The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

[Magic_Hat]

Welcome to the dice avalanche. You're gonna be down there a while.

I roll to initiate a rescue mission after the dice avalanche.

You only make things worse and get trapped in the dice avalanche.

I roll to do NOTHING about the dice avalanche and stay indoors and enjoy a nice snack. Nope! I'm not gonna roll to do something about the dice. I'm rolling to do the exact opposite.

[Ironsmith]

You dive straight in.

AAAAGH! It's not a liquid! It's a great many pieces of solid matter that form a hard, floor-like surface! AAAAGGHH!



I roll to pull myself out using the mangled, broken bodies of my rescuers.

[bug_sniper]

You try to do that, but only manage to get stabbed by the sharp d4's in the pile.

I roll to dig people out of the dice with a shovel.

[Cyberiad_Queen]

Thanks to the blowtorch you bring in lieu of a shovel, the entire dice pile is now molten plastic slag. Thanks a lot.🙄

I roll to make a mountain out of a molehill.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

A d4 expands to the size of a mountain. Than it crushes you. Than it laughs. Somehow.

I roll to climb the newly made mountain.

[Cyberiad_Queen]

The mountain engulfs you. Then it laughs.

I roll to claim this mountain in the name of the nearest government body.

[The Outsider]

The nearest government body assumes that you're trying to usurp their authority for your own gain and has you imprisoned.

I roll to find the nearest bathroom.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You find an outhouse! You do your thing, and than the door shuts, and the 'toilet' reveals its teeth...

Yeah. Outhouse Mimics. They'll get you, man.

I roll to lure in a cow to feed the mimic.

[Cyberiad_Queen]

The cow ignores you entirely. And then the mimic eats you.

I roll to summon the Cuccoo Death Squad.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

I don't know about Cuccoos, but you do summon the Cuckoo Death Squad, which proceeds to replace all your belongings with their own, than they laugh.

I roll to flip off the Grammar Nazis.


OOC: I played my part too. I got my growing up to do too. Let's do our best to learn from our mistakes and move forward.

[bug_sniper]

You remind a Grammar Nazi of a typo in his upcoming book. You receive a commendation in the credits for this.

I roll to decipher the hidden meaning behind the bolded letters in the previous posts.

[Cyberiad_Queen]

{scrubbed}

[Ironsmith]

Spoiler: Damn. Gotta get my money back for that ninja repellant.

Show

Let's see... E, E, K, A... that's clearly an acronym. EEKA... Everyone Eaten by Killer Ants.

By a startling coincidence, there's some killer an🐜s nibbli🐜ng around the o🐜🐜side thread...

...ooooooh *scrubbed*.

You hold their eyes open and force them to read the dictionary. Oxford. Cover to cover.

I roll not to be eaten by ants.

[The Outsider]

You decide the best way to avoid being eaten by ants is to liberally douse yourself with honey and lay down directly on top of their nest. A foolproof plan, I'm sure.

I roll to get along with people.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You decide to take 'De-escalation and You 101' from me. It works as well as you might imagine! :P

I roll to move on and sincerely wish everyone a happy New Year.

[Ironsmith]

You should be glad everyone in the room is drunk off their butt, because they otherwise might take offense to "happy new year's, you 🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜".

Oh good, those are back.


I roll to get ants to stop eating my posts.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

Your aunts start eating your posts instead! And than they post them on Facebook.

I roll to make another lame relative-related pun.

[Book Wombat]

You manage to make the pun so amazing that you and your family can't handle its awesomeness and fall into a coma.

I roll to be blinded by the sun.

[The Outsider]

Fun fact: it's really hard to be blinded by the sun in the middle of the night.

I roll to roll a roll to a null gnoll across the grassy knoll, knowledgeably.

[Ironsmith]

You do a full roll into a bull who puts a whole hole in you. The gnoll is rather amused.

I roll to be a director.

[paddyfool]

You get an internship with a film crew and spend 3 days lugging gear and making coffee in the hot sun before you get fired for accidentally tripping over the star act. That's showbusiness!

I roll to dance the wild fandango.

[Dire Moose]

You constantly step on your partner’s feet, eventually tripping and crashing to the ground. Right where a bear trap salesman had just set up shop, no less. Ouch!

I roll to build a robot.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

You end up building a snowman instead!

I roll to unleash my hidden ice powers.

[Ironsmith]

You set yourself on fire.

I roll to extinguish the blaze.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

Come to think of it, how many times have people rolled to put out fires here? Do you think it's enough to qualify as a running gag? Enough to incorporate into the next thread title?

I roll to make a thread title that can double as Ironsmith's epitaph.

[bug_sniper]

Just as you're about to make the first post, the power goes out. It seems that a tree fell on the power lines and it would take special tools such as a power saw and crane to repair them. Still, I can roll to repair the power lines and that's what I do.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

The power lines come alive and go out of control, starting a bunch of electrical fires. When they stop, the flames end up spelling 'This Thread is Fire - We Hardly Smelt Ya!'

I roll to make a new thread where EVERYTHING is on fire.

[The Outsider]

You make your thread in the vacuum of deep space, where both the cold and the lack of oxygen make sure that no fires are ever ignited.

I roll to devise a chemical reaction that looks and feels like fire, but requires absolutely no oxygen.
Please don't bully me if that's already a thing, I nearly failed chemistry.

[+5 Vorpal Bunny]

Technically, nuclear fusion only requires hydrogen, so it's already a thing... but no worries, we all learn something new every day. :)
You instead find a way to create actual absolute zero. The whole universe freezes over. Oops.

I roll to create a new alternate universe where everything isn't frozen.

OOC: New thread is up!