Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

[KorvinStarmast]

DM: Yes, the remorhaz just swallowed you.
Barbarian: It's hot and dark in here!
Bard: Now that was cool
Sorcerer: *Disintegrate*
Barbarian: Wait, I'm still in here
Battle Master: I don't think he can hear you!

[Kish]

*said after Party Mage botched an immortality ritual *very* badly.*

()

Ack, context.

[KorvinStarmast]

Said this evening during play ...

I may be a barbarian but I'm not an idiot!

[animorte]

Said this evening during play ...

I may be a barbarian but I'm not an idiot!

Funny enough, I recently started a min-magic campaign and am running a Zealot Barbarian, who has the highest Intelligence in the entire party.

[Ionathus]

Like a memoir, but tiny.

character limit

[Amidus Drexel]

Fighter: "You know what happens when you electrocute a frog? The same thing that happens to everyone else!"

Sorcerer: "I have the monopoly on the ****ed up sea creature market."

DM: "When does graverobbing turn into archaeology?
Fighter: "When Disney's copyright expires."

--
Paladin: "in orcish, they have this phrase - 'hakuna matada' - it means no worries"

Assassin: "on each square of the chessboard, Zippo's story doubles in length"

Paladin: "It was nice to meet you, but we have to go."
NPC: "Are you sure?"
Paladin: "Well, it was fair-to-middling to meet you."

[DigoDragon]

Paladin: "Well, it was fair-to-middling to meet you."

Hee hee, that's comedy.


GM: "Once is enough."
Sparks: "Even though you've done it 17 times..."

Crit: "Want me to chop off your hand? Err, not your hand hand, but your hand holding your hand."
Sylvie: "...anyone without INT as a dump stat have a better idea?"

Garrik: "See, my blindness helps!"
Beau: "I admit I did not see that one coming."

Beau: "He strikes... like Fiiirebaaall!"

Sparks: "Wait, the BBEG's lair has a doggie door?"

GM: "You need to make a climb check to reach the... uh... to reach that..."
Beau: "I can fly."

GM: "Shipwright is a profession."
Sparks: "Is there a shipwrong?"

Sylvie: "Weren't you at the palace?"
Sparks: "I got kicked out."
Sylvie: "Why? Were you too poor to hang around the nobles?"
Sparks: "No, I was... well, you aren't wrong."

Beau: "What we have here, and this is a technical term, a woogie-woogie effect."

GM: "Imagine your sack is full of rats that all want to scurry in different directions, but can't."
Sparks: "Beau's laundry is angry."

[Xihirli]

"Your life involves killing people and sometimes turning into a dog."


Sophie: "Hey, do you have anything to deal with werewolves?"
"Like kill them?"
Soph: "Like.... Calm them down."
"I'll see what we have."
*Checks stock*
"Here is some wolves' bane. Wolves hate this stuff. Makes them run away."
Soph: *vomits and runs away at the smell of it*
"... It happened again, I lost another customer!"


*Gets change for a purchase*
"Wait, do silver pieces hurt me?"

"Is it almost a full moon?"
"Make a nature check."
*Nat 1 with -2 multiplier for a -1 total*
"What's the moon?"


"I may be able to make something that can cure your lycanthropy... Or at least help you control when you transform."
Soph: "That would be nice, it seems to just happen at random."
"It's usually tied to the full moon."
Soph: "... What?"

Soph: *Turns into a werewolf as part of the battle rage and rips her clothes.*
"Do you have a spare change of clothes?"
"No."
"Check your bag."
"Nothing listed."
"But in your bag you do find one outfit. Your old uniform from when you were part of the guard."
"Wasn't I wearing that the night I contracted lycanthropy?"
"Oh... right..."

*Finds giant bones*
Soph: "Do you know how long I could chew on this?"

[KorvinStarmast]

Ancient warrior possessed by a tree: I'll push you over that cliff! (shoves)
Rune Knight (large sized): (shoves back) No, you won't.


Monk: We don't want ale, we want the good stuff.
Rune Knight: Yeah, the good stuff!
(OOC to GM: it's like everclear, right?. GM says: 4x everclear)
Gnome: This stuff is pretty strong, are you sure?
Monk and Rune Knight in unison: Hell yeah!
Monk: Make mine a double!
{Two days later} Monk: Waking up is overrated.

Demigoddess-in-a-tree: I will end you!
Monk: I brought Fire!
Fighter: And my axe.

[PhoenixPhyre]

DM, on discord between games: And before you ask, no, I'm LDS, not doing LSD. Or shrooms 🙂

Spoiler: dread context

Show

This was after posting a google doc with a particularly special, drug-fueled dream a character had after partaking of some gnomish liquor.

[DigoDragon]

"It's usually tied to the full moon."
Soph: "... What?"

Haha, Soph is a new favorite. Please do bring more quotes if they happen. :D

[KorvinStarmast]

Gnomish Inventor "you just sit on the large arrow, and you hold these panels out, and we launch the ballista to see how far you can fly"
Monk: (Does as suggested, and then falls with the monk damage reduction resulting in zero damage)
Fighter: I'll get some more popcorn for the next test.
War Mage: Me too.
Gnomish Inventor: You survived? Great. You are now our number one test pilot.

[PhoenixPhyre]

Gnomish Inventor "you just sit on the large arrow, and you hold these panels out, and we launch the ballista to see how far you can fly"
Monk: (Does as suggested, and then falls with the monk damage reduction resulting in zero damage)
Fighter: I'll get some more popcorn for the next test.
War Mage: Me too.
Gnomish Inventor: You survived? Great. You are now our number one test pilot.

Alcoholic monk, after said events: you know, if you attach alcohol fueled rockets to the glider, it'll go even further.

Inventor: what are you, a genius?

[KorvinStarmast]

Alcoholic monk, after said events: you know, if you attach alcohol fueled rockets to the glider, it'll go even further.

Inventor: what are you, a genius?

Founder of Delicate Apocalypse, LLC (the firm) "You are now promoted to 'non-expendable test subject' for being a genius."
Monk : "One day I WILL have a jetpack. This is my goal."
Found in the game chat

[Xihirli]

Haha, Soph is a new favorite. Please do bring more quotes if they happen. :D

Was a very short campaign that is now done with. Glad you enjoy, though!

[dysike]

Fighter: Are you an evil wizard?
WizardMage: I prefer the term 'mage' to 'wizard' personally
Fighter: And the evil?
Mage: 'Evil' is a bit of a strong word...
Rogue: Morally dubious?
Mage: 'Morally Dubious Mage' has a nice ring to it, sure.

[KorvinStarmast]

Druid: Can we adopt it? (Baby Basilisk)
Fighter: I like being drunk, not being stoned.

DM: These aberrations are led by a Flying Psychic Tree Octopus
Fighter: Need to multiclass into bard; that's a cool name for my next band.
Druid: Meh. They are discount mind flayers ...

Monk: No, don't destroy that last egg!
Fighter: Harpies, dude, who tried to charm us, eat our faces, and kill us.
Druid: And you didn't let me adopt a basilisk...
Monk: : Pouts
Fighter: Fine, here's your egg. I guess our campaign journal is now Horton Hatches an Egg ...

[Telok]

"Wait, the party pool has over a hundred thousand gold in it?"
"Well nobody had a use for it."


"We need a lava cannon for our flying castle."
"So we can hunt giant dragons."
"We're adventurers. This makes sense."
"A big lava cannon."
"We'll pay you a dracolich and two tons of gold."

[KorvinStarmast]

"We need a lava cannon for our flying castle."
"So we can hunt giant dragons."
"We're adventurers. This makes sense."
"A big lava cannon."
"We'll pay you a dracolich and two tons of gold."

This is why we play D&D/PF/Runequest/Earthdawn/et al.

So that conversations like this can be had.

[Telok]

This is why we play D&D/PF/Runequest/Earthdawn/et al.

So that conversations like this can be had.

Then negotiations broke down, we beat the snot out of the guy, took all his stuff, and ran off. But it's OK because he was tagged "team Evulz" and there will never be any repercussions. Way less interesting than if we hadn't rolled a 2 on a charisma check.

[PhoenixPhyre]

GM, OOC on discord: why do all beholders have Persian accents? Because they're Eye-ray-nian!

Players: < threaten mutiny >

[DigoDragon]

GM: "You get thirsty a little faster."
Sylvie: "Pretty sure Sparks is always thirsty."
Sparks: "I never saw you try to stop me."

Lily: "I'll just rely on Beau."
Sylvie: "Why???"

Sparks: "Pardon me while I... whip this out."
Beau: "It's got five heads. Impressive."

Sylvie: "Where'd you get this hydra, Dollar Tree?"

GM: "Sparks, since your roll was so high..."
Sparks and Lily: "Fo shizzle."

Sylvie: "Someone roll me a d20. I know my bonuses."
Sparks: "Three."
Sylvie: "I said I know my bonuses, I asked for you to... oh my gods, is that what you rolled?"

GM: "I need a Spellcraft check."
Sylvie: "18."
GM: "Almost, but not quite."
Beau: "18."
GM: "Nope."
Sparks: "Stand back, I got a +17 to this check... *rolls* ...18."

Lich: "Why are you here?"
Sparks: "We just need to get into the ziggurat."
Lich: "You will not get by me."
Beau: "Oh, we planned on just blasting a hole from down here."
Lich: "How are you...?"
*party creates a significant divot in the side of the ziggurat*

Lich: "I cannot allow you to deliver that!"
Beau: "Well I cannot be held responsible for my right hand."

Lich: *casts Stone Shape to entomb Sylvie*
Sylvie: *casts Stone Shape to make a door and walks out*

Beau: "Wait, you were actually trying to kill me?"
Sylvie: "when are you not in a situation where someone is trying to kill you?"
Beau: "...okay fair point, but you're also deflecting."

Sparks: "Haha, that makes you Beau Baggins."

Lily: "He's a 12th level alcoholic."

GM: "Did you really think it would be that easy?"
Beau: "Yes."
Sparks: "No."
Beau: "Yes."
Sparks: "No."
Beau: *casts silence on Sparks*
Beau: "Yes."

Sylvie: "Your pelvis doesn't have enough hit points to solo that blind date."

[KorvinStarmast]

Lily: "He's a 12th level alcoholic."

We have a monk like that.

Sylvie: "Your pelvis doesn't have enough hit points to solo that blind date."

Now that's funny.

=========================

Druid: Do you mind if I turn you into a giant ape?
Fighter: Mind? I was wondering if you'd remember that you had that spell.

------------------------------

DM: No, the giant ape cannot squeeze down through that 5' wide hole.

------------------------------------

War Mage: I am almost out of spells, so all I can to is firebolt. <Dice happen> 27 points of damage.
Fighter to Monk: Is he aware that he just rolled the average damage of a fireball?

[Telok]

"You're going to kill the explody monster here next to the casters aren't you?"

Barb: "The halfling has the artifact."
Cleric: "I'll prep the cruse breaking spells again."

[Amidus Drexel]

Fighter: "Did you forget you worshiped the oracle goddess?"
DM, miming: "You never call!"
Fighter: "She can see you not calling!"

Fighter: "Let he who does not enjoy a good pile cast the first stone."

Fighter: "I can only take action in the 6 seconds appointed to me by god."

"Are you trying to haggle with a magic blood fountain?"

DM: "You DO have disadvantage, but I don't think you'll roll much lower than that"
Assassin: "Through the gods, all things are possible."

Assassin: "Respect their customs, and get out there and shoot their clan leader."

Spectator: "Treatment first, pain later. Thank you for visiting your harmicist."

Paladin: "I don't know much about demons; I'm just a simple country nobleman."

[KorvinStarmast]

Battle Master: You want to go where? To the Underdark?
Rogue: Yes. We are going to the Drow's capital city and put an end to this threat.
Battle Master: Who is this we? The Pomarj and the Wooly Coast are lovely this time of year. I hear some Margaritas calling me back home ...
Rogue: Coward
Battle Master: Dead men drink no margaritas.

[KorvinStarmast]

Rogue: You need another mind flayer
Rest of Party: You never need another mind flayer!

[NRSASD]

Izos: What's this thing you keep mentioning about a gazebo?
Hugo: Yeah we passed a gazebo full of naked ladies drinking cocktails 50km back. We avoided it, seemed too dangerous.
Izos: I agree, that does seem too risky.
Hugo: Yeah, we went into the mystical pyramid that only appears in the full moonlight instead.

[KorvinStarmast]

Izos: What's this thing you keep mentioning about a gazebo?
Hugo: Yeah we passed a gazebo full of naked ladies drinking cocktails 50km back. We avoided it, seemed too dangerous.
Izos: I agree, that does seem too risky.
Hugo: Yeah, we went into the mystical pyramid that only appears in the full moonlight instead.

Might have been a succubus convention, ya never know.

Captain: We need a name for this ship
Everyone: {suggest a variety of names, none of which stick}
Dwarf{1} Engineer Player: How about White Dwarf?
Captain: That was a game magazine ...
Helmsman: Dwarf Star
Captain: Get the champagne bottle, we'll christen this ship!

Spoiler: Why the footnote {1}

Show

This guy always plays a dwarf. Always, since 1975

[Metastachydium]

Everyone: {suggest a variety of names, none of which stick}

Did anyone suggest Greg?