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  1. - Top - End - #841
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Goblin

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Paladin:Get away from my emotional support twink!
    Quote Originally Posted by Fredaintdead View Post
    *high fives*
    Someone get this man a medal, because he either reads my posts or my mind.

    Avvy by azuyomi244
    A Warforged Warlock who thinks he's a gnome in a power-suit?

  2. - Top - End - #842
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Lore Bard: I want to see a dragon dance!
    Spoiler: why he said that
    Show

    He just leveled up to 11 and chose Otto's Irresistible Dance
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  3. - Top - End - #843
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Amidus Drexel's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Paladin: "Are you equating horses and elves?"
    Assassin: "Elves are LIKE horses. They both have pointy ears and eat plants."
    Monk: "If you re-arrange the letters in horse and elf it makes the same word."

    "I'm going to refer to you as Julian Fries for the rest of the session."

    "That's like soylent green with extra steps."

    Monk: "We come in peace! pew pew!"

    Monk: "What's the plural of hydra? Hydras?"
    Paladin: "I think it's hydrae."
    Assassin: "Ah, I forgot about Dre."

    Paladin: "Give me one last stake before I uh..."
    Assassin: "Before you bite it?"

    "Can you put something in a headlock if it doesn't have a neck?"
    Avatar by FinnLassie
    A few odds and ends.

  4. - Top - End - #844
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "DO YOU NOT SEE THE SHREIKING TOWER OF BONES?!"

    *said to multiple PCs by the party leader during a particularly intense fiasco.*

  5. - Top - End - #845
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "I have a drop gun, we could plant it on the squirrel".

    "It's time to start SNIFFING THE WAITSTAFF!"

    "I mean, I can't condemn your drug use, given I've been drinking whiskey up here...maybe don't tell the client that."
    Last edited by Milodiah; 2022-11-04 at 09:23 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    Do not try a linear campaign, without some discussion with them. Players very often look at your hooks and then try to accomplish it in a different way, not touch it, try to do the complete opposite, or somehow set it on fire.

  6. - Top - End - #846
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Crit & Lily: *blows their stealth and are noticed by the enemy army*
    General Grod: "Hey! What's going on?"
    Rand: "And I say Heyyy-yeyyy-yeyy-yeyy Hey-yeyy-yeyy-yeyy..."

    Sparks: "Grabbing the gorilla is gonna be awkward for everyone involved."

    Beau: "Whose faster? Sparks or Sylvie?"
    Sylvie: "Me if I trip Sparks first."

    Beau: *crits on Eldritch Blast, killing the horse and knocking the rider off onto a wolf. Rider dies from the fall damage*
    Sylvie: "That still only counts as one!"

    GM: "Roll a Religion check."
    Lily: "Three."
    Beau: "Ha! Two!"
    Rand: "I rolled a 1."
    Sylvie: "...not even gonna try."

    Sparks: "Why is Lily living rent-free in your head?"

    Lily: "I don't want to lose my faculties."
    Sparks: "Yeah, we need the P.E. coach."

    Beau: "What's that dotted line following us?"
    Party: *shrugs*

    Sparks: "They're either performing funeral rites or salting the bodies."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  7. - Top - End - #847
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Barbarian standing in front of a 30' x 30' on the mat dragon: "They started it."
    DM: "You can hear his eyes roll."

    DM: "Arrows of dragon slaying? About two grand each."
    P1: "Ok, I've got twenty thousand laying around. Bankroll to fighter's ammo."

    "It's D&D. You don't have to know anything about magic to be a caster. Make a pact, promise a soul, shag a dragon, twerk a fey. Bam! You got powers."

    "See? Seven points of difference and the minus one charisma dwarf is still twice as persuasive as the warlock."

    "So because the bless d4 was lower on the 20 that's the lower roll and apparently you didn't crit."

    P1: "If they lay eggs we can take the eggs and raise them as minions."
    P2: "Oh, yeah, we can mentally condition them from birth... well hatching."
    DM: "Really guys?"
    P3: "You know we're not nice people don't you?"

  8. - Top - End - #848
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Paladin: "If a devil offers to help us against the eldritch being that embodies chaotic destruction, should we accept his offer if (1) we just tore up the temple where his cult worshipped him and (2) we just killed all of his cult's leaders?"
    Wizard: "We can at least listen to his offer. Ready to plane shift?"
    Two other party members: "What could possibly go wrong?"
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  9. - Top - End - #849
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Me: He runs away, giving you the finger
    P1: I chase after him and throw him into the open sarcophagus
    successful grapple
    P2: I cut his finger off
    Me: with your mace?
    P2: I have a candle...
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    *May not make an "Ever-Replenishing Deck of Many Things" that never runs out of cards
    ** May not make it a cursed item that binds itself to you when you pick it up
    *** May not make it so that you can only get rid of it by deceiving others into buying it from you in a dishonest trade.
    **** May not make it try to compel you to draw a card from it with a will save once every day.

  10. - Top - End - #850
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Local Equivalent of RCMP: Say, how long have you folks been with that Tiefling there? Because a tiefling matching his description is wanted on suspicion for 30 murders and fled into the Aldani Basin a few weeks ago.
    Monk: Oh, he's been travelling with us for years, and certainly would never do anything like that.
    Tiefling who officially hasn't told us his backstory yet: ... yeah!

  11. - Top - End - #851
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Sylvie: "Your edition must be this tall to have unlimited cantrips."

    GM: "Imagine if you will, a rhinoceros."
    Sparks: *hums The Twilight Zone theme*
    GM: *glares at the kobold*

    Merchant: "So how did you come to partner with one of his..."
    Beau: "Ilk?"
    Sparks: "I'm not a cervidae."

    Child: "He was taller than you, with pointy ears like her, but, like, much wider than anyone! Oh, and old twinkly eyes that still had life in them."
    Sparks: "Well that still doesn't rule out Santa Claus."

    Sylvie: "It's like a Red Bull enema, but you're out of network."

    Sparks: "The cleric told me not to keep the spider in my pocket and I listened this time."

    Beau: "Hey Sylvie? Our cleric is stoned."
    Sylvie: "Well take away her joint!"
    Beau: "No, I mean she's rock hard!"
    Sylvie: "That is so much worse."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  12. - Top - End - #852
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    PC1: "At least we know the good guys will win in the end"
    PC2: "Yes, but are we completely sure that we're the good guys?"
    PC3: "I feel like at this point we're just kind of... the guys"

    and

    "I feel like we should have chosen a PC with less unresolved trauma for this"

  13. - Top - End - #853
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    On sea elves: "Well they're screwed. Next species?"

    On swimming: "It's D&D, boat trips are practically death sentences."

    On stuff: "Do you still have the big hat?" "It might not have survived the explosions." "It's gear, it survived."

    On talking: "Showing up in the public teleport circle with some cannons and a pile of corpses gets you that official attention really quickly."

  14. - Top - End - #854
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: "As you come to the end of the tunnel complex deep under the surface, you find a large cavern gently lit by glowing walls, possibly luminescent moss or fungus. You enter a garden that includes a variety of plants, from the surface, that are each bathed in small light sources that help them to grow. It brings a quiet beauty to scene."

    Paladin: "Fascinating to see how High Drow ponics is used to grow surface plants deep underground."

    Rest of Party: grimaces
    Last edited by KorvinStarmast; 2022-12-19 at 09:06 AM.
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  15. - Top - End - #855
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: "Ok, so 'nuke it from orbit' isn't an option."
    P2: "Well I just don't want to waste spells on it."

  16. - Top - End - #856
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: Did you kill anyone for your hat?
    P2: Not yet, but there's still time.

    P1: Does it look like their clothes would come off easily if they died?

    P2: Tell me who the WORST dressed person here is. I want to laugh at him.

    P1: How long would it take to shave him?

  17. - Top - End - #857
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Paladin (facing a room full of celestials and fiends): "You all are part of the problem, not part of the solution."

    Wizard (apprehensively, to the other party members): "He used every point of his charisma again, didn't he?"

    DM(grinning): Roll initiative
    Last edited by KorvinStarmast; 2023-01-15 at 11:33 PM.
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  18. - Top - End - #858
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    P1: We could have a battering ram, why would we need acid?!?

    P2: Because acid is cool

    P1: We are robots, we dont f***ing need it!



    Also about an hour later

    P1: THERE IS NOTHING STEALTHY ABOUT BREATHING ACID

    P3: You can't do a line of cone?

  19. - Top - End - #859
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "We got a talky corpse. I'm willing to trade dead people."

    "This isn't 'Nipples: the Sexting'. You guys leave the bathroom nasty enough as it is."

  20. - Top - End - #860
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Amidus Drexel's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Fighter: "Who's to say that, while rescuing some slaves, we can't also get a bargain?"

    Cleric: "I'm going to scream in fear, then draw my weapon if I have any actions left."
    DM: "Screaming in fear is a free action"
    Cleric: "...hello PTSD my old friend..."
    Fighter: "The real adventure was the trauma we made along the way!"
    Rogue: "It's character-building!"

    Cleric: "Well, I've lived a good life."
    Rogue: "You've lived a life."
    Cleric: "I've lived!"
    Fighter: "Allegedly."

    Cleric: "Just... leave out my blanket and my favorite toy. I'll come back, you'll see."

    Fighter: "We need to uh, extricate..." (OOC) "I can't say that, there's no way Gril knows that word. It's a 5 dollar word, and Gril only has 25 cents."

    "Something's wrong with this world."
    "Not enough catboys?"

    DM: "Those orcs would be real upset if they could read."
    Avatar by FinnLassie
    A few odds and ends.

  21. - Top - End - #861
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Amidus Drexel View Post

    Fighter: "We need to uh, extricate..." (OOC) "I can't say that, there's no way Gril knows that word. It's a 5 dollar word, and Gril only has 25 cents."
    Brilliant.
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  22. - Top - End - #862
    Troll in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Can I have grown a carrot drill in my garden? [It makes sense in context. And the answer was yes]

    DM: The pass is bathed in extremely strong light, equivalent to a sunburst spell every round.
    Player: i take a flagon of sunscreen lotion from my utility belt
    DM: i knew you'd do that
    In memory of Evisceratus: he dreamed of a better world, but he lacked the class levels to make the dream come true.

    Ridiculous monsters you won't take seriously even as they disembowel you

    my take on the highly skilled professional: the specialized expert

  23. - Top - End - #863
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Paladin: "Let no guest go un-hammered!"

    Wizard to a dozen monsters/aberrations/fiends: "The party you are looking for is that way (points west) and about 12 hours away. I suggest you go and stop them."
    Spoiler: what was that all about
    Show
    (Yes, Mass suggestion worked; they wandered off).


    PC: "I'll make sure that your book of haiku, and Zen koans, is published posthumously."
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  24. - Top - End - #864
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Lets stop using antimagic fields. It's written like **** this edition, there's too much crap from magic bonuses to deal with, and we can't agree what it works on outside spells and magic items."

    "Damn good thing I have an imp familiar or there'd be nothing for me to for an hour with this stunlock. Having an invisible amoral scumbag is useful."

  25. - Top - End - #865
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Sylvie: "I found a Nordic paladin of Bahamut can I keep him?"

    Garrik: "Come, we must drink and toast to your fallen comrades!"
    Sparks: "But how does that-"
    Sylvie: "No, no, he has a good point."

    Sparks: "One more death and you get a free frozen yogurt at the Twistie Treat."

    Beau: "We had a couple adventures on the sea... and one under the sea."
    Lily: "Down where it's wetter, it's always better, take it from me!"

    Garrik: "PayPally - Send funds and prayers instantly from anywhere!"

    GM: "I trust you."
    Beau: "You fool."

    Peasant: "He had a... like a clean, powerful scent I never smelled before."
    Sparks: "A bath?"

    Beau: "I am standing Poseidon myself."

    Sylvie: "You're only the fifth tallest person in Hobbit town."

    Sparks: "Step 1-- summon two lionesses. Step 2-- dispose of the bodies."
    Sylvie: "I require your spellcasting services and this dagger."

    GM: "It's something called a Cuttlefish."
    Sparks: "Oh, I like hugs!"

    Priestess: "He didn't touch me and yet I feel that I have bruises."

    Garrik: "There, we made a campfire in just five minutes!"
    *log cabin surfaces at the beach*
    Sparks: "Oh look, I made a beach house. Only took me, like, six seconds."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  26. - Top - End - #866
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Dm: "You find ten thousand gold, a luckstone, three magic ivory goats, and a +2 shortsword."
    Party: "Meh" "The goats any good?" "Nope, they're AD&D originals" "Vendor trash"
    Later...
    Dm: "Ok, after magic and two natural 20s you have a eight foot long shadowfel cat with daggers for fur."
    Party: "KITTY!" "Woot!" "We need a barrel of fish." "Can I research a spell for a self cleaning litterbox?"

    "That sounds incredibly painful and possibly lethal." "Yeah, we're adventurers."

    "Lets go to the monks. We can get a drink and burn down the town later."

    "Look, you're a dwarf. Drink some ale, desecrate the altar, and let's go already."

  27. - Top - End - #867
    Titan in the Playground
     
    KorvinStarmast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Garrik: "PayPally - Send funds and prayers instantly from anywhere!"
    That's getting abducted and included in my Paladin's future plans.

    Paladin: "life is short, death is certain"
    Wizard: "Aren't you a barrel of laughs today. As to your question from yesterday, you stick this dagger into you and we win; the being of primordial chaos is perma-banished but your soul is consumed. {pauses} I just realized ... "

    Party examines a room covered in cobwebs and dust, noting a stuffed wolf (taxidermy)
    Warlock: Might that wolf's name be Dusty?

    Rogue: We have a real problem with wells in this place.
    Warlock: We are putting the bed on top of the well to make sure that anything coming up out of the well has to move the bed, so no surprise.
    Barbarian: I'll help.
    DM: How about that, the Barbarian takes the Help action!

    Bard: I've got the cloak and the alchemists fire
    Warlock (mutters): What if it's not a holocaust cloak?

    DM: How did all five of you fail a DC 14 CON save?
    Last edited by KorvinStarmast; 2023-02-21 at 05:25 PM.
    Avatar by linklele. How Teleport Works
    a. Malifice (paraphrased):
    Rulings are not 'House Rules.' Rulings are a DM doing what DMs are supposed to do.
    b. greenstone (paraphrased):
    Agency means that they {players} control their character's actions; you control the world's reactions to the character's actions.
    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct!
    Second known member of the Greyview Appreciation Society

  28. - Top - End - #868
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by KorvinStarmast View Post
    That's getting abducted and included in my Paladin's future plans.
    Awesome.


    Garrik: "It'll take us twelve hours-"
    Beau: "Ahem."
    Garrik: "Thirteen hours to arrive. He has short legs."

    Sparks: "I do the usual amount of kobold bravery by hiding behind my party."

    Beau: "The mule's just a slab of meat. Why would he poke it?"

    Magic Chest: "By the fourth pact. You have earned this."
    Crit: "We made a pact with Dolly Parton?"
    Sylvie: "Wait. What was pact one through three?"

    Sparks: "Well start a fire because I don't have a house in my pocket anymore."

    Asmodius: "If you want a trap, I can provide you with one."
    Sylvie: "No, no, that's okay. I'll happily grab your magic chest as-is."

    ----------

    Beau: "If he wasn't in the cage, he'd be pushing up daisies."

    Chief: "Your friend. His people are not kind to us."
    Beau: "To be fair, nor is my class of people kind to anyone."
    Sparks: "Don't look at me. Kobolds are all adorable."
    Sylvie: "Since when?"
    Sparks: "DeviantArt."

    Chief: "What is the most formidable evil that you face right now?"
    Beau: "Our dice rolls?"

    GM: "Wait, how did you get the mule disbarred?"

    Chief: "We can tattoo your pack mule, but it will take five years off its lifespan."
    Beau: "Ouch."
    Lily: "Oof, that's bad."
    Sylvie: "How long do mules live anyway?"
    Sparks: "In our party? Three months at best."

    GM: "Does running through the Wind Wall do anything to Sylvie?"
    Sylvie: "I strike a Marilyn Monroe pose, then flip the birds the bird."

    Garrik: "I have a raging case of angry birds in my armor!"

    Lily: "I'm a d8 out of 10."

    Sparks: "My tentacles fail to grapple the jetliner."
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2023-02-26 at 12:18 AM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  29. - Top - End - #869
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Aug 2010

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    NOT a Campaign Quote, but it could become a Campaign Seed:
    Wife, kvetching about some mystery authors not employing editor: "...the area was named Dead Woman's Crossing...after a particularly grizzly murder...occurred there."

    Now, she knows, and I know, and you know, the author meant "grisly." But what if "grizzly" as a *clue?* Or better yet, Ima gonna work this into a campaign; something about the murders of, or by, grizzlies...
    I have a blog; come see what I've created: https://thewhiteminotaur.wordpress.com/
    -The 2024 Character Creation Challenge (#charactercreationchallenge):
    https://thewhiteminotaur.wordpress.c...tionchallenge/

  30. - Top - End - #870
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    61.2° N, 149.9° W
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Wait, are we rich enough to use gold pieces as kitty litter?"
    "Yes." "No!"
    "..."
    "Well what else can we use them for? There's nothing for us to buy."

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