A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #661
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    2D8HP's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Thank you for the advice Tvtyrant
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  2. - Top - End - #662
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I have a serious question to ask: How do you deal with death? The reason why I asked one of my friends on Youtube told me that there was another Youtuber passed away. And ago I already took a break on Youtube a few months ago because another Youtuber that I know passed away. I really can't handle death that well because I get depressed and sad.
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

  3. - Top - End - #663
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Thank you for the advice Tvtyrant
    I would echo the sentiment...
    there seems to be on her part a degree of manipulation, that is possibly born out of necessity/fear of being alone/resentment for the possibility that you might actually be happy without her.. her request for weekend coparenting is reasonable, but will also severely impact you moving on from the relationship with her.
    I could of course be entirely wrong, but what little you relate about her expressions and statements towards you seem to point in a direction not too distant from the above.
    either way, it's not the healthiest of places to be in, and it could really colour the way your eldest sees and experiences relationships as he is growing up and possibly understands more than you'd like him to at this stage.
    weekend cohabitation could be something for when both of you are in a better place.. right now that just sounds like another way of dragging things out, keeping a shadow of a status quo that doesn't actually help either of you.
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  4. - Top - End - #664
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I'm so upset with my brother.

    Yesterday, my family (me, my elder brother, and my mother) went to bookstore. I split off from my brother and mother, to window shop by myself. I'm bibliophile and love browsing books. I thought it will be alright, since there's my brother to accompany my mother.

    ... when we meet back, the mood was bad. My brother just stay mostly silent and sullen. That's when I realized, they must had a fight again. I mentally kicked myself for leaving my brother with my mother, because it feels like happens so very often. For me to split off while we are going out, only for me to find such scene when I returned to them.

    And worse, my brother continues to stay sullen even after going back to the next day. When my brother goes like that, he either 1)stay in his room just sleeping and refuse to eat 2) went off to God knows where on his motorbike.

    He did the former all night and just now this afternoon did the later. I'm so very angry. There's just so very many grievance I had over the years, but this is just the straw. I upset for my mother, who is worried for him. And I'm upset for myself because his behavior is just infuriating.

    He left without even trying to say anything, and even when I asked directly where he is going, he just say 'to wherever'. That's just ... Like, I'm a Muslim (and so is my family, to be clear). I learn early in my life how important it is Islam to say proper salam when leaving or coming, especially one's own home. I always hold on to that. Unless I'm genuinely forgot, Even when I'm angry to people at home, I always make sure to properly notice them when I leave and say salam. Same with when I return.

    I know it sounds, it minor, but I view that as basic decency. Little things you do to others even if you are upset with them, because its just decent. Precisely because its little thing, there's no reason not to do so. And I think its all the more important to that in regard to your home and/or your parent. So its offend me that he can't even manage this basic thing.

    What making it worse, is that he's often preachy about religion thing (well, about a lot of things really). So its doubly upsetting to see someone who often act so 'righteous' about things, will not even this basic thing.

    That's a common theme with him, honestly. The way I see it, he's very keen on telling people what to do, but so defiant when others tell him what to do. Like, he refuse to get vaccinated for one (we had a fight about this just few weeks ago). Back during early days of pandemy, I try to tell him that he should wash his hands with soap (what the point of washing hand without!). He refused that too. I don't know, if he has now. Frankly, I turn blind eye whenever he is wash his hand, because I don't want to get more aneurysm by seeing him washing hands without soap. There's just so many things.

    I admit I have some glass house here. I myself can be arrogant, meddling, petty, and temperamental. I got a lot of fights with my mother myself (I'm trying to be better, but sometimes I still fly off handle and there's these accumulating dark thoughts that I try to fight) But I never throw tantrum so much as to left house and wander like that, nor leaving home without saying anything.

    I blew up after he left home. It was really hard holding back from blowing up to him before he left. I vented by talking to my mother. Feel bad for doing so. She's the one is most grieved by my brother, it doesn't really becoming of me to put her in position of trying to calm me down instead.


    I just want to vent. Maybe putting this to type will help me settle. Truthfully, some months/years ago I already felt wanting to vent about this here, but refrained before.


    (my brother came back while I writing this. As expected, still no word whatsoever from him).
    Quote Originally Posted by Gharkash View Post
    Let us be enlightened by the wisdom of urban dictionary:
    2. opinion
    immunity to being told your wrong

  5. - Top - End - #665
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    Griffon

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    I have a serious question to ask: How do you deal with death? The reason why I asked one of my friends on Youtube told me that there was another Youtuber passed away. And ago I already took a break on Youtube a few months ago because another Youtuber that I know passed away. I really can't handle death that well because I get depressed and sad.
    There is no easy way to deal with death. Only time help you heal from that sadness.

    https://m.imgur.com/gallery/etTj0

  6. - Top - End - #666
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Emmerlaus View Post
    There is no easy way to deal with death. Only time help you heal from that sadness.

    https://m.imgur.com/gallery/etTj0
    Thank you. I just want to move on to enjoy life.
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

  7. - Top - End - #667
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    How do you hold back from unleashing your anger and urge to scold others? Because in relation to the things in my post above, my brother continue to be infuriating and I feel consumed with the anger and need to just yell at him. I keep found myself indulging in fantasies doing so. I didn't so far, because if nothing else, I don't want to add more burden to my mother.


    EDIT: God, it just keep getting worse.
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    So my mother just trying to persuade my brother to eat, and he was like. He was throwing tantrum because according to him my mother were saying to him yesterday that 'all he do is just sleep'. My mother denies saying so. I don't know if in the truth is my brother mishear or my mother misspoke or she just forgot. But like, how dare him, how dare him throwing tantrum over those words even if my mother trully said it. Because thing is, that's just the truth. That's just what he has been doing all these (2-3) years since he moved in with us. Sleeping in his room and playing phone. It even got worse as time went by. Early on he still go out for morning walk, but he didn't even do that anymore. He didn't even clean his room.

    I mean, I got no stone to throw here. Since last year, okay, this is hard to admit, but I have stopped applying for jobs or studying skill for a while now. I keep procrastinating. But at the very least I'm not denying that or that I deserved castigation for it. I've been thankful that my mother and eldest brother (different brother with the above) is being patient with me, too patient arguably.

    It just to hear my brother acting like that, all I can think is how shameless he is being, and I grief so much seeing my mother treated that way after all her patience.

    And once I again, I just making more burden for my mother because she has to calm me down. God, I don't know anymore.

    I really should back doing something productive. Anything.
    Last edited by Salbazier; 2021-09-12 at 09:26 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gharkash View Post
    Let us be enlightened by the wisdom of urban dictionary:
    2. opinion
    immunity to being told your wrong

  8. - Top - End - #668
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    Griffon

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Salbazier View Post
    How do you hold back from unleashing your anger and urge to scold others? Because in relation to the things in my post above, my brother continue to be infuriating and I feel consumed with the anger and need to just yell at him. I keep found myself indulging in fantasies doing so. I didn't so far, because if nothing else, I don't want to add more burden to my mother.


    EDIT: God, it just keep getting worse.
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    So my mother just trying to persuade my brother to eat, and he was like. He was throwing tantrum because according to him my mother were saying to him yesterday that 'all he do is just sleep'. My mother denies saying so. I don't know if in the truth is my brother mishear or my mother misspoke or she just forgot. But like, how dare him, how dare him throwing tantrum over those words even if my mother trully said it. Because thing is, that's just the truth. That's just what he has been doing all these (2-3) years since he moved in with us. Sleeping in his room and playing phone. It even got worse as time went by. Early on he still go out for morning walk, but he didn't even do that anymore. He didn't even clean his room.

    I mean, I got no stone to throw here. Since last year, okay, this is hard to admit, but I have stopped applying for jobs or studying skill for a while now. I keep procrastinating. But at the very least I'm not denying that or that I deserved castigation for it. I've been thankful that my mother and eldest brother (different brother with the above) is being patient with me, too patient arguably.

    It just to hear my brother acting like that, all I can think is how shameless he is being, and I grief so much seeing my mother treated that way after all her patience.

    And once I again, I just making more burden for my mother because she has to calm me down. God, I don't know anymore.

    I really should back doing something productive. Anything.
    It feels like you need to move out and have your own place. Your situation is toxic all around. Stop worrying about your brother and improve yourself. Thatís where you have some control and responsibilities. Get a job or return to school. One step at a time. Try to maybe have an healthy hobby to reward yourself during you downtime. I realized that for me, the best stress relievers is writing.

  9. - Top - End - #669
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Emmerlaus View Post
    It feels like you need to move out and have your own place. Your situation is toxic all around. Stop worrying about your brother and improve yourself. Thatís where you have some control and responsibilities. Get a job or return to school. One step at a time. Try to maybe have an healthy hobby to reward yourself during you downtime. I realized that for me, the best stress relievers is writing.
    Yeah, I ended up randomly picking up study books last night, just to do something productive and get away from the mind swamp. It does make me feel better to be thinking about things I could do to improve myself.

    As for moving out, I've made up my mind to not do that. Even were it not for my brother, I'm worried about leaving my mother alone. Maybe if something major come up like I marry or something, but something like that is nowhere in the card right now and if does come I can think of what to do then. So, I'll just stay here. It does mean putting up with my brother, but whatever, like you said, I'll just focus on things I can do for myself. Hopefully me doing something productive will will be some relief for my mother as well.

    Thank you for replying.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gharkash View Post
    Let us be enlightened by the wisdom of urban dictionary:
    2. opinion
    immunity to being told your wrong

  10. - Top - End - #670
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    So anyway early this morning on Facebook Messenger, one of my friend grandmother died from COVID! I'm very sad about it.
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

  11. - Top - End - #671
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    Griffon

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    So anyway early this morning on Facebook Messenger, one of my friend grandmother died from COVID! I'm very sad about it.
    I understand how you might be sad about it and every life loss of someone loved is sad... but she died as an eldery grandma. We can all hope to reach her age once we go to the other side.
    Last edited by Emmerlaus; 2021-09-13 at 02:36 PM.

  12. - Top - End - #672
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Emmerlaus View Post
    I understand how you might be sad about it and every life loss of someone loved is a small... but she died as an eldery grandma. We can all hope to reach her age once we go to the other side.
    I know. I lost many friends and family members because of COVID and other illnesses as well. I can't deal with another death after the other.
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

  13. - Top - End - #673
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    [insert profanities here]

    Because I need to channel this somewhere or I'll start smashing things.
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    My brother is up to it again. I don't know exactly what's going (I'm trying not to listen because I know it will just make more furious)but my brother is up to another tantrum in the kitchen. The only part I can catch is my brother saying something 'who's making rules. I'm not making rules' (rough translation), which bull****. Basically my brother like to tell others how things should or should not be done and my mother is sick of it. Most likely he's doing it again and my mother telling him to not do it, and as he always do, he denies it. That's just he's modus operandi, whenever he's told off about something he's denying with some bull**** sophistry. I still have grudge till today on how when I once told him to stop talking about his political bugbear his answer was 'I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to mother' plus laughing and mocking me, and that's just the top of iceberg.

    [insert more profanities here]


    EDIT: at least this one don't seem to last long.
    Last edited by Salbazier; 2021-10-08 at 01:03 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gharkash View Post
    Let us be enlightened by the wisdom of urban dictionary:
    2. opinion
    immunity to being told your wrong

  14. - Top - End - #674
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    So anyway there was almost an incident that happen with my co-worker on Wednesday at the 7-Eleven Store. He was was at the store minding his own business until a man almost stabs him with a knife. He didn't provoke him or anything like that. The two security guards run the knife-wielding man out of the store. I always get my usual coffee and two bananas but after what happened to my co-worker, I'm going to eat outside elsewhere.
    Last edited by Bartmanhomer; 2021-10-09 at 02:02 PM.
    It's time to get my Magikarp on!

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