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Results 961 to 990 of 998
  1. - Top - End - #961
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The FBI closes in on your dollar factory, as the forgeries made by old grannies with knitting needles were a bit too obvious.

    Huh, it's crazy what a few typos in your business plan can accomplish!

    I roll to spellcheck a very important document.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  2. - Top - End - #962
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Samba Mentality's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    The Deep Blue

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidentally insert a typo into every single word of the document. It now reads not as a memo from a regional director of a manufacturing business, but as an order to fire the entire nuclear arsenal of the United States upon the Republic of Saugeais.

    I roll to hide the coolest geocache ever!


    GENERATION 18: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig and add 1 to the generation. This is a social experiment.

    DEGENERATION 94: Copy this into your sig and subtract 1 from the degeneration when you first see it. This is an antisocial experiment.

    Check out my artwork here!

  3. - Top - End - #963
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You hide used kleenexes and bricked electronics in your trash can.

    I roll to bribe the dungeonmaster.

  4. - Top - End - #964
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    In self-quarantine
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The DM thinks you're propositioning him. And he's even more of a prude than I am, so enjoy prison.

    I roll to make soup.
    Come, Fairies, take me out of this dull world,
    for I would ride with you upon the wind
    and dance upon the mountains like a flame!

    ~*~ William Butler Yeats


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.


    Support the COVID-19 frontline workers. Show them your love, admiration, and appreciation.

  5. - Top - End - #965
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You make soap.

    I roll for gumption.
    Quote Originally Posted by godsflunky View Post
    It'll be a wild ride, and I can't wait to see all the twists and turns, but we'll be fine.

    This is gonna be great.

  6. - Top - End - #966
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    I don't know what that means so you get Gump shrimp instead.

    I roll to disguise myself as a prison guard so that the guards let me out and apologize for having locked up the wrong person.

  7. - Top - End - #967
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    In self-quarantine
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Enjoy your life sentence!

    I roll to have as much gumption as I have spunk (which, for bug_sniper's edification, are, essentially, the same thing).
    Come, Fairies, take me out of this dull world,
    for I would ride with you upon the wind
    and dance upon the mountains like a flame!

    ~*~ William Butler Yeats


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.


    Support the COVID-19 frontline workers. Show them your love, admiration, and appreciation.

  8. - Top - End - #968
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Edit: You end up with a lot of gross gelatinous fluids.

    I roll to peel an orange.
    Last edited by Dr.Gunsforhands; 2020-03-30 at 06:15 PM.
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  9. - Top - End - #969
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    KAmber's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You instead peel off all of your fingernails.
    I roll to peel off my fingernails.

  10. - Top - End - #970
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Book Wombat's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    Germany
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to peel one a tiny bit off until you faint from the pain. When you wake up you find out that you were in a coma and now your nails are super long.

    I roll to get a number on a d20.
    . .-. .-. --- .-. / ....- ----- ....- ---... / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. / -. --- - / ..-. .. -. -.. / --.- ..- . ... - .. --- -. / ---... -.--.-

    Discord: Book Wombat#4020, feel free to DM.
    Avatar by linkele

    Book Wombat's Extended Signature

    Spoiler
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    -. --- - / -- ..- -.-. .... / .... . .-. .

  11. - Top - End - #971
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    A prankster mixed a letter die into your set and you rolled a Q.

    I roll to mail myself out of jail.

  12. - Top - End - #972
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    In self-quarantine
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The warden is impressed that you had the ingenuity to package yourself and mail yourself right to him.

    I roll to braid steel into silk.
    Come, Fairies, take me out of this dull world,
    for I would ride with you upon the wind
    and dance upon the mountains like a flame!

    ~*~ William Butler Yeats


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.


    Support the COVID-19 frontline workers. Show them your love, admiration, and appreciation.

  13. - Top - End - #973
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    trtl's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Gender
    Male

    d6 Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidentally use straw and instead weave gold.

    I roll to read a book.
    I prefer to think of myself as yellow mold. Step on me, and I'll eventually rot your face off.

  14. - Top - End - #974
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    The Primus Imperium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You forget how to read.

    I roll to find love.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

    Current Roleplaying
    Karal Nord in Welcome to Thorns

    I'm always available to talk (just let me know you're from the playground)
    Discord: HalfTangible#7505

  15. - Top - End - #975
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You scout around and find a pair of newlyweds.

    Now that I'm in the warden's office, I roll to take him hostage and use the visage of a knife beside the warden's throat to get the guards out of my way as a I walk out at a leisure's pace.

  16. - Top - End - #976
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The guards shoot me and the warden too.

    I roll to respawn in a freer world.

  17. - Top - End - #977
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    In self-quarantine
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You respawn in a world that is completely free...of oxygen.

    I roll to terraform the oxygen-free world so that its new inhabitant can breathe.
    Come, Fairies, take me out of this dull world,
    for I would ride with you upon the wind
    and dance upon the mountains like a flame!

    ~*~ William Butler Yeats


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.


    Support the COVID-19 frontline workers. Show them your love, admiration, and appreciation.

  18. - Top - End - #978
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Samba Mentality's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    The Deep Blue

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Due to a clerical error, the world is demolished to make way for an intergalactic freeway. It is now... less habitable.

    I roll to hitchhike aboard a passing starship in time to avoid being demolished along with the planet.


    GENERATION 18: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig and add 1 to the generation. This is a social experiment.

    DEGENERATION 94: Copy this into your sig and subtract 1 from the degeneration when you first see it. This is an antisocial experiment.

    Check out my artwork here!

  19. - Top - End - #979
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The good news is, you got a ride with some nearby aliens. The bad news is, they love poetry. Terrible poetry.

    I roll to give an analysis of their poetry that won't offend them.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  20. - Top - End - #980
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    In self-quarantine
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    It is a severe felony to insult the poet laureate. Which you do stupendously. Your sentence: To be hurled into the orbit of the nearest black hole.

    I roll to record Ironsmith's last words for posterity.
    Come, Fairies, take me out of this dull world,
    for I would ride with you upon the wind
    and dance upon the mountains like a flame!

    ~*~ William Butler Yeats


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.


    Support the COVID-19 frontline workers. Show them your love, admiration, and appreciation.

  21. - Top - End - #981
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    The Primus Imperium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyberiad_Queen View Post
    It is a severe felony to insult the poet laureate. Which you do stupendously. Your sentence: To be hurled into the orbit of the nearest black hole.

    I roll to record Ironsmith's last words for posterity.
    "What did you say?"

    I roll to deploy the net to stop Ironsmith from being hurled into a black hole.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

    Current Roleplaying
    Karal Nord in Welcome to Thorns

    I'm always available to talk (just let me know you're from the playground)
    Discord: HalfTangible#7505

  22. - Top - End - #982
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Now I'm heading toward a black hole tangled up in a net. Thanks for that.

    I roll my Escape Artist (Event Horizon) check.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  23. - Top - End - #983
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You activate your jetboots. But in a moment of confusion, you think you're supposed to point them where you want to go. You're now hurtling faster towards the event horizon.

    I roll to build antimatter bombs to stop the interstellar highway's construction.
    Last edited by bug_sniper; 2020-04-23 at 01:21 PM.

  24. - Top - End - #984
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Unlike you, the highway commission knows how to recover them, plant them properly and detonate them.

    I roll to pet a dog.
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  25. - Top - End - #985
    Ghost in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    In self-quarantine
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The dog pets you. Things get awkward.

    I roll to make things more awkward.
    Come, Fairies, take me out of this dull world,
    for I would ride with you upon the wind
    and dance upon the mountains like a flame!

    ~*~ William Butler Yeats


    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.


    Support the COVID-19 frontline workers. Show them your love, admiration, and appreciation.

  26. - Top - End - #986
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The sound of the die clattering across the table does indeed make it more awkward. As does the revelation that you were using a fixed die where all the sides had been changed to 20s.

    I roll to keep Cyberiad_Queen safe from the resulting mob.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  27. - Top - End - #987
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You pull away Cyberiad_Queen's weapons, hoping to reduce the bloodshed by turning people to nonviolence. The mob doesn't uphold the same chivalrous principles and she gets hanged soon after the now-one-sided battle is over.

    I roll to start my own dungeons and dragons group.

  28. - Top - End - #988
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You succeed, but your recruits create a toxic environment that makes you wish you'd failed. When you finally muster the courage to disband the group, one of them poops in your shower and steals your dog.

    I roll to stealthily recover a stolen puppy.
    Mina, Lynera, Ajax, Vena.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  29. - Top - End - #989
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You know what doesn't really mix? Small, yappy dogs and a need to remain quiet. Add a dash of puppynapper's shotgun and stir lightly with motion-activated floodlights. Your saving grace is that he also rolled a 1 to shoot you.

    I roll to be left out of the ensuing firefight.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  30. - Top - End - #990
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Dr. Gunsforhands decides to shoot several incendiary bullets to block their escape with walls of fire. The flames rage out of control while spreading from house to house, and you're stuck in a burning building.

    I roll to roast smores in the fire.
    Last edited by bug_sniper; 2020-05-18 at 12:53 PM.

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