Overkill Wish Granting

[Korith]

We'll just time travel you back to 1965 and have you buy the building so that it turns out you've been your own landlord all along. Just watch out for that kid McFly. He owes me an Almanac.

I wish I could unravel temporal paradoxes.

[Harkness]

We'll just time travel you back to 1965 and have you buy the building so that it turns out you've been your own landlord all along. Just watch out for that kid McFly. He owes me an Almanac.

I wish I could unravel temporal paradoxes.

Granted! Your mere existence not only unravels temporal paradoxes in your universe's timeline, but all others!

(Coincidentally, it seems that Doc Brown bought your almanac, and later threw it away. Sounds like you can still get it!)

I wish I could travel back and forth from this reality to any fictional universe.

[Korith]

Granted! You can travel to any reality (or fiction) with the merest effort, and can spin off new realities (or fictions) at a whim to travel to them as well. The multiverse is a playground for your whims and fantasies.

I wish there was a way to tell these identical twins apart.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

These what kind of twins? That's a pretty unbelievable concept! Humans are and always have been so utterly different from one another that it would be impossible to confuse them with any amount of disguising.

I wish the fast food place would start carrying veggie burgers in my town.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish the fast food place would start carrying veggie burgers in my town.

Every fast food place ever now only serves veggies. In fact it's gotten so extreme people start neglecting cows, chickens, and pigs, and they go extinct.

I wish to bring back cows, chickens, and pigs from extinction, and put them in a theme park not unlike Jurassic Park.

[Korith]

After splicing in some dinosaur DNA to complete the sequence (after all, Dinosaurs are so plentiful and docile!), a herd of Cowasaurus Rex break free, reproduce, and terrorize the entire world, and chickens figure out how to open doors.

I wish I could invent a chicken-proof door.

[CyberiadQueen]

You now have a door that is flawlessly chicken-proofed. And hawk-proofed. And horse-proofed. And dog-proofed. And tanuki-proofed. And rabid-walrus-proofed. And...oh, heck; let's just cut to the chase. Nothing in the world is gonna get through that friggin' door. Sort of defeats the door's purpose, though.

I wish for the everything-proof door to be accessible to humans.

[Squire Doodad]

You now have a door that is flawlessly chicken-proofed. And hawk-proofed. And horse-proofed. And dog-proofed. And tanuki-proofed. And rabid-walrus-proofed. And...oh, heck; let's just cut to the chase. Nothing in the world is gonna get through that friggin' door. Sort of defeats the door's purpose, though.

I wish for the everything-proof door to be accessible to humans.

Granted. Turns out it was less of a door and more of a wall, so we just added a lock and door handle. To be safe, we locked it...

You have a key, right?

I wish for remote access to an infinite wardrobe that contains any sort of clothing I want at any given moment.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Why settle for a wardrobe? Behold: a marvelous magic kingdom where everything is formed and shaped by your whims! I hope you like economics?

I wish for hotel reservations.

[Stevesciguy]

Why settle for a wardrobe? Behold: a marvelous magic kingdom where everything is formed and shaped by your whims! I hope you like economics?

I wish for hotel reservations.

Congratulations! Every room in every hotel has been reserved for you at no cost. Unfortunately, now that tourists have nowhere to stay, the tourism industry seems to have crashed entirely.

I wish for a cool sword

[Bucky]

See the stuff dripping off your sword and trailing fog? That's liquid air condensing on contact with its blade.

I wish for a clockwork servant to do chores around my house.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish for a clockwork servant to do chores around my house.

The entire human race is now clockwork servants all devoted to doing your household chores.

I wish I had some ice cream.

[Korith]

Here's a Bag of Holding. It contains 500lbs of Neopolitan ice cream.

I wish for a trusty sidekick.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish for a trusty sidekick.

You know have the assistance of Nightwing, Robin, Batgirl, War Machine, Bucky Barnes, the Warriors Three, and Krypto the Super Dog to help you with your tasks.

I wish to be a worth archenemy to Korith and his team.

[CyberiadQueen]

You are so worthy an archenemy that Korith and his team feel somehow to be beneath you.

I wish to inspire Korith and his team to confidence against their worthy foe!

[Korith]

Korith believes he can do anything! Like travel through_t_h_i_s____b__l__a__c__k____h____o____l___ _e______w_____i_____t_____h_____o_____u_____t_____ ________b______e______i______n______g___________h_ ______________u____________________r______________ ___________..............................

I wish I could get out of this black hole.

[Flyingbooks42]

You now have the power to go into, out of, and through black holes in any way you please.


I wish for more books.

[farothel]

You now have access to L-space, which provides you access to any book that has been or will ever be written.

I wish to defeat Death.

[Korith]

You defeat death at every conceivable challenge ever conceived, and you beat death so badly that you're awarded the position, the robes, the scythe, the pension, and the status of death and are considered the greatest death ever.

I wish for a banana split.

[Erythrina]

I wish for a banana split.

You get a banana split, a chocolate bar, an apple strudel, a soufflé, a strawberry muffin, a cheesecake with nuts, a biscuit cake, a lemon cake, a cinnamon cake, a butterscotch cake, a butterscotch-cinnamon cake and every dessert ever imagined, including some that were never cooked before.
(Unfortunately, you are not sure where is the banana split in this mountain of food.)

I wish for good weather with room temperature outside.

[farothel]

Since I don't know what good weather is for you, I'll just give you the ability to control the weather in a 10 mile radius around you, okay?

I wish to have a new house with the latest in gadgets in it, but safe for datatheft and piracy and the like.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to have a new house with the latest in gadgets in it, but safe for datatheft and piracy and the like.

You have a colossal house filled with anachronistic gadgets no one else will have for over two centuries one of which is an advance laser that can sense every mind in the universe and if someone even thinks of looking into your private information the laser shoots them no matter where they are relative to the laser.

I wish I could have a sleepover at farthel's cool house because that stuff sounds cool!

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

The laser senses that wish and responds by disintegrating farothel and then beaming you in in their place. The whole house is now yours for the foreseeable future.

I wish for a coin for my collection.

[Korith]

Just added to your collection, a Neutronium disk measuring 1AU in diameter with the image of our solar system as at 01/01/2000 00:00:00.00000 GMT embossed upon the disk (with approximately 1/6.4E-19 depth scaling on the emboss job). The coin is 3 meters thick and has a mass of roughly 2.1 x 10^40 kg, or about 0.33% of the Milky Way Galaxy. To collect your coin, please travel approximately 19.1% of the distance from your galactic core towards the core of the Andromeda galaxy and allow yourself to enter into gravitational freefall.

I wish for a piggy bank that could fit Dr. Gunsforhands new coin.

[CyberiadQueen]

Dr.Gunsforhands now has the piggy bank to put all other piggy banks to shame. It is roughly the size of the Milky Way galaxy, and contains every coin known to man.

I wish to steal Dr.Gunsforhands' coin collection, and add it to my coin collection.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish to steal Dr.Gunsforhands' coin collection, and add it to my coin collection.

You now have a machine that can locate any coin in the world and teleport it to your house all undetectable.

I wish the next poster would say something nice about me.

[CyberiadQueen]

I proceed to write a full encyclopedia set of just how marvelous, stupendous, wonderful, magnificent, sweet, swell, awesome, groovy, boss, incredible, great, terrific, cool, amazing, and all-around good you are.

I wish the next poster would send me on an all-expenses-paid tour throughout Japan.

[Magic_Hat]

I wish the next poster would send me on an all-expenses-paid tour throughout Japan.

I rig the political system of Japan and you're now the monarch there, and can travel literally anywhere via the tax payers of Japan.

I wish the next poster would bring me all the bacon in the world. Wait, wait. I worried what you just heard was "Bring me a lot of bacon." What I said was "Bring me all the bacon in the world." Do you understand?

[Cat'sPyjamas]

I will personally deliver all of the bacon in the world to you each morning, accompanied by a marching band. Bacon will become illegal to produce outside of places that you sanction to attempt to control the bacon industry which exists only to give you bacon. Anyone caught with bacon who is not manufacturing it will be instantly and irreversibly turned into a pig, which will be fated to become bacon, as bacon will become the only legal meat to consume. I certainly hope you have a big appetite, because I understand, and I will deliver. At 5:30am, the marching band starts their work at the bacon factory at 7, and I want to give them time.

I wish to be able to pause time, be able to move and interact with people and things, and then un-pause time.

[Korith]

YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE. YOU ARE TIME. ALL THAT IS, YOU ARE. So yeah, you can sorta pause yourself, do whatever, and get on with it. That oughta have you covered.

I wish the universe would stop hiding my stuff.