Personal Woes and Advice 6

[Bartmanhomer]

So anyway my friend calls the suicide hotline and it helps him a lot. I'm very happy that he call the number because I was very worried about him.

[Lissou]

So anyway my friend calls the suicide hotline and it helps him a lot. I'm very happy that he call the number because I was very worried about him.

That's very good news, I'm relieved and I hope it will continue to help him :)

[dehro]

The physical pain, constant fear of being fired for incompetence, getting yelled out, exhaustion, and/or boredom.



Seemed cruel to leave after the stillbirth, then cruel to leave after she was a mother, and especially cruel to leave the kids.




I don’t think the six year old is ready for that, and telling the 17 year old that part of my unhappiness is that he’s not genetically my son seems especially cruel.

That said, the answer to the general question “Would you want your kids to be in the type of marriage you’re in?” is an emphatic “NO!”, but there’s little in my life I’d want them to experience except that it would be nice if they could live in the same kind of house and neighborhood (most folks who grow up here are priced out when they reach adulthood), but I’ve little idea how to guide them to a type of life I would’ve wanted.

Let me echo the sentiment that you would be well served by talking to someone in a professional capacity.
Additionally, speaking from experience,, the age at which your children will learn that you're in an unhappy marriage and moving to end it, does not matter. It will be hard on then no matter what age, with the added complication that children are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for and often know when things aren't going well. My parents split when I was 5yo. I don't have a single memory of them together in those first years, that isn't one where they were bickering or in which one or the other parent was deeply unhappy. Stories shared and hinted at in the subsequent years coloured my perception of those early years even further.
The is no escaping this by keeping up an appearance or staying together for the children. Your children will go through this in one way or another, no matter at what age you finally throw in the towel on your marriage. You owe it to yourself but also to your children, to try and be happier, by making choices that make you happier. No matter how hard they may seem.
In the long run the less time you spend in this mother of all funks, the better it is for you and anybody important to you.

[Velaryon]

Life updates from my situation about five pages (and nearly a year) ago:

1. My cat was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism earlier this year, which may or may not have been related to the nasty UTI's she was getting. She was allergic to the medicine and wouldn't eat the special diet food, so she ended up needing an expensive radioactive iodine treatment that required her to be isolated at the vet for a week and then isolated at home for 2 more weeks after that. However, she made it through all that and is still going strong (though I think she's had another UTI a couple months back).

2. My parents still haven't made any progress toward moving out of their house to a retirement community. This despite my mom being briefly hospitalized a couple months ago (for the second time in as many years) with breathing problems while driving. This time it was caused by her failure to notice that the portable oxygen machine she wears wasn't plugged in right and the battery ran out. I'm still trying to nudge them toward assisted living, but they're dragging their feet in even making inquiries, much less getting ready to actually move anywhere.

3. My ex and I haven't spoken in five or six months. I needed more space before I was ready to try and be friends again, but now it feels awkward to just reach out and be like "hey, do you still want to be friends?" We both agreed before we even started dating that we wanted to remain friends if it didn't work out and I am over her enough that I think I could do that now, but... yeah.

4. Trying to get back out into the dating world is just awful. I've never been good at asking people out in person, so I rely on apps and services. This has gotten me exactly zero actual dates in the last year, and three attempted scammers (all of whom have thankfully failed so far). The last one turned out to be an elaborate scam to try and trick me into investing into cryptocurrency... or maybe fake crypto? I'm not exactly clear on the details there, because I wasn't willing to do it. It's a shame too because they were very convincing until they started getting impatient and trying too hard to hook me with their crypto scheme. Anyway, I know the dating pool in rural western Illinois isn't as good as it would be in a larger city, but I'm starting to get frustrated again.

5. Otherwise stuff is mostly okay, though I miss my friends back where I used to live. I'm close enough that I can drive in for most big social events as long as I've got enough notice, but apparently I'm also far enough away that I sometimes don't get invited to stuff. There was a big Halloween party last weekend that many of my friends went to, and I was not invited. Shame too, because I was going to be in town anyway and probably could have made it. 😞

[tomandtish]

Life updates from my situation about five pages (and nearly a year) ago:

2. My parents still haven't made any progress toward moving out of their house to a retirement community. This despite my mom being briefly hospitalized a couple months ago (for the second time in as many years) with breathing problems while driving. This time it was caused by her failure to notice that the portable oxygen machine she wears wasn't plugged in right and the battery ran out. I'm still trying to nudge them toward assisted living, but they're dragging their feet in even making inquiries, much less getting ready to actually move anywhere.

Question. Do they actually need assisted living (they require assistance with activities of daily living such as cooking, cleaning, medication management, etc.)? Or would they be ok in independent living (think dorm living with your own bathroom, cafeteria access, and rides)?

If they can manage, independent living is cheaper than assisted and much more social. My grandmother went kicking and screaming, but after a few weeks decided she loved it since she had lots of activities and people to do them with. And they'll check on you a few times a day. it works as a nice transition for when they do need assisted.

[Velaryon]

Question. Do they actually need assisted living (they require assistance with activities of daily living such as cooking, cleaning, medication management, etc.)? Or would they be ok in independent living (think dorm living with your own bathroom, cafeteria access, and rides)?

If they can manage, independent living is cheaper than assisted and much more social. My grandmother went kicking and screaming, but after a few weeks decided she loved it since she had lots of activities and people to do them with. And they'll check on you a few times a day. it works as a nice transition for when they do need assisted.

I'm not fully clear on all the differences, but the answer is probably somewhere in between. My mom needs help getting in and out of the house or the car, and frankly shouldn't be driving. My dad can't see well enough to drive, and neither of them understands technology well enough to use Uber or Lyft to get around. My mom can do some cooking-related stuff but not much, since she can't stand unsupported. They need help with cleaning. and are actually paying a lady to come and clean once a week or so (and sometimes to help my mom run errands too). I live a couple hundred miles away, but every time I visit (about once a month) I end up having to do a bunch of chores around the house and run a bunch of errands. There's no siblings and no family I can count on to step in and help them, and more than once I've had to drop everything, call out of work, and drive across the state on short notice because one of them fell or my mom had breathing trouble behind the wheel or something else similar.

[tomandtish]

I'm not fully clear on all the differences, but the answer is probably somewhere in between. My mom needs help getting in and out of the house or the car, and frankly shouldn't be driving. My dad can't see well enough to drive, and neither of them understands technology well enough to use Uber or Lyft to get around. My mom can do some cooking-related stuff but not much, since she can't stand unsupported. They need help with cleaning. and are actually paying a lady to come and clean once a week or so (and sometimes to help my mom run errands too). I live a couple hundred miles away, but every time I visit (about once a month) I end up having to do a bunch of chores around the house and run a bunch of errands. There's no siblings and no family I can count on to step in and help them, and more than once I've had to drop everything, call out of work, and drive across the state on short notice because one of them fell or my mom had breathing trouble behind the wheel or something else similar.

An independent facility would take care of the cooking and transportation. Cleaning their rooms is the responsibility of the residents, but they can have cleaning services come in. Assuming that can be arranged, it sounds like independent living might work for them.

This is Collier Park. It's where my grandmother was this last decade until she passed back in July. They offer both independent and assisted living, so if someone who is independent ends up requiring more care they can stay at the facility.

In Texas the average cost of independent living is about $2225 a month for one person (actually higher than national average of about $1750). That may seem like a lot for a small living area, but remember that most utilities, all meals, and most transportation is included in that. Two people sharing the same room cost more, but not twice as much.

Assisted living is usually between 2-3 times the cost of independent, but at that point they are providing a lot more care. They may provide or assist with cleaning, bathing, medication management, etc. Exact cost is dependent on level of care.

Obviously each situation is different. Talking with their doctor is a good step to take.

[Velaryon]

An independent facility would take care of the cooking and transportation. Cleaning their rooms is the responsibility of the residents, but they can have cleaning services come in. Assuming that can be arranged, it sounds like independent living might work for them.

This is Collier Park. It's where my grandmother was this last decade until she passed back in July. They offer both independent and assisted living, so if someone who is independent ends up requiring more care they can stay at the facility.

In Texas the average cost of independent living is about $2225 a month for one person (actually higher than national average of about $1750). That may seem like a lot for a small living area, but remember that most utilities, all meals, and most transportation is included in that. Two people sharing the same room cost more, but not twice as much.

Assisted living is usually between 2-3 times the cost of independent, but at that point they are providing a lot more care. They may provide or assist with cleaning, bathing, medication management, etc. Exact cost is dependent on level of care.

Obviously each situation is different. Talking with their doctor is a good step to take.

Thank you for helping to clarify the difference. I'll run this by them and see if I can get them to make an inquiry with their doctor.

[ZhonLord]

Does anyone have a good reliable guide for how to consciously practice and improve one's ability to focus?

Over the years I've gotten increasingly affected by the short-burst content that's filled the internet. Smaller videos, less text at a time, etc. Combined with having things be very dull at work lately, it's become far too easy to pull up my phone or YouTube and lose myself in it instead of actually doing my job. I need to undo it, but the temptation to turn away from a task and do something irrelevant is strong enough to be hard to resist. It also affects how long I can read books at a time,even ones I enjoy, and numerous other day to day activities.

I used to be able to focus on a single task/subject for hours at a time if need be, even going so far as to completely tune out the world around me if I had even a passing interest in the subject. I want to reclaim that ability, but simple Google searches for "focus techniques" doesn't seem to bring up anything really useful. Those results are more like a collection of diet books that all contradict each other.

If anyone has suggestions I'm all ears. Or eyes, in this case.

[theangelJean]

Does anyone have a good reliable guide for how to consciously practice and improve one's ability to focus?

Over the years I've gotten increasingly affected by the short-burst content that's filled the internet. Smaller videos, less text at a time, etc. Combined with having things be very dull at work lately, it's become far too easy to pull up my phone or YouTube and lose myself in it instead of actually doing my job. I need to undo it, but the temptation to turn away from a task and do something irrelevant is strong enough to be hard to resist. It also affects how long I can read books at a time,even ones I enjoy, and numerous other day to day activities.

I used to be able to focus on a single task/subject for hours at a time if need be, even going so far as to completely tune out the world around me if I had even a passing interest in the subject. I want to reclaim that ability, but simple Google searches for "focus techniques" doesn't seem to bring up anything really useful. Those results are more like a collection of diet books that all contradict each other.

If anyone has suggestions I'm all ears. Or eyes, in this case.

This is not tried-and-tested (by me) advice, it's a paraphrase of an Elizabeth Filips video from the other day, but it did reframe/reinforce a lot of what I have already seen.

That feeling of "I want to [pull out my phone/browse YouTube". Sit with it for a bit. Accept that this feeling is part of you (this is where I normally beat myself up for having the feeling in the first place/so often, ymmv). Then dig down:

If you are turning away from a task, think about what you are turning to.
Then think about why you wanted to do this thing at this particular moment. Is it because of something you needed right then? What it is about the distractor that had value for you? (This is going to depend what you like to do on your phone.)

Personal example 1: my latest, continual distractor is puzzle games. Why and when do I feel like playing a puzzle game, specifically? Well, when I am playing, I get an instant hit of "I solved this." So I turn to it when I am having trouble working something out - usually I am working through something.

Personal example 2: playing puzzle games doesn't help me work through my problem, and if I give myself enough time to get distracted, I tend to eventually realise this and get bummed out. What do I turn to next? I check my webcomics for anything new. Why? Because I feel the need for new input (aka bored). Then I come here to see if anyone is discussing them. Because I don't have anyone to talk to about them in person at that moment.

But those same drives can be made useful. I want to solve a problem? That means that problem is important to me, important enough for me to want to mull it over. (I have trouble admitting when I am stuck on something while thinking it "should be easy" - it usually means there is a complexity I am repeatedly bumping into and dismissing. I need new input? Hey, I can do research on my problem. I need to talk to someone else? Why don't I talk about something relevant to 1) my problem or 2) my life, either way find someone relevant to talk to.

So: what on your phone is pulling at you? What kind of YouTube videos are you searching for - is there a particular kind of satisfaction you are seeking from them? How can you fill these needs productively?

[ZhonLord]

So: what on your phone is pulling at you? What kind of YouTube videos are you searching for - is there a particular kind of satisfaction you are seeking from them? How can you fill these needs productively?

My current workload is endless drudgery, repetitive tasks with no engagement, no thought provoking challenges, no problem solving. Everyone already knows what needs to be done, it just needs to actually GET done. And I'm the only one who has the ability to do a lot of it in any sort of reasonable time frame. So I'm stuck with the work, no one to pass it off to, no one to help out or even lighten the load, and no ability to put it off and do a different more engaging task. I'm bored, bored beyond belief, and turning to these other distractions to get SOME kind of engagement out of my day. So I load up music, get on Discord and search for conversations, play a comedic video here and there, read a webcomic, etc., in order to get SOMETHING engaging into my daily routine.

But the repeated act of indulging in those distractions, in turn chipped away at my ability to focus on a single task/activity even when I'm interested and engaged, due to unintentionally building up that habit over time. And that chipping-away is what I need to undo if humanly possible. If I'd realized what was happening I could have counteracted it, but now the damage is done. That's why I'm looking for exercises or tips on how to help rebuild that focus, so that I can actually get through the drudgery so it's off my plate and I can return to the work I enjoy.

[theangelJean]

My current workload is endless drudgery, repetitive tasks with no engagement, no thought provoking challenges, no problem solving. Everyone already knows what needs to be done, it just needs to actually GET done. And I'm the only one who has the ability to do a lot of it in any sort of reasonable time frame. So I'm stuck with the work, no one to pass it off to, no one to help out or even lighten the load, and no ability to put it off and do a different more engaging task. I'm bored, bored beyond belief, and turning to these other distractions to get SOME kind of engagement out of my day. So I load up music, get on Discord and search for conversations, play a comedic video here and there, read a webcomic, etc., in order to get SOMETHING engaging into my daily routine.

But the repeated act of indulging in those distractions, in turn chipped away at my ability to focus on a single task/activity even when I'm interested and engaged, due to unintentionally building up that habit over time. And that chipping-away is what I need to undo if humanly possible. If I'd realized what was happening I could have counteracted it, but now the damage is done. That's why I'm looking for exercises or tips on how to help rebuild that focus, so that I can actually get through the drudgery so it's off my plate and I can return to the work I enjoy.

Thanks for following up!

This is not a definitive answer, and it may not be what you are looking for, but...
I'm still on the unmet needs wagon. Specifically, it looks like you are seeking mental stimulation, maybe social interaction, maybe even sensory input.
The thing is, while needs can be important, that doesn't make them urgent. Your drudgery task may meet none of your needs - which can be fine, it's your job, so it's designed to meet the needs of your employer. But if you are also not getting any mental stimulation, social interaction or sensory input elsewhere - in other parts of your life - that can make you feel like they are urgent all the time. On the other hand, if you've filled up on them outside work, that can make things easier.

So. Is there anything exciting which can properly engage you, outside work? Can you meet with friends in person, or at least with voice, but in a way that promises decent real-time engagement from both sides? Can you listen to music in a place where you can give it your whole body, maybe even dance and sing along?

(Looking forward to hearing how wrong I am, please and thank you.)

[ZhonLord]

Is there anything exciting which can properly engage you, outside work? Can you meet with friends in person, or at least with voice, but in a way that promises decent real-time engagement from both sides? Can you listen to music in a place where you can give it your whole body, maybe even dance and sing along?

Outside work it's mostly books, video games and a regular bowling league, plus online interactions with people around the world via discord. I meet in person with friends on a regular basis, at least every other week with each given group, and my home is set up for hosting company. And I can in fact listen to music in this manner, though I only do it every now and then.

[theangelJean]

Outside work it's mostly books, video games and a regular bowling league, plus online interactions with people around the world via discord. I meet in person with friends on a regular basis, at least every other week with each given group, and my home is set up for hosting company. And I can in fact listen to music in this manner, though I only do it every now and then.

Okay, good. That is actually what I wanted to hear. Sorry for the diversion.

You have been saying all along that the problem is a lack of focus. I would like to check the scope of the problem, so which of these is more like you?

1) Difficulty with focus in a set of specific situations. Eg. you are able to manage and be present in things like group activities, physical activities and activities of daily life (eating, self care, chores), but in specific cases like working alone, or downtime at home, your brain tells you "next step: get out your phone".

2) Generalised complete inability to focus on anything - whether it be work, the conversation you are having, the leisure time activity of your choice, a train of thought, the food you are eating. The distraction can be anything, external or internal - you might see or hear something interesting, you might remember something you heard or wanted to say - and it's difficult to drag your brain back to the current activity.

3) Difficulty with focus on anything routine, with a persistent, nagging desire to do something specific and consistent instead. That is, many parts of your life are affected, but it's always the same distraction.

[ZhonLord]

You have been saying all along that the problem is a lack of focus. I would like to check the scope of the problem, so which of these is more like you?

1) Difficulty with focus in a set of specific situations. Eg. you are able to manage and be present in things like group activities, physical activities and activities of daily life (eating, self care, chores), but in specific cases like working alone, or downtime at home, your brain tells you "next step: get out your phone".

2) Generalised complete inability to focus on anything - whether it be work, the conversation you are having, the leisure time activity of your choice, a train of thought, the food you are eating. The distraction can be anything, external or internal - you might see or hear something interesting, you might remember something you heard or wanted to say - and it's difficult to drag your brain back to the current activity.

#2, but it started as #1. Specific cases like working on dull repetitive paperwork without any engagement or problem solving, provided the temptation to pursue distractions and take the "next step: phone" route. It developed into #2 as I repeatedly gave in and built up the associated habit of giving in.

[theangelJean]

Okay, to be clear, the main distinction between 2 and 3 is that in 3 you end up on your phone, while in 2 you can find yourself doing anything as a result of the distraction - lost in thought, wandering off to tidy something up, changing the topic of conversation, doing something you forgot to do earlier, etc. Just checking we're still on the same page, because my wording and presentation wasn't ideal: they're not meant to be a logical progression.

[ZhonLord]

Okay, to be clear, the main distinction between 2 and 3 is that in 3 you end up on your phone, while in 2 you can find yourself doing anything as a result of the distraction - lost in thought, wandering off to tidy something up, changing the topic of conversation, doing something you forgot to do earlier, etc. Just checking we're still on the same page, because my wording and presentation wasn't ideal: they're not meant to be a logical progression.

I can end up looking at my phone, getting on Facebook, queueing up a VLDL YouTube skit, playing a podcast to listen to, fiddle with something at my desk, looking at my lesser importance tasks and doing those instead, ANYTHING besides focusing on that which I'm supposed to (or want to) be focusing on. And I didn't used to be like this. Once I realize what's going on I turn back to the task at hand, but the fact that I drift so easily in the first place is a severe detriment. And again, this is a habit and behavior I developed over time and am trying to UNlearn.

[Corlindale]

Does anyone have a good reliable guide for how to consciously practice and improve one's ability to focus?

Over the years I've gotten increasingly affected by the short-burst content that's filled the internet. Smaller videos, less text at a time, etc. Combined with having things be very dull at work lately, it's become far too easy to pull up my phone or YouTube and lose myself in it instead of actually doing my job. I need to undo it, but the temptation to turn away from a task and do something irrelevant is strong enough to be hard to resist. It also affects how long I can read books at a time,even ones I enjoy, and numerous other day to day activities.

I used to be able to focus on a single task/subject for hours at a time if need be, even going so far as to completely tune out the world around me if I had even a passing interest in the subject. I want to reclaim that ability, but simple Google searches for "focus techniques" doesn't seem to bring up anything really useful. Those results are more like a collection of diet books that all contradict each other.

If anyone has suggestions I'm all ears. Or eyes, in this case.

Focus (and loss of it) is a topic that interests me greatly and that I've read quite a bit about, so I may be able to offer some advice here (though I am by no means an actual professional).

Part of the problem is that so much digital media is specifically designed to grab your attention despite your own best efforts, so it's very very easy to slide in the wrong direction, habit-wise. Some of the best advice I've found to tackle this issue was from Cal Newport's books Digital Minimalism and Deep Work. I have especially found value in Newport's suggestion of a digital detox, where you set aside a period of time in which you strip away all non-essential uses of digital media (Newport has some more specific advice about how to define non-essential, as obviously there is still some digital media you will need to use if you have ANY kind of job, or family you need to keep in touch with). I've tried that a few times and always found it to be a really good reset button for my ability to focus (I always end up reading a LOT more, for example). It also made it much, much easier for my mind to narrow its focus to some of my creative project ideas that tend to slide into obscurity in my day-to-day life. I would recommend it to everyone, though of course you may need to tailor it to fit the needs of your life.

Regarding specific hacks that you can implement immediately, I've been experimenting with two work focus techniques recently. The first is the Three Milestones technique, which simply means that I start every workday by writing down three milestones for my work that day. The first is always something that's fairly simple to do but still represents some actual work output (so never just 'check my e-mail' for example) just to get me started, the second is something I estimate to take a few hours, and the third is a Kickstarter-style 'stretch goal' - something that may or may not be possible to achieve within the day, depending on how well I push myself. I find that just having these three milestones written down and checking them off as the day progresses helps quite a lot with my focus.

The second technique is the Focus Hour, which means I set aside just one hour of my workday to focus exclusively and deeply on the task at hand. I make sure to prepare myself by knowing exactly what I'll be working on, and then I physically put my phone far away from me and shut down all tabs not directly relevant to the focus task(s). I can listen to music if I need to block out background distraction, but ONLY instrumental music and always on automatic shuffle so I don't need to click anything (I like the Intense Studying playlist on Spotify, though I hear some prefer white/brown noise, or ambient). I also close my work mail window, my work chat, and my work notifications and mark myself as occupied in the work calender, though of course you should only do these final things if you can clear it with your bosses. I find that I achieve quite a lot during such an hour, and that also helps me feel better and more focused for the rest of the day, when I return to my regular working conditions. So it's kind of a double bonus.

Hope some of this can be helpful. I recommend reading those Newport books if you want more advice.

[ZhonLord]

Thank you, I'll have to check out Newport and see if his material works for me. Appreciate the info and the technique recommendations!

[Bartmanhomer]

Hey everyone. I'm very sad today that a client at my job who was also in the self-advocacy group passed away. I didn't get into further details about how he passed away but I'm sad at the moment.

[2D8HP]

All condolences to you Bartmanhomer

[Bartmanhomer]

All condolences to you Bartmanhomer

Thank you for your support. So anyway I feel a lot better today.

[Kesnit]

This may seem a little rambling. If so, sorry...

Fifteen years ago, a student at my alma mater went on a shooting spree. He killed 32 people and wounded 17 more. (He turned the guns on himself when police entered the building.) When this happened, I'd been out of college for 8 years. But I (obviously) knew all the buildings, and had had classes in the academic building where most of the shooting occurred. It was (and still is) hard to put into words how I felt after this incident. I still have the copy of a drawing done after the incident that shows our mascot, crying, surrounded by the mascots of the other major universities in Virginia. The mascot of our biggest rival, the University of Virginia, has his hand on our mascot's shoulder.

Six days ago, a student opened fire on a bus of students at the University of Virginia. Three students were killed and two others injured. The shooter was taken into custody and is facing a lot of felony charges.

Today, Virginia Tech played a football game at Liberty University. (Liberty is a religious university in Lynchburg, VA. It is not one of the schools represented in the 2007 drawing.) Virginia Tech (colors orange and maroon) was dressed all in orange. Liberty (colors blue and red) was dressed all in blue. Orange and blue are the school colors of UVa. The Liberty band was playing the song the UVa band plays when they score a touchdown. All of this is in tribute to UVa. (All three of the killed and one of the injured were members of UVa's football team.) One of my friends (who went to UVa for undergrad and Liberty for law school) posted a picture from the stands to her FB.

All of this has brought back memories from 2007. Again, I was not there when the shooting occurred. But it hurts to remember that a place that has so many happy memories has been tarnished by something so horrible. And I'm proud that the players from my school stood up and were part of such a symbolic tribute.

It also has a more personal meaning. I'm a public defender. There is a PD office in Charlottesville (which is where UVa is). I looked earlier to see who is representing the shooter. I could not find the attorney's name, but I suspect it will be a public defender from that office. (Though it is possible that the office will recuse themselves.) UVa Law is a top-tier law school, and I suspect some of the attorneys in that office went there. I know that the office would have close ties to the school (as any PD office would have in a town with a large college, just due to the nature of college students doing stupid stuff). I both pity and am proud of whichever attorney ends up representing the shooter. Pity because, sadly, defense attorneys (especially public defenders) get drug through the dirt when we represent someone charged with a horrible crime. Proud, because that attorney will still stand up and do their job, regardless of the mudslinging.

[hawkboy772042]

I'm going to be visiting my hometown with my wife for Christmas after about 3 years of not visiting due to Corona restrictions. This will be the first time she will be meeting most of my friends and family as well since only a few friends and family have come to visit me where I immigrated to. I'm not sure how to handle meeting some of my extended family since they seem unenthusiastic about seeing me, let alone that one of my cousins didn't even try to reach out to me when he came to visit where I live as a tourist. Thanks in advance.

[Bartmanhomer]

So anyway. Here's the update on my client's passing: Today at my job I asked the staff member how the client passed away and he died from a seizure. I was very shocked and sad to hear about that. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[VoxRationis]

It also has a more personal meaning. I'm a public defender. There is a PD office in Charlottesville (which is where UVa is). I looked earlier to see who is representing the shooter. I could not find the attorney's name, but I suspect it will be a public defender from that office. (Though it is possible that the office will recuse themselves.) UVa Law is a top-tier law school, and I suspect some of the attorneys in that office went there. I know that the office would have close ties to the school (as any PD office would have in a town with a large college, just due to the nature of college students doing stupid stuff). I both pity and am proud of whichever attorney ends up representing the shooter. Pity because, sadly, defense attorneys (especially public defenders) get drug through the dirt when we represent someone charged with a horrible crime. Proud, because that attorney will still stand up and do their job, regardless of the mudslinging.

A cleareyed defense of the accused, even when, and indeed, especially when, the crime is horrible, is a necessary element of a fair judicial system. The last time I met a public defender, I bought him a drink reflexively. It is painful when the obviously guilty go free, but far more so when the innocent are unfairly punished.

[Bartmanhomer]

So anyway my friend call me on the phone today to check to see how I'm doing. He told me that he and his whole family got Covid. (Damn, I hate this pandemic. ) But his whole family and himself are fully vaccinated.

[Lissou]

So anyway my friend call me on the phone today to check to see how I'm doing. He told me that he and his whole family got Covid. (Damn, I hate this pandemic. ) But his whole family and himself are fully vaccinated.

At least they'll avoid the worst complications then, that's good.
Yeah, I hate the pandemic too. Still mourning my husband's passing over two years ago, doing better but it's going to take a long time, and the fact people are still getting sick and still dying (and other are still saying there is no virus which annoys me on a personal level).

Hope your friend and family get better really soon :)

[Bartmanhomer]

At least they'll avoid the worst complications then, that's good.
Yeah, I hate the pandemic too. Still mourning my husband's passing over two years ago, doing better but it's going to take a long time, and the fact people are still getting sick and still dying (and others are still saying there is no virus which annoys me on a personal level).

Hope your friend and family get better soon :)

I know the feeling. A long time ago I mention that my friend's mother passed away from COVID and this is the same friend and his family I'm talking about. This pandemic will never be over in all honesty. Also, I lost a few friends because they were COVID deniers. I will never associate with anyone who thinks the virus is a big joke. Sorry, not sorry.

[Grytorm]

Habits and flaws continue. I don't know why I hang on.

Today I blocked someone on facebook who I used to be friends with because they fell out of contact and I don't think it will ever be the same and any attempts on my part to try and reach out to them will be toxic.

Also. I've ruined my connection to one of my social outlets, a discord server which I spend some time on. I've never thought that I contributed much to the community and I periodically screw things up in a big way and then overeact negatively. And this time I posted a fairly toxic attackish things on one of the channels. And thats just left me feeling awful.

EditWell I cut ties as well as I could. I could have gone back probably. One of the moderators opened a line of communication. But I've unfriended them and removed the message log from the main screen. And I did the same for all the other shallow connections I had to that place. I feel so alone.

Spoiler: Content Warning:Suicide

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If I could I would poison myself. Something slow and untreatable. Like Polonium. I could finally talk about all the pain I am in. Just how empty my life feels. And it would be hard. But I wouldn't have to be afraid of the consequences of doing so. I could learn what people really thought about me. If I was still on that discord server I could apologize about all the times I had ****ed up. People would pay attention to me. And even better I had a way of confirming my identity there. They would have known it was real. That I wasn't playing some ****ed up game to try and make myself feel better. Just a way of wrapping up something that felt important to me.