Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Guizonde]

*when a player tells me he's an ex-con, must not immediately tell him it's for a record-breaking amount of traffic violations.
**said player can't also be the only one with the skills to drive land and air vehicles.

*must not create a backup pc that is a judge dredd expy just because i know players will get maimed.
**doubly so if it's to make a double "i am the law" quip.
***while the arbites and the inquisition are both the authorities, that doesn't make it so an arbites inquisitorial goon is double the law.

*no, rolling two critical fails in a row during a discussion doesn't mean the npc's barf instead of speak.
**even worse when it's two different npc's.

*toasters don't give seductive looks to tech-priests.

*tech-priests don't get aroused seeing purity seals on the electrical cabinet.

*the slogan "welcome to the arbites, here's your scowl and shotgun", while accurate, doesn't exist.

*bureaucrats are not sleep deprived suicidal wrecks by default.

*obese businessmen are not always sleazy macho pigs.
**even if they're a blatant rip-off of dominic strauss-kahn. that'd be insulting to sleazy macho pigs.

*while technically there's always a happy hour going somewhere on the planet, the pc has just missed it.

*while there's a precedent for it, shovels are not the be all, end all solution to problems.

*no, a shovel is not part of regimental dress uniforms.

*must not make a mind-reader ask for brain bleach again.

[LordCdrMilitant]

So... spelljammer but worse then?

That would be an accomplishment. Is it at least sci-fi?

*when a player tells me he's an ex-con, must not immediately tell him it's for a record-breaking amount of traffic violations.
**said player can't also be the only one with the skills to drive land and air vehicles.

*must not create a backup pc that is a judge dredd expy just because i know players will get maimed.
**doubly so if it's to make a double "i am the law" quip.
***while the arbites and the inquisition are both the authorities, that doesn't make it so an arbites inquisitorial goon is double the law.

*no, rolling two critical fails in a row during a discussion doesn't mean the npc's barf instead of speak.
**even worse when it's two different npc's.

*toasters don't give seductive looks to tech-priests.

*tech-priests don't get aroused seeing purity seals on the electrical cabinet.

*the slogan "welcome to the arbites, here's your scowl and shotgun", while accurate, doesn't exist.

*bureaucrats are not sleep deprived suicidal wrecks by default.

*obese businessmen are not always sleazy macho pigs.
**even if they're a blatant rip-off of dominic strauss-kahn. that'd be insulting to sleazy macho pigs.

*while technically there's always a happy hour going somewhere on the planet, the pc has just missed it.

*while there's a precedent for it, shovels are not the be all, end all solution to problems.

*no, a shovel is not part of regimental dress uniforms.

*must not make a mind-reader ask for brain bleach again.

Shovels are absolutely part of your regimental dress uniform. Not being in possession of every one of your issued pieces of kit maintained to the standard when you received it is indicative of laxity and lack of commitment, and grounds for summary execution!



From my own 40k games:

*A Keeper of Secrets is not the "vore daemon".
**Yes, daemons do eat people. This should not be demonstrated during campaign.
***The Keeper of Secrets should definitely not eat a player character [even if the player wanted to make a new character anyway].
****And especially should not burp afterwords and pat their stomach.
*****One instance of vore in a campaign is one instance too many. Seriously, twice?

[Rater202]

*To reiterate: If the open and unrepentant cannibal is one of the good guys, there's a problem.
** If your backstory, goals, and powers are the same as a Conan the Barbarian villain, he can't be a superhero.

[Telok]

That would be an accomplishment. Is it at least sci-fi?

Ever had someone offer you a baked potato then drop a glob of runny, doesn't-smell-quite-right, "how long has that been sitting out?" sour cream on top of it?

Starfinder is sort of like that. It's a kind of Pathfinder in space with a veneer of techno babble, a Red Queen's Race character advancement, and someone tacked on a "space dog fight" game written by someone whose only exposure to space anything was a 1980s Buck Rogers B-movie.

Related:
* At some point people will stop letting me squeeze more sillyness out of 'serious' games than you can get from a mash-up of Toon, Paranoia, and Rifts.
** The glow in the dark, 3d printed plaque on my gaming box that says "Balance is my b*" is in bad taste.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Hmm, does Spelljammer have any 3.5e updates, now that I think of it?

There was an article or two in dragon and you can extract some of the bits that were sprinkled around in 1st party sources but, no, I don't think it was ever given a proper, first party update. Just some third party stuff.

That would be an accomplishment. Is it at least sci-fi?

Spelljammer? More of a fantasy sci-fi blend. It doesn't really do the whole techno-babble "we're in space" thing but it's about as close as anything ever got in official D&D stuff, outside of using the d20 modern/future system.

Starfinder? I guess? I'm only just barely aware of it so I can't tell anyone much about it.

[Rater202]

In my first ever D&D game, a planer jaunt to rescue some party members who came down on the wrong side of a Deck of many things ended with us being flown from a lower plane to our home reality through the Astral plane in a spider-shaped ship crewed by drow pirates and the ship was powered by a one of those control rods that let you control a sphere of annihilation, which we had to provide by making a deal with a Black Dragon who were were told was actually a God and not a dragon but who insisted that he was just a dragon despite his ability to intercept and twist a Wish spell (My wish of "I wish I could emulate a dragon's breath weapon with my Warshaper abilities so I can fight off these trolls who are kicking out asses and wrecking the hub town" became "break whatever enchantment is keeping this particular dragon from accessing the material plane and summon him here so he can kill the trolls for us") and I'm to this day pretty damn sure was actually Falazure in disguise.

During the journey, we stopped at a colony built into a giant stone head that was just floating in the Astral plane, we fought a bunch of eal-bug-turtle things, and our final arrival at home resulted in us being dropped off in a scene that was described to us as being akin to a space ship coming out of the sky.

I was told that this was typical spelljammer.

Anyway, Tax: If I'm going t artificially graft other people's unique genetic abilities to myself, I need to settle on how before the game starts.

[LordCdrMilitant]

There was an article or two in dragon and you can extract some of the bits that were sprinkled around in 1st party sources but, no, I don't think it was ever given a proper, first party update. Just some third party stuff.

Spelljammer? More of a fantasy sci-fi blend. It doesn't really do the whole techno-babble "we're in space" thing but it's about as close as anything ever got in official D&D stuff, outside of using the d20 modern/future system.

Starfinder? I guess? I'm only just barely aware of it so I can't tell anyone much about it.

I know what spelljammer is. I dislike it intensely and it's crystal sphere and phlogiston and stuff.

[danielxcutter]

I know what spelljammer is. I dislike it intensely and it's crystal sphere and phlogiston and stuff.

Care to elaborate on that? I've met people who like it because it's not the same old traditional D&D fantasy setting like Greyhawk or Forgotten Realms.

[Lord Torath]

Care to elaborate on that? I've met people who like it because it's not the same old traditional D&D fantasy setting like Greyhawk or Forgotten Realms.

Some people seem to be really "offended" by the Spelljammer version of Space. It's really not Science Fiction, and it explicitly doesn't try to be. About the only thing it gets right is the scale of interplanetary (but not interstellar) distances. Orbital Mechanics? No, things orbit just because. If they orbit, that is. They may be carried on the backs of ginormous elephants standing on the shell of an even larger turtle. Or they may be suspended from branches of an immense tree. Newton's laws of motion? Yeah, they apply fairly well on the small (human) scale, but not on the large scale - sort of like how in real life we need Relativity to properly explain things on larger scales.

Personally, I rather like like it. Krynn, for example, couldn't exist anywhere in our universe. The constellations that re-arrange themselves are made up of stars that would have to move many times faster than the speed of light if they were at 'standard' interstellar distances from the Krynn system. Having the stars be lights on the surface of the crystal sphere that encloses Krynn and its solar system easily eliminates that issue.

And since you can have different rules in different crystal spheres, you can accommodate the uniqueness of each setting without requiring them to affect other settings. Heck, you could even have a crystal sphere 200 billion light-years across that encloses the visible universe and operates according to the laws of General Relativity and Quantum Mechanics. Or one about the same size that has an alternate dimension where daemons live and that psykers can access to manifest 'magical' powers, and even use to move ships quickly to the other side of the galaxy, and where one race of fungus men can make things go faster by painting them red.

But it's definitely not for everyone.

[GigaGuess]

* If I can't stop giggling long enough to explain what I'm doing, it is not allowed.

[Robert's Dragon]

*I am not allowed to use divine smite and eldritch smite on the same attack.
**Nor may I use thunderous smite on top of that 'just for fun'
***Adding booming blade to the combo is also not allowed, even if it adds a nice full sound

[LordCdrMilitant]

Care to elaborate on that? I've met people who like it because it's not the same old traditional D&D fantasy setting like Greyhawk or Forgotten Realms.

I play space games to have greebled polyhedrons and laser guns and power suits and tanks and VTOL gunships and stuff that is cool, not some idea of beyond-antiquated medieval era crystal spheres and fire-is-the-phlogiston-leaving-the-object and squid monsters.

It's anathema to me because I feel like it implicitly says "you like the future and space and worlds of technology and the artifice of man, but wouldn't it be more awesome if it wasn't space and the future and worlds of technology and the artifice of man."

[Anonymouswizard]

I play space games to have greebled polyhedrons and laser guns and power suits and tanks and VTOL gunships and stuff that is cool, not some idea of beyond-antiquated medieval era crystal spheres and fire-is-the-phlogiston-leaving-the-object and squid monsters.

It's anathema to me because I feel like it implicitly says "you like the future and space and worlds of technology and the artifice of man, but wouldn't it be more awesome if it wasn't space and the future and worlds of technology and the artifice of man."

Honestly, this is why I get disappointed when space games essentially rehash what you see in Star Wars or Star Trek again, instead of either going back and taking stuff from the classic era of science fiction (atomic rockets!) or more modern ideas, and why 'spaceships have a speed right' really annoys me.

Heck, I'll take removal of some elements I find cool in exchange for more focus on other elements, bit I want to play around with stuff from the science fiction stories in reading.

[danielxcutter]

*I am not allowed to use divine smite and eldritch smite on the same attack.
**Nor may I use thunderous smite on top of that 'just for fun'
***Adding booming blade to the combo is also not allowed, even if it adds a nice full sound

I'm like 99% sure that you actually can't stack all of those, because at least a few of them use your reaction (or whatever the 5e counterpart for 3.5e swift actions was)?

Re: space - To be fair, Spelljammer isn't really sci-fi, it's more like D&D in space with a smidgen of sci-fi thrown in for flavor. I would imagine the main pull of that setting is having the same basic gameplay framework while feeling sufficiently divergent from the standard fantasy setting.

[Lord Raziere]

* May not make a steampunk or alchemy punk setting in space, apparently
** May not ponder alternate universes where phlogiston turned out to be real
*** or the luminiferous Aether
**** seeing how an alternate outdated theory would not work to better understand the systems that do apparently isn't cool

* may not make a setting where people actually discovered the philosopher's stone and started making rulers immortal during the 16th century.
** May not make Napoleon become a sorcerer and rule half the world as emperor in this setting

* My Dark heresy character cannot be an Arbitrator who is a good person and genuinely wants to reform the system to more effectively enact justice
** The fact that this makes them a radical member of the inquisition by default speaks volumes of what a good person in 40k actually is
*** Nor can my characters all assume that the Emperor is just a symbolic figure for the collective good the Imperium that doesn't actually exist but everyone uses as shorthand and just never tells anyone this heretical view unless asked
**** May not figure out ways to make decent people in WH40k.

[Guizonde]

Shovels are absolutely part of your regimental dress uniform. Not being in possession of every one of your issued pieces of kit maintained to the standard when you received it is indicative of laxity and lack of commitment, and grounds for summary execution!

i meant dress uniform as in all the bling and medals, not the battle uniform, in which case you are right. my group's medic tried to wear his number one dress uniform with a laspistol holstered and on the other side of the belt his trusty 970 instead of a ceremonial dagger. as a dm, i had to politely tell him that's not how dress uniforms work.

[Galithar]

I'm like 99% sure that you actually can't stack all of those, because at least a few of them use your reaction (or whatever the 5e counterpart for 3.5e swift actions was)?

You absolutely can stack them. Thunderimg smite is s bonus action spell cast before the attack, Booming Blade is the action, and Divine and Eldritch Smite can be used any time you hit with a melee attack made with your pact weapon. It's quite easy to use them all.

Bonus points if you get an ally to use the Grave Cleric 'Path to the Grave' ability to give them vulnerability to that mass of d8s you're about to roll.

*I may be longer use the above combo paired with the Diviner wizards nat 20 Portent to guarantee a one shot kill on any creature in the monster manual.

[danielxcutter]

You absolutely can stack them. Thunderimg smite is s bonus action spell cast before the attack, Booming Blade is the action, and Divine and Eldritch Smite can be used any time you hit with a melee attack made with your pact weapon. It's quite easy to use them all.

Bonus points if you get an ally to use the Grave Cleric 'Path to the Grave' ability to give them vulnerability to that mass of d8s you're about to roll.

*I may be longer use the above combo paired with the Diviner wizards nat 20 Portent to guarantee a one shot kill on any creature in the monster manual.

Oh, sweet. That does burn... all your spell slots, I think? Still, Hexblades do have other things besides spells to use.

[Galithar]

Oh, sweet. That does burn... all your spell slots, I think? Still, Hexblades do have other things besides spells to use.

Probably, but with some high level multiclassing you can have more slots. It's definitely not fully optimized to do. This isn't exactly the right thread for Warlock/Paladin/Sorcerer theory crafting though haha

[danielxcutter]

Probably, but with some high level multiclassing you can have more slots. It's definitely not fully optimized to do. This isn't exactly the right thread for Warlock/Paladin/Sorcerer theory crafting though haha

Hexblades are pretty good at "THIS GUY MUST DIE NOW" either way, to be honest.

[DeTess]

i meant dress uniform as in all the bling and medals, not the battle uniform, in which case you are right. my group's medic tried to wear his number one dress uniform with a laspistol holstered and on the other side of the belt his trusty 970 instead of a ceremonial dagger. as a dm, i had to politely tell him that's not how dress uniforms work.

I mean, it's 40k, right? There must be at least a dozen regiments where the shovel is part if their dress uniform for some odd reason.

[Telok]

I mean, it's 40k, right? There must be at least a dozen refiments where the shovel is part if their dress unifirm for some odd reason.

"If the penal battalions get to carry explosives as part of their uniform, why can't I carry my laz cannon?"
- Every PC ever

[Guizonde]

"If the penal battalions get to carry explosives as part of their uniform, why can't I carry my laz cannon?"
- Every PC ever

"if all you got is a shotgun, everything starts to look dead". wish i could remember who posted this quote here (maybe digodragon?), but it's apt.

*may not tell the players i have a good surprise for them, followed by manic cackling.
**doubly so if it's a very clear benefit to the team.

[Anonymouswizard]

"If the penal battalions get to carry explosives as part of their uniform, why can't I carry my laz cannon?"
- Every PC ever

Eh, I have occasionally seen PCs leave their biggest guns at home. That group also found standard combat the least interesting part of a campaign, as we discovered when three of us brought utility characters to a combat-focused game.

But that group was also very, very good at rules. We were never underarmed, we just realised that while rifles tended to kill an opponent in one shot pistols also tended to drop enemies in one shot (without dealing enough damage to reliably kill), and were considered far more acceptable by the local police. Plus a lot of effort went into being able to wear armour without causing problems, one character was a member of the nobility just to afford magically enhanced clothing, while I picked my priest's religion based on 'tends to act as and present as warriors' to justify replacing the cermonial breastplate with a real one...

And then we got an excuse to pull out the big guns. That ended the combat in a couple of rounds.

[LordCdrMilitant]

Eh, I have occasionally seen PCs leave their biggest guns at home. That group also found standard combat the least interesting part of a campaign, as we discovered when three of us brought utility characters to a combat-focused game.

But that group was also very, very good at rules. We were never underarmed, we just realised that while rifles tended to kill an opponent in one shot pistols also tended to drop enemies in one shot (without dealing enough damage to reliably kill), and were considered far more acceptable by the local police. Plus a lot of effort went into being able to wear armour without causing problems, one character was a member of the nobility just to afford magically enhanced clothing, while I picked my priest's religion based on 'tends to act as and present as warriors' to justify replacing the cermonial breastplate with a real one...

And then we got an excuse to pull out the big guns. That ended the combat in a couple of rounds.

Your players are clearly insane.

My players find every excuse to deploy explosives, armored vehicles, and heavy weapons. There's no kill like overkill!

I mean, it's 40k, right? There must be at least a dozen regiments where the shovel is part if their dress uniform for some odd reason.

Also, I think even having a separate dress uniform and battle uniform is probably unlikely for most regiments. It's worth mention that having a separate dress uniform isn't/wasn't necessarily universal, the British for example had a single uniform for the early 20th century, and IIRC the Germans only had special dress outfits for officers.

[Guizonde]

Your players are clearly insane.

My players find every excuse to deploy explosives, armored vehicles, and heavy weapons. There's no kill like overkill!

Also, I think even having a separate dress uniform and battle uniform is probably unlikely for most regiments. It's worth mention that having a separate dress uniform isn't/wasn't necessarily universal, the British for example had a single uniform for the early 20th century, and IIRC the Germans only had special dress outfits for officers.

for the first, my team's techpriest asked if he could power a lascannon via add-ons. i told him "not without upgrades" just to send him on a snipe hunt. based on that, i gather he'll figure out how to do it by session 7. for carrying it, that's what dumb muscle is for.

for the second, on the one hand you've got the american marines whose dress uniform in no way matches their battle gear, on the other, you've got the mordians whose battle gear look just like marines in dress uniform. so we're probably both equally right and wrong.

*as a dm, must not get players to go on a snipe hunt just to buy time.

[LordCdrMilitant]

for the first, my team's techpriest asked if he could power a lascannon via add-ons. i told him "not without upgrades" just to send him on a snipe hunt. based on that, i gather he'll figure out how to do it by session 7. for carrying it, that's what dumb muscle is for.

for the second, on the one hand you've got the american marines whose dress uniform in no way matches their battle gear, on the other, you've got the mordians whose battle gear look just like marines in dress uniform. so we're probably both equally right and wrong.

*as a dm, must not get players to go on a snipe hunt just to buy time.

My players just cart the Lascannon battery pack around along with the Lascannon. It's not a large object to carry around if they can carry around a Lascannon as is. Or just hook up the Backpack Ammunition Supply to your power armor and carry it around that way. All things considered, given how large the power pack is for the lascannon, you could probably strap it to your backpack for an improvised backpack ammunition supply.


Anyway, the point is, having a dress uniform and a field uniform isn't actually a given for real militaries. I generally imagine the IG being like that. It might be impolite to bring your shovel into a formal dinner, but it probably wouldn't be improper to have it in it's place when lined up in the parade square for inspection.

[Tohron]

* Our space marines cannot attend a formal dinner in full power armor
** No, sticking your medals onto the power armor does not make it OK
*** Seriously, how are you going to handle the utensils with power armor gloves?
**** May not requistion Servo Skulls to handle your utensils for you

[Anonymouswizard]

Your players are clearly insane.

My players find every excuse to deploy explosives, armored vehicles, and heavy weapons. There's no kill like overkill.

To be fair, our GM was very good about making us face the consequences of overkill (I once had a M&M character with 'causes collateral damage' as a Complication and played it to the hilt, the GM responded by occasionally denying me access to Wealth because of the lawsuits). I've played in other groups where Fireball was considered the only way to get out of a social situation.

On that note...
* Ray guns should have more than one power setting.
** 'Stun rays' should not be leveling buildings.
* I can land the airship without igniting the fuel cells.
* I am to check if the planet's atmosphere can support the airship before teleporting it there.
** I am no longer allowed to combine Inventor and Quickness to jury rig teleporters in less than a standard combat round.
*** If I'm going to keep building teleporters the GM would really like it if I'd interest PP in one.
**** I cannot instead invest in more Quickness in order to not only build the device, but patent it, market it, and build a factory to mass produce it in less than a combat round.
***** I just cannot take Quickness at all.
* It is considered bad form to summon the giant robot against bank robbers.

* Our space marines cannot attend a formal dinner in full power armor
** No, sticking your medals onto the power armor does not make it OK
*** Seriously, how are you going to handle the utensils with power armor gloves?
**** May not requistion Servo Skulls to handle your utensils for you

Actually no, Space Marines are more than capable of handling cutlery while in full power armour. It's part of the Black Carapace.

* I may not put forward the idea that there are biologically female Space Marines, they just all identify as and present as male.

[Telok]

* I may no longer scream "Ceiling walrus disapproves!" and shoot lasers at people while hanging off the roof out of melee range. From now on all enemies can fly, climb, or reach the ceiling.