Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Lord Torath]

It is a spell that pretends to do nothing when you first cast it. It sits on the target, waiting until an hour after he has gone to sleep. Then he bursts into flame, taking up to 8d6 fire damage and setting him on fire.

Does... does the spell allow you to wake up after catching fire?

The Gm did not appreciate it for the big bad's cameo.

Oh, man. That is just... wow. Yeah, you can never let your BBEGs interact with the PCs before the big fight...

* I may no longer allow the PCs to have any direct interaction with the BBEG before the final confrontation, lest they hit him/her/it with Curse of the Burning Sleep.

[danielxcutter]

Wow, and I thought Explosive Runes was bad enough.

[Katrina]

Does... does the spell allow you to wake up after catching fire?

It explicitly wakes you up. But you do wake up on fire, hurt, and likely confused. The Gm made this big show of security being heightened at the noble's house when we tracked him back later. It is unlikely to kill at the level you get it unless your enemy is already wounded, but it is a great way to make sure someone doesn't really escape your wrath.

[JMS]

It explicitly wakes you up. But you do wake up on fire, hurt, and likely confused. The Gm made this big show of security being heightened at the noble's house when we tracked him back later. It is unlikely to kill at the level you get it unless your enemy is already wounded, but it is a great way to make sure someone doesn't really escape your wrath.

To make it even more fun, make a contingency which teleports the party to the BBEG when the spell goes off.

[Squire Doodad]

To make it even more fun, make a contingency which teleports the party to the BBEG when the spell goes off.

Have contingency which casts a spell which in turn scans for and thanks to a bit of tinkering triggers magic of a certain type. Rig it to search for and trigger Contingency. Run. Watch as the GM's plan for having the Leaders of the Unholy Magi survive their first encounter with the players gets screwed over.

[JMS]

Have contingency which casts a spell which in turn scans for and thanks to a bit of tinkering triggers magic of a certain type. Rig it to search for and trigger Contingency. Run. Watch as the GM's plan for having the Leaders of the Unholy Magi survive their first encounter with the players gets screwed over.

That's brilliant!!

[danielxcutter]

That's brilliant!!

I don't get it. What's the Contingency supposed to trigger?

[JAL_1138]

*My character-tree cannot consist entirely of bastard half-siblings who all descend from the same bard and who therefore all inherited his terrible fashion sense and obnoxious French accent.

[JAL_1138]

*Apparently, referring to Rouboute Guilliman as “Rowboat Gila-monster” is HERESY.

[Malak'ai]

*Apparently, referring to Rouboute Guilliman as “Rowboat Gila-monster” is HERESY.

*Calling him Rowboat Girly-man will get you an "Imperial Fisting" from Marius Calgar.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Calling him Rowboat Girly-man will get you an "Imperial Fisting" from Marius Calgar.

** Cannot complain that that's a different Chapter.

[Lord Raziere]

* may not weaponize Capsules so I can fire the following things: chlorine trifluoride, various deadly gasses, partial storage capsules, singularities, miniature stars, anti-matter, poison, pikabots, or anything else of similar danger
** even if using these things a normal gunner can get even with a DBZ ki user using this kind of ammo
*** "Capsule Gunner" will never be a viable DBZ fighter concept.

[Malak'ai]

** Cannot complain that that's a different Chapter.

*** Must stop making If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Divice references if not 100% sure if the current audience has seen it.

[danielxcutter]

*Calling him Rowboat Girly-man will get you an "Imperial Fisting" from Marius Calgar.

**If he tries to "give you advice", say no unless you want an "I CAST FIST" to the face, especially if said face is less durable than an Eldar Wraith Titan.

[Malak'ai]

**If he tries to "give you advice", say no unless you want an "I CAST FIST" to the face, especially if said face is less durable than an Eldar Wraith Titan.

***And for the love of the God Emperor, do not mention the Ultramarines record of accomplishments unless you want to see Papa Smurf's head explode from confusion.
****Actually, do that... Please do that as quickly as you can.

[Lord Raziere]

***And for the love of the God Emperor, do not mention the Ultramarines record of accomplishments unless you want to see Papa Smurf's head explode from confusion.
****Actually, do that... Please do that as quickly as you can.

***** But really whatever you do, DO NOT mention Cato Sicarious
****** Or start talking like him. That will end you.

[danielxcutter]

***And for the love of the God Emperor, do not mention the Ultramarines record of accomplishments unless you want to see Papa Smurf's head explode from confusion.
****Actually, do that... Please do that as quickly as you can.

*****It's the Man-Emperor of Mankind, nowadays.

[Lord Raziere]

*****It's the Man-Emperor of Mankind, nowadays.

****** May not demand gender equality and have a Woman-Empress of Womenkind rule along side him.

[malachi]

*****It's the Man-Emperor of Mankind, nowadays.

****** May not demand gender equality and have a Woman-Empress of Womenkind rule along side him.

******* Or age equality and have an Child-Emperor/ess of Childhood



* I am no longer allowed to cast fireball while inside a ship.
** Not even if it's not our ship and is responsible for taking out 7/9 of the enemies.
*** Even if the exploded enemies had just betrayed and ambushed us.


* I am no longer allowed to trust supposedly friendly NPCs I find using my character's background features.

[Anonymouswizard]

*****It's the Man-Emperor of Mankind, nowadays.

****** May not demand gender equality and have a Woman-Empress of Womenkind rule along side him.

******* Or suggest combine both into a Person-Emperor of Mankind.
******** The Emperor is not LGBTQ+.

[Guizonde]

* if i am to call shots to the nether regions on an opponent, i'd better make sure said opponent has the nether regions in question beforehand.
** i cannot castrate a galleon.
*** i most definitely cannot litterally kick its rear-end so far into next week it lands on thursday afternoon.
**** i can, surprisingly, with the correct feats and class combination, do it to a humanoid though.

[Anonymouswizard]

** i cannot castrate a galleon.
*** i most definitely cannot litterally kick its rear-end so far into next week it lands on thursday afternoon.

I'm fairly certain that there's a Sidereal Martial Art that'll allow you

* I am not allowed to touch Exalted.
** No, not even then.
*** Considering how immoral and shifty my characters act when mortal, any systemt that allows me to play a theif-sorcerer-demigod is prohibited.

[TheYell]

*may not send spam Messages telling random people to send on the Message within 5 days or die

[JAL_1138]

*It’s apparently bad form for a villain to give a virulent zombie plague with a long incubation period (and that the villain’s organization is inoculated against) to a kidnapped hostage the heroes are going to rescue.
**Can’t file the serial numbers off streaming-service tv series plots.

*Not allowed to point out that Umbrella could have avoided everything that went wrong if it wasn’t apparently company policy to shoot their own scientists due to corporate chronic backstabbing disorder.

[PhoenixPhyre]

For my adult siblings' sake, I'm not allowed to introduce D&D to their kids. At least not any more.

Spoiler

Show

It's become...infectious. One 9 (?) year-old is going full world-building and running games of his own (no published adventures, just the books), making his own maps and terrain, painting minis, the whole bit. I think he's going to be pretty good at it. Another 11 year old has gone on a character building spree--working on his 7th character including using UA material and other books. I feel proud for being the catalyst to a new generation.

[SleepyShadow]

*I'm no longer allowed to have my dwarf use Stonecunning by licking the walls.

[TheYell]

I'd insist on that, it's actually a thing

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-geologists-lick-rocks

[Wookieetank]

I'd insist on that, it's actually a thing

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-geologists-lick-rocks

As someone with a geologist degree, I'll second this. I've had tests where the only way to tell samples apart was by taste.

[malachi]

*I'm no longer allowed to have my dwarf use Stonecunning by licking the walls.

I'd insist on that, it's actually a thing

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-geologists-lick-rocks

As someone with a geologist degree, I'll second this. I've had tests where the only way to tell samples apart was by taste.

** I'm no longer allowed to bring realistic real-world reasons for extremely silly in-game actions.




From my last session:
* No longer allowed to be a sensible person and hide in a corner when one PC's jailbreak attempt turns out comically bad, especially when we didn't need to be broken out of jail.

[Telok]

I may no longer inflict npcs named Chundarr the Boobarian on the party without forewarning.

Chundarr may no longer grab a pc, jump 4 meters straight up, and bring them down so hard that the pc's leg flies off.

Chundarr may no longer use the parties zombie minions as clubs to break ribs and cause pcs to start internall hemmoraging.

I may no longer come within one luchador stunt of a total party kill with joke npcs.

Coming soon to an ork karaoke bar near you: Chundarr may no longer turn out to have survived face melting fireballs and a nuclear meltdown in order to force/trick/seduce the pcs to become his/her love interest(s).