Unuseless magic items...ideas?

[SoD]

OK, here's what I'm considering doing, I'm currently DMing a campaign, we're in the second session, and the party is all at level 1 (not for long, they grow up so fast!). I'm planning on putting in magic items here and there. Useless magic items, like a staff that, upon cammand, will stand upright with no support. Or a bowl that, although you can take stuff out as easily as normal, if you turn it upside down...*gasp!* the contents don't fall out!

However, these are my only ideas so far for useless magic items...any more ideas out there?

Oh, and I didn't think up the standing staff, I remember hearing it somewhere else, so if it was someones idea on this forum, I'm not attempting to steal it!

[Yuki Akuma]

Those aren't useless. They're actually very useful, even to adventurers.

Now, a true useless item would be, say, the Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot.

[SoD]

Yeah, know that they're not completely useless, but you know the sort of thing I mean. And I like the amulet idea, very nice.

The thing I'm more looking for, however, is things such as what I mentioned. Things that are 'useless'.

[Drglenn]

a bendable greatsword

[BRC]

The cloak of billowing
The invlunerable ring (note, the RING is invulnerable, the person wearing it is just a shmuck)
Tome of potential Knowledge: Capable of containing any information that could possibly exist! (a blank book)

[SoD]

Ooh, these are going straight into the book!

And they're also perfect for my party, I've got a cleric who weilds a greatsword (although 'bendable' could be applied to a great number of weapons), a sorcerer who is constantly seeking knowlege and has a thing for cloaks...and the ring could go to anyone.

[BRC]

For the record the cloak of billowing has no effect except that it billows dramatically behind you.

[SoD]

Thanks, I did sort of guess though. Any more brilliant ideas (I'm hoping this thread will stay alive for at least a day or two)?

[kamikasei]

It's not mine, but you've got to love:

The Goggles
They do nothing.

[valadil]

I've always wanted to run an NPC shopkeep who is a little hard of hearing. For instance if the PCs commission a bag of holding they're likely to receive a bag of molding, scolding, or folding, depending on my mood. You could probably do something similar. Just read through the list of items, rhyme one of the words in that item, and figure out what such a device would do.

[Attilargh]

The Deck of Summoning: A regular, joker-less deck of playing cards. Whenever it is used to play a game of solitaire (also known as patience) in a public place, it will summon an NPC to advice with the game. Strangely enough, it doesn't detect as magical.

Coin of Occasional Divination: When you ask this coin a simple question with two possible answers, it will tell you the truth 50% of the time when flipped. Oddly, this won't detect as magical either.

[internerdj]

key of locking the open lock- skeleton key will resize itself to fit any lock, can engage the locking mechanism but only while the lock or object intended for the lock(eg. door) is opened (whichever is more useless at the time). Using the key will do nothing if the action will result in an object or door being secured.

Prism of holding - small wooden prism that when placed under a door will hold it in an open position. Closing the door when held by the Prism of Holding is a DC 3 strength check. Or may be circumvented by a DC 2 dex check to remove the Prism.

[Bayar]

How about a Fire pillow...it burns the guy wanting to use it.
Or the amulet of idiocy...wearing it will drop your int/wis to 2-3.
Or a vampire ring...drains your HP when worn...
Maybe a potion of leprosy, or a disintegrating wand (it disintegrates itself when used).

[Ashtar]

Figurine of wondrous power : Pauper
Summons a level 1 commoner clothed in rags, excluding a disagreeable stench. This pauper will take orders from the figurine owner for up to 10 minutes per day. The pauper has Bluff +2 and Hide +2 as skills.
If killed, will revert to a figurine after the 10 minutes, the figurine will not be able to change to a pauper for a full week.

[Xuincherguixe]

Ring of Ringing- Hit it and it rings like a tuning fork for a few turns.
Sword of Shouting- When withdrawn it yells very loudly.
Omninous Amulet- When worn, it seems like something big is about to happen to the wearer. It doesn't though.
One hand clapping- When poked, the hand somehow manages to clap
Shinny Coin- A coin which is much shinier than it really should be
Dragon Irritater- A pair of nice looking boots, that when worn will cause the wearer to be irritating towards dragons for some reason said dragons will not be able to place.
False Party Invitation- An invitation to a party that is never going to happen.
Belligerent Mace- A mace causes the person using it to be mildly antagonistic.
Flowering Shoes- Causes flowers to grow in the wearers footsteps.
Vague Staff- When examined one finds that it does something, but they can't figure out what exactly. This impression of doing something is in fact it's magical property.
Empty box of existentialism - If looked at for too long, one questions their own existence (an alternatively scarier version actually makes them cease to exist)
Mime machine - A machine that makes mimes. You can decide on the stats, and sanity damage of the mimes yourself.
Stick of stickiness - When grabbed, it is slightly difficult to get the stick off.
Bracelet of Non Sequiturs - When worn, and the wearer attempts a response roll 1d6. If a 1 they must reply in a way that doesn't make much sense.
Idol of Squiggy- bears the image of an evil looking squid thing. It detects as slightly evil, on the same degree as someone who pokes kittens for a minute or two. It serves no purpose but to give players the wrong idea.
Porpoise of purpose - A dolphin shaped figure that while one touches, has their resolve for some task increased mildly.

[Kaelaroth]

-Pencil of Power:
Never runs out.

-Inkwell of Doooooom:
Changes colour on command.

-Hat of Ooobisquiity:
You can identify mind-flayers while flying at over forty miles an hour in the Outlands.

-Lipstick of Truth:
It really does make your lips stick together; it's really glue.

Hope the were slightly helpful,
Kaelaroth

[SoD]

Some of those are more like cursed items than 'useless' or useless items, but a slight modification to the pillow (now a pillow of light), and the disintergrating wand is perfect, as are most other things that have been suggested. I'm going to have so much fun!

I've always wanted to run an NPC shopkeep who is a little hard of hearing. For instance if the PCs commission a bag of holding they're likely to receive a bag of molding, scolding, or folding, depending on my mood. You could probably do something similar. Just read through the list of items, rhyme one of the words in that item, and figure out what such a device would do.

I've been in a party where that happened. An old forgetful man who owned an armoury, along with his cat. Our barbarian spent about 10 minutes (real time) trying to sell a single peice of armour.

NPC: ''Why would I want armour? I already have lots. Would you like to buy some armour?'' ''Allright, lets see...sorry, I've only got copper peices, does that matter?'' and, after counting out enough copper peices to buy a half-plate: ''Oh, no, wait, I've found some gold now. It was at the bottom of the copper peice tray.'' and finally: ''OK, that's the half-plate, is there anything else you would like to sell?'' *PCs look at the dozen or so weapons, peices of armour and other miscelaneous equipmet* ''No. That's all.''

[truemane]

Ring of Solitary Invisibility
-Confers Invisibility on the wearer, but only when they're alone

Ring of Cubic Zirconia
-This ring, adorned with a HUGE fake gem, confers a +2 Circumstance bonus on all Perform (Singing) Checks, but only when singing cheesy lounge tunes.

Wooly Vest of Warmth
-This thick vest, made from heavy yak's wool makes the user warm, even when it's cold outside.

Amulet of Infinite Atonement
-Prevents Fighters from losing their Bonus feats when they perform actions outside of their alignment.

Pablo's Phylactery of Pugnaciousness
-This floral-coloured phylactery confers upon the wearer a +5 Jerk Bonus on all attacks. The user must hit the target at his regular, unmodified attack bonus in order to gain the benefit of the bonus. If the user misses at his regular attack bonus, the phylactery has no effect on that attack roll.

Skippy's Rapier of Lofty Pummelation
-This rapier, when used by a character with the Weapon Finesse feat, allows the user to use their Strength Bonus instead of their Dexterity Bonus on all attack rolls.

Ling Chow's Cursed Placebo
-This potion is in all ways indistinguishable from ordinary water, even to Divination magic. When imbibed, it causes Monks to become less effective than other classes of the same level of experience and optimization. Its effects can not be removed by any means, even through use of Miracle or Wish.

Suspar's Sceptre of Superfluity
-This plain, unadorned iron rod grants Fighters, Paladins, and Rangers a +1 Base Attack Bonus on attack rolls. This bonus does not stack with any other attack bonuses.

Ringu's Magic Ring of Ringness
-This ring, when worn, grants the user a +20 Competency Bonus on all Use Magic Device checks made to use Ringu's Ring of Ringness.

I'll see if I can come up with more...

[internerdj]

Wonderous Items:
Eyes of the badger - These items are made of special crystal and fit over the eyes of the wearer. These lenses grant a -5 competence penalty on Spot checks. Wearing only one of the pair causes a character to become dizzy and, in effect, stunned for 1 round. Thereafter, the wearer can use the single lens without being stunned so long as she covers her other eye. Of course, she can remove the single lens and see normally at any time, or wear both lenses to end or avoid the dizziness.

Faint divination

Bag of Fuzzy Balls - This small sack appears normal and empty. However, anyone reaching into the bag feels a small, fuzzy ball. If the ball is removed and tossed up to 20 feet away, it sits there and does nothing. The ball serves the character who drew it from the bag for 10 minutes (or until sundered or put back into the bag), at which point it disappears. It can follow not follow any commands.

Faint or moderate conjuration

Beads of farce - This small black sphere appears to be a lusterless pearl. You can throw it up to 60 feet with no range penalties. Upon sharp impact, the bead explodes, sending forth a burst that causes all creatures within a 10-foot radius to make a DC 10 charisma check or make a sarcastic remark.

[Freelance Henchman]

Greatclub of Mouse-Slaying: +1 vs. mice, will slay any normal, non-dire mouse in 1 hit. Does not work on anything but bog-standard field mice. You know, the totally harmless, small ones that *any weapon* could kill in 1 hit.

Mirror Shield: A shield that has a very shiny, mirrored front. Unfortunately it shatters as easily as any normal mirror and is therefore completely useless as a shield. It will magically reconstitute itself on the next day if shattered.

Wand of Light and/or Darkness: will cast either Light, Darkness or *both spells at once* with 33.3% probability each. You can not tell what it will cast before activating it. Has 50 charges.

Potion of Barkskin-Head: upon quaffing will cause the effects of the Barkskin spell, but only on the users head. Also available as Potion of Barkskin-Feet.

Drunken Lout Figurine: Will summon a very drunk, very obnoxious commoner who will pick a fight with anyone, including the summoner, in the vicinity for 10 rounds.

Exploding Dagger: does fire damage; 1d4 to the enemy, 1d8 to the wielder. 50% probability to lose the wielding hand on successful strike.

Gem of Myopia: Related to the Gem of True Seeing, this trinket gives the user mild shortsightedness for 5 rounds 1/day.

Crystal Ball of Daydreaming: shows the user wildly optimistic visions of his future, which are *very obviously* completely impossible to achieve.

Pouch of Lint: a small leather pouch that can create 10 grams of pocket lint 1/day.

[Zim]

small metal wheel that spins around on command
chunk of jade that makes a faint humming sound all the time
hammer that drives nails without bending them
rock that makes sparks when struck
playing cards with magically animated drawings
self lacing boots (command)
wand of summon monster 0 (CR - creatures only)
flat rock/disk that flips over on command
comb that doesn't pull at your hair
waterskin that keeps contents slightly cool and fresh tasting
simple self-winding toys
a spiffy vest that changes patterns by wearer's mood

How's that?

[Drglenn]

Potion of Unarmed combat: no attack of opportunity for unarmed combat, only works for monks

Wand of Ice: tip of the wand is encased in permanent ice, any attempt to melt the ice destroys the wand

Ball of bouncing: this normal looking metallic ball can bounce of any hard surface, does no damage if it his something, may cause annoyance in others

[Yuki Akuma]

Lenses of True Seeing - Corrects the user's eyesight. Anyone with perfect vision instead sees everything as blurry and indistinct, causing all of his attacks to have a 20% miss chance.

[Mysticforce]

Ring of Natural Regeneration
- Allows the wearer to regenerate health at a normal rate after a full night's sleep. Negative penalties from certain status effects such as poison, disease, curses, and spells apply.

Belt of Breathing
- Allows the wearer to breath under any circumstances where he/she is surrounded by breathable atmosphere.

Bottle of Happiness
- After drinking enough of its contents, the imbiber will temporarily gain tremendous confidence in his/her abilities on everything and eventually fall asleep. Smells suspiciously like moonshine.

Blade of Piercing
- A small weapon with a 4-inch blade, double edge. It does piercing damage upon impact.

Morningstar of Fuzziness
- A morning star made of soft and bendy material. Plus it's fuzzy.

Sword of Lethality
- Upon dealing lethal damage, this sword kills the target.

Statuette of Summoning: Debt
- Upon activation, the user's debt(s) increases by 100%. If the user is previously debtless, he/she now owes a debt of 500 <insert appropriate denomination> to the last sentient being he/she had seen.

[Draz74]

Scent Crystal: This small piece of rock has the magical power to smell strongly like the spice jasmine.

Potion of Frost Giant Breath: Giants don't have breath weapons. Or good hygiene. So drinking this potion makes your breath smell like rotten meat.

[continuumc]

This topic is great, i'm so going to use some of these to annoy players. bwahahaha..Let's see if I can come up with some..

Set: Gear of Safety

Padded Helmet: This helmet grants the wearer damage reduction of 5 against any self inflicted head injuries.

Cup of Protection: This metallic codpiece confers a 75% protection against accidental critical hits.

Snorkle of Hope: This wooden snorkle enables the wearer to breath underwater, so long as they are under no more than 2 feet of water.

Gloves of Cooling: These gloves enable the wearer to hold really hot objects for a short span of time. Useable 1/day for up to 1 minute.

Safety Line: This five foot magical cord attaches two party members together once the command word "safety" is spoken, and two people are holding it. From that point on, either person gains a +20 to survival checks made in order to find the other person.

[Drglenn]

Wand of feathers falling: creates feathers
Staff of instantaneous summons: Special spell (see below)

Instantaneous summons
School: Conjuration (Summoning)
Level: Sor/Wiz 0
Components:V,S
Casting Time: free action
Range: Close (25ft+5ft/2 levels)
Effect: One Summoned Creature
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

Summon any monster

(note the Instantaneous duration, the monster dissapears as soon as it is created)

[Storm Bringer]

items, with a few suggestions for useful uses for them.

Tobi's Teriffic Self-Topping Tankard: At will: tops up with a pint of a non-magical liquid of your choice. Alchemical stubtances may not be summoned with the Tankard.
(I'd let them summon oil if they think of it. Or very expensive wines.....or just to get pastered.)

Gem of reading: when placed on a book and the command word spoken, this quatz gem will begin to read the text in either a loud, clear voice, or telepathically to the activator of the gem. It will speak the text in the language it is written in. the book does not have to be open to be read. once a day, the user may ask a question to the gem about the contents of the book (for example. 'the cell of prisioner named Tordek Steelson' on a jail register), which it will reveal, provided it is stated in clear uncoded text. (a barbarians best mate...or in the dark)

hmmm, those are actually quite useful non combat items....


Bindfold of blindsight: when worn, the user gians blindsight 5'. however, he cannot see at all(as he;s got a blindfold on) so may not see or make spot checks to detect anything more than 5 feet away (but very useful if an invisable person turns up)

necklace of deeds: this necklace, will, when commanded, recite in a annoucers voice the full name and title of the wearer, along with any notable deeds the wearer chooses. (e.g. "His Grace, the Duke of Alem, Defender of the Palorain Faith, Wielder of the Solar Sword, Deafeater of the Great Dragon Azgal, and Heir presumtive to the Throne." )
(Because having someone else recite your deeds is so much more baddass than doing it yourself)

[Telonius]

Some slightly less useless items.

Courteous Chairs
This set of table and chairs will pull themselves out for guests. They follow all local rules of etiquette for who gets to sit first, and will not allow anyone to sit before their turn.

Comb of Styling
This item will comb your hair for you. However, upon speaking the command word, you must roll a percentile, and add or subtract your charisma modifier as appropriate. If the result is 10 or less, you suffer a Bad Hair Day (-1 to all charisma-based skills and abilities) for the rest of the day. If the result is 90 or more you get a Good Hair Day (+1 to all charisma-based skills and abilities).

Staff of the Mongoose
This staff is fitted with the carved wooden head of a mongoose. While holding it, you gain a bite attack, 2d10+STR damage, but only against snakes and snake-like enemies. The bite attack overcomes all forms of damage resistance. Should you encounter a snake while holding the Staff of the Mongoose, you must make a DC 20 will save, or attack the snake (to the exclusion of all other foes) using only your bite attack.

[Iku Rex]

Similar thread: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=53798 .