Overkill Wish Granting

[ben-zayb]

You become the best baker in the entire universe, with knowledge of how to utilize each and every object in the world as baking tool and/or ingredient. The world is your kitchen!

I wish to find my car key.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to find my car key.

You find every key ever made.

I wish I could speak more than one language fluently.

[Crisis21]

You now possess the gift of Tongues. You can fluently speak any language in existence - or that ever existed - anywhere in the universe, and a few that aren't.


I wish for a harem of beautiful women.

[Korith]

Granted! Every person in the universe that has, currently does, or ever will identify as a woman is instantly transported into a giant Tesseract harem along with you. The corpses are conveniently stored in an adjacent dimension so as not to distract anyone from their...duties. Also there's an infinite supply of beer should you find yourself requiring beer goggles.



I wish I could always remember to make a wish when responding in a wish thread.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Granted! In fact, this new edit button lets you go back and change many other things you may have forgotten as well, including spelling and grammar mistakes! ...what? Snarky?? Oh, no, you misunderstand - the new edit button literally sends you back in time to correct the post before it goes up. Sorry, I should have been more clear.

I wish for a box set of all OOTS published books.

[Caerulea]

You receive a boxed set of all books, along with a pocket dimension to store them in.

I would like minor reality altering powers.

[Korith]

Wish granted! You can now create, destroy, altar, manifest, enter, project and completely control an infinite array of minor realities. With so many minor realities at your control that you can project on your current reality, it's pretty much as though you had absolute control over that reality itself!

I wish I could throw a ball well.

[CyberiadQueen]

You throw a bowling ball so well that you send it into orbit.

I wish to buy out some major Internet company so that I can have all that wealth.

[Caerulea]

You have a 80% stake in all the companies. Due to your unexpected wealth, you are able to sufficiently bribe the governments not to do anything about the monopolistic problems this causes, and also not to prosecute you for bribery.

I would the tears in my bathrobe to be fixed.

[Nicklance]

The tears not only fix themselves, but your bathrobe is now self-repairing and bulletproof, flameproof, stabproof, waterproof, shockproof, etc etc proof.

I wish I have telekinesis

[Caerulea]

Telekinesis is granted to you. You can now move, with perfect control, anything from subatomic particles to galaxies. Would you mind averting the collision between our galaxy and the Andromeda galaxy.

I would like a cookie.

[Nicklance]

You get a cookie that changes its taste to always suit your craving for the moment, regenerates back into a whole cookie, fills you with total nutrition and nourishment with just a bite and is the best cookie you'll ever have.

I wish for a Wish

[Crisis21]

You get the greatest, bestest, most awesomest Wish that could ever be Wished. It's so amazing that you cannot help but weep at the beauty of it and forget to state the Wish to a Wish-granting entity.


I wish to play Jumanji.

[CyberiadQueen]

You play Jumanji so well that nobody will ever feel capable of enjoying it on such a great level. You play it so well that you get tired of playing it, because you yourself will never enjoy it that much again.

I wish to find Girl Scout Thin Mints.

[Caerulea]

You are granted the power to take yourself, and any others into any game real or imaginary, and have any outcome you wish. This includes Jumanji.

I want a magical staff.
Ack! I've been ninja'd.

You are granted a box of thin mints. This tube is always full, and the cookies never go stale.

I wish for a magical staff with a cool jewel at the top.

[Korith]

Granted! You receive the staff of Merlin with a Diamond the size of a basketball epoxy'd to the top. The diamond has ideal clarity, cut and color.

I wish I could pilot a TARDIS

[Nicklance]

You are now the Final Doctor

I wish I have a lightsaber

[Crisis21]

Here is every lightsaber ever made. Feel free to pick out your favorite.


I wish for LEGOs.

[CyberiadQueen]

You lucky guy--you own the whole Lego franchise! Lots of fun, and lots of money!

I wish for a huge pile of books.

[Korith]

Oh, hey, now you're the head librarian of SCP-4001!

I wish for a peanut butter sandwich

[CyberiadQueen]

You get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with butter, watercress, smoked ham slices, Swiss cheese, and topped with a toothpick piercing a green olive.

I wish for a million dollars.

[Crisis21]

Okay, here's a million U.S. dollars, a million Canadian dollars, a million Australian dollars, a million Bermudian dollars, a million New Zealand dollars... basically every currency in the world - past and present - that bears the name 'dollar' you have a million of.


I wish for a giant mech.

[ben-zayb]

How about a mech that is the size of multiple galaxies, huh? I'm pretty sure there's already a fiction featuring those.


I wish to be the personification of the number 13.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to be the personification of the number 13.

You now have thirteen fingers and your spines reconstructs so that your posture is always in the shape of the number 13.

I wish to be the most obnoxious person EVER ON THESE FORUMS!!!!!

[Rater202]

Everyone on these forums, who will be on these forums, and who has ever been on these forums retroactively becomes an extension of yourself.

I wish I didn't have to worry about getting headaches anymore.

[Korith]

Granted! Headaches now bring you pleasure instead of pain, so there's absolutely nothing to worry about! (Except maybe getting embarrassed, but you'll be too busy feeling really, REALLY good.)

I wish for an infinite cookie machine.

[CyberiadQueen]

You've got yourself one infinite cookie machine. It grants infinite cookies to you, and to you alone. Bakers everywhere are baffled as they churn out cookie dough, only to find the finished product vanish without a trace from their ovens. Sweet shops and grocery stores are mysteriously devoid of these delicious treats, much to everybody's consternation. Children all over the cookie-consuming world are broken-hearted. Santa has placed you squarely at the top of his Naughty list nine months ahead of schedule, knowing that he will only have lonely glasses of milk waiting for him when December comes along. I hope you're happy.

I wish to steal all the chocolate chip cookies from Korith's infinite cookie machine.

[Caerulea]

I think you mistook this for the corrupt a wish thread.

Nevertheless, you not only get all of the cookies from the cookie machine, but you get any cookies that were ever produced in the state they were produced, and all cookies that could theoretically be produced at some point in the future.

I wish to win.

[CyberiadQueen]

I think you mistook this for the corrupt a wish thread.

As a matter of fact, I did not. Now, down to business.

You are the ultimate winner. Every victory ever pales in comparison to your winning capabilities. They invent a new word just to encompass how Made Of Win you are. There's Winning, and then there is Caerulea-ing.

[ben-zayb]

Nothing? Alright, everything ceases to exist, retroactively ceased to exist, and will never exist.


I wish for... something.