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  1. - Top - End - #1231
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You realize that the best way to escape the grey goo is to do the exact opposite of what it would expect you to do.

    So you jump right into it!

    ...

    ...GULP.


    I set the goo on fire.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  2. - Top - End - #1232
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Unfortunately your improvised incendiary device is just more fuel for the grey goo.

    I roll to bring peace between the grey goo and the Cthuzillas' angry parents.

  3. - Top - End - #1233
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    They hate each other more than ever now. But they hate you even more for provoking them.

    I roll to get off-world before they destroy it.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  4. - Top - End - #1234
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your rocket ship misfires and follows a curved trajectory that hits the goo dead centre with a massive explosion, just before Godzilla's atomic blast.
    Good thing you tripped over your shoelaces and missed the launch.

    I roll to build a better rocket ship.
    Last edited by paddyfool; 2020-09-12 at 04:34 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #1235
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You decide that the best way to build a rocket ship is to attach a pair of downward facing bazookas to a cardboard box, utilizing their explosive capability to propel you into the stratosphere. The result is admittedly impressive, but doesn't do much for your altitude. Or your health.

    I roll to use my psionic powers to hijack the gray goo as it attempts to consume me.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  6. - Top - End - #1236
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You briefly grant it sentience, as well as communicate the phrase "please eat me, I'm delicious". It obliges and agrees.

    I roll to take shelter.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  7. - Top - End - #1237
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You take shelter under the biggest thing around - Godzilla. And inevitably get stepped on.

    I roll to survive my bazookapack mishap.

  8. - Top - End - #1238
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    I, the zombie general, now have a new recruit. A bit shell-shocked and singed, but eating some decent human flesh should fix that.

    I roll to secure a supply of human flesh.

  9. - Top - End - #1239
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Hyrule Castle
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The average zombie does tend to be human; they don't exactly evolve into a new species. So guess who gets to be the food supply?

    I roll to be lucky.
    It's as much fun to scare as to be scared.

    ~*~ Vincent Price


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.

  10. - Top - End - #1240
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    May 2020
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    When figuring out how many hungry zombies turn their attention to you, you roll a 20


    I roll to tape Cyberiad Queen to Godzilla's leg, so that the zombies will take him down

  11. - Top - End - #1241
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You have the brilliant idea of using Sovereign Tape to ensure that Cyberiad Queen won't escape. Unfortunately, you also get stuck in the tape, and can do nothing but watch as the zombies cluster around the two of you.

    I roll to laugh at this event as my ghost ascends to a higher plane of existence.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  12. - Top - End - #1242
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are interrupted by a strange but irresistible tugging sensation, pulling you (and me, post bazooka-pack incident) back to where Godzilla has just been infected by the zombie plague. Zombozilla is now the Kaiju lord of the undead, and is calling the dead to his side!

    I roll to be spooky.

  13. - Top - End - #1243
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You attempt to become spooky by dying and rising again as a horrifying undead spirit. It works except for the “rising again” part.

    I roll to win a jousting tournament.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  14. - Top - End - #1244
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You fall off your horse in the first round.

    I roll to join the other knights in contemptuous laughter.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  15. - Top - End - #1245
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You choke on your own saliva and keep coughing for 15 minutes. The other knights are concerned for your well-being and so they drag you to the clinic of Dr.Gunsforhands.

    I roll to learn medicine from Dr.Gunsforhands.

  16. - Top - End - #1246
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    May 2020
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Despite Dr. Gunsforhands' best efforts, you become the world's best neurosurgeon.


    I roll for bug_sniper to give me a brain transplant.

  17. - Top - End - #1247
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Hey, he fixed you! Nice!

    I roll to come up with a motive for my Evil PC.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  18. - Top - End - #1248
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You somehow manage to combine the self-destructive desires of a Captain Planet villain with the attention span of Beavis and Butthead. Your character's motivation suffers accordingly.

    I roll to make a realistic, grounded backstory for my PC that allows others to relate to his struggles while ensuring that he doesn't steal the spotlight.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  19. - Top - End - #1249
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your PC is the heir to an alien planet, raised in a blue-orange morality. Their primary motivation is convincing humanity to give up on cheese and embrace marmite.

    I roll to get some cheese.

  20. - Top - End - #1250
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You picked up the wrong package and got vegan butter instead. You also completely forgot about the marmite.

    We can work with this though, right? I roll to cook something with the sunflower spread.
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2020-09-25 at 01:52 PM.
    Ajax, Nexusites, Shun.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  21. - Top - End - #1251
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "Dad, what's this blank dot on the map?"

    "Ah, that's where they were gonna put (Dr. Gunsforhands' hometown) before it was all burned down."

    "And this one?"

    "Ketchup."


    I roll to make a map.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  22. - Top - End - #1252
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Hyrule Castle
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You turn out to be pretty darn good at folding an origami compass. Unfortunately, since paper isn't attracted to the planet's magnetic field, it's strictly ornamental.

    I roll to weld bowling balls into Silly Putty.
    It's as much fun to scare as to be scared.

    ~*~ Vincent Price


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.

  23. - Top - End - #1253
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to weld your shoes to the floor.

    I roll to become CEO of the company I work for.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  24. - Top - End - #1254
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You say to your CEO: "You're terrible. I could do your job better than you!"
    Now, you are indeed your own CEO. Company staff size is one.

    I roll to sing karaoke.

  25. - Top - End - #1255
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your voice is so high-pitched and revolting, you shatter all the glass in the bar. Lacerations abound, and you are officially banned from said bar for life.

    I roll to suture the victims of paddyfool's singing.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  26. - Top - End - #1256
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to suture your fingers together.

    I roll to undo the sutures.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  27. - Top - End - #1257
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You chop your hands off somehow.

    I roll to conquer the universe!
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  28. - Top - End - #1258
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are conquered by the hamsters and fitted with a shock collar. They carry tiny gadgets with buttons that they press to shock you when you disobey them.

    I roll to not have to roll the dice.
    Last edited by bug_sniper; 2020-10-01 at 03:40 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #1259
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You roll a coin along its edge in place of the dice. It somehow still comes up a 1, and you are cursed by the gods of chance for trying to cheat. To break the curse you must make all your decisions by rolling dice for a week, and abide by the outcome of the dice. Otherwise... You will personally suffer the consequences of every 1 rolled in this game.

    I roll to suffer misfortune

  30. - Top - End - #1260
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Miss Fortune turns out to be a lovely woman, very pleasant company. Her husband, on the other hand, gets jealous easily and releases the hounds on you.

    I roll to expect the Spanish Inquisition.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

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