The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

[Ironsmith]

You conclude that your work is finished, as you don't see ninjas around here anywhere.

I roll to see if any of the mob outside has organs to spare.

[Magic_Hat]

I roll to see if any of the mob outside has organs to spare.

Through a series of bizarre events you wake up in a bathtub full of ice with a large scar going down your side.

I roll to go on all the amusement park rides without vomiting even once!

[CyberiadQueen]

I roll to go on all the amusement park rides without vomiting even once!

You become a veritable legend among amusement park cleaning crews worldwide as: Sicky McSickface.

I roll to become a world-famous author!

[Magic_Hat]

You become a veritable legend among amusement park cleaning crews worldwide as: Sicky McSickface.

Can I sig this? Not sure if I will but might as well ask permission if I do.

I roll to become a world-famous author!

You write a book, but every word is misspelled - even your own name.

I roll to build a robot.

[Crisis21]

Seventeen cardboard boxes, eight rolls of tape, three markers, and an entire roll of plastic wrap later... you have a giant mess.


I roll to seduce the next poster.

[Ironsmith]

And that's how you ended up in the emergency room with a wrench in your ribcage.

I roll to extract the wrench.

(...You know, you did ninja me, but it still fits so well...)

[Sizzlefoot]

How in the Nine Hells did another wrench end up in there?

I roll to assimilate the next poster into Borgdom.

[CyberiadQueen]

Can I sig this? Not sure if I will but might as well ask permission if I do.

By all means; that's very flattering!

I roll to assimilate the next poster into Borgdom.

You are assimilated, yourself.

I roll to do a handstand.

[Ironsmith]

Instead, you manage to stand on your hand. As in, with your foot. You're an orangutan now, apparently.

I roll to dig a hole.

[Crisis21]

You manage to fill eighteen hundred potholes in the city's streets before thinking that this might not be working the way you want it to...


I roll to crash my car.

[Magic_Hat]

By all means; that's very flattering!

YAY! Thank you!

I roll to crash my car.

You drive so safely you're given a medal, a street is named after you, and several biographies are written about you detailing your safe driving. One is even being adapted into a major Hollywood film. They got Chris Pratt to potray you. Hope you're cool with that.

I roll to legally change my name to Sicky McSickface. Because that's what I'm known for.

[redjinx]

You're too sick to sign the document.
I roll to avoid bees.

[Ironsmith]

Turns out, going into honey production ain't a great way to do that.

I roll to screw the rules.

[Crisis21]

Both you and the rules remain pristine virgins.


I roll to wash the dishes.

[Magic_Hat]

I roll to wash the dishes.

You clean them, but a mysterious rogue by the name of Sicky McSickface dirties them up again!

I roll to uncover the true identity of Sicky McSickface because it certainly can't be me. Nope. Not me.

[CyberiadQueen]

I roll to uncover the true identity of Sicky McSickface because it certainly can't be me. Nope. Not me.

It is announced on major news programs and in important publications all across the planet: YOU are Sicky McSickface!

Edit: I roll to...well, roll, because I forgot to.

[Dire Moose]

The dice land in your throat and choke you to death.

I roll to assassinate the king.

[Buji]

I roll to assassinate the king.

You accidentally poison your own drink and collapse in front of the king.

I roll to zipline across a canyon

[Korith]

Not only did you fail to zipline across the canyon, you failed to correctly identify what you thought was a canyon. You are eaten by the Sarlaac, and will be digested painfully over the next 1000 years.

I roll to search the room for my car keys.

[Buji]

You find in your room a photo of your (locked) car, inside the car is a little locked black box with a sticky note reading, "Car keys, and lock key in this box"

I roll to go back in time, to any date.

[Crisis21]

You die from old age waiting for your time machine to finish warming up.


I roll to promote smoking.

[CyberiadQueen]

You save countless lives as smokers everywhere quit cold turkey.

I roll to be a klutz.

[LordArgon]

You win a gold medal for your perfect gymnastics routine.

I roll to bake a chocolate cake.

[Sizzlefoot]

You somehow create a vanilla-flavored particle accelerator.

I roll to airlift the particle accelerator away and sell it to the Russians to be reverse-engineered.

[Ironsmith]

The world falls out from under you, Wile E Coyote style, and you fall rather painfully about a hundred meters. Then the cable on the particle accelerator breaks...

I roll to make burnt popcorn and thoroughly disdain events as they unfold.

[CyberiadQueen]

You make popcorn of such perfection that you quickly become the head of a popcorn empire--but it's a bit hard to get you to concentrate, because everything in life, even the most mundane of events, sends you into fits of pure elation.

I roll to remember everything rotten that happened to me.

[Ironsmith]

You remember everything awful that didn't happen to you. Both due to the sheer volume of this information, and because it includes traumas the like of which we can't even conceive of yet... you're not in a great place.

I roll to share my popcorn with this poor girl.

[CyberiadQueen]

You had the noblest of intentions; you truly did. But you took a small nibble of your oh-so-perfect popcorn, and you couldn't stop yourself from eating the whole thing.

I roll to guilt-trip Ironsmith for the lack of popcorn-sharing.

[Ironsmith]

You might have stood a chance, had you chosen a target that wasn't sitting beneath a falling particle accelerator.

I roll to keep the impact realistic.

[Crisis21]

There is now a crater in the ground the size of Texas.


I roll to name this new geological feature.