The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

[Sizzlefoot]

You wished for the most corruptible wish possible.

I roll to exile the drow to the Underdark.

[Ironsmith]

"And that, kids, is why there are now so many Drow in Jamaica. On the plus side, they've chilled out enormously since then."

I roll to roll a die.

[CyberiadQueen]

The die rolls you.

I roll to roll a rollaway bed.

[Magic_Hat]

I roll to roll a rollaway bed.

The bed outsmarts you and rolls you away.

I roll to live in a pineapple under the sea.*

*Nobody's ever done that right?

[Ironsmith]

You get the "under the sea" part down, not so much the "pineapple" or "living" bits, though. Nyahyayayaya~

I roll to run an uneventful three-hour tour with my boat.

[CyberiadQueen]

Welcome to the island, Gilligan.

I roll to build a raft.

[jwhouk]

Welcome back to the island, Gilligan.

I roll to figure out how the Professor made all those gadgets out of palm trees and coconuts.

[LordArgon]

You build the raft, but the glue you dissolves after an hour.

I roll to escape on a Russian sub.

[Crisis21]

You sneak into the brig of a prison ship.


Now that I'm a mind flayer (however that happened), I intend to be the best mind flayer I can be. *rolls to be a mind flayer*

[Sizzlefoot]

Filthy githyanki mind-thrall.

I roll to use the feared Mind Blast.

[CyberiadQueen]

You blast your own mind.

I roll to send a distress signal to try to get off this island.

[Ironsmith]

Your distress signal is distressing. Perhaps you stressed the distress too much, restressing the distress of the distress signal in a manner most stressful. Point being, the place now seems too scary and nobody's coming anywhere near it now.

I roll to build huts that'll survive the inevitable tropical storms.

[Dire Moose]

You become quite the expert at building structures entirely out of toothpicks.

I roll to explore the Amazon Jungle.

[Crisis21]

You get all of three feet before falling into a river and being devoured by piranhas.


I roll to spontaneously combust.


@V: New word! *looks up* Huh... So like the Wicked Witch of the West then?

[CyberiadQueen]

Instead, you deliquesce.

I roll to hop around on a pogo stick.

[Korith]

Who knew your head was so bouncy?

I roll to perform first aid on CyberiadQueen's head.

[HalfTangible]

Her head is now on fire.

I roll to figure out how band-aids could possibly start a fire.

[The Kool]

In your experimentation, you manage to set no less than 27 bandaids on fire. While attached to you. And you're still not sure how.

I roll to put out the fires.

[CyberiadQueen]

Throwing on an entire vat of kerosene? Nice job, there. That always helps...not so much.

I roll to smother the fire in ice.

[Ironsmith]

Trying to smother a person-sized kerosene fire with an ice cube isn't the best idea you've had. Especially since that puts you in spattering range of a kerosene fire.

I roll to disregard physics.

[HalfTangible]

You're arrested by the time police. No, I don't know how that happened either.

I roll to find happiness.

[LordArgon]

You find Happiness, but Happiness didn't want to be found. Happiness immediately defenestrates you.

I roll to catch HalfTangible with my trampoline.

[CyberiadQueen]

Trampoline? You mean this pile of shredded and rotten elastic? Oh...wow, did that end badly.

I roll to repair the trampoline.

[HalfTangible]

The bits of shredded trampoline are now on fire. And I'm HalfTangled up in it. Thanks a lot, Cyberiad *glares*

I roll to accept my death with dignity.

[Sizzlefoot]

You hold a large rambuntious death party.

I roll to bring destruction and death wherever I go.

[LordArgon]

Death and destruction get a restraining order against you.

I roll to find where I left my house keys.

[CyberiadQueen]

You discover that your keys are somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle. The rest is up to you.

I roll to lose track of time.

[HalfTangible]

Time stops. You will spend the rest of existence knowing exactly what time it is, forever.

I roll to seduce a bar wench.

[Crisis21]

Five minutes after your attempt, you crawl out of the tavern to seek a decent proctologist.


I roll to find him a decent proctologist.

[Sizzlefoot]

You find him a small dirty man holding a rusty knife and wearing a t-shirt that says "Bottoms Up!" in large friendly pink letters.

I roll to open a dimensional rift.