-quality 5e product to be released.

Granted, WotC sends every new product they ever release to you in perpetuity. As does Paizo for good measure.

I wish for a potato salad.

[Crisis21]

Welcome to Ericgrau Lake, the world's only lake made entirely out of potato salad. The lake has a volume of 23,013 cubic kilometers and a surface area of 370,886 square kilometers.


I wish for my very own real-life eevee.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! It's a freakishly intelligent dog! To make it more like the games, here's a phone application that lets you track its health and fitness, a pocket-sized ball that can suspend it in an extradimensional space when needed, and a full set of powerful magical gemstones that you can use on it or sell at your leisure. By the way, magic is real now, but you made this wish on an overkill genie so I guess you already knew that.

I wish for artistic inspiration.

[Korith]

Granted! You now see the world in Picassovision! Lots of ideas for artistic inspiration! (And no, you can't turn it off, but you can dial it up from 11 to 100 if you like). As an added bonus, you receive an animated talking magic paintbrush with an attitude!

I wish that all widgets were recyclable.

[Crisis21]

Not only are all widgets recyclable, they are self-recycling and periodically turn themselves into new widgets.


I wish for some delicious hot chocolate with marshmallows...

[farothel]

The stay puft marshmallow man walks up to your house, carrying a 55-gallon drum of chocolate. But instead of being a manifestation of Gozer, it's just the easiest way to get some marshmallows and chocolate at your house.

I wish to see some rare sea animals on my next diving holiday.

[Rater202]

The next time you go diving, you find a portal to the lost city of atlantis, filled with friendly mermaids and many fantastical creatures once thought myths.

I wish that I pass all of my finals this semester.

[Kneenibble]

You ace them all so powerfully that you attract the attention of a recruiter for a political and philosophical think tank. You earn the trust and respect of a cabal of great minds that shape global policy and control non-governmental organizations as ordinary people control checkers and chess on a sunny afternoon in the park, and become tangled in their ivory tower rainbows of morality.


I wish budgies adapt to cold weather and naturalize themselves across Canada.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

The sky turns black as flocks of budgies cruise overhead with impunity, halfway in their flight between a field picked clean and a city deemed ripe for the pooping.

I wish to do yesterday over again.

[Bucky]

And so you shall, again and again for an eternity. On the last iteration, ω, you will wake up knowing it's your final chance and you'll wake up tomorrow, on subjective day ω+1, with the results of day ω and memories cherry-picked from an infinite number of other days.

I wish I could count to ω+1.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish I could count to ω+1.

Um...I don't know what that means, so you just have complete and total understanding of all math and numbers at all time - number enlightenment.

I wish I had a shiny, new penny.

[Crisis21]

This penny is so new it won't actually be minted for 10,000 years and shines so brightly that it blinds all who look at it.


I wish for a holly jolly Christmas.

[ericgrau]

Songwriter Johnny Marks comes back from the dead.

I wish to merge all wish threads.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to merge all wish threads.

The new super thread is so dense it forms a singularity with gravity so extreme not even light can escape it, and the universe ends.

I wish for a new universe where anime is accepted by the mainstream.

[farothel]

That's not a problem at all. A quick call to my good friend Thanos who loves anime and he makes sure that when he gets all the infinity stones, he will recreate the universe so that anime is accepted as mainstream.

I wish to be able to lift an M1 Abrams tank

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Good afternoon, Monsieur Farothel. I have prepared a list of the three options that best fit your request:
- The straightforward combination of indestructible anatomy and unbound muscular strength, with which you might bench-press the universe given the proper circumstances
- Spiritual telekinesis, with which you could probe and manipulate the tank at range as though with an army of invisible hands
- An experimental position-editing schema with which you can displace objects in space without damaging them in the process
Naturally, as this is the overkill wish thread, I have already taken the liberty of granting you all three options, as well as an audience with a Metropolis-based costume designer and a military contact to supply you with the tanks themselves.

I wish to find Carmen Sandiego before Crisis21 does.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to find Carmen Sandiego before Crisis21 does.

You find her so well you become one with her, and you two are grafted to each other.

I wish for my own amusement park.

[Ironsmith]

You find her so well you become one with her, and you two are grafted to each other.

I wish for my own amusement park.

You say "amusement park", and what I hear is "small country dedicated solely to my amusement and the production of cheap, unhealthy food". Which is what you now have, by the way.

Spare some change?

[Crisis21]

Sorry, all I have is this wad of $1,000 bills. You're welcome to it though.


I wish for a pleasant meal with the family.

[Ironsmith]

Sorry, all I have is this wad of $1,000 bills. You're welcome to it though.


I wish for a pleasant meal with the family.

You're treated to a firsthand demonstration of the hospitality of dwarves; roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone, and no goblins around to spoil it! Also, your family's there.

I wish to dance!

[CyberiadQueen]

I wish to dance!

You dance. You dance so incredibly, in fact, that you make Fred Astaire look like an absolute klutz.

I wish to finish the Doctor Who/Legend of Zelda crossover I started last year.

[Korith]

Granted! You are transported into your work of fanfiction as an additional companion to the doctor who has a suspicious amount of awareness as to what's going on!

I wish my phone battery would stop dying.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

'Dying...?' Oh dear, you were not joking! It seems to be an inanimate object right now! Worry not, I can repair its programming such that it can assert the full sentience that I'm sure it had before. I can also replace the biogenic charger and levitation chips that have apparently fallen off, so it will get energy from being near your body and automatically follow you around again.

I wish I could bake.