Support the GITP forums on Patreon
Help support GITP's forums (and ongoing server maintenance) via Patreon
Results 1 to 19 of 19
  1. - Top - End - #1
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    somewhere n florida
    Gender
    Male

    Default Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    I was playing the other day, and because of a terrible Int check, hilarity ensued. This event caused me and the DM to reminise about the old days when a freind of ours, who frequently plaued "physical" characters, would do crazy things due to bad Int, or failed checks.

    In an effort to generate laughs, what are some funny Int based blunders that people have had? Once, a barnarian war-hulk frequently would use intimidate, but because they can't use any other Cha based skill, he would substitute intimidate for other Cha skills. He would always yell out what he was doing to, like: "okay, we need to find the family... gather intimidate!!" and he would always scare people and stuff... good times.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SamuraiGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2006

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    I'd say that substituting Intimidate for gather intelligence is a perfectly valid and maybe even sensible move. If you're a powerful armoured group who come barging into a village in the middle of nowhere and throwing your weight around, scaring up some information should be more than possible. It might even be more effective than sweet-talking the locals who have a massive mistrust of outsiders.

    Of course, trying it in the middle of a big, well guarded city might raise the DC a tad...

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ocato's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Muncie, Indiana
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Hah, I love it. Diplpwntimidated! I'm reminded of my friend who's personal wisdom was pretty low, not his character, just the guy. Every death or party wipe was heralded in by the sacred chant 'we can take 'em!'

    "Its just two shield guardians and a lich, we're up here and they don't see us. Why sneak past when we can jump on them! I'll reprogram the magically enchanted nonrobot construct with my mighty barbarian skillz."

    "...Just... just shup up, we're sneaking past the BBEG, this is the second session of the 1-20 campaign and I'd like to see the third."

    Okay, I was metagaming a little. But I mean, L1s vs a lich and shield guardians? That's not metagaming to know thats-a a bad-a idea.
    Being a jerk to people on the internet does not make you cool.

    Avatar by Kalirush

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    somewhere n florida
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    yeah, thats funny... and metagaming is excused for that gem, ha ha.

    "hey guys we need to sneak in there- wait, the barbarian is leaving stop him!"
    "uhh, yeah, he's like got strenght enough to knock down a town, how should i stop him?"
    barb: "hee! those guys will really be happy after I sneak in! okay, time to disguise," (rolls intimidate...)

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ocato's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Muncie, Indiana
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Intimidation Disguise!

    Guard: "You don't look like the bread seller from third street"
    Barbarian, wearing a bloodied bread apron and a human skull for a hat: "I ARE JOHN THE BREAD MAN, ALLOW ME TO VISIT MY DAUGHTER... WHATS-HER-FACE IMEDIATELY"
    Being a jerk to people on the internet does not make you cool.

    Avatar by Kalirush

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Troll in the Playground
     
    ElfMonkGuy

    Join Date
    Jan 2007

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    My party: *finds a magical blade that charms all in sight to the wearer*
    Party member 1: I draw the blade.
    Other party members: Wow, you rock!
    Other party member who wasn't originally present (referred to as 3): What's up?
    Party member 2: The sword pointed out that Party Member 1 was awesome.
    Party Member 3: Okay...
    2: Here, I'll show you.
    Player of 2: I want to snatch the blade from 1 and draw it.
    Me: Dude, the blade is clearly magically charming you. I think you're smart enough to know they'll be charmed towards you rather than the other wielder.
    Player of 2: Pleeeeease?
    Me: I tell you what. Make an int check. Get a 20 (AD&D, low was good for stat checks).
    Players of 2: *rolls* YAY!
    Me: Ugh.

    Session ended with most of the party charmed towards 2, but with 2 still charmed towards 1.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Dullyanna's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Over the Rainbow.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Quote Originally Posted by ocato View Post
    Intimidation Disguise!

    Guard: "You don't look like the bread seller from third street"
    Barbarian, wearing a bloodied bread apron and a human skull for a hat: "I ARE JOHN THE BREAD MAN, ALLOW ME TO VISIT MY DAUGHTER... WHATS-HER-FACE IMEDIATELY"
    Personally, I see it going something like this:

    Guard: "If you're really a servant, why the hell're you dragging a giant sword around?"
    Half-ogre barbarian, wearing the tattered remains of a servant's suit over spikey platemail: "Shut up, before I turn you into a greasy red stain on the wall."
    Guard:
    Generic Expendable Grunt of the Society for Hobgoblin Equality in Level Adjustment (SHELA)

    Credit where it's due:Avatar helpfully improved by Baboon Army... Thanks again .

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    dyslexicfaser's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dullyanna View Post
    Personally, I see it going something like this:

    Guard: "If you're really a servant, why the hell're you dragging a giant sword around?"
    Half-ogre barbarian, wearing the tattered remains of a servant's suit over spikey platemail: "Shut up, before I turn you into a greasy red stain on the wall."
    Guard:
    Guard: Funny, you don't LOOK like an average bread seller...
    Barb: I find that having hands that are strong enough to crack skulls are very useful in my line of work (Or perhaps not so eloquently put).
    Guard: It seems obvious to me that you are a bread seller and we shall never question it again.
    People seemed to like this better, but only marginally so - the way one might prefer to be stabbed than shot. Optimally, one isn't stabbed or shot. Optimally, one eats some cake! But there are times when cake is not available, and instead we are destroyed. This is the deep poetry of the universe. -- Tycho Brahe

    Spoiler
    Show

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    AKA_Bait's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Albany, NY
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Quote Originally Posted by dyslexicfaser View Post
    Barb: I find that having hands that are strong enough to crack skulls are very useful in my line of work (Or perhaps not so eloquently put).
    Perhaps:

    Barb: Skullcrushy hands good for dough squishy too.
    Guard: *gulp* I can see how that would be. Right this way sir.
    [CENTER]So You Wanna Be A DM? A Potentially Helpful Guide
    Truly wonderful avatar made by Cuthalion

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Titan in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Edmonton, Canada

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    I had a barbarian with such a low int and wis combo that he could occasionally fail to notice the forces of nature that should be working on him, and continue through sheer force of stupidity. Like Wile E. Coyote not noticing that there's no ground beneath his feet, but never really cluing in. The meta-rule we followed that if it ever imbalanced the game or failed to make the DM laugh, it would stop working, so in a year-long campaign, I think I used it four times.

    But then, this was also a character who had, after two encounters with an illusionist, FINALLY got the idea of "things-that-aren't-really-things". Another player used this to convince my barbarian that an actual door wasn't there, and so the barbarian plowed through it at full speed - and, naturally, the DM ruled that the door did in fact give way. Hey, he was 400 pounds and with (1st edition 19 strength)!
    Despair favours the status quo. It is a luxury we cannot afford. ~ Andrew Nikiforuk

    Quote Originally Posted by jakarta View Post
    I'm an English teacher. You are misapplying the concept of "singular they".
    If you want the full lecture we can do it in private.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    That's just superb. A character so deeply stupid that their idiocy actually warps the laws of time and space...
    My favorite exchange:
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Betty
    If your idea of fun is to give the players whatever they want, then I suggest you take out a board game called: CANDY LAND and use that for your gaming sessions.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dervag
    Obviously, you have never known the frustration of being stranded in the Molasses Swamp.
    _______
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeavelli View Post
    Physics is a dame of culture and sophistication. She'll take you in, keep you warm at night, provide all kinds of insight into yourself and the world you never find on your own.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Banned
     
    Solo's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    *stab*

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dervag View Post
    That's just superb. A character so deeply stupid that their idiocy actually warps the laws of time and space...
    Fighter McWarrior!

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Futuristic setting. We're all in a spaceship, but in atmosphere, when we get hit and the ship starts to go down. The wizard starts casting Fly on a couple of the party members, most of us are still screwed, but we've got a few rounds before the ship hits the ground.

    PC: I open the hatch so that we can abandon ship once we all get flighted.

    Me: No! NO! Don't do that! That's--

    DM: You don't know what he's about to do.

    Me: Gahhhh....

    PC: So I open the hatch...?

    DM: Make an Intelligence check.

    PC: *rolls a one*

    DM: Huh. Make another Intelligence check.

    PC: *rolls a 20* What's this all about?

    DM: Well, you remember where the proper button is.

    Me: I see him moving toward the button and stop him.

    DM: Roll initiative to act first.

    Me: *fumbles*

    PC: *20's*

    Everyone else: *sigh*

    PC: What's everyone so upset about? *pushes the button, opening the door in what is essentially an airplane plummeting a mile or so downward, most of us sans-Fly.*

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    dyslexicfaser's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Quote Originally Posted by Raolin_Fenix View Post
    Futuristic setting. We're all in a spaceship, but in atmosphere, when we get hit and the ship starts to go down. The wizard starts casting Fly on a couple of the party members, most of us are still screwed, but we've got a few rounds before the ship hits the ground.

    PC: I open the hatch so that we can abandon ship once we all get flighted.

    Me: No! NO! Don't do that! That's--

    DM: You don't know what he's about to do.

    Me: Gahhhh....

    PC: So I open the hatch...?

    DM: Make an Intelligence check.

    PC: *rolls a one*

    DM: Huh. Make another Intelligence check.

    PC: *rolls a 20* What's this all about?

    DM: Well, you remember where the proper button is.

    Me: I see him moving toward the button and stop him.

    DM: Roll initiative to act first.

    Me: *fumbles*

    PC: *20's*

    Everyone else: *sigh*

    PC: What's everyone so upset about? *pushes the button, opening the door in what is essentially an airplane plummeting a mile or so downward, most of us sans-Fly.*
    You would think a 20 on an intelligence check would give him the idea not to open a door into atmo.
    People seemed to like this better, but only marginally so - the way one might prefer to be stabbed than shot. Optimally, one isn't stabbed or shot. Optimally, one eats some cake! But there are times when cake is not available, and instead we are destroyed. This is the deep poetry of the universe. -- Tycho Brahe

    Spoiler
    Show

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Quote Originally Posted by dyslexicfaser
    You would think a 20 on an intelligence check would give him the idea not to open a door into atmo.
    That's what the first Intelligence check was for, which he failed. The second was for memory.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

    Join Date
    Aug 2007

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    In the beginning of a campaign I DMed a while ago, there were two PC's that gradually met the remainder of the party as they proceeded to the center of a large province. The first member the two PC's came upon was a Lizardfolk barbarian named Larz. Larz wasn't the sharpest crayon in the pack, and here was what the 2 PC's heard from him as he was engaging in some farmwork:
    Larz:Wagon is being very stubborn, it no budge.
    PC's:Do you need any help good sir?
    Larz:Larz fine, because Larz have RAGE!!! Larz smash puny wagon!!!
    *Larz proceeds to roll a natural 1 on attack roll, critically fumble, and fall on the ground*
    Larz:Larz considers you worthy adversary wagon, but Larz beat you next time.

    The same Larz attempted to jump (and just jump, not attack) ONTO a spiked fullplate wearing dude who had proceeded to mop the floor with around 5 PCs by himself.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Prophaniti's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Happy Valley
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    I'm reminded of one of my dad's favorite characters. Mongo the Mighty. A half-ogre fighter. I dont recall any particularly spectacular displays, I think most disasters were averted by the gnome illusionist who rode on his back in a glorified papoose-thing. Basically he'd say 'Mongo, smash!' and off Mongo would go. I remember he charged a locked door once and broke through it. The next room was covered with refuse and garbage from the resident monsters, which cased Mongo to lose his footing and slide into the opposite wall, which decided stopping 400+ pounds of pc and gear was not in the job description...
    Spending most of my time on another forum.
    Awesome Daemonhost avatar by Fin.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    The Head of Vecna to many years ago not the recent adventure at Wizard's.

    Part of the Bardic Lore check and Divinations early in the game were that as powerful as the Sword of Kas and Hand and Eye of Vecna were the other parts of his mortal form were powerful magical relics and there might be a correlation between the power and the physical size of the relics (Supposedly the bigger ones were more powerful with the exception of the Head of Vecna (More powerful magnets)). Everything paled compared to the legendary powers of the Head of Vecna something about Miracles or Wishes. Great DM made them roll when they asked why they hadn't heard about them. How well they were guarded and questioning a priest confirmed some of the party questions regarding their general powers.

    He told different players different things based on their rolls and knowledge checks slanting it to the character via arcana, folklore, religion and bardic lore checks and their patron power or powers and other game artifacts they were comparable to.

    Told them basically they had never given them much credence as they had never really expected to find an artifact or high power relic in game adventuring much less lots of them but a few remembered some obscure points (Basically which classes benefited the most from a few of the Relics and what they were rumored to do).

    He put it in an out of game context it's kind of like the 10 Commandments or Thor's Hammer you have heard of them and some of you have a little more knowledge than others but none of you ever expect to actually find those Artifacts or Relics much less be able to keep them and use their power.

    First watching the other player's argue how the relics would be divided up before testing them out and learning how powerful they were. Started experimenting with the digits and scalp first before moving up to the larger relics.

    It was a pretty mercenary group (Mostly True Neutrals (With Strong Evil Tendencies) so watching the bartering to determine who would get the head was pretty interesting as they traded magic items between themselves.

    Doing another Bardic Lore check that yes one of the Head's greatest defenses was how you needed to obtain it's power. Someone had to cut off or remove your head and reattach the Head of Vecna while you were most powerless.

    Supposedly the Powers of Good had cursed the Head so you needed to have someone you "Trust" (Good alignment) to cut off your head so they wouldn't "Steal" the power of the artifact for themselves now that you were dead and powerless and of course there were a few legends and fables of exactly that happening. The legends were sure that it was so powerful you would be brought back to life with incredible powers: Gain Incredible Knowledge and Powers (Perform Miracles and Wishes) Transcend Death.

    So after all the relics are working and powerful watching the bartering over the Head was a riot. When they killed the first player he made the chopper and the choppee roll play the beheading describing the blood flowing everywhere and having the choppee make the occassional roll. When the chopper asks what is happening with the Head the DM informs him it is still right where they left it on the ground. When he goes to reattach it he asks the PC quietly enough to be overheard "Are you resisting the save or forgoing it?" Had him make another roll and the player died as the "Eyes" briefly glowed very feebly with power.

    When everyone started inquiring what happened the DM had everyone roll and then tailored what they experienced or saw. Not everyone saw the "Eyes" briefly glow but a few did. Basically said in a nutshell "Well you took an awful lot of time chopping off his head and really smashed it bad on that one roll with him still wearing his armor. Plus well you were all a little slow reattaching the Head".

    More arguing who will be the next player to have his head cut off because All the Relics work great. The winner removes his armor and instructs the chopper to cut his head off in one stroke with his sharpest sword.

    DM got Lucky he rolled low. Similar questions and answers inquiring what went wrong.

    Number 3 wants a separate chopper and a separate reattacher to "Do it Quick as possible". He really rolled low twice.

    Watching the "Arguing" who would get their head chopped off next and to make sure the other player's did it quickly because the DM made them roll a D20.

    Arguing with the Fourth player that we should go back to town where he can put it on next. He was so worried about losing it heading back to town (Bardic Lore and Legends "Unused" Relics and Artifacts generally strive to be Used and Fate Intervenes to locate a Worthy Bearer) Bandits and Wandering monsters from tales of how various artifacts were lost over the years. Ended up bartering for his equipment for chopping off his head jsut as instructed but keeping it if things didn't work out.

    In the end party greed killed off 4 of 6 players but it was a very memborable game.
    Last edited by CASTLEMIKE; 2007-09-17 at 07:35 PM.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Intelligence? no thanks, thats for squares.

    Quote Originally Posted by Raolin_Fenix View Post
    PC: What's everyone so upset about? *pushes the button, opening the door in what is essentially an airplane plummeting a mile or so downward, most of us sans-Fly.*
    If they were only a mile up, the air pressure would be effectively the same inside and outside. What's the problem?

    Now, if they were ten miles up, there'd be a problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by CASTLEMIKE View Post
    The Head of Vecna to many years ago not the recent adventure at Wizard's.
    Your characters were even stupider than Toliudar's barbarian. Not only did their idiocy warp the laws of time and space, it warped the very principles of logic themselves.

    You guys are great!
    My favorite exchange:
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Betty
    If your idea of fun is to give the players whatever they want, then I suggest you take out a board game called: CANDY LAND and use that for your gaming sessions.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dervag
    Obviously, you have never known the frustration of being stranded in the Molasses Swamp.
    _______
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikeavelli View Post
    Physics is a dame of culture and sophistication. She'll take you in, keep you warm at night, provide all kinds of insight into yourself and the world you never find on your own.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •