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  1. - Top - End - #601
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Three days ago I went to walmart cuz gotta get stuff, and had to use the restroom. Some dude comes out and does this awful hacking cough - no mask, no elbow, just into open air.

    Yesterday, I was sick as a dog with the flu.

    Today, I get to decide whether to get this tooth out that's been rotting in my skull for two weeks, or do the decent thing and cancel the appointment just in case I caught something other than the flu from that guy.


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  2. - Top - End - #602
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Vecna, a dentist's office is going to be fully aware and more prepared for the danger of a virus that can spread by coughing than anywhere else on the planet. One of my family friends had a tooth infection that turned into a spinal infection (yes, really, don't ask me how this works, I'm not a doctor). See to your health.
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  3. - Top - End - #603
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    This is really stupid, but I canít help it.

    I was scheduled to cover a hearing* this morning at 8:30. Yesterday I got a notice from another court that the judge wanted to meet with me and the prosecutor at 8:30 about a jury trial set for next Tuesday. (Weíve reached an agreement and the trial is off.) Obviously I canít be in two places at once and asked a coworker to cover the hearing. I met with the judge.

    I got back from court this morning and found out my co-worker had forgotten to cover the hearing. The court called our office and the Office Manager grabbed another attorney to cover the hearing. He got there, the hearing happened, and the client was not adversely affected. However, the judge-of-the-almost-missed-hearing wants my boss (who is off today) to meet with him for a rear-end-chewing Tuesday.

    I know I didnít mess up. I knew I needed coverage and made arrangements. My co-worker made the mistake. But I feel so guilty because it was supposed to be my hearing. As it turned out, the meeting with the judge was short enough I could have gotten to the other court before they called our office. (Of course, I would never have know I would need to go to the other court if they had not called my office...)


    * This was a routine hearing. Nothing specific to a client or that would require special information.
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  4. - Top - End - #604
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    And a random thing two days ago set off my depression and anxiety. Really unfair to the person that set it off. They definitely knew at the time but I hope they don't remember now.

    One change is that this time I have started to poorly write a song in my head about depression. And maybe worse stuff.
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  5. - Top - End - #605
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Hi I don't really know how to tackle this but right now I feel like a giddy teenager and it's weird.

    TLDR: I am crushing on my neighbors.

    With the whole quarantine and lockdown going there has almost not been any movement in my social life recently. That is until the fire nation attacked my neighbors knocked on the door and asked for some eggs. We started talking, it was nice talking with someone new. I lend them the eggs, they got back with some mayo, nothing formal.

    I invited them over for drinks on the weekend, and we had a very long pre-lunch drinks (we started at 12ish, ended at 19ish), conversation was great and everything is nice. During the conversation I realize that I am flirting. I am flirting with both of them at the same time, in the same table. But it's fun. And everyone seems to be having fun. I manage to not worry too much. They ask me to borrow a pot (the kitchen utensil), to cook some dinner, and surely I lend them my pot. One of them gets it back the day after, along with an invitation for dinner a few days later. I get their numbers.

    At that point in time my mind starts going crazy. Trying to understand what is going on. Do I feel attracted to them? We have been neighbors for a while, and haven't really interacted beyond a "hey" in the stairs, hadn't really looked at them. Are they attracted to me? Probably not, I didn't really push text conversation but it doesn't flow. I think it's just the lack of social interactions, making a good playful conversation seem like more.

    We eventually get to the dinner. Fun times. Till five o'clock in the morning. There are a lot of drinking games and some raunchy conversation going but nothing gets beyond verbal. It is though stated, repeatedly, that they are single. Nothing really happens. Other than again, a very nice flirtatious conversation over drinks. I start to decide that at this point we are both in the same boat. Starved for social interactions and enjoying things as they happen. Being friends with your neighbors is fun.

    The next night one of them comes to my apartment. For movies. She is getting into science fiction. And honestly I can geek about science fiction FOR DAYS. She seems to be fine with it. We watched gatacca, and 12 monkeys way into 3 o'clock in the morning. We are to repeat that soon(ish), btw I am apparently mentally reviewing all science fiction movies I have seen whenever I am in idle.

    Things that worry me:
    - I don't know if there is anything to screw (pun intended) but screwing the relationship with my neighbors sounds like a terrible idea.
    - I am not certain if I want anything more than a nice conversation. It's just that I missed flirting a lot. But I am getting invested, and getting invested at this point in time doesn't seem sensible.
    - The conversation with both of them is equally enticing for different reasons. Both of them are also attractive, and there is chemistry flowing. With one we are geeking over science fiction and psychology while with the other we are sharing a lot of recipes and singing old disney movies. Picking one over the other is hard, my brain is probably playing games at this point, but when I talk to one the other seems to get more talkative and viceversa.
    - While it is both legal and socially acceptable the age gap (12-13 years) between us is sometimes off putting. I have actual proper memories from before they were born. That is an instant mood killer as my brain starts sabotaging me if it ever gets in my mind while talking.
    - I am terrible when it comes to "go with the flow"... I can fake it. But my mind has probably (over)analized everything and then tried to act casual. While outwardly that might seem okay, to me it is stressful.
    Thanks a lot Gengy for the awesome... just a sec... avatar. :)

  6. - Top - End - #606
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    on one hand. I envy you.. on the other, I definitely don't.

    I would say, keep doing what you've been doing so far and enjoy the confusion and the sensations of being alive.ß
    See if in another drinks and chat night the vibe remains the same... maybe double check if you're not' seeing what you want to see...
    And maybe, at some stage, if you're still confused, and really want out of that confusion,

    consider having a conversation in the vein of "I realised that I've sort of had a bit of flirty banter going with you both, in my ineffectual/unthinking way...and I hope that hasn't made it awkward...but also, we're all single so if I'm reading this wrong and either of you feels like flirting back, feel free to point it out to me..with a cudgel. Whereas, if the idea does not appeal to you, it will definitely tell me where we stand and I will cut it out so we can go back to having friendly fun with a dash of innocent banter, like we've done until now, but at least there won't be any embarrassing faux passes on my end"

    or something to that effect

    be cautious though... it could be that their flirting also comes from a place of having been cooped up at home for too long..or maybe even that for some reason they don't consider you a "danger" and this allows them to be a bit more free in how they express themselves, but it doesn't mean they actually wan tthis to go anywhere... so... try to be objective about what you're seeing and hearing.

    Edit: full disclosure.. I've been single since april last year, so..take my advice with a shovel full of salt..
    Last edited by dehro; 2021-02-02 at 06:58 PM.
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  7. - Top - End - #607
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    Quote Originally Posted by thethird View Post
    Hi I don't really know how to tackle this but right now I feel like a giddy teenager and it's weird.

    TLDR: I am crushing on my neighbors.

    With the whole quarantine and lockdown going there has almost not been any movement in my social life recently. That is until the fire nation attacked my neighbors knocked on the door and asked for some eggs. We started talking, it was nice talking with someone new. I lend them the eggs, they got back with some mayo, nothing formal.

    I invited them over for drinks on the weekend, and we had a very long pre-lunch drinks (we started at 12ish, ended at 19ish), conversation was great and everything is nice. During the conversation I realize that I am flirting. I am flirting with both of them at the same time, in the same table. But it's fun. And everyone seems to be having fun. I manage to not worry too much. They ask me to borrow a pot (the kitchen utensil), to cook some dinner, and surely I lend them my pot. One of them gets it back the day after, along with an invitation for dinner a few days later. I get their numbers.

    At that point in time my mind starts going crazy. Trying to understand what is going on. Do I feel attracted to them? We have been neighbors for a while, and haven't really interacted beyond a "hey" in the stairs, hadn't really looked at them. Are they attracted to me? Probably not, I didn't really push text conversation but it doesn't flow. I think it's just the lack of social interactions, making a good playful conversation seem like more.

    We eventually get to the dinner. Fun times. Till five o'clock in the morning. There are a lot of drinking games and some raunchy conversation going but nothing gets beyond verbal. It is though stated, repeatedly, that they are single. Nothing really happens. Other than again, a very nice flirtatious conversation over drinks. I start to decide that at this point we are both in the same boat. Starved for social interactions and enjoying things as they happen. Being friends with your neighbors is fun.

    The next night one of them comes to my apartment. For movies. She is getting into science fiction. And honestly I can geek about science fiction FOR DAYS. She seems to be fine with it. We watched gatacca, and 12 monkeys way into 3 o'clock in the morning. We are to repeat that soon(ish), btw I am apparently mentally reviewing all science fiction movies I have seen whenever I am in idle.

    Things that worry me:
    - I don't know if there is anything to screw (pun intended) but screwing the relationship with my neighbors sounds like a terrible idea.
    - I am not certain if I want anything more than a nice conversation. It's just that I missed flirting a lot. But I am getting invested, and getting invested at this point in time doesn't seem sensible.
    - The conversation with both of them is equally enticing for different reasons. Both of them are also attractive, and there is chemistry flowing. With one we are geeking over science fiction and psychology while with the other we are sharing a lot of recipes and singing old disney movies. Picking one over the other is hard, my brain is probably playing games at this point, but when I talk to one the other seems to get more talkative and viceversa.
    - While it is both legal and socially acceptable the age gap (12-13 years) between us is sometimes off putting. I have actual proper memories from before they were born. That is an instant mood killer as my brain starts sabotaging me if it ever gets in my mind while talking.
    - I am terrible when it comes to "go with the flow"... I can fake it. But my mind has probably (over)analized everything and then tried to act casual. While outwardly that might seem okay, to me it is stressful.
    I would try talking to them about it for sure. I don't think there's anything wrong with shacking up with any et all if people know what's on the docket, including a good chance that once the lockdown is over they or you lose interest and move on. I think talking directly instead of stressing about it will almost certainly be the easier and healthier thing to do.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    Vibranium: If it was on the periodic table, its chemical symbol would be "Bs".

  8. - Top - End - #608
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Thanks for the feedback guys.

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    on one hand. I envy you.. on the other, I definitely don't.
    I totally understand that.

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    [...]consider having a conversation in the vein of "I realised that I've sort of had a bit of flirty banter going with you both, in my ineffectual/unthinking way...and I hope that hasn't made it awkward...but also, we're all single so if I'm reading this wrong and either of you feels like flirting back, feel free to point it out to me..with a cudgel. Whereas, if the idea does not appeal to you, it will definitely tell me where we stand and I will cut it out so we can go back to having friendly fun with a dash of innocent banter, like we've done until now, but at least there won't be any embarrassing faux passes on my end"

    or something to that effect

    be cautious though... it could be that their flirting also comes from a place of having been cooped up at home for too long..or maybe even that for some reason they don't consider you a "danger" and this allows them to be a bit more free in how they express themselves, but it doesn't mean they actually wan tthis to go anywhere... so... try to be objective about what you're seeing and hearing.

    Edit: full disclosure.. I've been single since april last year, so..take my advice with a shovel full of salt..
    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I would try talking to them about it for sure. I don't think there's anything wrong with shacking up with any et all if people know what's on the docket, including a good chance that once the lockdown is over they or you lose interest and move on. I think talking directly instead of stressing about it will almost certainly be the easier and healthier thing to do.
    I think both of your comments can be summed up to, talk to them about it, and be aware that it is possible that the same thing is happening to them at the same time. That seems sensible, and the piece of advice that I would give someone on that situation. So I shall follow it. We are having dinner tonight at my place, so it might come up (or I might be able to make it come up). If it doesn't well, no need to rush it, we can see how it evolves and let it come up "organically".

    They are also going to slightly relax the lockdown measure where I am at so I will be meeting again the girl with whom I went on a couple of dates last year. That will probably also bring some perspective to my mind.

    Edit: My flatmate spent the night with one of them. Hey that helps narrow it down A LOT (although in all honesty while not jealous I am a little envious, but hey, all props to my flatmate).
    Last edited by thethird; 2021-02-05 at 06:19 AM.
    Thanks a lot Gengy for the awesome... just a sec... avatar. :)

  9. - Top - End - #609
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by thethird View Post
    Thanks for the feedback guys.



    I totally understand that.





    I think both of your comments can be summed up to, talk to them about it, and be aware that it is possible that the same thing is happening to them at the same time. That seems sensible, and the piece of advice that I would give someone on that situation. So I shall follow it. We are having dinner tonight at my place, so it might come up (or I might be able to make it come up). If it doesn't well, no need to rush it, we can see how it evolves and let it come up "organically".

    They are also going to slightly relax the lockdown measure where I am at so I will be meeting again the girl with whom I went on a couple of dates last year. That will probably also bring some perspective to my mind.

    Edit: My flatmate spent the night with one of them. Hey that helps narrow it down A LOT (although in all honesty while not jealous I am a little envious, but hey, all props to my flatmate).
    Hurray! Now you know which one isn't available! A one on one is a lot easier.




    On a totally unrelated topic: My sister and her husband are moving to another state. Which is great, Oregon is pretty abysmal right now. But I have been helping watch their kids for 13 years, and the younger one 5 days a week for his entire life. I'm not sure what to do with that hole in my life, I feel like I have so little going on.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    Vibranium: If it was on the periodic table, its chemical symbol would be "Bs".

  10. - Top - End - #610
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Hurray! Now you know which one isn't available! A one on one is a lot easier.
    I also had a deep and meaningful conversation with my flatmate, in which we admitted that we think of each other as very close friends to the point of being family and having absolute trust. And getting that out of our chests was to me the sweetest outcome. Knowing that I can stablish those strong and meaningful relationships is important to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    On a totally unrelated topic: My sister and her husband are moving to another state. Which is great, Oregon is pretty abysmal right now. But I have been helping watch their kids for 13 years, and the younger one 5 days a week for his entire life. I'm not sure what to do with that hole in my life, I feel like I have so little going on.
    That... That hole sounds dreadful. Are you otherwise alone? I would consider adopting an animal (a puppy, a kitty) or something. It will give you something/someone to care about (while not being the same it's readily available). It will also be a conversation starter with your nephews over Skype (do use the modern tools). Also if time permits do visit, don't cope up and stay away.
    Thanks a lot Gengy for the awesome... just a sec... avatar. :)

  11. - Top - End - #611
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    Quote Originally Posted by thethird View Post
    I also had a deep and meaningful conversation with my flatmate, in which we admitted that we think of each other as very close friends to the point of being family and having absolute trust. And getting that out of our chests was to me the sweetest outcome. Knowing that I can stablish those strong and meaningful relationships is important to me.



    That... That hole sounds dreadful. Are you otherwise alone? I would consider adopting an animal (a puppy, a kitty) or something. It will give you something/someone to care about (while not being the same it's readily available). It will also be a conversation starter with your nephews over Skype (do use the modern tools). Also if time permits do visit, don't cope up and stay away.
    Hurray! That's really excellent, even if nothing else happens you got that moment :)



    No I still/again live with my parents. I just don't enjoy life very much at the best of times, and the last few years has seen pretty much what was left dwindle away. Spending time with my nephews was one of the few things I actually enjoyed on a daily basis, that didn't just feel like I was filling time.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    Vibranium: If it was on the periodic table, its chemical symbol would be "Bs".

  12. - Top - End - #612
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    No I still/again live with my parents. I just don't enjoy life very much at the best of times, and the last few years has seen pretty much what was left dwindle away. Spending time with my nephews was one of the few things I actually enjoyed on a daily basis, that didn't just feel like I was filling time.
    I have been in a similar mind space, that's the main reason why I don't live alone (by choice). Going out more is complicated, and you should try to get things in your life that you enjoy. I am sure you are doing that, to be honest, and that me saying this is not going to be new. Still, try to take it easy on yourself. Surround yourself with as many positive influences as you can, your parents might be doing that for you, but consider if you can have more. It's probably not going to be easy, and take some effort on your end. But you can do it. (note that this advice is coming from someone flirting with his neighbors, whose comfort zone is far away from saying hi on an elevator) I honestly would also consider a pet, if it's something your parents will be okay with having at their home.

    On another note. Today my neighbor came to get some stuff she (conveniently) forgot last saturday and I invited her out to the farm's market in our town next saturday. She accepted. While it's not explicitly a date, we are going to buy stuff, since we both like cooking. And hopefully we can buy it then cook it together, and have lunch. Both my flatmates said that they will disappear, but I don't know if she will bring someone along, I wouldn't mind (but it would be nice for it to be just the two of us)
    Thanks a lot Gengy for the awesome... just a sec... avatar. :)

  13. - Top - End - #613
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    Quote Originally Posted by thethird View Post
    I have been in a similar mind space, that's the main reason why I don't live alone (by choice). Going out more is complicated, and you should try to get things in your life that you enjoy. I am sure you are doing that, to be honest, and that me saying this is not going to be new. Still, try to take it easy on yourself. Surround yourself with as many positive influences as you can, your parents might be doing that for you, but consider if you can have more. It's probably not going to be easy, and take some effort on your end. But you can do it. (note that this advice is coming from someone flirting with his neighbors, whose comfort zone is far away from saying hi on an elevator) I honestly would also consider a pet, if it's something your parents will be okay with having at their home.

    On another note. Today my neighbor came to get some stuff she (conveniently) forgot last saturday and I invited her out to the farm's market in our town next saturday. She accepted. While it's not explicitly a date, we are going to buy stuff, since we both like cooking. And hopefully we can buy it then cook it together, and have lunch. Both my flatmates said that they will disappear, but I don't know if she will bring someone along, I wouldn't mind (but it would be nice for it to be just the two of us)
    My dog died in November, so that cut off that avenue and they aren't keen on me getting a new one. I wouldn't say they are a good influence as far as positivity, just necessary with my job paying what it does and the economy trapping me in it. Covid changed my lifestyle from spending 90% of my waking hours in public to 99% locked at home, it's slowly grinding me down haha.

    Yay! Let us know how it goes.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    Vibranium: If it was on the periodic table, its chemical symbol would be "Bs".

  14. - Top - End - #614
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    No I still/again live with my parents. I just don't enjoy life very much at the best of times, and the last few years has seen pretty much what was left dwindle away. Spending time with my nephews was one of the few things I actually enjoyed on a daily basis, that didn't just feel like I was filling time.
    First: I am sorry to hear that. Even if it's not a complete loss, it's still a loss and while I'm not usually a good choice for sympathy, if there will be any way I can help, I'll be glad to help - in any area of life.

    That said, your last sentence sounds like a good start where to change things - because if stuff on daily basis feels just like filling time, there's something different you need to do. Since you stated spending time with your nephews felt worthwhile, maybe you could focus on finding other avenues where your nature would be of use - after all, many people are now struggling with their children and time.

    You should definitely take a look at what you actually enjoy and what can you do with it. How did you spend time with your nephews?
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    Quote Originally Posted by lacco36 View Post
    First: I am sorry to hear that. Even if it's not a complete loss, it's still a loss and while I'm not usually a good choice for sympathy, if there will be any way I can help, I'll be glad to help - in any area of life.

    That said, your last sentence sounds like a good start where to change things - because if stuff on daily basis feels just like filling time, there's something different you need to do. Since you stated spending time with your nephews felt worthwhile, maybe you could focus on finding other avenues where your nature would be of use - after all, many people are now struggling with their children and time.

    You should definitely take a look at what you actually enjoy and what can you do with it. How did you spend time with your nephews?
    It's ok. I wrote some poetry about it and cried a lot, it just added a kind of pervasive melancholy to life I can't seem to shake off.

    I'm also starting to feel like there is a really toxic strain in my family, my brother told me I look like a turtle yesterday.

    To the last sentence: Just normal stuff. I play sports with them, pretend to be a frog, wrestle, read them books, talk to them about their feelings. It's really amazing learning how many thoughts the 3 year old has that he lacks the words for and other adults are too impatient to listen to him.

    Second sentence: I literally don't know anymore. I liked board games (cancelled), the gym (cancelled), going out into the woods with friends (cancelled), reading (enjoyment killed by graduate school), and writing (enjoyment REALLY killed by graduate school.) I had playing with my dog and playing with my nephews, and first one and then the other are gone.
    Last edited by Tvtyrant; 2021-02-08 at 07:04 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    Vibranium: If it was on the periodic table, its chemical symbol would be "Bs".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    It's ok. I wrote some poetry about it and cried a lot, it just added a kind of pervasive melancholy to life I can't seem to shake off.
    Proper grieving is often frowned upon although it helps a lot to deal with the loss. There is however one thing to watch out: grieving has to end at certain point. Take your time to come to terms with the loss, but make sure you have a source of positive energy that will enable you to stop it when you are ready to move on and take a decision.

    Question: what

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I'm also starting to feel like there is a really toxic strain in my family, my brother told me I look like a turtle yesterday.
    While there's nothing wrong with the chelonian look, I'd ask what exactly did he mean.

    However, close family members can do most harm with statements like these. My sister-in-law, despite her great looks, never wears skirt only due to the fact her mother told her - on multiple ocassions - she had legs like a goat. And it took me years to persuade my wife to work over the things her mother told her too.

    I have no advice to things like these other than this: find out what they mean. If they mean well (e.g. it's meant to start a joke war about each others' looks) but you are not in the mood, they need to know. We used to joke with my sister like this, but anytime one of us started to feel insecure, the other one immediately stopped and went for damage control, because we genuinely cared about each other. If they mean well, but they just fumbled their speech roll, discuss - maybe he wants actually to suggest an improvement (e.g. different clothes style/hair style).

    If they do not mean well, or don't stop after you ask them to, abort. Don't punish them, just stop talking to them and disregard anything they say. They are your family, but that does not mean they tell you only truth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    To the last sentence: Just normal stuff. I play sports with them, pretend to be a frog, wrestle, read them books, talk to them about their feelings. It's really amazing learning how many thoughts the 3 year old has that he lacks the words for and other adults are too impatient to listen to him.
    Having a 3 year old son myself, I agree. I am oftentimes surprised by the things he says and how he thinks.

    That said, have you thought about working with kids? You seem like you enjoy it a lot. Are there any programs you could enroll in (e.g. I know some orphanages accept help from "temporary brothers/sisters" - you are assigned a kid you spend your time with, or even a group of them)? Even in current atmosphere, you could help a lot of kids.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Second sentence: I literally don't know anymore. I liked board games (cancelled), the gym (cancelled), going out into the woods with friends (cancelled), reading (enjoyment killed by graduate school), and writing (enjoyment REALLY killed by graduate school.) I had playing with my dog and playing with my nephews, and first one and then the other are gone.
    Heh. I know what you mean about reading & writing.

    Again: not cancelled. Either temporary suspended or transformed. You can still play board games with people (online). Gym is something I actually never enjoyed, but my HEMA practice is also suspended - which is good, because I can work out at home and come back at least with semblance of fitness as opposed past years where I failed physically . Going out into the woods is allowed here - you just have to meet in the woods, instead of on the way there - but I'd like to know what you mean under it.

    Have you tried playing board games over webcam with friends?

    And if you had to name 3 things you wanted to do, but never had time to actually do - home edition - let's say start some personal project - what would those things be?

    My sister is a teacher. Her son is a first grader. She was one of the first teachers here who not only started to teach online, but also persuaded the parents to leave the webcam and laptop in their kids' room while the kids play so they can play together. It's not really "together" - but the kids enjoy it a lot. So maybe you should give it a try - it's not going to replace the real life board gaming, but it's a good temporary replacement. Also: things like snail mail games, RPG projects that were suspended because you had no time... you now have the time. How would you like to spend it?
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  17. - Top - End - #617
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Ah hello again. I volunteer at a place and sixteen days ago a conversation occurred which I have been overreacting to ever since. It was a perfectly reasonable request from a staff member to not go back into certain areas just to talk. Unfortunately though I reacted to this poorly, she did recognize that I seemed to be taking it too seriously and unfortunately I expressed some of my problems with anxiety and self loathing. I've been dealing with a lot of nasty depression stuff since then (which is tapering off) and unfortunately my time volunteering which is one of my main opportunities to be social is somewhat muted. Hopefully I will get over it. One part of me wants to try bringing it up with the staff member but that would be unfair to her and I don't even know if she would remember it.

    This unfortunately ties into one of the major stupidities I grapple with. I loathe actually admitting my problems to most of the people who care about me especially anyone who is close enough to help.
    DEGENERATION 86: Copy this into your sig and subtract 1 from the degeneration when you first see it. This is an antisocial experiment.

  18. - Top - End - #618
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    The last few months have been rough. I kept thinking that it would get better but it hasn't. I'd like to do things like share movies, shows, comics and games with the people I live with, but I've been asked to not do that. It hurts, but I get it.

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    One of my roommates was suicidal in December. Then they had an encounter with their mother who has a history of being emotionally abusive. As you can imagine this made things worse. They've since been diagnosed with BPD and have started therapy, which is good.

    I'm also always tired, depressed and generally upset from work. The same roommate has said that they pick up on my emotions and it makes their anxiety worse, so I make it a point to deliberately avoid them. This sort of has the side effect of only directly interacting with another person at work. Our apartment is kind of small, so the only way I can give them the space they need is to pretty much hide in my room whenever I'm home. I think it's helping them, but I feel isolated and lonely.


    It's rough. I really want to connect with someone over something, I get that I'm not owed that by anyone. I get that people not wanting that from me is fine. I still want it.

  19. - Top - End - #619
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    The last few months have been rough. I kept thinking that it would get better but it hasn't. I'd like to do things like share movies, shows, comics and games with the people I live with, but I've been asked to not do that. It hurts, but I get it.

    Spoiler: CW: suicide and mental health discussion
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    One of my roommates was suicidal in December. Then they had an encounter with their mother who has a history of being emotionally abusive. As you can imagine this made things worse. They've since been diagnosed with BPD and have started therapy, which is good.

    I'm also always tired, depressed and generally upset from work. The same roommate has said that they pick up on my emotions and it makes their anxiety worse, so I make it a point to deliberately avoid them. This sort of has the side effect of only directly interacting with another person at work. Our apartment is kind of small, so the only way I can give them the space they need is to pretty much hide in my room whenever I'm home. I think it's helping them, but I feel isolated and lonely.


    It's rough. I really want to connect with someone over something, I get that I'm not owed that by anyone. I get that people not wanting that from me is fine. I still want it.
    Completely understandable on your part. Having emotional needs is normal, it sounds like your roommate just has too many needs themselves to be able to provide you with succor. I know it is not the same at all, but you could try online meetups to meet some new people.
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  20. - Top - End - #620
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
    The last few months have been rough. I kept thinking that it would get better but it hasn't. I'd like to do things like share movies, shows, comics and games with the people I live with, but I've been asked to not do that. It hurts, but I get it.

    Spoiler: CW: suicide and mental health discussion
    Show
    One of my roommates was suicidal in December. Then they had an encounter with their mother who has a history of being emotionally abusive. As you can imagine this made things worse. They've since been diagnosed with BPD and have started therapy, which is good.

    I'm also always tired, depressed and generally upset from work. The same roommate has said that they pick up on my emotions and it makes their anxiety worse, so I make it a point to deliberately avoid them. This sort of has the side effect of only directly interacting with another person at work. Our apartment is kind of small, so the only way I can give them the space they need is to pretty much hide in my room whenever I'm home. I think it's helping them, but I feel isolated and lonely.


    It's rough. I really want to connect with someone over something, I get that I'm not owed that by anyone. I get that people not wanting that from me is fine. I still want it.
    is this self isolation from them your idea or the result of an agreement? if it's the former, I would suggest talking with them about it...telling them you've tried to isolate from them in order to help reduce their stress, asking if it worked, and then sharing that it's having the opposite effect on you, and try to see if a middle ground can be reached, some sort of unobtrusive method of communication to clarify when it's a good day and there's a chance to hang out/catch up, watch something together. It's admirable that you're helping them, it's not out of order for you to ask them to reciprocate if and how they can.
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  21. - Top - End - #621
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    Quote Originally Posted by lacco36 View Post
    Proper grieving is often frowned upon although it helps a lot to deal with the loss. There is however one thing to watch out: grieving has to end at certain point. Take your time to come to terms with the loss, but make sure you have a source of positive energy that will enable you to stop it when you are ready to move on and take a decision.

    Question: what



    While there's nothing wrong with the chelonian look, I'd ask what exactly did he mean.

    However, close family members can do most harm with statements like these. My sister-in-law, despite her great looks, never wears skirt only due to the fact her mother told her - on multiple ocassions - she had legs like a goat. And it took me years to persuade my wife to work over the things her mother told her too.

    I have no advice to things like these other than this: find out what they mean. If they mean well (e.g. it's meant to start a joke war about each others' looks) but you are not in the mood, they need to know. We used to joke with my sister like this, but anytime one of us started to feel insecure, the other one immediately stopped and went for damage control, because we genuinely cared about each other. If they mean well, but they just fumbled their speech roll, discuss - maybe he wants actually to suggest an improvement (e.g. different clothes style/hair style).

    If they do not mean well, or don't stop after you ask them to, abort. Don't punish them, just stop talking to them and disregard anything they say. They are your family, but that does not mean they tell you only truth.



    Having a 3 year old son myself, I agree. I am oftentimes surprised by the things he says and how he thinks.

    That said, have you thought about working with kids? You seem like you enjoy it a lot. Are there any programs you could enroll in (e.g. I know some orphanages accept help from "temporary brothers/sisters" - you are assigned a kid you spend your time with, or even a group of them)? Even in current atmosphere, you could help a lot of kids.



    Heh. I know what you mean about reading & writing.

    Again: not cancelled. Either temporary suspended or transformed. You can still play board games with people (online). Gym is something I actually never enjoyed, but my HEMA practice is also suspended - which is good, because I can work out at home and come back at least with semblance of fitness as opposed past years where I failed physically . Going out into the woods is allowed here - you just have to meet in the woods, instead of on the way there - but I'd like to know what you mean under it.

    Have you tried playing board games over webcam with friends?

    And if you had to name 3 things you wanted to do, but never had time to actually do - home edition - let's say start some personal project - what would those things be?

    My sister is a teacher. Her son is a first grader. She was one of the first teachers here who not only started to teach online, but also persuaded the parents to leave the webcam and laptop in their kids' room while the kids play so they can play together. It's not really "together" - but the kids enjoy it a lot. So maybe you should give it a try - it's not going to replace the real life board gaming, but it's a good temporary replacement. Also: things like snail mail games, RPG projects that were suspended because you had no time... you now have the time. How would you like to spend it?
    I don't think about him that much, I just have had this relentless fatigue and sense of isolation since he left. I'm doing a bit better now, I got a cpap machine and am taking a B12 complex which has helped a lot with energy but life just seems kind of pointless.

    My family are all very overweight, I have been losing weight for a long time and don't have the neckless look anymore, but I also have large traps so now my neck looks kind of small. Also he said "you can only tell it's a neck because of your veins" which felt deliberately hurtful to be honest.

    I was voted most likely to be a kindergarten teacher in high school, which annoyed me so much I steered anywhere else haha. I've never worked with children outside my family, I feel like the fear of being seen as inappropriate would kill my enthusiasm.

    I do play some board games by webcam, but it doesn't feel the same. I'm on the phone for work all the time, so that's part of the hangup there. My friends are also kind of needy, so I end up on the phone with them a lot before I burn out and kick them all out and then they slowly trickle back on haha.

    Personal projects: I would really like to learn spanish is a good one. I'm pretty focused on weight loss right now, which is my primary hobby at the moment and is kind of exhausting.

    Sorry for the lateness of my reply btw, I really appreciate the input!
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  22. - Top - End - #622
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    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    Vecna, a dentist's office is going to be fully aware and more prepared for the danger of a virus that can spread by coughing than anywhere else on the planet. One of my family friends had a tooth infection that turned into a spinal infection (yes, really, don't ask me how this works, I'm not a doctor). See to your health.
    This is a little late, and I'm definitely a layman, but the roots of your upper teeth are *really* close to the space inside your head your brain sits in. It's super easy for an infection to make that jump from there to your brain and that's bad news. I'd guess that the same could be said of your lower jaw, if the infection travels through there to your spine.

    Source: I had no dental insurance for a few years and became paranoid as heck after a tooth broke and became infected/abscessed. The infection is no joke and is nothing to mess around with.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

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  23. - Top - End - #623
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarVecna View Post
    Three days ago I went to walmart cuz gotta get stuff, and had to use the restroom. Some dude comes out and does this awful hacking cough - no mask, no elbow, just into open air.

    Yesterday, I was sick as a dog with the flu.

    Today, I get to decide whether to get this tooth out that's been rotting in my skull for two weeks, or do the decent thing and cancel the appointment just in case I caught something other than the flu from that guy.
    I had to go to the dentist during the whole pandemic thingie, apparently you can kill most (if not all) possible particles by using mouthwash. It came up at some point with my dentist.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Thanks for your advice, you guys. It's been a little touch and go when I'm actually able to reply, so sorry about that. I swear I'm not ignoring you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Completely understandable on your part. Having emotional needs is normal, it sounds like your roommate just has too many needs themselves to be able to provide you with succor. I know it is not the same at all, but you could try online meetups to meet some new people.
    I have been meeting up with people online. Admittedly, it's not the same but it does help.

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    is this self isolation from them your idea or the result of an agreement? if it's the former, I would suggest talking with them about it...telling them you've tried to isolate from them in order to help reduce their stress, asking if it worked, and then sharing that it's having the opposite effect on you, and try to see if a middle ground can be reached, some sort of unobtrusive method of communication to clarify when it's a good day and there's a chance to hang out/catch up, watch something together. It's admirable that you're helping them, it's not out of order for you to ask them to reciprocate if and how they can.
    It's... more like it's something that appears to help. They barely talk at all when I'm around, but I hear them get very talkative when I leave the room. They also say that I'm very passive aggressive, so I don't think I'll get a reply to a question like, "Does staying away from you help your anxiety?"

    They've said before that they can feel my anger and it scares them. So honestly the whole isolation thing is the only thing I could think of that helps.

  25. - Top - End - #625
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post

    It's... more like it's something that appears to help. They barely talk at all when I'm around, but I hear them get very talkative when I leave the room. They also say that I'm very passive aggressive, so I don't think I'll get a reply to a question like, "Does staying away from you help your anxiety?"

    They've said before that they can feel my anger and it scares them. So honestly the whole isolation thing is the only thing I could think of that helps.
    maybe worth checking in with them to have this conversation with them... and letting them know that what you are doing for their benefit does come at a cost for you, and that you need some level of interaction for the benefit of your own mental health. if you fear that the conversation would derail due to perceptions, passive aggression or other communication issues, have a third party there, a calming influence, so to speak. keep the conversation as light as possible whilst still driving home the point. your own mental health is something worth standing up for.
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  26. - Top - End - #626
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    maybe worth checking in with them to have this conversation with them... and letting them know that what you are doing for their benefit does come at a cost for you, and that you need some level of interaction for the benefit of your own mental health. if you fear that the conversation would derail due to perceptions, passive aggression or other communication issues, have a third party there, a calming influence, so to speak. keep the conversation as light as possible whilst still driving home the point. your own mental health is something worth standing up for.
    It did sort of come up last time we talked. Unfortunately I couldn't really spit out what's been bothering me because I'm bad at talking. At the time I chalked it up to them losing interest and moving on, but I can see how that's actually unfair. I think it's kinder and more accurate to interpret them wanting to tell me the right thing so I can go back to not needing anything from them. They mean well, I'm sure.

    Both my roommates decided to go on vacation though, so it's not something I'll get another chance with for a while.

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