Reverse Questioning III: Vengeance a With Hard Reverse

[Crisis21]

It that a Lovecraftian horror getting coffee at Starbucks?


Honestly, he's kind of a jerk.

[Dire Moose]

How is that “eternal servitude to Orcus” thing going?

Maybe you should try asking him first.

[Xihirli]

Should I drop Sauron's ring into the lava?

You beautiful one-armed cowboy; you’ve made me a child again.

[Ironsmith]

Hey, look what I grabbed from the enemy Heavy before he ripped my arm off. I can't use it, so... you want it?

Gratuitously.

[Korith]

What's your favorite way for a legion of hellspawn to commit atrocious acts of violence upon you?

First, he turned the wheel here, like this. Then he pulled this lever here, like this. Finally, he jumped up and down on this springboard, like this.

[Silent_Interim]

So how did he steal the jewels from the museum again?

Yeah, we stopped carrying that model after the third explosion.

[Ironsmith]

Weren't you guys supposed to get time machines next month?



...What? She told me to!

[Xihirli]

Bobby, did you bite Tara again?

I'm ready now for the judgment day.

[Caerulea]

Why are you dressed like the Stay Puft marshmallow man with a banana on your head?

Only small ones.

[Crisis21]

Were you caught stealing military secrets again?


Carmen Sandiego.

[Silent_Interim]

Alright, be honest with me, what happened to your house?

I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I've acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. I will look for you... I will find you... and I will steal your cake batter.

[Korith]

What makes you qualified for the position of head baker?



There were eight of them.

The leader was a strange man, not especially tall, and yet somehow absolute. He had a certain commanding presence about him, and his position was undeniable. It was as though the gods themselves had charged him with a destiny for greatness that one could not help but admire.

The others each brought a unique set of skills into the group.

There was a woman, who with the slightest gaze, could paralyze her foes. And with a wink, she could release them.

There was an elf who carried a magic spear, that when thrown would split one thousand times and slay one thousand men.

There was a giant that could shrink to the size of a mouse and return again to the size of a house.

There was a dwarf who could forge devices that could perform strange and wonderful feats.

There was a man who's shadow could tuck into his endless pocket whatsoever it covered and bring it out for later.

There was a boy made of paper who could fold himself into wondrous shapes and back again.

There was a swan with a wondrous basket that carried endless bread and wine, who would at night become a prince.

Together they journeyed into the east to catch the sun before it could rise again.

[Xihirli]

Heya! Want to grab lunch later?

The answer is six bags of potatoes.

[Silent_Interim]

Hey, what'd you put for that bridge-building problem on the exam?

I promise, I wasn't the one who stole the car this time.

[Ironsmith]

Which one of you maniacs ran my mustang into the shark tank?

Mostly Wookiegrams.

[Dire Moose]

So, Mr. Solo, has that outlaw son of yours sent you anything for Christmas these last few years?

The goat is lying!

[Xihirli]

You've been accused of three counts of money laundering, one count of barbering without a license, and one count of shearing with intent to sell. What say you in your defense?

I mean... I guess.

[Korith]

Can we go commit mass genocide now?

One thing I know for certain, beyond any doubt, and it is this: The elephant says "Pawoo"

[Ironsmith]

What does the fox say?

...You saw. Nothing.

[Silent_Interim]

Is... is that Kurt Cobain? Isn't he dead?

I can't believe that they would cancel it like that.

[Xihirli]

Huh. I guess you're not really going to get a use out of those thousand laser pens, huh?



And the Prom is tomorrow.

[Crisis21]

So I hear the mean popular girl spilled wine on her super expensive dress at that party last night?



You're our only hope.

[Caerulea]

Do you know what we are having for dinner?

Blue. Unless it is a full moon, in which case purple.

[Ironsmith]

Hey, is that werecloth? Sweet! What color does it change to?

That's not so much inaccurate as imprecise.

[Silent_Interim]

So would it be inaccurate to say you caused the deaths of these people?

Here, take this pickled herring, and this ski mask.

[Xihirli]

We’ve been ratted out! What do we do?

It’s a long list and I’m short on time.

[Personification]

Who are you?

Your zombified Kantian was having an existential crisis because necromancy is always considered an evil act, so my utilitarian paladin killed him to make him happy. It's not that complicated. Anyway, John Locke TPKed you, so the point is moot.

[Dire Moose]

Ok, I’m done in the bathroom. What did I miss from this session?

No, you lunatic! That was my dog!

[Crisis21]

Okay! I've finally killed the Big Bad Wolf! ...That was the Big Bad Wolf, right?


Little Red Riding Hood: Master Ranger.

[Xihirli]

This is an okay pitch for a coming of age story... what were you going to call it again?

The elephant is going to nightmare island.