Overkill Wish Granting

[Crisis21]

The universe springs back into existence, past, present, and all possible futures.


I wish my headache was gone.

[CyberiadQueen]

You will never have a headache for the rest of your life, and even on into whatever afterlife you believe in.

I wish to not feel so guilty about the mouse I just killed.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to not feel so guilty about the mouse I just killed.

You are now completely emotionless...so basically a Vulcan.

I wish Dr. McCoy wasn't just a doctor.

[ben-zayb]

Dr. McCoy is much more than a doctor that he'd make Meredith Brooks feel inadequate. Yes, he's also a b**** and a lover, and everything in between.

I wish I could edit in my wish without much hassle.

[Crisis21]

Your wishes now edit themselves in for you. They also post for you and make sure you are seen as active on the message boards even when you're otherwise occupied.


I wish for an April Fool.

[Korith]

The April Fool is real! Kind of like his friends Santa and the Easter Bunny, he goes around the world every April 1st pranking every household and business. Each prank is in itself an art, personalized to that household or business. Generally, one of the members of that household or business receives the blame. From April 2nd-March 31st, he crashes his buddy Crisis21's place, and is generally pretty laid back. He gets all the pranking out of his system on April Fool's Day.

I wish for an elephant riding a tricycle.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Your town is overrun by a Loxodon trike gang. It's exactly as awesome/terrifying as it sounds.

I want a cuddly pet rhino.

[Tube Wizard]

You have a stampede of cuddly pet rhinos, with all the public property damage and liability insurance claims that entails.

I wish I had a box of glazed donuts.

[AwesomeMan1323]

You have all the boxes of glazed donuts, and, as an extra, they are more unhealthy than ever before.

I wish I had a wolf that did whatever I told it to do.

[Korith]

The wolf is roughly the size of Saturn and travels at up to the speed of light. It responds to your desires telepathically and yes, you can ride it. Somehow it protects you from the vacuum of space and its gravitational field is adjustable to earth levels for your comfort.

I wish this thread would LIVE AGAIN!

[CyberiadQueen]

The thread is immortal. It will live forever, even when the Internet isn't even a ghost any longer. It will outlive us all, and our descendants, and even the universe itself. It will go on and on, past the end of time, until there is nothing left but this thread.

I wish for the thread to not be lonely in its immortality.

[Caerulea]

We, and everyone else on the forum are there too.

I'd like a planet for us to live on.

[Crisis21]

All I have is this Dyson Sphere... will that do?



I wish to retain the deed to some prime real estate on the Dyson Sphere.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to retain the deed to some prime real estate on the Dyson Sphere.

You now own all real estate in the known universe multiverse.

I wish someone would derail this thread.

[CyberiadQueen]

No user in particular somehow manages to utterly and irreversibly derail this thread. They take every thread on the entire website with it, along with every thread on every other site's forum, along with every length of thread, twine, hair, et cetera, in existence...along with all the strings in string theory. (Don't worry; I don't understand string theory, myself.)

I wish to blend all of these threads into a beautiful tapestry.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You now have the weaving skill to spin the threads into figurative gold. Also literal gold.

I wish for free lunch every day.

[Crisis21]

Granted! You now have a magically replenishing all-you-can-eat buffet! Good for lunch... and breakfast... and dinner... and snacks.


I wish to build a house.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to build a house.

You build the greatest house ever. So great in fact no one ever builds another house ever again because it would be futile to try and surpass the quality of house you built.

I wish to live in nature since there will never be another new house.

[CyberiadQueen]

You build the greatest house ever. So great in fact no one ever builds another house ever again because it would be futile to try and surpass the quality of house you built.

I wish to live in nature since there will never be another new house.

Houses soon go obsolete, because everybody decides that nature is too awesome. You start a trend of being one with nature, and everybody tears down their houses. Along with all stores, libraries, forts, office structures, parking lots, et cetera.

I wish to put on a sweater.

[Korith]

You now have telekinetic yarn mastery. Any yarn within 1 mile of you will respond to your very whims. As a demonstration of your newfound power, yarn approaches you from 6 directions and knits itself into a masterwork sweater in seconds. Also a nice pair of grey mittens, a turquoise toque, and an 8-foot-long rainbow scarf using a Mandelbrot-inspired crochet stitch.

I wish the Raptors would beat the Bucks tonight.

[Crisis21]

A million velociraptors and a million male deer are summoned to your city where they proceed to duke it out in true wild kingdom fashion. After a long bloody battle, the velociraptors are victorious and begin feasting on their defeated opponents.

You, uh, did have a plan for when the velociraptors got hungry again, right?


I wish for a way to contain the velociraptors without casualties.

[Bucky]

A million velociraptors and a million male deer are summoned to your city where they proceed to duke it out in true wild kingdom fashion. After a long bloody battle, the velociraptors are victorious and begin feasting on their defeated opponents.

You, uh, did have a plan for when the velociraptors got hungry again, right?


I wish for a way to contain the velociraptors without casualties.

Have a teleportation-powered organism search engine. Give it a description and it finds all matching creatures and moves them to a designated location.

Oh, and I threw in a three-mile-wide velociraptor enclosure to try it out on, once you get bored of teleporting yourself around the world.

I wish for a relaxing vacation.

[Korith]

You're so relaxed, people start calling you The Fonz.

I wish for a nice haircut.

[CyberiadQueen]

You're so relaxed, people start calling you The Fonz.

I wish for a nice haircut.

You now have an incredibly stylish haircut. So does everybody you've ever been even slightly acquainted with.

I wish to chill with The Fonz.

[Crisis21]

A cult arises around your chillness, worshipping you as the Goddess of Chill and naming The Fonz as your high priest.


I wish to solve the mystery of the haunted amusement park.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You got it! I'll even throw in a huge old van with a psychedelic paint job, an ascot, an orange sweater, a green hairband, and a great dane that eats a lot and can kind of talk.

I wish I could live each day twice.

[Korith]

Granted! First, here's your first clone, Dr.Gunsforhands v2.0. Then, just to make sure we get it just so, at the end of every 24 hours a glass of water will appear before you. If you don't drink it, you'll be sent back to your former body from 24 hours ago, when another clone will join you. Inability to drink due to, say, death, unconsciousness, or being caught in an intricate trap by a secret agency bent on securing all forms of time travel for themselves will still cause you to be sent back in time. If you do drink (even a sip will do), then you will advance to the next day and the clone count will reset back to one.

I wish to be heard.

[Eternis]

I hear you, and as I do, I Listen. As I Listen, the Word is spread among the Many. All will Hear You, as All will Hear the Word. This is my Gift, and so, your wish is Granted.

I wish for a cake.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

You have your cake and eat it too! That is to say, the cake doesn't seem to deplete at all as you eat it. You have infinite cake.

I wish for some cheat codes.

[Bucky]

You get some arbitrary code execution exploits; you can reprogram your games from the inside as you play.

I wish I'd remembered to pay my rent on time.