Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Wookieetank]

*The GM may not make the players fight Tucker's Kobolds
**The party may not be Tucker's Kobolds
***These two things can especially not happen at the same time
****If one group of kobolds defeats he other they will not be "tuckered out"

*****May not have the Kobolds fighting over flags.
******Particularly if one side is red and the other blue.
*******Resolving this with everyone having purple flags, while logical, stumps the DM on what to do next.

[Telok]

Although we did pay the points for the luxury crew quarters on the spaceship, and that does entitle the character to a vodka jello shot filled Olympic sized swimming/mating pool in their quarters...

* The space pirate space walrus, despite being the fastest, most flexible, and most charismatic character in the party, does not get a bonus to his intimidation checks for describing his cabin.

** Can't use a weird combo of intimidation, bluff, and vodka jello shot filled Olympic sized swimming/mating pool, for a seduction attempt.

*** Throwing in a polymorph potion as an enticement doesn't help.

**** Not allowed to spend 3/4ths of 14th level wealth-by-level on magically enhanced pheromone perfume.

[Rockphed]

If we are tasked with starting a back-up colony we should at least attempt to have some genetic variance.
* Half the population being female is not sufficient genetic variance. That was the base assumption.
** Recruiting only people with Perform: Banjo is probably going to back-fire somehow.
*** Perform: Banjo does not provide a bonus to Craft: Bondo.
**** Even if it did, bondo is not going to help fix an interstellar craft.
***** No, we are not rafting to Alpha Centauri.
****** The space gremlins are not "tasty varmits".

[Rater202]

*My life's goal cannot be to "become one of those monsters that sleeps for decades, centuries, or millennia at a time, wakes up, eats some stuff, then goes back to sleep."

[Telok]

* Optical implant lasers are npc assassin plot devices that go in an eye. They may not be repurposed for other body parts no matter how non-optimal it is.

** Hideaway weapon implants are for cyberlimbs. They are not available for non-limb implantation. Not even if there is room or you get a special cyber part.

*** Anything involving lasers in breasts, or rectums is banned.

**** Double NO on explosives, electro-rifles, and sonic cannons.

[TeChameleon]

* When dealing with a demonic shapeshifter disguised as an innocent halfling child, there are better ways to unmask it than putting the kid in a burlap sack, tying it to a tree, and smashing the sack with a warhammer.
** No matter how entertaining the moment of stunned "Uh..." that got out of the DM was.

[danielxcutter]

* When dealing with a demonic shapeshifter disguised as an innocent halfling child, there are better ways to unmask it than putting the kid in a burlap sack, tying it to a tree, and smashing the sack with a warhammer.
** No matter how entertaining the moment of stunned "Uh..." that got out of the DM was.

Did you KNOW the “child” was actually a demon?

[Guizonde]

Did you KNOW the “child” was actually a demon?

everybody knows halfling children are the spawn of dark forces.

[TeChameleon]

Did you KNOW the “child” was actually a demon?

As tempted as I am to say 'why would that matter?', yeah, had a pretty good idea IC and knew perfectly well OOC.

[Rater202]

If the plan involves distracting the King, I should verify whether or not his harem is a fantasy "lots of concubines" harem or historical "room in the palace where the king's wives, but also his mother, unmarried aunts, unmarried sisters, unmarried daughters, and small children live" before making claims about those women to draw the King's ire to my self.

[danielxcutter]

I mean, if your job is to piss him off that’s actually going to work even better... though if your character would know that, I think the DM should probably tell you that first.

[EricAlvin]

* We can not call an Ogre we have come across "Shrek".
** We can not call the previously-mentioned Ogre's female companion "Fiona" either.

[Telok]

* I am not allowed "Favoured Enemy: The Plot"
** I am not allowed "Favoured Enemy: Fourth Wall"
*** I am not allowed to choose my favoured enemy. The DM will choose for me.

* I am not allowed "Profession: Honourable Lord High Horse Thief"
** I am not allowed "Profession: Your Mother"
*** I am not allowed to choose my character's profession. The DM will choose for me.

* I am not allowed to play Mr. Smitey the Lawful Good elitist ageist sexist atheist hedonist bigamist racist masochist surrealist extremist misogynist (did I miss anything?) very angry paladin.
** "To challenge my roleplaying skills" is not an excuse to play a character that is D&D LG and D&D LE and D&D CN all at the same time.
*** I am not allowed to choose my alignment. The DM will choose for me.

* I am only going to be allowed to play Sankis Gatinbomrek the moderately insane beardless dwarf until the DM googles Boatmurdered. And only because I used the dwarven name Koganusan.

[Zetakya]

* I am only going to be allowed to play Sankis Gatinbomrek the moderately insane beardless dwarf until the DM googles Boatmurdered. And only because I used the dwarven name Koganusan.

Koganusân.

The circumflex is important, otherwise you're using Humantongue for "Heart"

[Rater202]

*People tend to get uncomfortable watching someone slaughter, gut, skin, and butcher a wild deer using the same scalpel you used to perform emergency surgery with earlier that day.
**Especially if you didn't wash it first.
***Keeping the leftovers in the same storage container as medical cadavers us right out.

[Telok]

*People tend to get uncomfortable watching someone slaughter, gut, skin, and butcher a wild deer using the same scalpel you used to perform emergency surgery with earlier that day.
**Especially if you didn't wash it first.
***Keeping the leftovers in the same storage container as medical cadavers us right out.

LUNCH!!!

* Pre-emptively self banned from playing characters whose normal food source is other dead PCs.
** May not claim that the funny hat makes it OK.

[Rockphed]

LUNCH!!!

* Pre-emptively self banned from playing characters whose normal food source is other dead PCs.
** May not claim that the funny hat makes it OK.

*** The other PCs dying often enough that I actually can live on their corpses does not make it better.

[Anonymouswizard]

*** The other PCs dying often enough that I actually can live on their corpses does not make it better.

**** Even if I'm an absolute pacifist.

[Rater202]

*The Sharingan is a derivative, genetic ability derived from the millennia-old divine ancestry of the Uchiha clan. It is powered by mental stress and negative emotions and is linked to the same traits that cause extreme emotional responses and a disposition to mental instability. It s not to be used to cheat at Dance Dance revolution.

[Yora]

My players tried to infiltrate a temple that they think has been usurped by an evil god. There was some oldschool Charlie Chaplin comedy with everyone running around the outside and inside of the building and locking and unlocking doors in an attempt to outflank each other, which eventually resulted in all the remaining cultists being locked out of their temple and the PCs being trapped inside with the high priest they knocked unconscious. They already announced that they want to keep him as a hostage and negotiate a retreat with the cultists outside.

The one spell they saw the priest cast during their fight was command. I don't think any of the players are aware that command only requires a verbal component.

[danielxcutter]

My players tried to infiltrate a temple that they think has been usurped by an evil god. There was some oldschool Charlie Chaplin comedy with everyone running around the outside and inside of the building and locking and unlocking doors in an attempt to outflank each other, which eventually resulted in all the remaining cultists being locked out of their temple and the PCs being trapped inside with the high priest they knocked unconscious. They already announced that they want to keep him as a hostage and negotiate a retreat with the cultists outside.

The one spell they saw the priest cast during their fight was command. I don't think any of the players are aware that command only requires a verbal component.

...and what happened then?

[Spore]

* I may play a Cleric of Deneir, the Divine Scribe.
** I may even reference the Divine Metatext in my roleplaying.
*** I may not subtly try to infiltrate and tear down the fourth wall by referencing the metatext.

* We can use Arcane Mark on stones to find each other in times where our group is disbanded.
** The DM does however limit its uses to a few individual castings to keep track of.
*** My final plan should not be get the feat that allows eidetic memory, and then create a Sword Coast "internet".
**** I may not replace the plan of killing Mystra, and rebranding the Weave as the Web.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Turning wool into pure francium should not be anywhere in the plan.
** I am to admit that the game designers didn't write the Wizend's abilities with scientists or enginers in mind.
*** Turning anything into neutronium is banned.
**** Any plan which involves creating materials with a decent chance of a TPK will get me a new character.

Seriously, depending on how you read that ability it goes from a little bit borked (with cheap materials and a way to craft them you can wreak havoc with the economy) to insane (yes, RAW you can turn anything you can craft into neutronium, oh the gravitational disortions). It's probably the most powerful of the Seeming abilities by far, even if technically it requires more effort to see benefits.

[Telok]

* I may no longer drop a 10 pound wheel of cheese on the battle mat to represent my spell casting.
** I must replace all minis damaged in such an act.

[Yora]

My players decided to interrogate the capture priest in the main hall of the temple. He just cast command at them with his hands tied to release him, and they all failed their save. Unfortunately, He couldn't heal himself without using his hands, so he didn't make it out the door before they realized what happened.
I think from now on, all my hostile priests will have command prepared.

[JAL_1138]

*Must not gradually turn the game group’s Discord server into an alcohol-review blog.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Must not gradually turn the game group’s Discord server into an alcohol-review blog.

So it shouldn't be like a gaming group?

* Should not restart the lager/ale argument again.
** Lager being served chilled is not because lager drinkers don't like beer, and I should stop insisting that it is
* May not keep the Thor in Thursday.
** Even if I have both mead and wenches.

[JAL_1138]

So it shouldn't be like a gaming group?

* Should not restart the lager/ale argument again.
** Lager being served chilled is not because lager drinkers don't like beer, and I should stop insisting that it is
* May not keep the Thor in Thursday.
** Even if I have both mead and wenches.

Spoiler: on the alcohol blogging

Show

It’s not so much the reviewing in and of itself, it’s that it began to clog up channels set aside for other topics on the Discord during a period in which most games have stalled out and preparations are underway to start up new ones. Now that it’s moved to its own channel on the server, it should be fine, so long as it doesn’t further stall out game preparations due to inebriation from too-wide a sampling of various waters-of-life, mainly whisk(e)ys, and the corresponding hangovers.

Spoiler: on the serving temperature of alcohol

Show

Depends. The only thing really separating lager and ale is that ale uses top-fermenting yeast and lager uses bottom-fermenting yeast (which generally works better at slightly lower temperatures than top-fermenting yeast, such as in a cave, particularly deep cellar, region with colder winters generally, or mountain region). Serving temperatures aren’t so much a function of lager versus ale but rather light vs dark; there are plenty of light ales, such as certain Belgian Trappist ales, that benefit from a good chill, and darker lagers, such as German Bocks and Dunkels, that benefit from being served slightly warmer. In general, the darker the beer, whether ale or lager, the warmer it should be served (within reason; it should generally still be well-below room temperature), and vice-versa (but even very light beers such as Kolsch should never be “ice cold,” temperatures below around 34°F will inhibit flavor and aromatics. “Ice cold” beer is the sign of cheap beer, generally, used to mask offputting flavors from the lower production quality, and a frequent resort of low-quality macrobrews). IPAs are a classic example of an ale that generally calls for a colder serving temperature than, say, a Schwarzbier lager.

[Anonymouswizard]

Spoiler: on the alcohol blogging

Show

It’s not so much the reviewing in and of itself, it’s that it began to clog up channels set aside for other topics on the Discord during a period in which most games have stalled out and preparations are underway to start up new ones. Now that it’s moved to its own channel on the server, it should be fine, so long as it doesn’t further stall out game preparations due to inebriation from too-wide a sampling of various waters-of-life, mainly whisk(e)ys, and the corresponding hangovers.

Spoiler: on the serving temperature of alcohol

Show

Depends. The only thing really separating lager and ale is that ale uses top-fermenting yeast and lager uses bottom-fermenting yeast (which generally works better at slightly lower temperatures than top-fermenting yeast, such as in a cave, particularly deep cellar, region with colder winters generally, or mountain region). Serving temperatures aren’t so much a function of lager versus ale but rather light vs dark; there are plenty of light ales, such as certain Belgian Trappist ales, that benefit from a good chill, and darker lagers, such as German Bocks and Dunkels, that benefit from being served slightly warmer. In general, the darker the beer, whether ale or lager, the warmer it should be served (within reason; it should generally still be well-below room temperature), and vice-versa (but even very light beers such as Kolsch should never be “ice cold,” temperatures below around 34°F will inhibit flavor and aromatics. “Ice cold” beer is the sign of cheap beer, generally, used to mask offputting flavors from the lower production quality, and a frequent resort of low-quality macrobrews). IPAs are a classic example of an ale that generally calls for a colder serving temperature than, say, a Schwarzbier lager.

Spoiler: Lager versus ale

Show

The rule I learnt for the UK was that you chill lagers in a five degree fridge and ale in a five to ten degree cellar, and then serve them at similar temperatures. Part of this has to do with UK climate, in the winter outside of a city you can store ale in a shed.

I'll also note that chilling IPA to the same level as a pale lager (you don't get many dark lagers over here) is basically consisted a no-no here.

But my main point was making fun of my own snobbery.

[Guizonde]

dalarium
*not all cops in the same city share one of two possible names.
**they are not supposed to be stereotypical "broom up the rear end" types either.
***no, the police does not automatically beat people into becoming upstanding citizens for the most trivial of infractions.
****despite precedent.
*****all of the above? never again.

dark heresy
from the players:
*no more making the dmpc inquisitor cry.
**no more making fun of the dmpc inquisitor for his fear of flying.

from the dmpc inquisitor:
*no more giving the pariah pc more insanity points than the sum total of all the horrors they've seen until that point.

*goddammit, choose another pair of cop names besides "gérard" and "roger"! those names really stick out in dark heresy!