Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Telok]

monstrous

Multiple definitions of that word.

* Not allowed to play the uplifted experiment pig-wizard who turned people into bacon cheeseburgers. It was nixed due to the bacon squick factor.

** Not allowed to play a smart-mouth, luck-manipulating, Bag of Devouring in a supers game.

Because apparently supers games are supposed to "safer" than D&D with it's history of savage psychic cannibal halfling cliff dwellers and minotaur PC options.

[Rater202]

Ah, a kender.

* I cannot play a kender paladin.
** No, not even if I explain exactly who I've 'borrowed' the powers from.
*** This does not make me immune to falling.

May not suggest a Paladin of Freedom.

Multiple definitions of that word.

* Not allowed to play the uplifted experiment pig-wizard who turned people into bacon cheeseburgers. It was nixed due to the bacon squick factor.

** Not allowed to play a smart-mouth, luck-manipulating, Bag of Devouring in a supers game.

Because apparently supers games are supposed to "safer" than D&D with it's history of savage psychic cannibal halfling cliff dwellers and minotaur PC options.

...Spider-Ham, a sapient spider mutated into porcine form by the bite of a radioactive pig, canonically enjoys the taste of pork products and eats his fill whenever visiting reality where pigs aren't people.

All of the other spiders are disgusted by this.

And then there's Venom, who threatened to eat people during Eddie Brock's Lethal protector phase(officially they never did, but the Symbiote ate some people while separate from Eddie) and Flash Thompson as Agent Venom didn't stop at threatening on occasion.

Cannibalistic superheroes are a thing, my dude.

[Anonymouswizard]

May not suggest a Paladin of Freedom.

Yes, but that's less funny.


* I may not ask the thriving elephant for money.
** Or crosspost jokes from other threads.

[Calthropstu]

*I may not walk around with obvious 10s of thousands of gp worth of gear begging for alms.
**No, it doesn't help that you have a disguise.
***Or a bluff check.
****Or a magic wand of invisibility.
*****An invisible person begging is worse.

[thorr-kan]

Ah, a kender.

* I cannot play a kender paladin.
** No, not even if I explain exactly who I've 'borrowed' the powers from.
*** This does not make me immune to falling.

"Kender wild mage."

Three words that strike fear into the hearts of 2E DMs everywhere. And I can make him, street legal, by 2E rules.

[thorr-kan]

...Spider-Ham, a sapient spider mutated into porcine form by the bite of a radioactive pig, canonically enjoys the taste of pork products and eats his fill whenever visiting reality where pigs aren't people.

All of the other spiders are disgusted by this.

Pigs will eat pigs in real life. I don't see the problem.

Plus, BACON!

[SpyOne]

Multiple definitions of that word.

* Not allowed to play the uplifted experiment pig-wizard who turned people into bacon cheeseburgers. It was nixed due to the bacon squick factor.

** Not allowed to play a smart-mouth, luck-manipulating, Bag of Devouring in a supers game.

Because apparently supers games are supposed to "safer" than D&D with it's history of savage psychic cannibal halfling cliff dwellers and minotaur PC options.

There is an actual canon Marvel supervillian with that power.
He got a bit of meteorite embedded in his chest, causing him to be able to open a portal in his chest. Calls himself The Black Hole and as they said introducing him in the Howard the Duck joins The Defenders giant sized annual, "like his namesake, The Black Hole sucks".
(As in things are drawn into the portal never to be seen again.)
I think he's dead: someone put his own hand through the portal, so he just kinda imploded.

[Rater202]

Can't sit around stir-crazy because the (plot) threads I have things to do for but that aren't progressing at all.

[Socksy]

Okay, that makes a bit more sense. Was the "vampire blood poison around singing feminist" part a joke or are they really allergic to it?

Their lowest-level ability, instead of involving poisons, creates a bubble of silence. My singing feminist was unhappy about the majority of her powers getting switched off by a level 1 effect. The Assamite was indifferent to this.


* If everyone in the party has dots in Animalism, something strange is going on
** Welsh Gangrel do not summon sheep


* Clan Tzimisce's clan disciplines are not "Vicissitude and whatever their Packmates can teach them"
** Despite what the book says, Koldun do get Koldunic Sorcery as a clan discipline

[Anonymouswizard]

* If everyone in the party has dots in Animalism, something strange is going on
** Welsh Gangrel do not summon sheep

Of course not.

Welsh Gangrel turn into sheep.

* Clan Tzimisce's clan disciplines are not "Vicissitude and whatever their Packmates can teach them"
** Despite what the book says, Koldun do get Koldunic Sorcery as a clan discipline

Eh, Blood Sorcery as an In-Clan was possibly one of Masquerade's biggest mistakes, even in V5 it's still significantly more flexible than other Disciplines even with Paths axed. Then again, I do like how V5 streamlined the Banu Haqim with giving them Blood Sorcery as standard with Quietus merged into it.

On the other hand, in some ways I'd still rather play Requiem, and V5 just took so much from Requiem that it makes that urge stronger.

[Eldan]

From a recent game, a thing which the GM almost litearlly told me:

*May not resolve every diplomatic negotiation with sonic cannons
**"I turned down the area so not their entire diplomatic corps is hit" is not an excuse
***Neither is "I turn the setting to max and bury both negotiating parties under an avalanche"

In my defence, they were being *****.

[Telok]

Old but good.

* I may not provide snacks/food during game if in last weeks' game I said "I've eaten scarier stuff than we're rolling fear saves for."

[Socksy]

Old but good.

* I may not provide snacks/food during game if in last weeks' game I said "I've eaten scarier stuff than we're rolling fear saves for."

I have nothing witty to say about this, but I've had a rough day and you made me smile.

[Mandark]

From a recent game, a thing which the GM almost litearlly told me:

*May not resolve every diplomatic negotiation with sonic cannons
**"I turned down the area so not their entire diplomatic corps is hit" is not an excuse
***Neither is "I turn the setting to max and bury both negotiating parties under an avalanche"

In my defence, they were being *****.

*****It is ok to use other weapons to end diplomatic negotiations. Using ones that are easier to get out of the carpets is a plus.
******Painting a knife with blue spikes and red sneakers does not count as using a sonic weapon to stick with your theme.

[BisectedBrioche]

* Just because your character is a cyberpunk version of a Pokemon trainer doesn't mean you can hack drones by throwing your tools at one.
** Nor does it mean the large tree in the centre of an exhibition hall is an Oak, owned by one of the professors.

[vasilidor]

*Explosions are not an instrument.
** Gun is also not an instrument.
*** There is no College of Guns bardic subclass.
**** If you want cowboy romance in your game, just give your bard firearm proficiency and a guitar.
***** *sigh* You can be Arizona Ranger if you refluff Arizona to a locale in our setting.
****** Texas Red has to be refluffed as well.

The Mythbusters respectfully disagree. and so do I

[Bohandas]

*Explosions are not an instrument.
** Gun is also not an instrument.
*** There is no College of Guns bardic subclass.
**** If you want cowboy romance in your game, just give your bard firearm proficiency and a guitar.
***** *sigh* You can be Arizona Ranger if you refluff Arizona to a locale in our setting.
****** Texas Red has to be refluffed as well.

*Do instruments of torture count?
**Is mayonaise an instrument?

[Anonymouswizard]

^ Just because the rules allow my Guardsman to have four longarms on them at once doesn't mean that this is the only acceptable loadout.
** No, switching to a similarly-armed Stormtrooper does not make it better.
*** I should not be giving Space Marines loadout envy.
**** Nor should I have high enough Agility to sneak with such an armanent.

[ShuckedAeons]

*Do instruments of torture count?
**Is mayonaise an instrument?

Interestingly enough I have had a game where mayonnaise was used as an instrument of torture. Almost ruined my sandwiches for a month...

[Telok]

* Halflings in this setting are not obligate carnivores.

** The more the DM likes the whole "i am groot" thing, the worse the kenku bard character who only says "your mom" will go over.

*** It does not matter if I can build it in (nearly) any system. My character may not be a cheese ninja with a goremaul named Banjolinir.

**** It has to be a drawback in order to get extra points/feats from it. If the character was going to attempt to mate with literally every animate sapient in the game then a compulsion, neurosis, or geas, to do so is not an acceptable character flaw.

***** That goes double if the flaws would give the character enough points to auto-succeed on 90%+ of the enemies.

[Telwar]

* Halflings in this setting are not obligate carnivores.

Oh, not playing Dark Sun?

[Rater202]

*I can't expect anyone to honestly believe that I only want the Infinity Gauntlet in order to fix climate change, create my easily accessible reserves of resources in places with shortages, and serve as a big stick to intimidate away any hostile aliens who want to invade the Earth.
**Even if that's the literal truth.

[BisectedBrioche]

* As happy as I am you love the NPC I thought up in 5 seconds because I realised there should be someone in this room, you didn't have to convince them to kill the semi-friendly NPCs I'd carefully crafted personalities and backstories for.

[Christopher K.]

* The DM is only going to fall for the grapple and self-immolate move once.

[danielxcutter]

* The DM is only going to fall for the grapple and self-immolate move once.

** Self-immolate and grapple doesn't count as a different move.

[Rater202]

*I cannot have the PCs fight a motorhome that's been cursed to come alive and experience an unquenchable thirst for fresh human blood and insatiable hunger for fresh human flesh.
**The cursed motorhome cannot be called a Wendibago.

[danielxcutter]

*I cannot have the PCs fight a motorhome that's been cursed to come alive and experience an unquenchable thirst for fresh human blood and insatiable hunger for fresh human flesh.
**The cursed motorhome cannot be called a Wendibago.

***No, a hotel with these traits cannot be called a Wentrivago.

[Eldan]

*I cannot have the PCs fight a motorhome that's been cursed to come alive and experience an unquenchable thirst for fresh human blood and insatiable hunger for fresh human flesh.
**The cursed motorhome cannot be called a Wendibago.

Yoink. THat's going into our traditional halloween comedy game.

[Wookieetank]

*I cannot have the PCs fight a motorhome that's been cursed to come alive and experience an unquenchable thirst for fresh human blood and insatiable hunger for fresh human flesh.
**The cursed motorhome cannot be called a Wendibago.

***May not bind an air elemental to a motorhome for a Windybago

[Telok]

* The Emperor is not my character's sugar daddy.
** My character is not the official pimp of the Inquisition.
*** Nor is he the lead software engineer in charge of backdoors for tech priest implants.
**** Has not won the millenial dark eldar "All Galaxy Hickey & Wedgie Olympics" three times running.
***** Khorne is not his Saturday night drinking buddy.
****** The thing about time travel & the ork genome is a no-go.
******* I am no longer allowed to write character backstory in games where the GM approves them without reading them.