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  1. - Top - End - #1291
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get sentenced to death by firing squad instead.

    I roll to appeal the ruling.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  2. - Top - End - #1292
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    They decide that the punishment isn't harsh enough, and switch it to being hung, drawn, and quartered.

    I roll to bring the media so that no one forgets this travesty of justice.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  3. - Top - End - #1293
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Hyrule Castle
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The media misinterpret this tragedy as a heroic moment in the annals of jurisprudence.

    I roll to set the record straight.
    Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.

    ~*~ Ray Bradbury

    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.

  4. - Top - End - #1294
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The record starts coming onto you.

    I roll to make conversation with my new neighbor.
    Last edited by Ironsmith; 2020-10-16 at 06:42 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #1295
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidentally step on the tail of their cat as you go to say hello, then you stumble as the cat yowls and scratches and tip over their pram. Unlike yourself, their baby is unhurt... But they don't forgive you.

    I roll to face the firing squad

  6. - Top - End - #1296
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    They put a bag over your head and spin you around. Now you don't know which way you're facing.

    I roll to whisk someone away before the firing squad can shoot them!
    Nexusites, Dorothy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  7. - Top - End - #1297
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "Right, lads! Fix 'em!"

    ...Instinct kinda took over after that.


    I roll to operate on life-threatening bullet-wounds.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  8. - Top - End - #1298
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You decide to let Dr. Gunsforhands take over for you.

    I role to perform the eulogy for paddyfool’s funeral.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  9. - Top - End - #1299
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your roll to play an eminent role in my funeral appears to be successful... Until you speak my name for the third time and my spirit possesses your body. "I'm back b******s!"

    I roll to scare the assembled mourners.

  10. - Top - End - #1300
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The kids seem to think you're Caspar the friendly ghost and come to hug you.

    I roll to win the lottery.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  11. - Top - End - #1301
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get mugged for all your money shortly after getting the ticket.

    I roll to eat a pancake.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  12. - Top - End - #1302
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidentally drop it on the ground, and can only watch helplessly as it is trampled under the feet of those around you.

    I roll to console Ironsmith after this devastating loss.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  13. - Top - End - #1303
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    On your way over to him, you trip and knock over the pancake vendor's stall where he obtained said sustenance. The vendor storms off in a huff, ensuring that there will be no more pancakes served today.

    I roll to haunt a nearby house.

  14. - Top - End - #1304
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are scared away by the rats and spiders in that house.

    I roll to find a discount on the software I'm installing.

  15. - Top - End - #1305
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're arrested for piracy.

    I roll to destroy The Empire.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  16. - Top - End - #1306
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidently lead the Empire's forces directly to the hidden base of the rebels, who are unprepared for the encounter. The last hope for everyone dies in a blaze of planetary annihilation.

    I roll to portray the events leading up to this encounter in cinematic form.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  17. - Top - End - #1307
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get arrested by the Empire for taking video footage of their troops without dispensation.

    I roll to learn poltergeistery

  18. - Top - End - #1308
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Step 1) Be Dead
    Aaaaaand you fail.

    I roll to build a skyscraper.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  19. - Top - End - #1309
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You can’t even figure out how to put two bricks together.

    I roll to operate a steam locomotive.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  20. - Top - End - #1310
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Hyrule Castle
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Being bound to the tracks like a character in a melodrama might just be the way to do it.

    I roll to fly to the moon.
    Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.

    ~*~ Ray Bradbury

    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.

  21. - Top - End - #1311
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH-hoo-hoo-hooeyyyyyyyyy" *thud*

    Okay, so you've got "falling with style" down, but unfortunately, that's not flying.


    I roll to be my usual lame self.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  22. - Top - End - #1312
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You hit a new low, like you've scraped out the bottom of the barrel and dug yourself a hole in the ground. But hey, at least the only way is up, right?

    I roll to play chess.

  23. - Top - End - #1313
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2016

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    I'm sorry, but throwing the pieces at your opponent isn't how you play chess.

    I roll to wake up from my slumber.
    Last edited by bug_sniper; 2020-10-23 at 12:51 AM.

  24. - Top - End - #1314
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    US
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You lapse into a coma.

    I roll to maintain an unbroken vigil over bug_sniper, in the hopes he may one day awaken.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.


    *gushes unintelligibly over our cat, Sunshine*

  25. - Top - End - #1315
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Cyberiad_Queen's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Hyrule Castle
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Someday his Ironsmith will come...but not for a million years.

    I roll to write a new fairy tale.
    Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.

    ~*~ Ray Bradbury

    The little sweeties in my userpic are Sage and Nutmeg.

  26. - Top - End - #1316
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    It begins well. "Once upon a time..."
    Your mind goes blank when you try to take it any further, however.

    I roll to cheer people up

  27. - Top - End - #1317
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by paddyfool View Post
    It begins well. "Once upon a time..."
    Your mind goes blank when you try to take it any further, however.

    I roll to cheer people up
    You make everything awkward, and people just quietly shuffle out the door while eyeing you sidelong.

    I roll to persuade my neighbors downstairs to stop arguing, or at least do it quietly.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Work is the scourge of the gaming classes!

  28. - Top - End - #1318
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    They briefly unite against their common enemy, proceeding to shatter your self-esteem and sending you cringing back from whence you came. To make matters worse, they keep arguing once you're gone.

    I roll to get some sleep at a reasonable hour.
    Last edited by The Outsider; 2020-10-28 at 08:51 PM.
    I can see it from the outside.
    And I know you're on the inside... lookin' out.


  29. - Top - End - #1319
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Thanks to the loud arguing downstairs neighbors, you can never get any sleep and stay up all night.

    I roll to invent a time machine.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  30. - Top - End - #1320
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    London, UK

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You spend more money than is sensible on an old DeLorean, get arrested trying to steal weapons grade plutonium and spend ten years in prison. But hey, when you get out, you're in the future, right?

    I roll to build a house.

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