Reverse Questioning III: Vengeance a With Hard Reverse

[Caerulea]

So you say there's been a murder?

Oatmeal raisin cookies.

[Cyberiad_Queen]

What is the meaning of life?

When you hire gnomes to do a werewolf's job, that tends to happen.

[paddyfool]

Have you heard that the gnomes are having a bit of a food crisis after their hunters were all killed going after a weregoat?

I heard he's secretly a killer weregoat.

[The Outsider]

Ohmygod, look over there! It's Tommy! Isn't he so dreamy?

I contest the charges on the grounds that the judge is a big meanie.

[Korith]

On the charge of having a persecution complex and externalizing that which ought to be personal responsibility, how do you plead?

If you add a pinch of paprika, you'll have an infinite supply of magical energy.

[Ironsmith]

You're putting what in my sundae?!

*flamboyant pose*

[Cyberiad_Queen]

Okay. It's time to take your mugshot for the police. Would you please hold still?

I declare victory!

[Xihirli]

Is this bucket of your blood from that guy who beat you up?

A player that starts without a king cannot lose.

[The Outsider]

Why are you eating my chess set?

*snores*

[Cyberiad_Queen]

How's your new alarm clock working?

That was no jackalope--that was the Jersey Devil.

[Magic_Hat]

That was no jackalope--that was the Jersey Devil.

I really enjoyed my big, romantic date with a jackalope.

It actually is more than capable of doing that!

[Xihirli]

Can your super-transmogriphicationator get out of my face?

We are in deep hurly-burly.

[Korith]

"Okay, so let me get this straight. You were following your GPS to Grandma's House, it told you to turn left into the Hellmouth, and now it's telling you that you're where?"

I'm pretty sure there are, like, 47 countries where it's illegal to do that with an omelette.

[The Outsider]

So, what do you think of my new idea for a restaurant? All I need are some chickens and some Zyklon-B!

Bah, humbug.

[Magic_Hat]

Bah, humbug.

What's that really iconic quote from the Charles Dickens story about Christmas?

They say his heart grew three sizes that day.

[Cyberiad_Queen]

So, detective, how do you think the victim died?

That's the way the flapjack flips.

[Ironsmith]

So, here we are, stuck disposing of the bodies again. Sucks, huh?

Well, not literally.

[Xihirli]

Could you confirm for the court that you wrote to your friend that "I stabbed him again and again, then carried him to the top floor and threw him out a window before blowing up the building in such a way that it would land atop him"?

DON’T INTERRUPT ME WHILE I’M ANGRILY NOT BEING AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS!

[Cyberiad_Queen]

Could you please not fall into that massive, spike-lined pit?

That was at the bottom of the treasure chest.

[The Outsider]

So, how exactly did we end up with pockets full of copper pieces while you mysteriously obtained a 5,000 g.p. diamond and a Well of Many Worlds?

Really, it depends on what the definition of "sold out" is.

[Magic_Hat]

Really, it depends on what the definition of "sold out" is.

Wait, how can an entire planet be sold out of water and oxygen?

Because that's where we're supposed to store those items.

[Ironsmith]

Why does your portable hole have a freezer full of organs in it?

*scoffs* For ten dollars? You're kidding, right?

[Caerulea]

I'll take that cursed sword off your hands, no questions asked. Deal?

There's a simple explanation: I'm an impulsive idiot.

[Magic_Hat]

There's a simple explanation: I'm an impulsive idiot.

Why are you wearing a shirt that reads "I'm an impulsive idiot."?

Unfortunately that's the only way to legally obtain a shirt that reads "I'm an impulsive idiot."

[The Outsider]

Did you really pay for a shirt that reads "I'm an impulsive idiot?"

I'd like to think that I'm not an impulsive idiot.

[Cyberiad_Queen]

Would you like to buy a shirt that says, "I'm a compulsive idiot"?

Because suddenly there's been a run at the shirt store.

[Ironsmith]

Damn. Why is there never any parking around here?

So you see, George... You truly have had a wonderful life.

[Laughing Dog]

Why do you keep calling me George?

I've been hurt worse. Sadly.

[Caerulea]

You appear to be missing a leg, and arm, a soul, your sense of self, and have a broken heart?

I am the best unless there's anyone else in the room.

[The Outsider]

I'm looking to start an elite team of secret agents. How good are you at covert operations?

I don't think that's proper piano usage.