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  1. - Top - End - #541
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Jan 2021

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "I am reasonably sure that you can't tell the difference between ghosts and illusory cocaine dealers using Sense Motive."

  2. - Top - End - #542
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Rynjin's Avatar

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    Sep 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "This one goes in your mouth. This one goes up your butt. Don't get them mixed up or you'll die."

  3. - Top - End - #543
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Dec 2012
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    toulouse
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    dm: so you see about 30 twig-blights. yeet, what do you do?
    yeet: yeet gleefully charges into the fray spewing insults in hyena!
    wheeze: language!

    wheeze: hey dog and paladin! get down!
    ogryn: *ducks*
    yeet: dog? what dog? *gets hit by a lightning bolt*

    dm: so the giant tree bites ogryn for 21 points of damage.
    yeet: i'm gonna pee on that thing out of spite for hurting my tribe.
    *the tree is dead*
    yeet: *pees on the tree*
    wheeze: that's gross.
    ogryn: she did give us fair warning.

    ulman: fen'wei? how are you up on the ceiling?
    fen'wei: pirate antics.
    ulman: how is your hat still on?
    fen'wei: trade secret.

    wheeze: what's that smell?
    ulman: you set fire to our gnoll-mother. what did you expect?

    yeet: hey ulman, loot the valuables, i'm looting the meat.
    ulman, with distaste in his voice: yeah, go right ahead.

    ulman: anything happening over there?
    ogryn: nah, yeet is tenderizing dinner. how does roasted raven and potatoes sound?
    fen'wei: this is why i'm a pescatarian.

    wheeze: why is the smelly pet cooking dinner?
    ulman: you get used to it.
    Spoiler: quotes
    Show
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  4. - Top - End - #544
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "He gave me muffins, so I killed people."

  5. - Top - End - #545
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Necroticplague's Avatar

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    Aug 2010

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Nesdu:...should we be worried about why you aren't Immaculate anymore?
    Gene: Nah, I was just a **** monk. Turns out, 'trying too hard' is apparently a big no-no amongst them. Unfortunately, the nickname stuck.
    Avatar by TinyMushroom.

  6. - Top - End - #546
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "I turn on the horse."

  7. - Top - End - #547
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Aug 2013
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    Location, Location

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Our name is Legion, for I am... many."
    A fundamental truth about existence: All is to be laughed at.

    Lawful Evil with Chaotic Good tendencies. Have fun figuring that out.

    How to deal with Slowbro in Gen 1:
    1. Mewtwo
    2. there is no #2.

    Quote Originally Posted by Man_Over_Game View Post
    Well, that makes you Dr. Robotnik. So...yeah?

  8. - Top - End - #548
    Orc in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Dec 2019

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "What is the armor class of Washington DC?"
    All Classes Matter

  9. - Top - End - #549
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Jan 2021

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Okay, I'm giving you five experience points because it was a funny war crime."

  10. - Top - End - #550
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Oh, right! They don't recognize you as one of the heroes because you did all that sh*t as a f*cking lemur!"

  11. - Top - End - #551
    Troll in the Playground
     
    DeTess's Avatar

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    May 2017
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    Female

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "So, I'm basically trying to no-clip to get to the other side of the magical dimensional barrier."

    "It worked! ...crap, it worked."
    Jasnah avatar by Zea Mays

  12. - Top - End - #552
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    May 2018

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "We want to say to him that something is happening. We don't really know if he wants to destroy the world of save it but in both cases we want to help him."

    "(Boss) I am the song of war and the howl of death!!! (Confused Paladin) Sorry ... who are you again?"

    "Hear me out, if might sound crazy, but I think that walking through blizzard for a week to say a quick hello to this venerable white dragon actually increases our chances of survival."

  13. - Top - End - #553
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Nov 2013
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    Bernville PA
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Male 30 year old Halfling: I haven't had this much fun since I was a 13 year old girl.

    Riden: I'm a pretty accomplished trophy hunter
    Lakhi: wait... I thought you gave the penis back.

    Lakhi: how many people have you murdered?
    Naga: 1
    Filo: Oh! That seams like a pretty reasonable amount of murder.

    Lakhi: I will appreciate the torture. I mean you will appreciate the torture. We all will appreciate the torture.
    Signet, the eternal.

    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

    Where did you start yours?

    On an island where many NPCs were slaughtered by ooze monsters while the party tried desperately to escape. Ah, Memories.

  14. - Top - End - #554
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Nov 2013
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    Bernville PA
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Chef: If we are going to die, we are going to die well fed.
    Ralph: But if we don't die, then we die hungry
    Signet, the eternal.

    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

    Where did you start yours?

    On an island where many NPCs were slaughtered by ooze monsters while the party tried desperately to escape. Ah, Memories.

  15. - Top - End - #555
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Jan 2021

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Re-plant your gays?"

    "...Well, it's better than 'compost your gays'."

  16. - Top - End - #556
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    WhiteWizardGirl

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    Mar 2021
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    Female

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Party wizard (after careful deliberation): "Tell you what. You give us back our wedding cake, and we let you get back to torturing the senator for information."

  17. - Top - End - #557
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Mar 2005
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    61.2° N, 149.9° W
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Barred from making zombie cow necro-milk farms.

    When the DM introduces an undead skin monster may not figure out how to enemy leather armor turn into such during combat.

    No more evil laughter while cooking people alive with Heat Metal spells if I want to maintain my position as an official paragon of humanitarian virtue and kindness. The burning, killing, and tasteless BBQ jokes are still OK, it was just the laughter that was crossing the line.

  18. - Top - End - #558
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "This cake is going to confuse the tiefling."

  19. - Top - End - #559
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Lord Torath's Avatar

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    Aug 2011
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    Sharangar's Revenge
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Telok View Post
    Barred from making zombie cow necro-milk farms.

    When the DM introduces an undead skin monster may not figure out how to enemy leather armor turn into such during combat.

    No more evil laughter while cooking people alive with Heat Metal spells if I want to maintain my position as an official paragon of humanitarian virtue and kindness. The burning, killing, and tasteless BBQ jokes are still OK, it was just the laughter that was crossing the line.
    I think you meant to post in this thread:
    Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

    Don't feel bad; it's a common mistake.
    Warhammer 40,000 Campaign Skirmish Game: Warpstrike
    My Spelljammer stuff (including an orbit tracker), 2E AD&D spreadsheet, and Vault of the Drow maps are available in my Dropbox. Feel free to use or not use it as you see fit!
    Thri-Kreen Ranger/Psionicist by me, based off of Rich's A Monster for Every Season

  20. - Top - End - #560
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Mar 2005
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    61.2° N, 149.9° W
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Torath View Post
    I think you meant to post in this thread:
    Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

    Don't feel bad; it's a common mistake.
    Yeah, oopsie. I blame small phone screens. On topic:

    "Would you prefer cat vomit or baby poop for this dragon?"

  21. - Top - End - #561
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "They aren't afraid of down, they're afraid of up."

  22. - Top - End - #562
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
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    New Jersey
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    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Did we just get pranked into murdering a guy for no reason?"
    "If it makes you feel better, we're about to genocide the entire city, so you know.... his life didn't really matter anyway."
    "Thanks, that somehow doesn't make me feel better about any of this."


    "Did you... eat his belongings?"
    "The rest of him is still in the parlor if you're interested."
    "... I'm gonna loot the body."


    "So is your ritual going to turn everyone into Slaads, like this was going to?"
    "No, my ritual is going to turn it into soup."
    "Ooh, where's the ritual circle of unlimited breadsticks?"

  23. - Top - End - #563
    Halfling in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2021

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    GM: "At the end of the hallway, you come to a door."
    P1: "What's it made out of?"
    GM: "I dunno, it's made of door!"

    Me: summing up previous session "Okay, so we were fighting the gray alien mafia in their stupid pinstripe suits, and P2 gathered up a bunch kinetic energy that I dumped into a rifle shot and blew their saucer to hell. Then the paranoid trucker-mage drove us back to the real world."

    GM: "You trigger the paradox backlash, and your body starts folding in on itself, compressing over and over until all that is left is your right hand sitting on the floor. Then your eye opens on the back of the hand and you see the Man-in-Black who was about to inject you still staggered from the eruption of magic."
    P2: "Wait, I'm still alive?!"
    GM: "More or less. But you're just a hand with an eye now."
    P2: "Can I move like Thing from the Addams Family?"
    GM: "Sure."
    P2: "I run up his leg, grab the syringe, and stab him with it."

  24. - Top - End - #564
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Nov 2013
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    Bernville PA
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Filo: Infact there will be many EXPOSED penises there, and that is where I feel you will be the least safe.

    Filo: it's ok these are the child rapists. At least I hope these are the child rapists this time.
    Signet, the eternal.

    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

    Where did you start yours?

    On an island where many NPCs were slaughtered by ooze monsters while the party tried desperately to escape. Ah, Memories.

  25. - Top - End - #565
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    New Jersey
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "So you're a kobold druid with a gun, and a habitual art thief?"


    "Can anyone see the red text on the map that clearly says 'pit trap?'"
    "No?"
    "Oh good, that's working! There's no pit trap."


    "There's a skeleton on the bed."
    "Oh, not again!"
    "Do you... do you frequently encounter skeletons on beds?"

  26. - Top - End - #566
    Colossus in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Tyler, you and Sexy Jake are making my job at being a demon who's accepted in this town way harder than it needs to be."

  27. - Top - End - #567
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
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    Somewhere over th rainbow

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "I roll a six and swallow a few bees."

    "The meat is good! Trust me! I've eaten this kind of food before!" Proffers the cooked flesh of an unfortunate dwarf.
    Last edited by Wizard_Lizard; 2021-03-30 at 06:16 PM.
    Professional Ancient Relic
    Beware, Monologues
    Ambassador from Gen Z
    NBITP

    Quote Originally Posted by Waterdeep Merch View Post
    Use your smite bite to fight the plight right. Fill the site with light and give fright to wights as a knight of the night, teeth white; mission forthright, evil in flight. Despite the blight within, you perform the rite, ignore any contrite slight, fangs alight, soul bright.

    That sight is dynamite.

  28. - Top - End - #568
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Dec 2012
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    toulouse
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    grigori: relax, we're just starting a gang war, everything'll be fine.
    aaron: *pulls out an autocannon*
    grigori: ok, i can roll with that.
    Spoiler: quotes
    Show
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  29. - Top - End - #569
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DrowGirl

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    Aug 2017
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    A tempest in a teacup
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    Male2Female

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "That would be like the Three Stooges guarding the most dangerous prisoner in the world."

    "Have some wisdom, son!" *hands him a paper that says "rice krispies suck"*

    "Wait, the Rainbow Zebra doesn't have four arms?"

    "I leave for one year, and when I come back, my dad's married to a dragon!"

    "Apparently, Harambe is as big as a T-Rex."

    "It should really be called 'The Blade of Whirling Death' instead of "The Greataxe of Axehead Falling Off"

    "I summon my Familiar." "It instantly dies."

    "That's a success, you're no longer scared pantsless."
    elephants are made of carbon




    and so are you

  30. - Top - End - #570
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    the Netherlands
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "So you swim for another hour."

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