The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

[Ironsmith]

And now you're known all over town as "the creep", becoming a social pariah overnight. At least nobody broke out the pitchforks and torches.

...Oh.

I roll to escape the baying mob.

[CyberiadQueen]

The baying mob simply loves a good scapegoat.

I roll to hide from the baying mob.

[Ironsmith]

That's two goats. Do I hear three?

I roll to not involve the next poster in any way.

[LordArgon]

I look to my forum friends in their guillotines and say, "Y'all's first time?"

I roll to be beheaded.

[Magic_Hat]

I roll to be beheaded.

You're C-Headed...because it's the letter that comes after "b". What's C-heading? It's kind of like a C-esarean.

I roll to deliver LordArgon's baby...from his head stump...I guess.

[Dire Moose]

You deliver the hellspawn imp that was seeded there. It bites your head off.

I roll to do a barrel roll.

[Crisis21]

You successfully stuff yourself into a barrel, but are unable to make it roll. Plus you appear to be stuck.


I roll to find something I can use to get Dire Moose out of the barrel.

[The Kool]

This circular saw should do wonders, just gotta plug it in like so...

I roll to plug in the saw

[HalfTangible]

You find a socket and plug it in... only to realize that there's not actually any power going to this plug.

I roll to find the proper breaker to turn on.

[Ironsmith]

Well, after twelve electrocutions, you think you have it...

"WARNING: SELF-DESTRUCT ACTIVATED. EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY."

...Don't ask why that's in your garage.


I roll to run for the hills.

[jwhouk]

...you're in the middle of Kansas.

I roll to avoid the obvious Wizard of Oz jokes that are forthcoming.

[Crisis21]

You suffer jabs about being brainless, heartless, spineless, and homeless for months.


I roll to give the next poster an awesome gift!

[CyberiadQueen]

Uh...thanks for the lovely bouquet of...stinkweed. I'm sure you meant well.

I roll to be sneaky.

[Ironsmith]

"I GOT A ONE!"

I roll to not suffer permanent hearing loss.

[Dire Moose]

Huh? You roll to what, sonny? I can’t hear you!

I roll to order a pizza.

[HalfTangible]

It's 3 days late. Also it's a plate of spinach.

I roll to sing "Cruel Angel's Thesis"

[Korith]

Everyone within a 30ft radius takes 3d6 sonic damage and must make a DC16 Will save or become Confused.

I roll to make my Will save.

[The Kool]

You make your Charisma save instead. What's that? Wrong edition? Wrong stat, even? Pfft, don't look at me.

I roll to not take the blame for that confusion

[HalfTangible]

"-and we find The Kool guilty of murder in the first degree."
*gasp*
"Sorry, not murder, I meant to say 'being incredibly wrong about how the rules work in this edition'. Either way, he will be hung at dawn!"

I roll to break him out of prison before the hanging.

[Crisis21]

Why, it looks like we're gonna have ourselves a double-hanging!


I roll to execute the prisoners.

[LordArgon]

You instead only excommunicate them.

I roll to get them a retrial.

[HalfTangible]

You are arrested and put on trial yourself.

I roll to roll a 1.

[Sizzlefoot]

As your d20 leaves your hand, it just..stays there. Hanging in the air, floating just above the gaming mat. It rises up, rotating slowly. You hear a deep voice that seems to come from everywhere and nowhere.
"YOU! YOU HAVE BROKEN THE UNIVEEERRRSSSEEEE!"

I roll to fix reality.

[CyberiadQueen]

You utterly demolish Reality. Darn it; I liked existing!

I roll to exist in spite of the destruction of Reality.

[LordArgon]

I had the distinct feeling I was responding to someone, but they appear to not be there.

I roll to create my own reality, with blackjack and hookers.

[Crisis21]

Your recreate reality, but no one knows what... those two things you mentioned... are.


I roll to make myself lunch.

[Sizzlefoot]

For some odd reason, no one wants to devour your flesh.

I roll to destroy this new reality.

[CyberiadQueen]

This new reality of yours is now permanent.

I roll to discover an alternate reality to this one.

[Ironsmith]

404 reality not found. :(

>Check your TARDIS connection
>Run portal diagnostics
>Send error report to God

I roll to pick an option.

[HalfTangible]

Your hand crashes THROUGH the panel. You have no idea what you selected.

I roll to get the heck out of dodge before the obibital bombardment hits.
"Don't you mean orbital bombardment?"
Are you even looking at the TARDIS' screen right now?
"HOLY CRAP IT DOES SAY OBIBITAL"