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  1. - Top - End - #751
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Tohron's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    P2: "I shove an immovable rod up the dragon's anus."
    Everyone: "WHAT?!"
    Should have applied a bit of Sovereign Glue first.
    Last edited by Tohron; 2022-06-01 at 01:04 PM.

  2. - Top - End - #752
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Dwarf Warlock: "Now that I am standing on my head, I find you to be even more beautiful"
    Spoiler: Why he had to stand on his head
    Show
    Was addressing one of Strahd's minions who was hanging upside down from an archway
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  3. - Top - End - #753
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    P2: "I shove an immovable rod up the dragon's anus."
    Everyone: "WHAT?!"
    Well, time to watch Pick of Destiny again

  4. - Top - End - #754
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: "Look out, Kamikaze Toad!"
    DM: "The toad goes Boom!
    P1: "The far toad or the fart ode? Wait, we don't have a bard in this group, it's the toad!"

    P1: "Rubber bands don't come from Crocodiles, usually!"

    P3: "Mick is beyond potions, at this point"

    P1: "He made a deal with the devil. That always goes well"

    P2: (After watching a vision of fiends eating their victims): "Fine Young Cannibals"

    P1 sees radiant lightning crackling over the old temple: "Led Zepplin concert, got it"

    P4: Stinging Odor? Green Stuff?
    P1: "Don't touch the green stuff!"

    P1: "Want me to use my mage hand?"
    Disembodied voice: "lookin' for love in all the wrong places..."

    P1: {in a dragon's lair/tomb} "Soft Boiled Eggs, not an omelette"

    P3: "I have Gorilla Hair in my face! Gross!"
    P4: "Did the Giant Ape just Teabag him?"
    P1: "{P2}, you do not want to be teabagged by Kong!"

    There are rumors that rye whiskey was involved in a few of the above utterances ...
    Last edited by KorvinStarmast; 2022-06-05 at 02:46 PM.
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  5. - Top - End - #755
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    Xihirli's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    As they say, multiple birds, big stone. A multi-bird stone.

    Minsei? He’s not a pet; he’s a coward.

    Dammit, I want a newt head.

    You can’t brew potions in the middle of a courtyard! -Guard
    That sounds like a limit of YOUR imagination. -Me

    I’m like an onion, I make people cry when they cut me open.

    They don’t call me a ‘gazer’ for nothin'.

    Doesn’t matter what their names are after we take their organs.

    When I was little, I was afraid of monks… now I am Monkman!

    Careful with that, it’s worth more than your teeth.

    That’s why I took up robbery. I couldn’t take up cross country because of my fragile legs. -Daniel

    My bad kneecap is now my worse kneecap!

    If he doesn’t help us out, we help him out, to the afterlife, like heroes.

    That Z? That’s the evil letter. Got a Z in your name? You’re goin down, punk.




    There. That's most of them.
    Spoiler: Check Out my Writing!
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    https://www.patreon.com/everskendra

    I post short stories in the middle of every month, and if you want to follow my novels as they’re edited and written, you can join as a patron!

  6. - Top - End - #756
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    Daemon

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Not me, but a player in my campaign who is also a DM for a different campaign, speaking in our discord OOC about that other campaign (where none of us are players):

    > Yes. They want to bang a tree. And another is like 'hey can we have sexy zombie art?'
    >Me- No guys that is where I put my foot down. No we are not having sexy zombie art.
    > I am starting to bring in punishment. Horrible punishment.
    Dawn of Hope: a 5e setting. http://wiki.admiralbenbo.org
    Rogue Equivalent Damage calculator, now prettier and more configurable!
    5e Monster Data Sheet--vital statistics for all 693 MM, Volo's, and now MToF monsters: Updated!
    NIH system 5e fork, very much WIP. Base github repo.
    NIH System PDF Up to date main-branch build version.

  7. - Top - End - #757
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "I do so love me some bottomless pits."

    "He's not a prisoner! He's my pet turtle now!"

    DM: "He declines to take the opportunity attack on the bloodied, unarmored, halfing."
    Halfling: "Coward! I'll set you on fire again for that."

  8. - Top - End - #758
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: Oh! You were coated in acid for two rounds but I totally forgot about the damage. You should take 10 damage but since I goofed only take 5.
    P1: Huh. Looks like the acid’s PH increases the longer the DM forgets about it.
    P2: To be fair, that was a pretty basic mistake.

  9. - Top - End - #759
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Sparks: "Nat 20 on Appraise! ...damn, that was my one good roll. Well, I'm done for the rest of the session."

    GM: "You now have a new kobold friend following you."
    Sparks: "Ugh, this is why we don't feed the wild animals."
    Beau: "Uh hello? Aren't you a kobold?"
    Sylvie: "He is, but Sparks is like one of those house trained Pomeranians."
    Sparks: "Yeah. ...wait."

    Sparks: "If I had a copper piece for every kobold stray I took in, I'd have two copper pieces; which isn't a lot, but it is weird that this has happened twice."

    Beau: "I'm naming him Jude."
    GM: "Why that name?"
    Beau: "So I can say, Hey Jude."
    Lily: "Don't make it bad."
    Sylvie: "Take a sad song, and make it better."
    GM: *banging head against table*

    Sparks: "Go down Main Street? It's a halfling village. That's like, the only street they have."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  10. - Top - End - #760
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Guys, could we please stop feeding the dead giant super vampire?"

    P1: Now roll a 20.
    P2: <roll>...uh...crit.
    DM: I hate you.
    P3: It's kind of creepy how your dice luck works on roll20 too.

  11. - Top - End - #761
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Me: "So, they're hoping you'll help them with this."
    P1: "What are they going to pay us for this?"
    P2: "Aren't you anti-capitalist iRL? Why have you been penny-pinching so hard ever since we set up our own business in game?"
    P3: "Everyone's anti-capitalist until they're playing D&D."

    Same game:

    P2: "OK, let's go talk to them. P1, go talk to them."
    P1: "Why am I the one talking to them? I'm an anti-social recluse!"
    P3: "Yeah, but you're the only one whose charisma bonus isn't negative."
    P1: "And that's how I became the face. This isn't going to end well."

    Same game:

    P3: "I think it's got fire immunity, P1. Explosions *might not* be the answer here."
    P1: "That sounds like quitter talk to me."
    (two rounds later)
    P1: "See? Explosions are always the answer."

    Same game:

    P3: "Could you come up with some way for us to trap the ghosts?"
    P1: "That's what I was looking into first. But if I don't come up with a way for P2 to bodyslam a ghost first, we'll never hear the end of it."
    P2: "Is true! If I don't get a chance to slap a ghost in the face with a fish, we've done something wrong."
    Last edited by ArcanaGuy; 2022-06-14 at 01:57 PM.

  12. - Top - End - #762
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by ArcanaGuy View Post
    P2: "Is true! If I don't get a chance to slap a ghost in the face with a fish, we've done something wrong."
    This is why we play D&D. This, right here.
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  13. - Top - End - #763
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "I cast guidance on the prisoner so he remembers better the info we're asking him about!"

  14. - Top - End - #764
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    GM: "He's not a... not a familiar small guy..."
    Beau: "So a no known gnome?"
    Sparks: "Try saying that three times-"
    GM: "No."

    Beau: "Sparks found a big book by the person who painted all the signs in town."
    Sparks: "So that means...?"
    Beau: "A tome for your signs."
    Librarian: *takes away Beau's library card*

    Beau: "Aren't all peacocks drunk?"
    Lily: "No, just LOUD."

    Sage: "Do you know what you have here?"
    Sparks: "If we did, we wouldn't be asking you."

    Sparks: "So I stand in the centaur of the battlefield?"

    Sylvie: "Everyone who is loud or blind please follow me to the back of the line."

    Sparks: (in the distance) "AHHHHH!"
    Sylvie: "Welp. Time to go save our nerd."

    Lion: *moves 140 feet in one round*
    Beau: "What was that?"
    Rand: "Space Lion One."
    Beau: "It's gone to plaid!"

    Sparks: "Not how I expected to die; covered in pine needles, tree sap, and chalk dust."

    GM: "The giant misses Crit so badly, his club hits his own foot and shatters."
    Beau: "The club or the foot?"
    GM: (rolls) "Yes."

    Giant: "Did his armor just flip me off?"
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  15. - Top - End - #765
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: I need you all to meet me at the One Eyed Eagle Tavern.
    P2: Sure, but first we need to fly over the city at low level on the back of P3's dragon.
    P3 to P2: Here ya go, get on. (helps P2 up)
    P1: OK, we'll walk there along the south side of the river, see you before nightfall -
    P4: Has P3 been drinking?
    P3: Yes I have! A bit more than usual.
    P2: Me too! (giggles)
    P1: What could possibly go wrong?
    P4: Pretty much everything
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  16. - Top - End - #766
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: "I have come to see the babies"

    P2: "The Queen wants this cannon on the dance floor! You wouldn't deny the Queen, would you?"

    P3: "Stabbing people who are much more powerful than they appear to be MOST DEFINITELY does NOT run in our family."

    DM's Wife: Oh dear. Are they heading towards another TPK?
    DM: Seems likely.
    DM's Wife: Make sure to get P1 this time. He's had it too good for too long. Living

  17. - Top - End - #767
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by NRSASD View Post
    DM's Wife: Oh dear. Are they heading towards another TPK?
    DM: Seems likely.
    DM's Wife: Make sure to get P1 this time. He's had it too good for too long. Living
    Oh, I like your DM's Wife.

    My Owner doesn't RPG, but she knows the tune. When we host, she keeps tabs on the goings-on and is always ready to drop the snark at the expense of our friends.
    I have a blog; come see what I've created: https://thewhiteminotaur.wordpress.com/
    -The 2024 Character Creation Challenge (#charactercreationchallenge):
    https://thewhiteminotaur.wordpress.c...tionchallenge/

  18. - Top - End - #768
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    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: "You are not surrounded by this cloud of exploding mosquitoes."
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  19. - Top - End - #769
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Kalaska'Agathas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    The Bard, realizing that he has something for this*: "Dooooon't hear that sound//Oh, oh, ohhhhhh//There's a Banshee around//Oh, oh, Ohhhhhhhhh!"

    The Bard's Player, out of character: "Since I won Initiative, I use Countersong, with a Perform check of...[rolls]...nice, 41."

    * Sung to the tune of Falco's "Der Kommissar"
    No levelled malice
    Infects one comma in the course I hold;
    But flies an eagle flight, bold, and forth on,
    Leaving no track behind.

    Andrew Eldritch Avatar by Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
    Psionic Tricks Handbook (WIP!)

    Brainstorming thread for a Basic FAQ (WIP!)

    Oh, and you can just call me KA.

  20. - Top - End - #770
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "You!
    You are from the water tribe!
    What do you know about fancy fish?" (First words spoken between two characters who are on their way to become a power duo)

    "You realize that the statue is, in fact, a statue" (me to a player who got snake eyes with a -1 on assess a situation)

    "Are you stupid or just dumb?" (Street urchin to one of the vharacters)

    Quotes from our brand new legends of the elements campagin

  21. - Top - End - #771
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Paladin: "I'm not going to tell the wizard (tabaxi) about the catnip...yet"
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  22. - Top - End - #772
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: The lowly Swiss mustache can never compare to the superior French mustache!

    P3: I'm snuggling up against the corpse of Snow White and am trying to use her as cover.

  23. - Top - End - #773
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Amidus Drexel's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: Uh, P2 tried to put out the sun, so now we have to fight some orcs.
    P2: They were heretical, so I had to be sure.
    Avatar by FinnLassie
    A few odds and ends.

  24. - Top - End - #774
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    The dragon breathes spiders.
    the first half of the meaning of life is that there isn't one.

  25. - Top - End - #775
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    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    >The police botch their investigation roll
    "... Well, boss, this is definitely an apartment!"
    "Are we sure it's not a townhouse?"
    "I thought it was a condo..."
    "That's because you hit your head as a baby, Urias."
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.

    When Gods Go To War comes out March 8th

    Discord: HalfTangible

    Extended Sig

  26. - Top - End - #776
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: I heal the shield guardian.
    Group: ???!!!
    P1: He's an investment anyone can use. The rest of you can be rezzed.

  27. - Top - End - #777
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Lord Torath's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "You can have the wraith go fight the thing that's in the bathroom. The Excremental."

    "And now my fireplace is laughing."
    Last edited by Lord Torath; 2022-07-16 at 10:22 PM.
    Warhammer 40,000 Campaign Skirmish Game: Warpstrike
    My Spelljammer stuff (including an orbit tracker), 2E AD&D spreadsheet, and Vault of the Drow maps are available in my Dropbox. Feel free to use or not use it as you see fit!
    Thri-Kreen Ranger/Psionicist by me, based off of Rich's A Monster for Every Season

  28. - Top - End - #778
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Daemon

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Nameless NPC: are candy canes supposed to have (enlarged mammaries)?

    DM, after a paladin used Divine Sense: you think for a moment that they're is a peppermint elemental behind you. OOC: Do peppermint elementals exist? They should. From the plane of mint. Is that next to the plane of chocolate?
    Several players: I want that.
    Dawn of Hope: a 5e setting. http://wiki.admiralbenbo.org
    Rogue Equivalent Damage calculator, now prettier and more configurable!
    5e Monster Data Sheet--vital statistics for all 693 MM, Volo's, and now MToF monsters: Updated!
    NIH system 5e fork, very much WIP. Base github repo.
    NIH System PDF Up to date main-branch build version.

  29. - Top - End - #779
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Buff the fighter, let him tank it. Buff the fighter, let him tank it. Was that so hard to understand? Now look at you. It took a Heal and Greater Restoration to fix your zero hit point, 2 strength ass. Don't stick your medium armor 'help action' cleric ass in the melee before the buffed fighter engages. Do we need to glue an immovable rod to your back again?"

  30. - Top - End - #780
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    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "I think I'm gonna fart on that giant three headed cobra"
    Spoiler: who said this, anyway?
    Show
    the wizard in Giant Ape form, polymorph
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

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