Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

[HalfTangible]

Ledaal Zealot wife: "Every three anathema [that you kill] you get a 'adventure' pass where I'll agree to do one thing you suggest. Threesome being an example"
Player (OOC): "The anathema shall quake in fear, knowing that [Fire Aspect Playboy's] lust is coming for them!!"
LZW (OOC): "Ha. "SHE SAID SHE'D WEAR THE MAID OUTFIT IF I TOOK YOU *******S DOWN"!"

-

"[we're dynasts,] we have servants for this!! Give her to the nurse before you do some real damage!"
"... But I always wanted to hold my kids... be there for them, ya know?"
"And that's very sweet but you're holding her upside down!"

-

Cynis player: "Yes, it was fun even if the relationship had little drama."
Peleps player: "Surpisingly, sometimes two characters are banging because they like each other."
C: "The horror."

[Reathin]

DM: "As Saber unleashes his Noble Phantasm, you find that there is no point in space inside the circus tent that is not presently also a sword"

DM: "Your train plows threw the no-longer-too-narrow ally behind the farmer's market, through the portal, and the front end smacks the Kraken head on."

DM: "As you stab Helen of Troy with the the Spear of Longinus, something strange happens..."

[DigoDragon]

Beau: "I am looking for... what am I looking for?"
Sparks: "A way out?"
Beau: "I have to get out of here first."

GM: "Well that'll make an English professor throw themselves off a roof."

GM: "Roll Performance."
Sally: (*rolls a 1*) "Baby Shark, doot do doot doot."

Sally: "So how is it?"
Sparks: "Like a salad stuffed into a water balloon."

Beau: "My problem is dealing with the Impetus from a sudden stop."
Sylvie: "There's a pill for that."

GM: "You have two nights covered at the INN, courtesy of the King's Hand."
Sparks: "Where's the rest of the king?"

Beau: "Stupid question."
The King's Hand: "No such thing."
Beau: "How many licks did it take you to get to the center of that Tootsie pop?"
The King's Hand: "One such thing."

Lily: "I was a half-elf, yes, but I was resurrected as a full elf."
Beau: "He needed all the elf she could get."

[Sharur]

"Tasha, you maleficent bitch, I've read your book! Now, shut up!" (cast's silence)

[Corey]

"With your skills and luck, you note that the scrolls and potions are labelled."

[Milodiah]

"Look, I said that not everyone needs a Necklace of Fireballs. I didn't say that people don't have a Constitutional right to own a Necklace of Fireballs."

[KorvinStarmast]

From a few weeks back ... speaking of necklace of fireballs ...

* P1 "Before you toss that bead from the necklace, know that my scorched backside will skewer you as soon as this battle is over"
** P2 "And I'll hold you down while he hits you"

[SMWallace]

From a Dragon Ball campaign I'm in:

Harp: "Why would any boy have a crush on me? People have crushes on people they think are cute. I'm a weird hairless demon monster with antennae and exposed muscles. I'm basically a pair of horns away from being an amalgamation of human nightmares."
Idna: "You still haven't found the Internet, huh?"

Harp: "Okay, Mun Yun, you watch the kids, make sure they stay safe. Idna, you watch Mun Yun, make sure he stays safe."
Mun Yun: "Alri- hey wait a minute!"

Harp: "Do your best at carpentry, Mun Yun! When I'm rich and famous, you can build my retirement mansion!"

Harp: "Boys can like boys!? This explains everything! You two must like each other! That's why you act so weird and passive-aggressive when we all hang out - I'm getting in the way of you two spending time together! I'm so sorry!"
Ulu and Eriac, both with very obvious crushes on Harp: bewildered sputtering
Idna: "I thought you were the observant one."

Harp: "Will you be my daddy?"
Master Lo Rao: horrified "Where did you get such ideas!?"
Harp: devastated "I understand... I can't imagine you'd want to adopt me after what my Mom did..." leaves
Lo Rao: "Adopt? Oh, crap. Harp, wait!"

Harp: "Can you tell me more stories, Papa?"
Lo Rao: "Honestly most of them have the same structure. Somebody does something dumb, and everyone dies at the end."
Harp: "Except you!"
Lo Rao: "... Yeah."

[ShadowFighter15]

It's rare I have something to contribute, purely due to my inability to find a campaign, but here's one from a now-dead Exalted campaign.

Princess Cao Lai: "I've as much desire to get the Mask of Winters involved in this as I do slathering myself in sauce and presenting myself to the nearest hungry Tyrant Lizard."

[KorvinStarmast]

Princess Cao Lai: "I've as much desire to get the Mask of Winters involved in this as I do slathering myself in sauce and presenting myself to the nearest hungry Tyrant Lizard."

Sounds like a fun date, potentially.

[ShadowFighter15]

Sounds like a fun date, potentially.

I mean it would've been the setup for a perfect callback if, later in the campaign, her Lunar Mate had turned out to be one with a Tyrant Lizard for their spirit shape. Or the Storyteller threw a regular Tyrant Lizard at us.

Spoiler: For those who don't know what Exalted's Tyrant Lizards are:

Show

Think an especially-large T-Rex and you're most of the way there.

[LecternOfJasper]

"Ooh, check this out. I'm gonna give up my ability to see walls."

[Milodiah]

"Ooh, check this out. I'm gonna give up my ability to see walls."

"I've got a racial trait that lets me see around corners. And I also have this big ass gun that can blast through pretty much anything. I call myself 'Hypotenuse Man'."

[LecternOfJasper]

"I've got a racial trait that lets me see around corners. And I also have this big ass gun that can blast through pretty much anything. I call myself 'Hypotenuse Man'."

Hey, that's pretty good! If only the monk had something like that, but alas, many a nose shall be broken.

[NRSASD]

"Tell us about your innards!"


"For now, the babies will live."


Motto of the Anti-Post Office: "Rain or Shine, we will stop them."


"Hi, I'm... Clive."
"Insight, 17!"
"He's not Clive."

[Diachronos]

Rogue: -trying to stab between Bard's legs- Nat 1!
Bard: Ya gonna eat a coin for that roll?
Rogue: I don't have any left! You should've resisted me!

"The way I run prestidigitation is that the caster can roll to target where the dirt goes."
"Put it back in him!"

"You guys are gambling with the fabric reality. Over pie."

"Oh my god, it's a Rogue that Rogues!"

"Depends on where the cream is coming from and how hard you're whipping it."

"You ate her pie. That's on you."

"That's what I'm gonna do. I don't have any weapons so I'm gonna eat the pies."

DM: You get an ominous feeling that someone, somewhere, hates you.
Rogue: No, that's everyone.

"No! I'm eating them in your body!"

DM: Just before your souls switch bodies, you vomit up all the pie. It kinda coalesces, almost like it's sentient, and jist dives into a sewer grate.
Necromancer: *head in hands* Not this again...

"I paid people to fight pies."

[Ferreon]

Have some quotes, with the absolute minimum of context


DM: "Well, that guy looks like he has had significantly better days."
Druid: "He probably has, I mean how good a day would you be having if a leopard bounced up onto a balcony, growled and then four stars slapped you in the face?!"



"No it can roar, it doesn't have muscles either but it can still move, if whatever magic is animating it can allow it to move it can allow it to roar too. It's already got tiny ass arms, don't take away it's roar too!"


"It's not quite as rudely interrupted as smashing into a Space Hulk."


"It's like condom theory, but with added angry badger"


Imperial Guard officer: "The Lord Commander was shot at from an elevated position."
Owain: "Yilani, was it you?"
Yilani "Don't be stupid, I don't miss"
*confused Imperial Guard officer*


"It's got a hole, it's got tentacles, what more could a dwarf ask for?" "The dwarf is still on his leash, right?"


"I am indeed going back to fisting this Great Unclean One"


"WE ARE NOT playing volleyball with a Nemesis Dreadknight"
"Not with that attitude we're not!"


"I slap him, I fix him up whilst muttering that Sanguinius would be ashamed of this, then I slap him again"

[SunsetWaraxe]

"Badgers are people!"

[Milodiah]

"I s**t you not, at character creation I was torn between alcoholism or a phobia of bees as my last negative quality. I'm glad to see alcoholism was once again the right choice."

[DigoDragon]

Sparks: "Did the pirate ship really need ground effects?"

GM: "The ballista has been mounted to the front of the ship."
Beau: "It's a prow moment."

Sparks: "That's why it's not called a 'Susan Screw-it I'll Find It Later Sachel'."

LGM: "The couatl has chosen!"

Sparks: "Oh, it's New Bond Plus. Gold Bond."
Lily: "It isn't foot powder."

GM: "He looks like a Klingon who was told to hold fire."

Lily: "The dragon! She's gone from suck to blow!"

[Diachronos]

"Without the pies, we had no way to save you from the pie."

"Why does the pie have darkvision?!"

"If I eat Tim, does that give me a pie roll?"

"God dammit Frank, you ate the pie, didn't you?"

"Can the pie eat pie?"
"Yes, you can pi square it."

"I only have one more HP than the pies?!"

[Telok]

"If we reincarnate him as a badger he'll be a better fighter and less of a liability in social stuff."

"We'll have the wildmage read the scroll. He's got the rerolls and force max result things for random effects."

"Lets end the session here. I have to dig through the monster books to find something suitably weird to reincarnate him as."

[PhoenixPhyre]

Paraphrased lightly:

(Paladin): I run in, taunt the boingies so they'll chase me, and then run out.

Proteans (mutation based character): make sure you stand aside so I don't spit acid all over you.

All: make sure to shoot the chest first

Proteans, OOC: there's a lot of fun in getting hurt sometimes.

[KorvinStarmast]

*I feel like Vampires are not good for our health*

Spoiler: how did this come up in conversation?

Show

Yes, we are playing in Curse of Strahd, and the sorcerer said that

[Joe the Rat]

"How do I non-lethally shoot someone in the head?"

[HalfTangible]

"How do I non-lethally shoot someone in the head?"

By being a terrible shot

[KorvinStarmast]

By being a terrible shot

Or a really, really good shot. (It's just a flesh wound, or, William Tell caliber of accuracy and precision)

[DigoDragon]

GM: "A lightning bolt comes down on-"
Lily: "Let me guess; me again?"
GM: "No, it hits Crit this time."
Lily: "Why Crit?"
GM: "He's a big hobgob with a two-handed choppy-chop."
Lily: "So why was I hit last round?"
Sparks: "You were the big threat last round. This round it's Crit. You've been demoted to second place."
Lily: "Should I feel insulted?"
Sparks: "Better than feeling shocked."
Beau: "Yeah, current events are in your favor."
GM: *groan*

Beau: "What do you mean you want me to hang off the side of the ship, holding everyone's pants to the sea?"
Sparks: "Just let me cast Prestidigitation. It's OSHA compliant."

Sparks: "Congrats, you just chummed the waters."
Beau: "I had thought those sharks were getting buddy-buddy with us."
GM: *groans*

Lily: "Sylvie is a cleric."
Sparks: "Half cleric. She multi-classes."
Beau: "So Cleric light? Half the calories of most religions?"

[PhoenixPhyre]

Lily: "Should I feel insulted?"
Sparks: "Better than feeling shocked."
Beau: "Yeah, current events are in your favor."
GM: *groan*

The jokes have potential.

Paladin (oath of the watchers): I use divine sense to see if this is the aberration.
DM: (Jedi hand wave) this is the aberration you are looking for.

[HalfTangible]

P1: "There was a time in Risa's life where she figured whatever man she got with (assuming she did at all) would be taller than her. Then she hit 6' and kept going [another 7 inches]."

--

P1 (Risa's player): "... i blame you guys for the fact I have a better idea of Risa's thoughts on romance than her military career"
GM: "good"

--

"You... want me to set myself on fire?"
"Metaphorically, of course."
"........... I have no idea what that expression could possibly mean."
"He wants to hook up your power coupling."
"... I don't have a lot of electrical devices to plug in?"
"Force preserve me... he'd go spelunking in your sarlacc pit?"
"What kind of psychotic moron owns a sarlacc pit?"
"Do battle with the fearsome krayt dragon within your cave of wonders!!"
"Owning a krayt dragon is only slightly less stupid than owning a sarlacc."
"*sigh* Hang on, I need to come up with some other metaphors..."



"... you know he meant sex, right?"
"It pains me you feel the need to ask."

--

Risa: torn between letting Myr know she's joking because she's his friend and doesn't want him to embarass himself... or letting him awkwardly try to explain [sex] because she's his friend and wants to see him embarass himself