Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Lord Raziere]

* My High Elf Bard may not refer to herself as "A Conductor, unlike those foolish comedy acts going around playing lutes, singing ribald ballads and sleeping with everything with a pulse."
** Neither may she refer to Wood elves as "country folk who have forsaken the modern magical amenities to go live in trees as if they are squirrels or something."
*** Drow are not "cave-dwelling backstabbers whose society resembles a BDSM dungeon with bad diurnal eyesight".
**** Sea elves did not come about because some elves decided to go diving in the ocean one day and messed up the water-breathing spell and thus got stuck like that.
***** Shadar-kai is not elvish for "The Raven Queen's Official Fan Club"
****** May not proclaim Eladrin to be the only other elves worth my time while having fancy parties with them
******* May not proceed to be completely open-minded, accepting and non-judgmental about all non-elf races.
******** May not feel guilty about a high elf's privileged position in the world and refer to her issues as "Elf World Problems"

[Rater202]

Dwarves do more than dig holes all day.

[Rockphed]

May not feel guilty about a high elf's privileged position in the world and refer to her issues as "Elf World Problems"

I am fairly certain that #elfworldproblems is what your party members say when they mock you.

[Wizard_Lizard]

* My High Elf Bard may not refer to herself as "A Conductor, unlike those foolish comedy acts going around playing lutes, singing ribald ballads and sleeping with everything with a pulse."
** Neither may she refer to Wood elves as "country folk who have forsaken the modern magical amenities to go live in trees as if they are squirrels or something."
*** Drow are not "cave-dwelling backstabbers whose society resembles a BDSM dungeon with bad diurnal eyesight".
**** Sea elves did not come about because some elves decided to go diving in the ocean one day and messed up the water-breathing spell and thus got stuck like that.
***** Shadar-kai is not elvish for "The Raven Queen's Official Fan Club"
****** May not proclaim Eladrin to be the only other elves worth my time while having fancy parties with them
******* May not proceed to be completely open-minded, accepting and non-judgmental about all non-elf races.
******** May not feel guilty about a high elf's privileged position in the world and refer to her issues as "Elf World Problems"

"Orcs? Some of my best friends are orcs! And anyhow at least they aren't those darn tree hippies!"

[Lord Raziere]

* Elvish does not have different words for "friend" depending on the length of the friends lifespan with shorter lifespans being more accurately translated as some variation on "pet".
** Traditional elvish music may not entirely be sorrowful recounting of their long ago downfall, or sorrowful records of a shorter lived mortal person they knew once and how the elf dealt with their inevitable death afterwards.
*** Inventing "Ode to Joy" is not an elvish musical revolution capable of getting me exiled from elven lands for breaking tradition.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

I mean militarily speaking, knowing that Gyarados is the result of magikarp evolving, there is no reason NOT to go around grabbing up all the magikarp you can because they are so plentiful and seemingly useless and just putting them through a harsh training regimen to turn as many of them into gyarados trained to fight for the military. The military's starting position when it comes to anyone outside of it is to assume they're useless for combat until they've been put through the boot camp ringer anyways, and as long as you figure out the method that works to make them willingly evolve into a gyarados soldier loyal to your cause, they can just repeatedly catch whatever random magikarp they find as recruitment. so really, any pokemon navy worth its salt has at least one gyarados boot camp somewhere for that kind of thing.

Depending on how closely this world sticks to the game mechanics, all you need to raise an army of Gyarados is a high level Blissey or Audino who is willing to throw a fight (or has no useful moves), something heavy hitting, a Pokémon center and up to five Experience Shares. (Or one Experience All.)

With the right setup, you might just evolve 5 Magikarp in each fight.

[Spore]

I mean militarily speaking, knowing that Gyarados is the result of magikarp evolving, there is no reason NOT to go around grabbing up all the magikarp you can because they are so plentiful and seemingly useless and just putting them through a harsh training regimen to turn as many of them into gyarados trained to fight for the military. The military's starting position when it comes to anyone outside of it is to assume they're useless for combat until they've been put through the boot camp ringer anyways, and as long as you figure out the method that works to make them willingly evolve into a gyarados soldier loyal to your cause, they can just repeatedly catch whatever random magikarp they find as recruitment. so really, any pokemon navy worth its salt has at least one gyarados boot camp somewhere for that kind of thing.

Have you learned nothing from the Red Gyarados at Lake of Rage? There will be an enemy commander pokemon champion coming after your operation in no time flat.

[Lord Raziere]

Have you learned nothing from the Red Gyarados at Lake of Rage? There will be an enemy commander pokemon champion coming after your operation in no time flat.

Spoiler: Pokemon discussion

Show

Not what I'm talking about. That is artificial means, which is wholly unethical and wrong in Pokemon verse. However, simply training pokemon the usual way very very hard and being incredibly strict with them isn't considered unethical or wrong in Pokemon at all: see Paul, no one except Ash spoke out against his methods.

The Gyarados Boot Camp would consist of nothing but a bunch of exercises and training regimen designed to push Magikarp to their limit until they reach level 20 and evolve. if you use pokeballs to catch all these magikarp-which isn't hard, they're magikarp- and get special clearance to modify the pokemon storage system so that you can carry and command more than six pokeballs at a time, something a regions military would have the clearance, time, reason and resources to do, they could have a boot camp where they consistently produce gyarados without anyone having a problem with it as they would be using the approved method to catch them (pokeballs) the approved method to train them (pushing them real hard, exercise, battle each other and so on) and have the authority to do all this because they're the military and thus can take actions to make weapons to protect their nations at all cost.

Not that the League and military would be separate entities anyways, since if your going to institute the league as a form of pokemon trainer social control you might as well give them the power to determine who does and doesn't get to be the soldiers who fight for your country so you don't let in some stupid evil jerk who gets their jollies off commanding Electrode to blow up repeatedly to cause destruction for their pleasure. Not that it doesn't stop people who want to do that anyways by going out and catching those themselves, but at least they won't have military backing.

Its not as if pokemon world doesn't have institutions to take advantage of Growlithe to fight crime or use Chansey to heal people. you think those chansey choose to become medics? pfh, they're probably all bred for it, the growlithe all bred to be police dogs, chansey all bred and taught to heal since they were a happiny, get them all domesticated. heck, Gyarados Boot Camp probably optimizes magikarp breeding just like any competitive player. catching pokemon is for trainers, all the people in power probably have their pokemon custom made in advance with ditto breeding, legal or illegal. the only reason that pokemon canon doesn't portray any of that is because its a kids show and so doesn't accurately portray how people would use super-magical animals for their advantage for the sake of its message.

I mean you could argue that all the nations ONCE had Gyarados boot camps for some war that they decided to disarm and such when it ended, but why get rid of a logical way to inject more suffering or obstacles into a story for the protagonists to overcome that makes total sense?

But getting back to the POINT of this thread....

* may not derail a funny thread into a discussion about how a realistic/believable pokemon military would be like
** This is my guilt, my crime, my sorrow.

* May not make my female bugbear go to the beach episode in the most revealing swimsuit possible
** "She's like a goblin wookie, it won't be revealing much and she will be hot already with all her fur" is not a reason
*** May not make the obvious star wars reference about sand being course and getting everywhere despite her fur being good reason to complain about that.
**** the fact that she owns a three-tendriled tentacle whip as weapon does not make her a dominatrix.

[Laughing Dog]

*Any plan that involves the phrase "hide behind the tarrasque" is automatically vetoed.

*If most of the party are long-lived races, and mine is a short-lived character; it is perfectly acceptable for me to be annoyed when the plan for dealing with the BBEG is 'wait until he dies of old age.'
**…unless I'm the one who came up with said plan.

*I am to stop asking "And what does that have to do with the price of tea in Kara-Tur?"

[Anonymouswizard]

*Any plan that involves the phrase "hide behind the tarrasque" is automatically vetoed.

Of course, you want convert that's difficult to take down.

* The plan causes at least one player to scream it is our.
** This goes triple if it's the GM who screams.
*** A valid plan for defeating the world ending threat should not be 'become a bigger world ending threat and set up shop just behind the BBEG'.

[BisectedBrioche]

Is this hypothetical or did this actually happen?

Of course not, it was only 4!

My tiefling rogue and the warlock (best described as a himbo leonine who hasn't quite realised he's a warlock) stayed in a group and ran into a crazy cat lady. Everyone else was basically on a solo adventure until the other rogue and the ranger met up and tracked down the mook we were after.

[Spore]

* Cannot make a character revolve around the fact that he is genre-savvy as flip, predicting every minor and major story event.
** Being a bard and scratching on the fourth wall trying to get out like a cat that is unsure whether it wants in or out is also forbidden.
*** Creating an oracle/seer that does the same thing by pretending to look into "the veil between worlds" is similarly forbidden.
**** That's it, you are barred from playing anything above subhuman intelligence.

[Rater202]

I can't sing The Real Slim Shady in character with the lyrics changed to fit the situation that the party finds itself in more than once.

[Telok]

I'm no longer allowed to use a storm giant swashbuckler/swordsage to sing a lightly modified "I am a pirate king" from Pirates of Penzance at my players.

Edit: "I am a giant king" was just funny tho. Especially after the 100' acrobatic backflip entrance.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

I can't sing The Real Slim Shady in character with the lyrics changed to fit the situation that the party finds itself in more than once.

*I am still limited to one musical interlude per session.
**Except if I'm playing a bard I guess.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I'm no longer allowed to reason

1. The underdark is a very dangerous place and everything there is trying to kill you.
2. So is Australia.
3. Drow live in the underdark.
Therefore, drow, when they speak common, have thick Aussie accents.

[danielxcutter]

I'm no longer allowed to reason

1. The underdark is a very dangerous place and everything there is trying to kill you.
2. So is Australia.
3. Drow live in the underdark.
Therefore, drow, when they speak common, have thick Aussie accents.

Not to burst your bubble, but I think I've already seen a Tumblr post about this.

[PhoenixPhyre]

Not to burst your bubble, but I think I've already seen a Tumblr post about this.

Oh I'm sure. Like the Simpsons, Tumblr has done everything. But I'm not on Tumblr, so it was original to me.

[Rater202]

A wizard trapped in an anti-magic field should not be out damaging the fighter.

[danielxcutter]

A wizard trapped in an anti-magic field should not be out damaging the fighter.

I'm pretty sure there are ways to do that in 3.5e, though likelier than not those involve not being affected by the AMF in the first place somehow.

[BisectedBrioche]

I'm pretty sure there are ways to do that in 3.5e, though likelier than not those involve not being affected by the AMF in the first place somehow.

I think that the fact it's on this list already suggests that it happens.

[Rater202]

*I am not under any circumstances to seduce the queen.
**Especially in the presence of the king.

[Anonymouswizard]

I think that the fact it's on this list already suggests that it happens.

You'd be surprised.

* May not post things that have not actually happened.
** No, seriously, i need to put my phone down and pay attention.

*I am not under any circumstances to seduce the queen.
**Especially in the presence of the king.

Ah, I think I see the problem here.

*** I should not end the adventure married to both the monarch and royal consort.

[noob]

I'm pretty sure there are ways to do that in 3.5e, though likelier than not those involve not being affected by the AMF in the first place somehow.

The easiest way is the action waste fighter.
turn 1 "I drop prone and draw my very heavy crossbow"
turn 2 and 3:"I reload the very heavy crossbow two turns"
turn 4: "I think about firing but now an opponent is in melee range"
A fighter can literally deal no damage for as many turns as their convoluted fighting style wants them to.
While the wizard can possibly do turn 1 "I charge with my wooden non magical club and bash the opponent"
Turn 2: "full round attack" and so on and outdps the very heavy crossbow fighter(I forgot the real name but it is an exotic weapon that takes like forever to recharge) despite dealing on average 2 damage a turn.

[Bohandas]

I think that the fact it's on this list already suggests that it happens.

I think he meant that it involves using a trick to ignore the AMF, and there;s a couple of these. Probably the most legitimate one is the spell Invoke Magic, which can be cast in antimagic and dead magic areas and allows tou to ignore anti-/dead- magic effects for one round, but there's also cheesier ones, like building a little shelter out of metal and then casting shrink item on it and wearing it as a hat - if an AMF goes into play the tinfoil hat turns back into a tinfoil hut and now the caster is in a different room with a layer of metal between them and the AMF and that hedges the AMF out

[Rater202]

*I am not permitted to set fire to the moat during the siege.
**Especially since we're the ones laying siege and it just means we can't get our guys across.
***I have to explain how I intend to set the water on fire.

[danielxcutter]

I think he meant that it involves using a trick to ignore the AMF, and there;s a couple of these. Probably the most legitimate one is the spell Invoke Magic, which can be cast in antimagic and dead magic areas and allows tou to ignore anti-/dead- magic effects for one round, but there's also cheesier ones, like building a little shelter out of metal and then casting shrink item on it and wearing it as a hat - if an AMF goes into play the tinfoil hat turns back into a tinfoil hut and now the caster is in a different room with a layer of metal between them and the AMF and that hedges the AMF out

There's also Extraordinary Spell Aim, which allows you to exclude one creature from the effects. That's probably not quite what the developers intended but I'd say that's more "unexpected" than "rules-lawyering".

[Rater202]

The solution to all of life's problems is not "drown it in white-hot molten rock."

[danielxcutter]

The solution to all of life's problems is not "drown it in white-hot molten rock."

*Neither is acid.

[Rater202]

*There are a limited number of situations where reciting Twisted Sister lyrics is appropriate for a medieval bard.